THIS IS AMERIKA

Heavy sigh.

I have not felt like writing.  I envy my blogger friend who writes religiously (well, she'd take exception with that term; let's say regularly) whether she feels like it or not.  She is devoted to her writing schedule.  Plus, she finds everyday, funny, quirky things to write about.  Me? Not so much. I wait for inspiration, or at least a building up of "writing tension" that explodes onto the page (like today).  And lately not all that much feels funny to me, so I appreciate her making me smile all the more.

We still have a pandemic, which is getting worse.  We still have a lunatic authoritarian president, who is getting worse.  We still have social unrest in protest of generations of racial discrimination and violence, with mostly peaceful protestors, but not always.  And worse, the aforementioned authoritarian president has taken to sending unidentified security forces, dressed in camouflage and armed with "non-lethal" (but still blinding in one case) rubber bullets, into "Democrat led" cities to "restore order".  Only they make it more unstable and violent, subduing with tear gas and arresting protestors and observers without cause. Literally no one knows who these forces are, nor the men wearing the camo.  There is no identifying information as to agency or names on uniforms or vehicles.  They are there uninvited by local officials or law enforcement; some cities have sued the Administration to attempt to get them out.  This is Amerika.

So, I've been a little depressed.

I thought this would be the Summer of Political Action, gearing up for November.  This time it really is the most important election of our lifetimes...maybe generations.

Yet, here we are instead, arguing and polarized over whether it is an infringement on individual freedoms to be told to wear a mask, maintain physical distancing, and stay home, OR, whether these science-based recommendations and mandates are kind, compassionate, and necessary acts, as hospitals are filled to capacity, health care workers are so far beyond exhausted they are in tears on the nightly news begging people to follow the recommendations, and millions are suffering and dying.  The anti-maskers (including the lunatic president) who want to go to rallies, party, gather in larger groups and stand too close are helping extend the pandemic within the U.S., which is now a pariah in the world, where most countries have closed their borders to American citizens.  This is Amerika. 

When I started writing about his Covid-19 pandemic in early March, here were the stats I recorded in a blog post:

Worldwide: 100,000 cases; 3,408 deaths

United States: 233 cases; 12 deaths

Washington State: 39 cases; 10 deaths (in one long-term care facility, an early epicenter)

My county: 8 cases (including the very first Covid confirmed case in the U.S.; 0 deaths

Here are today's numbers, 4.5 months later:

Worldwide: 15.5 million cases; 634,000 deaths

United States: 4,024,492 cases; 143,868 deaths (cases and deaths the worst, by far, of any country in the world -- including people I know personally)

Washington State: 50,009 cases (including one of my sons); 1,482 deaths

My county: 4,562 cases; 182 deaths

There is no sign of this abating in the U.S.; our state is on the upswing like so many others. That's discouraging because our state was an early adopter of shutting down -- closing businesses and public places, closing schools, urging mask wearing (although no mandating it until far too late in my opinion).  Other states (especially in the south where there is apparently a neurotoxin in the water that effects the rational thinking centers of the brain in nearly all elected officials) didn't close down completely at all, or if they did, they opened up way too fast and too soon, resulting in the spikes we see across southern swath of the United States.  But even more progressive states like California, Oregon, and Washington (and others) contain large enough numbers of deniers who are screaming about their rights to assemble and to NOT wear masks, that the rest of us are endangered too.

So, I've been a little depressed.

There IS still an election in 102 days (but who's counting?) but it seems like an abstraction.  No big campaign rallies (well the lunatic president has held a few, against unanimous advice from health experts, but poor attendance and subsequent covid spikes of attendees seems to have cooled the ardor for now.)  Party conventions will be held online (although again, lunatic president still thinks he can address his adoring fans in person.)  Foreign influence and cyber attacks aimed at spreading disinformation and creating chaos and division are in full force since this Administration took almost no action to stop this after the debacle of 2016.  Voter suppression is in full steam ahead mode with some states refusing vote by mail (even when coming out to vote in a pandemic could kill you), and polling places are being shut down in some areas with large populations of brown and black people, making for 8 hour long lines to get into the few polling sites left open.  This is Amerika.

I'm running out of steam, as I do more easily these days.  I must face the unfathomable fact that I feel beaten up, beaten down, bloodied, and exhausted by the last four years of political (and personal) challenges.  My energy for the fight comes only in fits and starts with long pauses for sitting in my garden and/or binging on the TV Series du Jour Hub and I have decided to spend our evenings watching, popcorn bowls on our laps.

I feel like I will still rally for the cause eventually, but to do what?

I have no interest in talking myself blue trying to change hearts and minds -- they are unchangeable.

I have no interest in cold-calling voters; my introverted self has become even more so.  (The very best part of "stay at home" orders is that every single day I feel overwhelmingly relieved that I don't have to go anywhere, or do anything, or see anyone that I don't want to!)

I have no interest in attending rallies (Covid fears and inertia).

So I write postcards to voters for various organizations who are doing distance GOTV (Get Out The Vote) work.  I read, listen, watch, stay informed.  I post to social media.  I vote.

My primary ballot is sitting right next to my computer and when I sign off here, I will vote in the statewide races that are essential to moving us in the right direction.  Then I'll hold my breath to hear the results.  I take nothing for granted anymore.  So much that I thought I knew, could count on, believed in is in tatters.

I've been a little depressed.

This is Amerika.

At least, that's the view from here...©

I WANT TO DO BETTER

I wish my brain was still working in tip-top condition.  But that ship seemed to have sailed some time ago, exacerbated by the Covid 19 shutdown of the past 3 months when I've mostly settled into a comfortable cocoon of fear, worry, sadness, grief, Zoom, coloring mandalas, and watching Netflix.  That is to say, I have not been in the practice of the "use or lose it" creation of new brain cells.

So, I'm not sure I can give this topic its due.  It's big and multi-faceted and seems to have come to the fore overnight.  And THAT, my friends, is the voice of White Privilege.  Overnight?  Hardly.

The death of George Floyd on May 25th, the victim of Minneapolis police killing, has sparked a culture shift.  We are on Day 12 of daily/nightly protests from coast to coast.  Big cities see thousands and thousands of people marching and rallying; small towns smaller numbers but still turning out.  Everyone is finally "woke" to what generations of black Americans have always known -- the system is sick and wrong and deadly for them.  Resources abound for us white folk to do some soul searching and self-education on racial issues, confronting our own privilege and inaction.  Police Departments are overhauling their training procedures and questioning the police code of silence that protects them from consequences -- new inquiries are being opened on old cases of victims deaths at the hands of the police.  Politicians, movies stars, sports figures, corporations and businesses have spoken out and issued statements of support for equality and promising to do better.  Even the NFL has admitted they were wrong to punish  former SF Quarterback Colin Kapernick's kneeling during the anthem silent protest years ago over police brutality toward black people that left him out in the cold and unemployable in the NFL.

Of course we are not all holding hands and singing Kumbaya; the white supremacists are out en force too and it is at times a very scary scene.  Armed "protectors" take up positions of intimidation in some vigilante attempt to stop looters from stealing stuff at Crate and Barrel.  Some "outside agitators" with ties to white supremacist groups have come in after dark to start and encourage the looting and fires in an attempt to bring judgement down upon the black protestors, who may or may not be part of the nighttime melee.

And our current president has done nothing to show empathy, understanding, or ability to calm and reassure.  He demands instead, that the police "dominate" the protestors, and if they won't he will call in the U.S. military to do it for them.

Here's his abhorrent act this week, which I mention because it will likely show up in history books:  He ordered Lafayette Park cleared of peaceful protestors (using rubber bullets and tear gas and officers on horseback) in the early evening hours so he could take a walk outside the White House grounds to an historic church that had been damaged by fire in one of the nighttime protests gone bad.  He did not speak there; he did not even enter.  He stood in front of the church holding a Bible aloft (some reported it was held upside down) as if hawking it on the Shopping Channel, assuming a serious scowl likely meant to make him look badass and/or grief-stricken (but mostly gaseous) and just stood there for a photo op.  The next day the White House issued a professionally done music video showing him looking strong and valiant in his walk to the church through a phalanx of riot-geared police lining the walkway for him.  He got his War Presidency moment, I guess.  This is America, the Banana Republic, at the moment.  Today he has had a second layer of fencing installed surrounding the White House grounds to protect him.  He has his wall.

People say we are at an "inflection point".  Why did this police killing get the attention that others did not to this degree? What was the tipping point?  Maybe seeing the video of a police officer digging his knee into the neck of handcuffed 46 year old George Floyd and not relenting for 8 minutes and 46 seconds in spite of the man begging to be let up, repeating several times, "I can't breathe", calling out for his mama, and finally lying motionless, dead, with his face still held tight against the pavement.

Maybe that video more than the others we've seen of police brutality finally was enough.  Maybe the Covid Pandemic "stay home" orders and the 20% unemployment rate because of it created the perfect storm of enough (white) people paying attention -- not too distracted by their jobs and busy lives to look up and see what has been right in front of us all along.  Maybe black people could not take one more killing at the hands of police without exploding.

As for me, I will not even attempt to justify myself with any words that sound like, "Yes, racism is awful, but I'm not racist! " Maybe not, but I've sure benefitted from a racist system and have done little to educate myself or act specifically on behalf of African American people.  I've been complacent because I can be.  I've been silent because I'm afraid of saying something wrong or of offending.  I've stayed out of the fight because I don't know what to do and don't want to presume anything.  My whiteness seems like it would just get in the way or be presumptuous.  But what I can do is listen more intently, read more widely, advocate more broadly, and educate myself more deeply.

I've downloaded some resources and I'm ready to take a dive into a world I've long known about but never truly visited, even though it's existed right here, right in my line of sight.  I've looked without seeing, heard without listening. I've smiled, laughed, hugged, worked alongside black friends without truly understanding black people, and their every day racist experiences, in my community.  I want to do better.

At least, that's the view from here...©