FINDING BALANCE - HOW TO GET THROUGH THIS

A friend recently asked me why my blog posts are so few lately.  I've never been particularly prolific compared to many more disciplined bloggers, but the two blogs I write have seen a downturn lately.  I blame the current president.  That should be an absurd laugh line, but unfortunately it's true.

My world slid off center 18 months ago and I have not yet found a way to right it...or myself.  And most recently I think I was done in completely by the "zero tolerance" immigration policy where this administration used the removal of children from their parents as a deterrent to immigrants enter our country either legally or illegally.  Putting children in fenced in "cages" in detention centers, from infancy through age 17, and in many cases eventually shipping them to far away northern states to live in shelters or in foster homes while in hundreds of cases their parents were deported without them, well....  Government sponsored kidnapping sort of tipped me over.  The cruelty never ends with this guy.  My frantic attempts to take action have kicked into a higher gear.

My writing has been of the letter, email, FAX, postcard variety to Congress, Cabinet members, and media outlets.  Every time I sit down to write a blog post, nothing but political issues come to mind.  Every other topic seems frivolous in comparison, so I close the Blogger page and walk away.

I realize I am out of balance.  I realize I've lost touch with essential parts of myself -- my creativity and humor in particular.  Oh, I still laugh, but not as much I don't think.  I have some modicum of creativity on display in my garden and the baby blankets I crochet for the layette program at a local social service agency.  But I've lost a sense of what my life was like "before".  I don't remember that more innocent time anymore or what occupied my thinking and my days.

This weekend, I hope, put me on the healing path to finding myself again.  Among other events that I may write about in other posts, I also signed up for a workshop in my town with John Pavlovitz.  Do you know of him?  He's a liberal Christian pastor (even though once fired from his church since he went public with views some parishioners didn't like), book author, blogger, and media/online hero of the Resistance. https://johnpavlovitz.com

I've read his blog faithfully for over a year.  I've found great resonance and affirmation there.  I've become a Fangirl.  To have the opportunity to hear him speak and to work with him in a small group at a local church was sort of amazing.  He was totally engaging: wise, gentle, smart, articulate, emotionally available, and so funny!

He talked about compassion burnout and how we can work for change and not lose ourselves.  Some of his suggestions:

1.  Engage AND withdraw.  Yes, we must fight and not give up.  And we must take breaks, withdraw into healing and life-affirming practices like creative arts, time in nature, hanging out with friends and family, and just being in silence.  We have to replenish ourselves.

2.  Be engaged in social media.  Yes, he actually said that.  Social media helps us find affinity "tribes", provides information about what's going on, and cultivates hope to see so many similarly engaged and active.  Then he said to get off social media.  Yes, that too.  When we read or hear the same story over and over it compounds what is happening beyond what is real.  It can also be addicting and toxic.  Use it, but with boundaries.

3.  Play.  Cultivate the things in life that make you laugh, that bring you pure enjoyment.  We can have compassion and a passion for activism and still be essentially happy people.

4.  Create.  Follow your muse.  Artists of any genre relate to, interpret, and define the world as it is and as we want it to be.  Use art to vision the future we want to create.

5.  Cultivate gratitude.  Hope is an aspiration for the future.  Gratitude is now, and not dependent upon anything changing.  There is always somethings to be grateful for.  Make a list.

6.  Know who you are not.  The urgency of activism right now creates a "Superman Complex".  Face it.  We are not Superheros.  We are people doing our best.  That's enough.

7.  Share the load.  Don't go it alone.  Find the power of supportive community and act together.  Be a model for activism but know not everyone will follow.  Find your allies.

8.  Take a hope inventory.  What is the vision that propels us?   What keeps us going?  Keep that vision in the forefront as motivation instead of reacting around anger and despair.

Much to contemplate here. I see some I am doing well and others I'm not doing at all.  I see where I'm burned out and why.  I see that being out of balance is only hurting me.  I don't want to hurt me.

This is only one event of the past few days that cracked me open --the others also in ways both lovely and painful.  All of it is fodder for growth....and a few more blog posts.

At least, that's the view from here...©

VISITING A RED STATE

I'm in deep red Trump Country.  This North Idaho county voted for him 64.2% to 27.0% for Clinton, with the rest scattered amongst a number 3rd party candidates.  Seventy-five percent of registered voters voted.  But that was only 59% of those of the voting age population, which always stuns me.  Why in the world don't people register to vote???

Just out of curiosity I looked up some other stats that seem to go along with being a supporter of this president.  In this town, 91% of the population is white.  The median income is $37,000.  Fifteen percent of residents have a college degree or higher.

The high school here has 346 students, mostly white;  8% of students are classified "minority", mostly Hispanic.  Forty percent of the student population are considered economically disadvantaged.  The graduation rate is 83%, an increase over 5 years from 66%, so that's good but the total enrollment is dropping, down 17% over 5 years.  No stats were reported for "college readiness" or for mathematics test scores; students hover around 52% in reading proficiency.

One thing that this town has going for it is a mountain.  A big one.  One that attracts skiers and snowboarders and mountain bikers.  There's also a section of a 72 mile breathtaking bike trail running through town, so trail riders regularly pass through too.  Most of those folks don't live here, but they do bring in some money.  Not enough, though, and the jobs the resort creates are "service industry" low-paying jobs and again, not enough of them.  Statewide the unemployment rate is 3.1%  In this county it's 6.0%

Folks here recall the glory days of the booming economy based on silver mining -- many are waiting for the mines to come back.  There is a proud heritage here of those mining days, the generations of miners who pulled silver from the mountains, supported their families, and lived mostly protected from big city, urban concerns in a valley surrounded by stunning natural beauty.  There were mining "mishaps" and one big disaster to which monuments have been raised.  But it was a good life most say.  They didn't know until much later that the lead from those mines was poisoning the river that runs through town and the dirt on the hillsides and in the yards where their children played.  An EPA Superfund was set up to remediate that...digging down 18 inches to remove contaminated soil and replacing it.  There are still signs up on the bike trail to stay on the asphalt trail and wash well before eating.

I've never lived full time in this small economically-depressed town, but we own property here.  You may ask, "Why?!?"

Hub is an avid snowboarder.  He read in 2006 that this town was on the cusp of being the next big thing...a new Vail.  Our sons were in college in Eastern Washington and we thought it would be a great gathering place for family fun.  I was working full time, those two sons gave me worry fits on occasion, and I was seeing signs of dementia in my aging mother.  I needed an escape; a respite from stress.  It's quiet here.  Plus, the housing was "cheap".  We could buy a house and an empty lot and soon, we were sure, they would prove to be a veritable gold mine as the resort expanded and the hordes rushed in to buy property at premium prices.  Development was just taking off.....but a year later the housing market crashed and we were stuck with a house we thought we'd "flip" in 2-3 years.  It's been 12 years of ownership now.  When I told a financial planner that we thought it would be a good investment, he corrected me and said what it was was a speculation.  An investment is when you can reasonably expect, with good odds and a proven track record, a return on the investment.  Oh.

We almost just dumped the house a few years ago, but then we got a second wind after Hub retired.  He started to come here with his friends for ski/boarding adventures several times during the winter months, and to ride his bike on the trails in the summer.  Our sons never did come here for "family fun" very often, but they both have come for "guys" weekends and seem to like it.  We rented it as a vacation rental for awhile, but that's hard to do long-distance.  We encourage friends to use it.  For now it's working out to hang on to it. The housing market is rebounding a slight bit and a new resort owner has some big plans for continuing the stalled development.  Our home is in a "nicer" part of town.  So we'll see.

But mostly the town itself is still depressed and depressing (to me, anyway).  There are some lovely homes here on quiet tree-lined streets, but interspersed are hard-luck rentals (and their ubiquitous pit bulls behind chain link fences.)  I took an hour long walk "uptown" today and photographed the sad and dilapidated storefronts of this small town USA.

I saw the Trump sign in the window of one home and wondered.....Why?  Why still demonstrating such support?  What magic do these folks believe can trickle down to them from the Golden Tower of Trump?  It makes me sad that they believe he will save them and their children and their children's children.  Maybe it's his promise to similarly strapped West Virginians that "coal is coming back."  Maybe they think the mines here will re-open too.  But he didn't even bother to pander to poor Idaho; no presidential visits here.  These folks just get a constant barrage of FOXified "news" and hopes for better days.

What do I hope?  I hope something will turn around here and that these people can benefit from a new economic base that doesn't displace them from the area they call home.  I understand now that our plan to cash in on the gentrification we'd hoped for is just another form of oppression.  If the town does boom, most here won't be able to afford living here, unless construction jobs, new businesses, and a tourist industry economy raises all boats.   I don't have answers.  But we are paying our taxes, buying in local stores, eating in local restaurants, chatting with our neighbors, and trying to be good citizens, even if only part-time.  And in a few days I'll go back to my urban Blue Bubble and keep wondering about that Trump sign.

At least, that's the view from here...©