COVID TIMES: DITCH THE MASK? MAYBE

 Let's start with the stark and sobering numbers to-date reflecting the past 16 months:

1. Worldwide Reported Covid Cases: 164 million; Deaths: 3.4 million

2. U.S. Reported Covid Cases: 33 million; Deaths: 587,000

3. Washington State where I live: 426,000 reported cases; 5,700 deaths

4. My county: 37,931 reported cases; 579 deaths

Many of us (I wish I could say it was ALL) took this pandemic very, very seriously.  We followed each update with rapt attention and followed each revised list of protocols we could take to protect ourselves and others.  We stayed home, away from family and friends and community for weeks and then months (Zoom became our lifeline to seeing familiar faces and for work from home connections); we went out only for essentials -- groceries and medications and even some began to have groceries delivered; if we encountered another human, we stayed at least 6 feet from them, not touching and taking a wide berth. With businesses shuttered, we learned to cook again until we discovered take-out and tried to keep struggling restaurants afloat with the occasional order; we learned how to properly wash our hands (warm soapy water for 20 seconds); we had hand sanitizer all over the house and in the car; we wore masks...oh, those masks!

They became a flashpoint of ongoing political division.  The Covid-skeptics were mostly anti-maskers thinking those who wore them were over-reacting to a virus that they said was little more than the common flu.  (They get their M.D. degrees from FOX News.)  From the former president on down through the ranks of his administration and filtering in to his rabid followers, they belligerently refused to wear a mask and ridiculed those of us who did -- those of us following the advice of reputable doctors and scientists as we watched people being rushed to the ICU and/or knew the people who were dying.  Wearing a mask seemed such a simple, commonsense thing to do to protect ourselves, as well as for the common good.  

The common good.  Now there's an ideal that seems quaint in these days of choosing up sides and vociferously defending our positions.  Our country is divided along political, philosophical, and religious lines. Facts are debated as if they have no basis and any errant interpretation or complete dismissal of same is accepted as valid. There is no trust in institutions. Conspiracy theories get indulged at best, taken seriously at worst.  Some days I feel there is no commonalty.  Nor any good.

But here we are anyway.  Scientists kept plugging away in their labs as the rest of us duked it out on the culture wars front in social media and on Cable TV.  They came up with vaccines in record time and once the Biden Administration took over with a plan for distribution, Americans started lining up for the shot.  As more and more people were vaccinated, the numbers of new cases and deaths started to edge downward.  As the vaccines were studied in real life, and not just in clinical trials, doctors saw that they were even more effective than they'd previously hoped!  There was reason for optimism if we could just hold the line a bit longer; just keep those masks on until a majority of people were vaccinated and we could claim some victory over our Covid foe.

Then, last week, the CDC got up one morning and declared: "If  you are fully vaccinated you no longer need to wear a mask!" They indicated that vaccinated people are about 95% safe from this virus infecting us or making us seriously ill or dying.  Well, that's good news!  But those who remain unvaccinated should continue to mask and distance and do all the things -- that includes those unable to be vaccinated for some underlying medical reason, those children under 12 who do not yet qualify until new vaccines are approved for young kids, and those who...yes, refuse the vaccine -- the anti-vaxxers in general and the anti-Covid vaxxers in particular, who believe any number of crazy things including that Microsoft is injecting tracking devices in all of us or some such nonsense.  

The trick now is how to tell the difference from those who are vaccinated from those who are not, because even though the "nots" are to continue to wear masks, we know most won't -- they never did unless forced to by municipal policies that mandated it, like going into stores.  But stores, restaurants, etc are now announcing no more masks, so here we are.  The virus will continue to spread among the unvaccinated and I worry they will pass it on to the innocently vulnerable.  

Plus, it's weird.  The mask had become a symbol of having some modicum of control over the unseen viral enemy.  The mask had become part of our wardrobe, of getting dressed to go out, of telling the world we cared and were in this together (well, some of us). Suddenly to be told all that is over now and we can change the way we've lived and worked and functioned for almost a year and a half leaves some of us feeling confused. The science says our bodies are safe.  Our psychological response may be one of ambivalence, as we integrate the news that we are safe with the emotional familiarity of fear.  And that is OK.  

I think as summer arrives and we become more confident that the virus won't resurge with breakthrough infection of the vaccinated, or move to being more virulent among children, my masking impulse may start to fade.  But for now, baby steps.  

I know some will have mask burning rituals. For some the mask has been a prison, but for some it has taken on the "security blanket" role.  It's hard to have it yanked away like my mom decided to do with my ratty old "blankie" when I was six.  

Still, I have begun leaving my mask in my pocket on my daily walks.  I still wear it when entering public buildings.  My family is now all vaccinated, so we've ditched the mask for family gatherings.  I have taken it off when meeting with 1-2 friends at a time.  I'm considering going to an indoor restaurant just to see how that feels.  

I feel huge gratitude for those who worked so hard and sacrificed so much for us to have gotten to this place at all.  Gratitude to doctors, scientists, and sane politicians who made difficult protective policy. And gratitude to every single person who not only willingly, but eagerly, masked up to protect themselves, and me, and their community.  We might not all be in this together, but enough of us are that all of us will end up being OK.

At least, that's the view from here...©

Photo Credit; pixabay.com

THIS IS AMERIKA

Heavy sigh.

I have not felt like writing.  I envy my blogger friend who writes religiously (well, she'd take exception with that term; let's say regularly) whether she feels like it or not.  She is devoted to her writing schedule.  Plus, she finds everyday, funny, quirky things to write about.  Me? Not so much. I wait for inspiration, or at least a building up of "writing tension" that explodes onto the page (like today).  And lately not all that much feels funny to me, so I appreciate her making me smile all the more.

We still have a pandemic, which is getting worse.  We still have a lunatic authoritarian president, who is getting worse.  We still have social unrest in protest of generations of racial discrimination and violence, with mostly peaceful protestors, but not always.  And worse, the aforementioned authoritarian president has taken to sending unidentified security forces, dressed in camouflage and armed with "non-lethal" (but still blinding in one case) rubber bullets, into "Democrat led" cities to "restore order".  Only they make it more unstable and violent, subduing with tear gas and arresting protestors and observers without cause. Literally no one knows who these forces are, nor the men wearing the camo.  There is no identifying information as to agency or names on uniforms or vehicles.  They are there uninvited by local officials or law enforcement; some cities have sued the Administration to attempt to get them out.  This is Amerika.

So, I've been a little depressed.

I thought this would be the Summer of Political Action, gearing up for November.  This time it really is the most important election of our lifetimes...maybe generations.

Yet, here we are instead, arguing and polarized over whether it is an infringement on individual freedoms to be told to wear a mask, maintain physical distancing, and stay home, OR, whether these science-based recommendations and mandates are kind, compassionate, and necessary acts, as hospitals are filled to capacity, health care workers are so far beyond exhausted they are in tears on the nightly news begging people to follow the recommendations, and millions are suffering and dying.  The anti-maskers (including the lunatic president) who want to go to rallies, party, gather in larger groups and stand too close are helping extend the pandemic within the U.S., which is now a pariah in the world, where most countries have closed their borders to American citizens.  This is Amerika. 

When I started writing about his Covid-19 pandemic in early March, here were the stats I recorded in a blog post:

Worldwide: 100,000 cases; 3,408 deaths

United States: 233 cases; 12 deaths

Washington State: 39 cases; 10 deaths (in one long-term care facility, an early epicenter)

My county: 8 cases (including the very first Covid confirmed case in the U.S.; 0 deaths

Here are today's numbers, 4.5 months later:

Worldwide: 15.5 million cases; 634,000 deaths

United States: 4,024,492 cases; 143,868 deaths (cases and deaths the worst, by far, of any country in the world -- including people I know personally)

Washington State: 50,009 cases (including one of my sons); 1,482 deaths

My county: 4,562 cases; 182 deaths

There is no sign of this abating in the U.S.; our state is on the upswing like so many others. That's discouraging because our state was an early adopter of shutting down -- closing businesses and public places, closing schools, urging mask wearing (although no mandating it until far too late in my opinion).  Other states (especially in the south where there is apparently a neurotoxin in the water that effects the rational thinking centers of the brain in nearly all elected officials) didn't close down completely at all, or if they did, they opened up way too fast and too soon, resulting in the spikes we see across southern swath of the United States.  But even more progressive states like California, Oregon, and Washington (and others) contain large enough numbers of deniers who are screaming about their rights to assemble and to NOT wear masks, that the rest of us are endangered too.

So, I've been a little depressed.

There IS still an election in 102 days (but who's counting?) but it seems like an abstraction.  No big campaign rallies (well the lunatic president has held a few, against unanimous advice from health experts, but poor attendance and subsequent covid spikes of attendees seems to have cooled the ardor for now.)  Party conventions will be held online (although again, lunatic president still thinks he can address his adoring fans in person.)  Foreign influence and cyber attacks aimed at spreading disinformation and creating chaos and division are in full force since this Administration took almost no action to stop this after the debacle of 2016.  Voter suppression is in full steam ahead mode with some states refusing vote by mail (even when coming out to vote in a pandemic could kill you), and polling places are being shut down in some areas with large populations of brown and black people, making for 8 hour long lines to get into the few polling sites left open.  This is Amerika.

I'm running out of steam, as I do more easily these days.  I must face the unfathomable fact that I feel beaten up, beaten down, bloodied, and exhausted by the last four years of political (and personal) challenges.  My energy for the fight comes only in fits and starts with long pauses for sitting in my garden and/or binging on the TV Series du Jour Hub and I have decided to spend our evenings watching, popcorn bowls on our laps.

I feel like I will still rally for the cause eventually, but to do what?

I have no interest in talking myself blue trying to change hearts and minds -- they are unchangeable.

I have no interest in cold-calling voters; my introverted self has become even more so.  (The very best part of "stay at home" orders is that every single day I feel overwhelmingly relieved that I don't have to go anywhere, or do anything, or see anyone that I don't want to!)

I have no interest in attending rallies (Covid fears and inertia).

So I write postcards to voters for various organizations who are doing distance GOTV (Get Out The Vote) work.  I read, listen, watch, stay informed.  I post to social media.  I vote.

My primary ballot is sitting right next to my computer and when I sign off here, I will vote in the statewide races that are essential to moving us in the right direction.  Then I'll hold my breath to hear the results.  I take nothing for granted anymore.  So much that I thought I knew, could count on, believed in is in tatters.

I've been a little depressed.

This is Amerika.

At least, that's the view from here...©

ZOOM-ZOOM

Had we known, we'd have all purchased stock in Zoom.  It's the "go-to" video conferencing site for keeping us connected to family, friends, co-workers, and audiences in this time of Stay Home/Stay Healthy lockdown.  There are others: Google Hang-out, Skype, maybe more.  But Zoom seems to have the market share.

Like many others, I'm trying hard not to turn into a Zoombie.   But with everyone clamoring to see each other, just to know other humans exist and our friends and family are still out there, I've been drawn in.  Monthly get-togethers are suddenly weekly and almost every day has a Zoom meet-up of some kind beckoning.

Hub and I decided we are going to put some parameters around this.  It's hard.  We have to be honest and not wiggle around the "white lie" of, "Oh, gosh.  I can't...I have a conflict."  Really?  Like what? What could we possibly be doing?  Not going on vacation.  Not going to a play or a ballgame. Not celebrating a birthday or going out to dinner with friends. Are we busy walking from the living room to the kitchen?  Scrolling through the Netflix menu for the 100th time? Nope, the honest truth is we just don't want our lives to be lived in front of a computer screen talking to disembodied heads all day.  As great as it is to see people, it is an artificial and at times frustrating endeavor.  We want to savor the opportunities, not dread them.

I have found hilarity in learning the trick of Zoom though.  On Monday I was on a Zoom meeting with my Coffeehouse Crew (a group of women who meet monthly for coffee at a local coffee shop.)  Most of us are of an age where technology still seems 'new' and rather intimidating.  We are not, shall we say, tech nerds.  So we spent the better part of an hour waiting for the host to sign in; she was having problems with the shared account she was using, then she gave up and another of us hosted the meeting, then we had to help her figure out how to let others join, all the while checking emails and texts to communicate with those waiting that we were doing our best... Some gave up, for which I don't blame them.  Time was about up anyway.

Here's another thing I notice.  We should all try harder.  Sitting in front of a computer, even with a camera trained on us, we seem not to be able to get ourselves situated so that others can easily see us, which is the whole point of the whole thing!  Nor do we care much what we look like.  It's as if an invisibility cloak was thrown over our stay-at-home selves, not that there's anything inherently wrong with a "who gives a shit?" Covid-inspired fashion statement, but I dunno, some effort maybe?  (If you are reading this and taking offense, obviously I don't meant you!)

Let's take a look at the common offenders.  And let's go with the given that I didn't bother with make up or a hairbrush to act as a model.  (And I have to do the list before the photos this way because photos/captions are so hard for me to format on this platform!  See above: not tech-savvy.)  Anyway....here's what I've learned through personal trial and error about "production values":

1.  Backlighting: Not good.
2.  Off-center with lots of busy mess in the background: Not good.
3.  Teeny tiny head with vast expanse of ceiling:  Not good.
4.  Giantess fingers adjusting the screen/settings:  Not good.
5.  Giantess body with disappearing head: Not good.
6.  Face in shadow; slumped, bored, not even trying to look interested or animated or glad to see us:  Not good.
7.  And now....head shot, center screen, pretty good lighting, not a lot going on in the background (well, we can see it's Easter).  Marked down for less than great grooming and plastered on fake smile; but hey, it's progress, right?

DISCLAIMER:  On the other hand, letting go of all pretense in this time of life or death might be a good lesson; getting to see how people REALLY look, and live, is a glimpse into deeper intimacy, isn't it?  Hmmmm....maybe my thoughts are evolving into a new blog post....

At least, that's the (Zoom) view from here...©

STATS & THOUGHTS

Just gonna do a brief numbers update and talk about how this feels, as if this time and what it brings up for everyone can ever be captured succinctly.  We live on shifting sands these days.

Coronavirus COVID-19 on April 7, 2020 (keeping in mind that testing for this virus is woefully and shamefully unavailable to most Americans, so these are the really sick people who got a test -- not those "presumed" victims whose symptoms were not quite bad enough or who are asymptomatic carriers):

Global cases: 1,390,380
Global deaths: 79,148

U.S. cases:  380,744
U.S. deaths: 11,907

Washington cases:  8,384
Washington deaths: 372

My County cases:  1,522
My County deaths:  55


I remember the first COVID case in the U.S. being discovered here (literally, HERE -- a couple miles from where I write) in late January.  Then more cases, then more, and more....

We did not take it seriously enough at first; we should have.  Warning bells were sounding loud and clear and but I have to think the usual American Exceptionalism was at play -- "Oh, sure.  But not HERE!"  Yes, here.  On the national level the pandemic was ridiculed, ignored, downplayed, mismanaged at every turn by the unqualified yahoos in the current Administration with the Chief Yahoo being the worst culprit, which continues to this day with his daily press briefings which he plays like a campaign rally, talking about his ratings and undermining the scientists he trots out to stand next to him as if they support his nonsense.  They later (especially epidemiology specialist Dr. Tony Fauci) try to walk back the silly words that came from his mouth.

At any rate throughout February we saw that this thing really was coming to America.  By the first week of March, I personally started to get very nervous.  I went to the Y but felt weird about touching anything, went to yoga, but noted how close together the mats were.  We went car shopping and by then no one was shaking hands on the deal.  We hand sanitized and wiped down the steering wheel and door handles on our new Leaf when we left.

On March 7th I decided to start staying home for the most part.  On the 9th I went to a friend's house for coffee then stopped at the grocery store.  That's been about the extent of my social outings in the past 30 days.  On March 13 the governor closed schools, bars, restaurants, put limits on public gatherings; on the 23rd he issued a Stay at Home order; we are only to go out for "essential services" like groceries and medications.  (NOTE: Essential services is a rather loose term -- certain businesses have been given permission to stay open and at times that feels like a value judgement, but whatever...)

Hub gets our groceries every two weeks, gloved and masked, at the "Senior" shopping times at QFC and Costco.  We sanitize the boxes and packages he brings home.

We go for almost daily walks along the Marina trail, wearing masks.  Other than that we stay home.  At least the weather is improving and we are able to be in our yard/garden.  We planted our veggie seeds yesterday.  Gardening is such an act of faith in the future, isn't it?

What does all this feel like to me?  Well, I'm sort of made for staying home.  I love the blank slate of long unstructured, unscheduled days.  As an introvert, I don't need a lot of people time or novel stimulation.  But I miss human touch.  I miss seeing faces in person; picking up all the cues that communication entails beyond a disembodied head on a screen.  I miss the simple ability to go grab a coffee with friends or have our weekly Family Dinners.  I miss my family enormously; miss hugging my granddaughters, with a longing I can barely tolerate.

I notice my moods swing between a sense of peace and freedom, longing and sadness, panic and claustrophobic desperation.  I notice that I am beyond grateful for Hub and that our "troubles" of last year were resolved before all this hit us.  I am grateful to be in a strong, confident, loving place in my marriage; I have the best "partner in isolation" I could have.  I love our long mornings talking over coffee, our afternoon walks, our evening TV show binges.  It's a sweet and special time -- this forced slowed down togetherness.

I am constantly amazed that people speak of being "bored" at home.  I've never been bored; there is always something to explore, if not external busy-ness, then internal reflection.  Letting our minds, hearts, and bodies rest in "nothingness" is a doorway to inner knowing, inner peace.  I intend to walk through it and see what I find.

I notice that some people reach out to friends and family and some don't. I feel abandoned at times and very sad.  I notice that what I always thought to be true of people, institutions, and norms are not really what is true in many cases.  There is a "paper tiger" aspect of seeing behind the facade of "all is well" (government, health care system, financial stability, friendships, family ties).  This is a period of discernment:  What am I learning?  How will I take that knowledge into the rest of my life, when all of this is behind us?   Our world won't be the same post-pandemic, and neither will I.

At least, that's the view from here...©

LESSONS FROM THE TITANIC

Hub and I talk daily about how we are feeling in this time of Stay Home/Stay Healthy (as our governor has named this "stay at home order" period) and how we are navigating this in our daily activities and emotional lives.  It grounds me to be able to voice my confusion, fear, gratitude, anger, love, concern...all of it.

Yesterday I told him I felt anxiety building again, after several days' hiatus.  Hub pointed out that the novelty of this situation has worn off 3-1/2 weeks into this.  At first it was freeing to let go of social obligations, activities, and tasks.  It was fun to hang out together, with no distractions, in easy, open-ended days, feeling the playfulness and contentment and support of this gift of unstructured time. 

But now, we are still here, still practicing physical distancing for who knows how long.  It's not ending yet.  We have not hit our peak of new cases and more deaths.  As more is learned about this virus, we are discovering asymptomatic carriers can pass it along, and possibly much easier than we imagined -- not just through touches, coughs, and sneezes but also through "aerosols" in the air from merely breathing.  The only way to slow or stop this is to stop interacting with other humans.  So we have to find a way to define our every day lives within this confinement for the long haul.

We notice that since discovering Zoom, our calendars are filling up again.  We are seeing friends and family frequently and even going to meetings.  And because the technology is easy and available with a keystroke, we are even increasing our time with various groups (monthly meet-ups have become twice monthly or even weekly) and while this may be a lovely thing to do, we are suddenly feeling "too busy" again.  We have rushed into familiar territory to fill the void.

And isn't that what we do when we feel off balance?  We seek to find balance with the familiar rhythms of our lives.  For us it's connecting, organizing, and taking action.

But in doing that, I feel I'm shortchanging the opportunity to build new skills, make new habits, exercise new muscles for living that can serve me better now and in the future.  Do I even want to go back to what was so familiar?  Or do I want to create a new way of being in my world?  Maybe by filling my time with these familiar distractions, I'm not diving deeply enough into the grief all of this has caused.  Maybe I'm not giving myself the chance to find meaning in this moment, to find the gifts surely there to discover.

I was watching author/motivational speaker Glennon Doyle's  daily video, "Family Meeting", on FB this morning where she compared this pandemic to the Titanic.  She highlighted many of the characters portrayed in the movie and how they all responded to the impending disaster differently.  She urged us to not look at this as "Is this ship going down?" in a state of panic, but rather, "Who am I on this ship?"  Am I the one shoving people out of the way to save myself (denying, hoarding, endangering others by going out) or am I in the orchestra on the deck, playing on, giving the gift I know how to give no matter what happens, perhaps easing the way for others?  We get to choose.  I think there is a lot to learn about ourselves right now if we are open to the lesson.

At least, that's the view from here...©

14. DAILY MUSINGS DURING THE PANDEMIC COVID 19 - FACE TO FACE

It's been 2 weeks of daily sharing my thoughts here.  I'm going to stop doing this so regularly.  But I will continue to contemplate, journal, and blog about this time in our history and how my family, friends, community, and I have been impacted.

Today, confusion.  There is so much pain and anxiety around this and I find so much gratitude and joy in each day too.  Maybe that's just how life goes and this has made us all raw enough to realize it.  We are not lost in the fever dream of busy-ness or nonsense -- in things that are so crazily unimportant. We are in this moment of survival, of caring for each other, of appreciation.  At least that's true for me.

I'm sure there are some who are just pissed off, or ignoring the whole thing, or so frightened that they can't find any peace.  And of course, I'm only talking about those of us who are "well" and not those fighting off the virus, or fighting for their lives.  Or those risking their own lives to fight on our behalf in clinics and hospitals.

One big thing today -- Hub and I went for our usual walk at the waterfront Marina.  Fresh air, sunshine, breezes, and a few strangers to smile and nod at, when suddenly a woman came jogging toward us, slowed and said, "Don't I know you?" with a big smile on her face.  I was stunned!  Here was an "in the flesh" woman I know; a new friend I've made in a FB group where we support each other in going sugar free, eating healthy, and moving our bodies.  I've only met her in person a few times, but we shared deeply in posts and messages online.  We've found a lot in common and a common bond of working toward good health.

We stopped to chat, both smiling awkwardly and sort of in awe, to see someone real that we know.  She said, "I feel like crying".  I realized tears were welling in my eyes too.  We stood far apart (way more than 6 feet), smiling and allowing tears, then moved on to chatting about this and that before parting again.

In this time of physical distancing, even with Zoom and social media and all the rest, I realized in those few moments how much I've missed the face-to-face reality of another person to see and talk with (well, besides Hub).  I realized that what we take for granted is indeed precious.

I hope we all come out of this healthy and with a new perspective, with a new vision for a better way to live.

At least, that's the view from here. ©

13. DAILY MUSINGS DURING PANDEMIC COVID 19 -- WILL TO DO WHAT MUST BE DONE

3.29.20  I read today that temporary field hospitals are being created in sports stadiums, arenas, and large tent facilities on community soccer fields.  It's a new world.  I'm amazed at the skill and ingenuity to make this happen so quickly.  Maybe I haven't lost faith in humanity after all.

But I grieve that it takes a pandemic to create the will to do great things and to look out for each other.  I wish this steely will would extend to addressing gun violence deaths, climate change action, addressing the lives at risk due to obesity and sedentary lifestyles (leading to heart attack, stroke, diabetes and other illnesses), humane immigration policies, criminal justice reform, all the "isms" and on and on...

A pandemic got our attention, but suffering and death are not new phenomena.  Just sayin'.

At least, that's the view from here...©

PHOTO CREDIT:  Lester Black, Seattle PI

12. DAILY MUSING DURING THE PANDEMIC COVID-19 -- NEW NORMAL

3.28.20  I had a moment today when I realized I'm adjusting; instead of that off-balance swirl of chaos feeling, my mind instead said in response to noticing on our walks that people take a wide berth when passing on the sidewalk, or stand far apart when talking together as a group, "This is just the way it is now..."  And those things seemed, well, not surprising.  They seemed "normal".  I am amazed at the human ability to be resilient, to adapt, to find a way forward.

At least, that's the view from here...©

11. DAILY MUSINGS DURING PANDEMIC COVID 19 -- LEISURE TIME

3.27.20  NIGHT THOUGHTS:  Well, the sad truth is that I'm not doing enough.   My perfectionist self generally feels this way.  When I'm told to "do your best" I always assume I could do better with a bit more knowledge, effort, training, brain transplant...

I've been feeling this pressure for a long time around the political disaster we are living through and that I am personally responsible because I didn't doorbell enough, call enough legislators, send enough postcards, convince enough friends, send enough money.

And now I'm not even able to do enough to enhance my "physical distancing" life.  My FB feed and email notifications have gone from doom and gloom over politics to uplift and enrich while staying home.

Zoom is everywhere!  Zoom free concerts, poetry readings, book groups, church services, gatherings with friends and family!

Meditation teachers are eager for me to meditate more and for free!  Yoga opportunities at home abound!

Exercise classes want to be sure I stay fit in my seclusion -- lower body work outs, upper body workouts, weights, stretches, aerobics.

 Educational opportunities are now plentiful with free and reduced price online classes on all manner of subjects.

I'm asked to put a Teddy Bear in my window for kids to spot as they walk by on family outings; decorate my door with hearts to join in Hearts in a Window effort to show love for our community; bang pots and pans in the front yard to thank health care workers; put up Christmas lights or decorate my porch to delight the neighbors.

And clutter bust my house, organize my photos, get at that hobby I've always wanted to have time to  do, grow my own food, cook it, catch up on every show on every network and platform, listen to some new podcasts, read, read, read.

I know everyone is just trying to help and I truly appreciate the urge, but only in America can we take the horror of a pandemic, tell people to stay home and chill, then be sure to overwhelm them with a long leisure time "to do" list.  HAHAHA

At least, that's the view from here...©

Photo Credit: pixabay.com

10. DAILY MUSINGS DURING PANDEMIC COVID 19 - TAKE ME TO KANSAS

3.26.20  NIGHT THOUGHTS:  Tonight I'm thinking that it seems everything has stopped and nothing has stopped.  Software still freaks out, azaleas are budding, bills need to be paid, dishes washed, and kids sometimes get the shoes they have longed for....here are the "high heels" we heard about every single day last week from our 5 y/o girl.  She got them.  She's delighted.  So am I.  Now I wish she could click those heels together and take us all back to boring old normal "Kansas".

At least, that's the view from here....©

9. DAILY MUSINGS DURING PANDEMIC COVID 19 -- ALMOST NORMAL

3.25.20  NIGHT THOUGHTS:  I've been feeling so isolated from my family and unsure how best to reach out -- not wanting to bug them, to pry, to be all helicopter-mom-ish.  I just want to know what's up with them, what they are doing, how they are feeling (not just physically).  It's hard to know how to parent adult children sometimes.  But I had a long and helpful talk with one of my sons and I feel better, for now.

I also did a hilarious trial run on Zoom with some friends and we are sort of hopelessly inept at this tech stuff, but we are trainable.

Hub and I took a sunshine filled walk along the Marina route we love.  I wrote a blog post.  I paid some bills.  I continued to set up my yoga space at home.  We ate a great veggies and mussels dinner and watched the last episode of the series "What's Eating America" about the intersection of food and American life.

I laughed; loved the slow pace of the day; loved hanging out with Hub.  I was not anxious -- the first day in weeks that I have held my anxiety at bay, after a significant bout of fear last night. (I found out someone close to me has the virus -- is doing well, with none of the terrible symptoms, but still...)

This is how it will go I guess.  Up and down and up and...looking for equilibrium.  Grateful for every pause that feels almost normal.

At least, that's the view from here...©

THIS SHIT GOT REAL

NOTE: I wrote and published this one before I added the Daily Musings, which is why it feels stuck in the middle.  Still relevant though.
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Nobody's laughing anymore.  Only a handful of idiots (mostly a few Red State politicians, some diehard partiers and...well, the current "President" of the United States) are taking this lightly.  I said two posts ago that Seattle was not a ghost town.  Now it is.

Here are today's numbers, to compare to my two previous posts on this topic:  Coronavirus worldwide: 460,065 cases; 20,828 deaths.  U.S.: 61,062 cases (including someone I know well); 20,828 deaths.  Washington State: 2469 cases (including someone I know well); 123 deaths.  The county in which I live: 614 cases; 16 deaths.

Many states, including here in Washington, are now on a "stay at home" order decreed by the Governor.  No one is to go out and about unless absolutely necessary -- for food, medications, essential services, work.  We can be out in nature going for walks and such if we keep a physical distance of at least 6 feet from other people.  Restaurants, bars, many retail stores, churches, gyms, theaters, etc etc etc are closed.  Meetings are cancelled (no gatherings allowed), weddings and funerals postponed.  Businesses closed; people are working from home.  Even the big Boeing assembly plant is shut down.   Health care providers and hospitals are begging people to stay home and stop the spread and alleviate the stress on hospitals and supplies which are in high demand and stunningly short supply.  I won't go into all the details here -- it is well documented and "coronavirus 2020" will show up in history books, no doubt.  This is a very consequential and terrifying period in our collective lives.

As for me:   Anxiety waxes and wanes.  At times I feel calm and secure in the knowledge that I am being so incredibly careful and sticking incredibly close to home that this thing can't catch me.  Then I'll feel a headache coming on, or a scratchy throat, or a little throat-clearing cough and I'm suddenly doing a body scan and counting on my fingers the days since I last saw someone outside my home or perhaps touched a surface and then my face unconsciously.  Then the anvil sits on my chest and I'm sure I can't breathe, which makes all the "symptoms" more pronounced.  I recognize it as an attack of anxiety and start my meditative breathing to calm the nervous system....and on it goes.

Hub and I are deadly serious about our physical distancing plan, only going out for groceries weekly, at the early morning designated "senior hours" at local supermarkets and Costco, implemented to try to shield older people from the general population.  It's been 16 days since I've seen any friends; 10 days for Hub.  We had our grandkids stay with us last week while their parents were traveling.  We are relieved they made it home before further limits on air travel took effect.  We loved having the girls with us, but now that they are home with their mom and dad, we are not sure when we will see them again.  They are all sticking close to home too, all of us fearful of inadvertently passing something along, unbeknownst.

This virus is most unforgiving to those over 60 and/or with underlying health conditions.  Hub and I are fortunate that we are basically healthy enough overall, but we are definitely on the over the hump side of 60.  Hub celebrated his 70th birthday last week, party postponed. At our ages, there is no longer a perfect health profile.

It's hard to describe how all of this is impacting us.  It's surrealistic; it's lonely; it's unsettling; it's chaotic; it's terrifying.  It's also oddly relieving to NOT have to keep up with the frantic pace of life; to be ordered to stay home and hunker down.  There is nowhere to go; nothing to do; no one we have to see.  As an introvert, I fluctuate between reveling in the open spaciousness of my days and feeling like "OMG, I'm trapped!"

And just saying that points to my privilege.  We have a big, warm, lovely home in a great neighborhood with all the amenities and plenty of food, entertainment options, access to email, text, Zoom, social media, etc.  We are retired and have enough money for now to see us through. (The stock market has crashed, though, so we will see how that goes over time.)  We love each other and enjoy each other's company, so being together is fun and comforting.  (I cannot even go there to the domestic violence and child abuse situations this stressful lockdown might be fostering, in some homes.)

I am grateful for so much right now -- for the new relationships forming online, for the many acts of compassion and care I'm witnessing in the local and wider community, for the seriousness with which many of us are making the sacrifices needed to slow the spread and "flatten the curve" of this outbreak, for selfless and dedicated health care workers who run into the fire every day at great risk to themselves, for families who are creatively finding ways to connect and be in touch supporting and encouraging and loving all the more, for finding that all we take for granted comes with no guarantee.  All we have and think is permanent is built on sand that can shift from under us at any moment.

Some are urging "social isolation".  I get it, but isolating socially is a lonely road and not accurate.  We need to practice physical distancing and social solidarity.  We are all in this together.  Find a way to reach out.

At least, that's the view from here...©

8. DAILY MUSINGS DURING PANDEMIC COVID 19 -- PHYSICAL DISTANCE; SOCIAL SOLIDARITY

3.24.20  NIGHT THOUGHTS:  We've all been calling what we are doing, "social isolation" -- the staying home and away from others.  But a friend posted this meme on FB today and I love it.

We are NOT socially isolating; if anything I feel a community coming together in new and compassionate ways to offer support, encouragement, and strength to each other.

We may be physically distant, but are forging social connections that we can take beyond this crisis. We are in solidarity with each other, making this sacrifice together for the greater good of our communities near and far.

Keep your physical distance, but come together in social solidarity!  We are all connected.

At least that's the view from here...©

7. DAILY MUSINGS DURING PANDEMIC COVID 19--ALTERNATE REALITY

3.23.20  NIGHT THOUGHTS: We just watched "This Week Tonight", the John Oliver show that was from March 15; only a week ago.    The things Oliver spoke of seemed like ancient history already, so quickly has our reality changed.  (Our governor issued a statewide "stay at home" order today.) 

It seems like the past three years have been like that -- one outrage, one crisis, one head-smacking "can you believe this is happening?!?" event after another.  I feel like since November 8, 2016 we've all been living in a nightmare or an alternate reality of some kind, making no sense in that way that dreams can seem so unreal, so surrealistic, familiar yet scary.  I want to wake up now.

At least, that's the view from here...

Photo Credit:  Revelatori. com (go there and buy something -- this is a print I bought)

6. DAILY MUSINGS DURING PANDEMIC COVID 19--NOTHING IS NORMAL

3.22.20  NIGHT THOUGHTS:  Let's get this out of the way first: I cried all morning, missing my grand girls already after their week with us.  Wondering how I can figure out how to see and hear from each other during this social distancing thing.  I hear other families are using Zoom conferencing, getting together but staying 6-9 feet apart, FaceTiming on the phone etc.  We can do this, but I long for those big hugs that are so much a part of our family time.   I also think I'd held so much in last week, that my emotions about all of this were bound to spill out.  They did.

The virus now has descended upon a friend in NYC.  At least she thinks so.  She has all the symptoms, but was refused a test because her temperature was not quite high enough to "qualify".  But they ruled out everything else so told her to assume she has it.  The lack of testing is a travesty and while I have no energy for political ranting right now, the current "president" and his administration have totally screwed this up, with their slow response to the inevitable, the downplaying of the severity of the situation, and refusal to use WHO test kits in favor of letting private providers develop their own at great delays and no labs to read and interpret them.  We have no idea how many people are infected, but it's way, way more than we know.

Today I was grateful for another sunny day, a long walk, moving furniture around to accommodate a designated yoga space at home, a quiet dinner with Hub, and looking forward to some TV time tonight.  Not much different, really, than a normal Sunday.  Except the nagging knowing that nothing is really normal right now.

At least, that's the view from here...©

5. DAILY MUSINGS DURING PANDEMIC COVID 19--QUIET AND LONELY

3.21.20 MORNING THOUGHTS:  The girls are making Welcome Home pictures and cards for their parents.  I will miss this silly laughter, smiles, hugs.  I'm so grateful for this time with them.

Finding myself feeling anxious again today.  I think it's a bit of dread about not knowing what's ahead of us, or of when I'll see my family around the dining room table again.

NIGHT THOUGHTS:  Returned the girls to their mom and dad tonight.  They were excited to be home, to see their parents.  I am happy for them all.  And sad for me.  No hugs at the door.  Just dropped things and left after last hugs with the girls.  Not normal.

Hub and I will need to adjust in this period of figuring out how to navigate these trying times.  He left for a weeklong snowboard trip on March 8, just shortly after this virus had begun to make its way into the collective consciousness of most of us.  I stayed home, leaving the house only a couple of times that week, watching the news and reading daily reports of the trajectory of the virus taking hold here and around the world.  We were not together when things here started to feel like they were falling apart with school closures, limits on work, meetings, gatherings, cancelling professional sports seasons, etc etc.  He came home a day after the girls arrived and we've been consumed with kid care with little time or energy for our own processing together.

Now we start to sort out how we negotiate a different way to be for awhile.  We are serious about keeping ourselves and others healthy, and not over-burdening the health care system by needlessly exposing ourselves and then being the ones also needing care.  We will follow the city and state-wide directives to stay home unless absolutely necessary. Occasional groceries is all we can think to need.

Tonight the house feels so quiet; like something essential is missing.  I know it will feel like this for awhile. And then it will be the usual quiet, tidy, comfortable and a lovely refuge for Hub and me.  We will tackle some projects, get the gardens ready for spring, read, write, talk, go for walks, cook, eat, binge-watch something or other on TV and we will weather this storm.  It just feels like the world has tilted off-axis and I need to find some sense of equilibrium, even if I have to hang onto a handrail to do it.

At least, that's the view from here...©

Photo Credit:  Revalatori.com  -- go there and buy something; she's great.

4. DAILY MUSINGS DURING PANDEMIC COVID 19--WHEN WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN?

3.20.20  MORNING THOUGHTS: Another day of sunshine and gratitude for it. Already thinking of the girls going home tomorrow and their parents return and how the rhythm of our days will shift dramatically.  We will miss them so much. Our days have been a cocoon of the four of us in "isolation" from the world, but our world has been brighter and happier because they've been in it.  Once they go home, we will be isolating alone, just the two of us, which will be quiet and sweet and I'm so grateful for my partner through everything.  And I'm thinking of trying to set up a Zoom connection for family and friends.

Son Two and Lovely Fiance are home together now, as he recuperates and she works from home.  Son One and Beautiful DIL will be at home tomorrow night, reunited with their girls, although DIL will likely return to work at the clinic next week where she will find a stressful environment no doubt.  They are a COVID clinic and she will need to manage personnel and supplies -- a daunting task, getting worse each day.

The hardest part for me will be not seeing my family, not hugging those I love.  And I am grateful that we all have each other, both close up in our own homes, and afar, with social media and technology to connect us for now.

Today the girls are helping me dismantle St Pat's Day and will be putting up Easter decorations.  Then we will carry all the houseplants out to the yard to repot them.  Nurturing living things is a healing practice.

NIGHT THOUGHTS:  Last night of tucking the girls in and I am crying.  I'll miss them so much.  This has been such a sweet bonding time of memory-making together.  This is their second home; they love it here and have not been homesick at all.  But today they both started to feel the pull toward their own house, their mom and dad, and they are excited about going home tomorrow.  My tears will fall and I will adjust, as I always do...

At least, that's the view from here...©

3. DAILY MUSINGS DURING PANDEMIC COVID-19--FINDING A JOYFUL RESPITE

3.19.20 MORNING THOUGHTS:  At 7:10 a.m. two beautiful little girls showed up at my bedside singing, "Good Morning, Good Morning" and told me it was "wake up time".  Indeed.

Another brilliantly sunny day stretches before us.  Grateful we are not trapped inside.  We plan to go out and keep our distance from others at parks, at the beach, on close-by nature trails this week.

Last night after our family movie (we've seen both Frozens and are working our way through the three Madagascars) Jon and I turned on Rachel Maddow to get caught up.  Within 10 minutes my stomach was in knots, my breathing shallow, my heart pounding -- familiar anxiety response.  I watched the whole show and went to bed short of breath.  Lesson:  I may not be able to take in so much of this news of the virus.  It is too upsetting; too terrifying.  It is a horror story unfolding and I cannot help but see me and those I love in starring roles.

Son Two got home from London on Monday, where he and friends went for what was supposed to be a fabulous pre-wedding trip (enhanced "bachelor party") to watch favorite soccer teams play in their home stadiums.  All matches were cancelled and while he says they had a good time, the trip was obviously overshadowed by the impending shut down and travel restrictions due to the spreading virus.  They were inundated by calls and texts from worried state-siders (including me), creating even more frustration.  I backed off, but I'm glad he's home.  He returned with some congestion and a cough, but no fever.  After talking to his doctor they determined it's probably a head cold.

Every sniffle seems cause for concern these days and harder to just brush off as 'nothing'.  I hate being on high alert.  I hate being afraid for, and of, my own family.  I feel deep grief for all the ways we have had to adjust to this temporary new normal.

But I also notice all the ways in which people are helping each other -- post after post of positive, uplifting messages and examples of people helping others.  So there's that.

NOON THOUGHTS:  I find this photo deeply sad and also inspirational. We are all in this together.  Every personal decision affects another person.  We must all do our part.

We are a little family of four this week with our granddaughters. We have kept our distance even when on our nature outings.  I watch closely; I double we've come within 10 feet of another person.  Everyone is aware.

NIGHT THOUGHTS:  Another beautiful day of gratitude for our health; our family; our granddaughters with us.

Keeping those in our thoughts who are less fortunate and for those working so hard to help the sick.  I stayed away from media today for the most part, being in the moment of my own life, and knowing I am so blessed.

We spent a lot of time outdoors today, breathing fresh air, keeping our distance from other people, but smiling a hello to those very few we met along the trail.

Got to video chat with Son One and Beautiful DIL today from London.  They stayed an extra week after the "guy trip".  I worry about them, but they are having a good time and so far all is well for them. They do notice changes there and will find a new world in the U.S. when they return.

Tonight we watched the live action version of Disneys' Aladdin.  I absolutely loved it.  The colors, the costumes, sets, story.  I loved the animated version when my boys were little too; even bought the soundtrack and discovered I remembered all the words as I sang along to the movie tonight.  A joyful respite from the current state of the world.

At least, that's the view from here...©

2. DAILY MUSING DURING PANDEMIC COVID-19--SENDING THANKS

3.18.20  MORNING THOUGHTS:  Woke up feeling...."normal"?  Not anxious.  Not obsessed.  It feels like such a relief, even if it's only temporary.

Grateful for these brilliant sunny days -- always a heart-opening, uplifting experience for me.  Realizing how healing it is for me to have my mornings to myself, to stare out the window, read, think, write.  Write -- I've written my way through every event of my life.  It is so important to how I process, learn, grow, comfort.

A while ago our 10 y/o granddaughter sat down with me and asked, "So, where did this virus come from?"  We have not had the news on at all when the girls are awake, have not talked much about it between/amongst us, but she is aware because she is totally attuned to everything around her and has a maturity beyond her years. Plus, they got a bit of an explanation at school, but no details which of course she needs.  I notice that she, like me, wants the truth and to try to know what to expect in any situation.

I told her what I know about tracing the virus back to animals, how it spread, and why we are "socially distancing" to stop it.  She observed that "everything has changed" and listed the ways in which her life is different: no school, no friends to hang out with, no playgrounds or museums or movie theaters, no trips to Target or Dairy Queen.  And of course she is right.  I told her this is history and when she is older she can say, "I remember that time; I was 10."  I told her in time this will go away and life will resume in more familiar and maybe even better ways.

Then she hopped up to work on the card she is making to send to the long-term care center where my friend's mother has been living.  We decided to be helpful and encouraging to others because it is a loving, kind thing to do. She is so happy when she is crafting and helping.  What a girl!

NIGHT THOUGHTS:  A day of fun and also frustration.  Our 5 y/o had a rough day.  Not every day is perfect, right?  Short tempers, mini tantrums, things not going smoothly.  But we made it.  All was smiles and hugs at bedtime.  Real life.  Thankful to have these beautiful beings with us, to love and care for them, to teach and encourage, to applaud their greatness and breathe through their challenges.  Thankful for sunshine.  Thankful for the beauty of where we live.  Thankful for health.

At least, that's the view from here...©

1. DAILY MUSINGS DURING PANDEMIC COVID 19--I BEGIN

I'm going to include my daily Facebook posts here; a history of this historical moment.  The coronavirus, Covid-19 struck here in January.  The very first confirmed case in the U.S. was hospitalized in our town.  The current Administration has been slow to respond, downplaying the seriousness of this illness, and has continued to mismanage at every turn.  Our governor, on the other hand, has shown real leadership and has aggressively and earlier than most closed schools, limited gatherings, and likely will soon issue a "stay at home" order to keep citizens inside unless for essential business (groceries, medication, some workers).

These blog posts may last longer than Facebook since I also publish my blogs into books at the end of each year.  Here goes, for whoever is interested in my musings...maybe descendants who will come after?
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3.17.20  MORNING THOUGHTS:  Mornings are the hardest.  I was home alone all last week, and thought that was why I woke up feeling lonely and anxious.

But Hub's been back since Sunday and I still wake up sad.  These are hard times for all of us and especially so for many of us who like a future that feels solid and at least slightly predictable.   These topsy turvy ever-changing days filled with uncertainty are hard.

This morning another announcement of another of my healing spaces, in addition to my beloved yoga studio is closed -- now the lovely place I go for massage every 6 weeks.  We are finding out that really our own self-care practices must sustain us now, along with the family we are hunkering down with, the social circles we hopefully still can access via phone, text, email, or social media, the view from our windows, the stroll around the yard, or planing the spring garden.

We have our Grandgirls with us this week, who provide an "innocent of all this drama" distraction.  With schools closed, they are here 24/7 while their parents are traveling in the U.K. (bad timing for a long-awaited and planned for trip; I worry.)  We have family movie night every night and try to keep their days busy with activities and outings.

Today they are both massively excited to decorate the house for Hub's BD party  which will be just the 4 of us as we've cancelled a larger celebration.  It will be sweet nonetheless.  They've crafted gifts and are planning a Treasure Hunt -- the pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow.

I'm incredibly grateful for my warm home, the love of family, the view I have of the sunrise this morning, and spaces of connection.

NOON THOUGHTS:  Super fun morning celebrating Hub's BD.  The girls did a great job with decorations and gifts.  Downside was our little one not feeling great. She seemed feverish to me, but registered normal. A bit of a cough.  Keeping a close eye on her since finding out a parent of a child at her preschool has tested positive for Covid 19.

I'm unsure if my intermittent shortness of breath is COVID-related or another anxiety attack.  Tense times.

I'm letting the girls have some screen time this afternoon; I've had to relent and tell them, "OK my TV really does get channels other than 'boring news shows'.

NIGHT THOUGHTS:   Watched primary results tonight. Looks like another sweep for Biden.  Maybe politics will feel relevant to me again soon.  For now I'm still trying to wrap my head and heart around our new normal of staying home and/or away from people...and sanitizing/washing more than I thought possible!  Grateful for social media outreach and encouragement while navigating these uncharted waters.

At least, that's the view from here...©