50 YEARS OF SEX...OH, AND ALSO COVID AGAIN

Did I get your attention?  I intended this to be a lighthearted post about Hub and me celebrating our 50th anniversary last week and all the fabulous sex we've had over the years...but this morning I tested positive for Covid again, so I'm bummed and not feeling like any sexy-time talk after all. 

Remember when we all tried to guess what the "new normal" would look like post-pandemic?  I think at this point in the 2-1/2 year (and counting) struggle with the pointy virus, the new normal is either having Covid, fear of getting Covid, and/or getting over Covid.  Common denominator: Covid.

I know some people have completely moved on.  No masks, no testing, no worries.  Others still barely leave their homes, see almost no one, and fret constantly.  Some get it and get super sick and die.  Some get it and get sick enough to want to die, but don't.  Some get it and get sick for a few days, then it passes.  Some get it and never even know they had it.

The crackerjack CDC is doing its very best to stay on top of this conundrum , but lately seems to be taking at least part of its direction from a combination of scientists, politicians, and polling data.  Their guidelines are confusing, ever-changing, and increasingly lax (Test positive? Isolate for 5 days, at which point go back to work or school, but wear a mask. Puhleeze!).  The crisis of a collapsing health care system, ICU over-crowding, intubation equipment shortages, and tractor-trailer morgues is past.  We are now just winging it, with the assumption that eventually everyone will get it and if you're vaxxed and boosted, you'll probably survive.  There is no magical elixer, neither Paxlovid nor bleach, which will ward it off.

What Paxlovid does is knock the virus down so it can't overwhelm the immune system.  That's a good thing.  Symptoms abate rather quickly and negative tests seem to indicate the virus is gone!  Done and dusted, thank you very much! But alas, even though the experts say "rebound" cases, post-Paxlovid therapy, are rare (1-2%) it seems to me, anecdotally, I'm hearing about this more and more.  The virus gets knocked down but not knocked out.  It can get off the mat and keep fighting, perhaps not at full strength, but not quitting either.  (Prize-fight metaphor?  I surprise myself...)

Dr. Anthony Fauci (Covid Guru and Voice of Reason and Expertise as well as Second Coming of Christ, OR, Paid Shill Devil Incarnate Deserving of Death Threats and Harassment to Himself and his Family, depending upon your political leanings) eventually got Covid and also a rebound after treatment.  Same with our President, Joe Biden.  Same with a friend of mine.  Same with stories passed on social media of friends of friends and of strangers.  Same with me.  Today.

I don't know how long I've actually been positive.  I just decided to test today as a curiosity because of my friend's rebound positive.  I was shocked, angry, sad, and so frustrated to see that damn black positive line again.  Especially when today I'm feeling pretty good; almost normal.  Yesterday too.  I actually now think that my two-in-a-row negative tests were just that the virus had been suppressed enough not to show up on a test, but still there, since a few days later I seemed to "relapse" with more lethargy again. But we chalked it up to researching that lethargy and cough can drag on for weeks and/or it could be a cold virus, and/or it could be allergies.  All the symptoms are the same.  My mistake was in not testing again and again.  I thought the Paxlovid treatment, feeling better, and two negative tests a couple days apart meant I was over it, so I looked for other reasons for my renewed malaise.  I maybe have been Covid-positive this whole time.

So, here we go again.  Hub and I have been in constant (sometimes VERY close 😉) connection since my first negative test on 7/19.  After my rebound positive this morning, he immediately tested: negative.  He may be some medical anomaly worthy of study.  Or his number just isn't up yet.  But if this thing is so contagious that a mere couple of hours of breathing the same indoor air as my son gave it to me, why is Hub, so far, immune?  Who knows?  It's an arbitrary, wily, annoying, confounding, overwhelming, life-sucking little bugger and really wouldn't we all just prefer to talk about sex?

At least, that's the view from here...©

COVID. ME TOO.

It seems ridiculous to even report the "stats" for Covid in the U.S. at this point, but just because it's instructive to do so compared to when I started writing about this over two years ago, here we are:  89.3 million cases of Covid confirmed (far, far more in actuality) resulting in 1.02 million deaths.  This has not been good.

Where to begin?  How to recap?  I simply can't.  Suffice to say my rage and despair over this pandemic only occasionally abates.  I no longer live in fear and dread with heart-thumping anxiety, rather more with unrelenting awareness of being cautious, assessing every encounter outside my home for safety, analyzing my "Covid Risk Budget" to see what I can "spend"on any particular day without going over.  Only one coffee/lunch date a week max.  Rarely see friends so I can "spend" my risk on family.  No need to go to a restaurant unless I can sit outside.  Mask, mask, mask in every store or other indoor venue.  It's a lethal game of Price is Right.

From what I observe, Hub and I are in the vast minority of folks even trying anymore.  Masks are again rare; bars and restaurants and concert and sports venues are full.  Everyone is just "back to normal" except for the fact that the current Omicron Variant ba.5 is the most contagious yet, evading vaccinations and boosters and prior-Covid immunities.  It's running like wildfire through the population with hospitalizations ticking up (especially amongst the ridiculously unvaccinated).  But oh well.  I guess.  No one seems to care.

What I do know is that even when one is on a strict budget, there is a risk of overspending.  We had Son One and his family here for dinner last Saturday.  Monday I got a call that my son had Covid.  By Tuesday evening I did too.  I take responsibility.  I have decided not to mask at family gatherings, which are rare enough that I thought I'd play the odds.  I lost.

Hub had left town Tuesday morning for a long-anticipated solo camping trip to the ocean where there is little to no cell reception.  So he was oblivious to my status, enjoying the pleasures of his vacation while I fought chills, fever, cough, sore throat, runny nose -- all the common symptoms -- home alone.

I knew to get on the phone with the Clinic and ask for the antiviral Paxlovid so at 7:00 a.m. on Wednesday I made the call.  I had to jump through the tele-health hoop of an interview with some doc I never met before, but he approved the prescription and by 10 a.m. I grabbed the meds at the drive-thru pharmacy and I had my first dose on board.  It is early days of that drug, still rather unknown except for the fact that it's 92% effective in keeping people out of the hospital. 

I can't believe it's only been 4 days since my diagnosis.  It feels like 4 weeks.  My whole world got thrown off kilter.  Time seems fluid.  I just lie on the sofa, exhausted and feeling generally unwell, while reading, napping, and compulsively checking my temperature which has bounced between 99-102, although it's been normal for 24 hours now.  I'm grateful not to have been too sick to take care of myself.  I'm doing OK alone.  Lonely.  But OK.  

Given my medical anxiety I would have thought terror would be my primary symptom, but that hasn't been the case.  I have a strange and rare response to all of this of the "que sera sera" variety.  I'm doing all I can do.  I'll either be OK or I won't.  But it's not fun to feel sick.  Not fun at all.

Hub finally was able to retrieve my text from Tuesday as he found cell service a couple days later while kayaking on a lake. We've even managed a couple of phone calls.  He reports he's having a great trip, but worries about me.  He plans to stay there a few extra days to avoid exposure.

By tomorrow evening my 5 days of Paxlovid therapy will be completed.  I'll re-test.  Fingers crossed.

At least, that's the view from here...©