AGEISM ALERT -- ACHES AND PAINS FOR ALL AGES

Thinking again today of what it means to grow older.   Our group of friends who meet monthly had some discussion and poignant sharing about this last weekend.  The youngest of the group are two people in their early 50's; the rest are in our 60's and 70's.  We are not without our (stereotypical for our ages) aches and pains, especially those of us who are older than those 50-something kids.

Amongst us all have been multiple joint replacements, heart issues, aching backs, bursitis in various joints, shoulder surgeries, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, GI distresses, eyesight issues, depression, anxiety, and general malaise.  I'm sure there are other things also going on that haven't come up yet, but will.

I know at times I sound like I am denying the realities of growing older when I rail against the ageism that dictates that advancing age means ill health and mobility limitations.  I don't think those necessarily go hand-in-hand, but I do understand that bodies change and systems don't work as efficiently as they once did.  This is part of the "ages and stages" changes we experience in life.

I also still believe that people of any age can be slowed by injuries and life circumstances and this has nothing to do with age.  Take accidents for example.  I know a guy a bit older than I who was hit by a car while riding  his bicycle and suffered a serious leg injury that kept him sidelined for many months.  This could happen to anyone.

Also, younger people who fall down a flight of stairs, for instance, might also have a "glitch" in their knee four months later and find the pain some days is worse, not better.  (OK.  I might actually have to get an MRI or something to see what's going on in there.)  Also, a person of any age might buy some new boots that seem super comfy in the store, but aren't the best for walking for three days on city sidewalk cement and end up with plantar faciitis that seems to have settled in for the long haul.  (OK.  I might have to do more stretching and icing more consistently.)

Are these age-related or judgement related consequences?  Not sure.   I just know that when I stand up to walk after sitting for awhile I look like I might keel over and I feel, well, old.  Old in the way I've been taught old people are.  But mostly I feel some pain, pain that anyone of any age can feel if they hurt themselves.  Then I don't feel old, just alive to what my body is experiencing.

So, I'm back to thinking that whatever ails us, whether age-related or not, we don't have to cave in to the "I'm getting old" excuse for everything that nags at us.  What does seem to be age-related, though, is the pervasiveness and relentlessness of all those little things adding up.  That gets annoying.  One thing after another....

Hub had his annual physical earlier this month and instead of sailing through with nary a flicker of ill-health, came away instead with referrals to three specialists and an admonishment to keep a close eye on his blood pressure.  There is nothing life-threatening going on -- we call all of the recommendations for further follow-up, "deferred maintenance" -- an old football injury causing a knee problem; old repetitive stress from baseball pitching days causing a shoulder issue.  Both will likely need surgery and will require significant healing time, putting him out of commission for awhile.   He will also join me for more careful attention to his fair skin, starting with a visit to the dermatologist, as well as possibly his first ever prescription medication for him -- to treat that blood pressure.  While none of it was terrible news, it was sobering to him to realize the excellent health he's always had was a gift he took for granted.  He's still more fit than most men his age, but he realizes he may no longer be invincible.  He gets tired.  He gets sore.  He only got to snowboard 30-some days this season instead of the 40+ he'd hoped for.

So, yes, I concede that growing older means all the decisions we made about how we used and treated our bodies when we were younger come back to haunt us.  The extra weight, the sedentary desk job, the wear and tear on joints, the things we ingested, the French Fries and pizza and ice cream, the loud rock concerts, the questionable partners (sex, drugs, and rock n' roll!), the quest for a tan, the shoes with no arch supports, the "forgetting" to floss...it all adds up and comes 'round in surprising ways to remind us of our mortality.

Maybe the gift of growing older is to realize we are not going to live forever and to appreciate every single moment of good health and vitality; appreciate our strength, agility, and balance; appreciate all of our senses working adequately, if not perfectly, and appreciate that no matter what is hurting, we ain't dead yet, so don't count us out.  Don't push us aside.  Don't make fun of us.  Don't assume a weaker body equals a weaker mind.

More damaging than a body betraying us is the idea of being seen as irrelevant.  During our sharing, that seemed to be the thing that brought most grief -- the idea that culture sees older people as stupid, slow, and objects of ridicule or pity.   And that, my friends, is blatant ageism at work.  Don't fall for it.  Resist!

At least, that's the view from here....©

Photo Credit:  www.pixaby.com

AGEISM ALERT -- UNABLE TO CHANGE

I regularly listen to the "talking heads" on TV to get some analysis of the daily news as it pertains to the debacle we call the current presidency.  I wish I'd counted the number of times, and kept track of the sources, when I've heard what I heard yet again on a cable show last night --- this time about the current president's abysmal treatment of women, but often to explain a lot of what he does:  "Well, he's 71 years old; he's not going to change now."

FURY rises up in me.  Why is it that this type of ageism is still an acceptable norm?  Would anyone in this day in age (at least on national TV) explain away behavior by saying, "Well, she's a woman, so what else can you expect?"  Or, "Well, he's black, so I guess we shouldn't have expected any different."  But it's perfectly OK to use age as an excuse for vile behavior?!?

Listen to me.  This president's thoughts, actions, and intentions have nothing to do with age and everything to do with the character of the man.  It's not that he's "too old" to change; it's that he doesn't want to!

This idea of older people being "stuck in their ways" sticks in my craw.  The world is changing at a rapid clip, granted.  It's hard to shift gears and keep up, especially in the realm of technology and information sharing and overload.  But being older doesn't mean we have no capability of embracing change and learning new skills.  (As an aside here, I read an article the other day that posited that the rapidity of technological advances has made "30 the new 50"  -- even 30 year olds are feeling left behind when they look at those only 5-10 years their junior and see those "tech kids" out-inventing and out-performing them in that arena. )

As for formulating ideas, ideologies, and policies; as for seeking introspection and self-knowledge; as as for leaning into loving compassion, more skilled interpersonal communication, and deepening relationships -- what's age got to do with it???

I just about blow a gasket when age is used as an excuse for not changing, for not growing into a more aware human being, for making growing older an easy excuse to explain behaviors.  I especially want to rage when older people ourselves perpetuate this myth of aging by engaging in the self-injurious denigration of older people by saying things like, "I'm too old to learn how to use Facebook" (or Twitter or whatever else).  "I don't go to concerts anymore; that's for young people."  "I've got so many aches and pains...guess I'm getting old."  "It's all downhill from here."  Etc. Etc.

Becoming an older person (which begins at birth, by the way) is not easy.  Every step of the way we are changing and adapting.  At some point we get to make conscious choices about who we want to become and how.  This doesn't end at 50 or 60 or 70 or 80... or ever.

Don't let anyone (most importantly yourself) tell you your age alone defines who you are, what you think, and how you behave.  It's a self-limiting lie.

At least, that's the view from here...©

Photo Credit:  Totem on Facebook -- A local restaurant that gave me the perfect example of ageism in the public sphere.  It's a little hard to read.  In reference to switching to daylight savings time, it says:  "I must be getting old.  When I spring forward I land on my face."

Getting older inevitably means falling down?  This sign is on a busy commercial district thoroughfare; it will be seen and absorbed and likely laughed at by thousands of people and the message will become "truth".