NO MORE EMAIL NOTIFICATION

Hello Friends!  Well, Blogger for some reason is discontinuing the email subscriber notifications on blogs posted on this blogging site beginning in July.  We are all (the bloggers here) scrambling to figure out an alternative.  

Here's the thing...I have so few followers  (and only a couple of regular commenters) and relatively few email subscribers, that I am not sure I am going to prioritize working on this now because I have some other things going on.   (Wow, that sounds pathetic.  It IS disappointing, but I've not really promoted this blog, so there's that, which makes me grateful of any reader who has shown up!)  I have been given some direction about how to  look into setting up mailchimp but have not had time to dive into that technological quagmire.  Tech stuff is not my forte.  

So....if you are seeing this and know me personally, please get in touch with me and maybe we can work something out between us to keep your notifications coming.   I used to send the links monthly to a group of friends who supported my writing.  I can do that again.

If you are someone who has at some point signed up for email notifications but don't know me personally, first...THANKS FOR READING...and second, for now maybe just jot down the blog address and come visit occasionally. 

Once I have a chance to figure this out, I hope to have an email notification of each new post up and running again.  For now, I'm at the mercy of the Blogger platform gods.  

At least that's the view from here...©

EXPLORING SELF-CARE

Self-Care.  The sound of that strikes me like a buzzword from Madison Avenue, selling us the idea that our lives are so stressful that we need to buy something to alleviate the pressure.  Maybe hop on Amazon and do a little shopping.  Or it sounds self-help jargon-y like we should do something to nurture our tender souls, like go get our nails done or have a nice hot cup of tea of an afternoon. 

It's too bad the term has such a trite connotation, because I actually believe it is very important for us to take care of ourselves.  My therapist drilled into me the notion of self-compassion since my inner voice, left to her own devices, is a critical, perfectionistic bitch always harping at me about my failings.  Is self-compassion a form of self-care?  It doesn't really fit with the "take a vacation, get a massage, have a date night, go to the gym" typical advice on self-care.

This topic came up with a group of friends recently and I was flooded with thoughts of my own self-care journey.

Self-Care as Luxury:  I would guess that those in survival mode, for whatever reason (think discrimination, economic insecurity, grief, depression, other mental or physical illness), aren't even using the hoity-toity term "self care" to describe their desperation for relief.  I know, in the past, I had episodes of anxiety and depression where self-care was remaining upright and staying alive.  My nails were a mess and I forgot how to make tea.

Self-Care as Cultural Construct: Is self-care the domain of the elite and privileged?  Or do people from all walks of life worry about how they just don't have time/energy for self-care? What if you are not a person of wealth, maybe from a different culture, finding contentment in a more simple and austere life?  Does that mean you have no stresses, therefore self-care is unnecessary to your overall happiness?  I think we all have a need for some form of caring for ourselves and it's worth figuring out.

Self-Care as Indulgence:  Sometimes self-care can feel like just feeling good in the moment.  We 'deserve' certain pleasures.  There were times in my life when family demands, social demands, work demands, financial demands, long to-do lists and feelings of overwhelm and inadequacy drove me to reach for quick-fix self-care indulgences, both planned and impulsive:  lots of wine, heaping bowls of ice cream, enormous slices of pizza,  every sweet in sight, too many parties, over-working on worthy causes, compulsive reading "for pleasure", dissociative sex, and wallowing in seething resentments (yes, even feeling bad can feel good).  All of that led to putting on 30 pounds of self-loathing.  Oops.  Not self-care.

Self-Care as Distraction:  In the midst of a busy life a "time out", like a vacation, can feel like self-care.  And in fact can be self-care if the stresses truly do drift away and we come home changed.  But for me,  travel can be stressful in itself. The trip cannot save me from myself (I pack all my foibles along with my swimsuit, as it turns out) and often I come home to the same old routine from which I tried to escape. Travel doesn't change what's waiting on the other side.  That's why, in spite of the best intentions, vacation energy so quickly dissipates once real life takes over.  I've had a nice distraction.  Same with TV, movies, books, drugs, you know....the stuff we use to 'escape' but never really deal with that from which we are escaping.

Self-Care as Life: I’ve stopped seeing “self-care” as a compartmentalized set-aside.  I’ve come to see self-care as identifying what’s not working in my day-to-day life and exploring how to change that to make my every day life more how I want it to be so that every moment is a moment of self care — caring enough about myself to take action on my own behalf.

For me lately that means taking care of my body so I can be strong, flexible, and balanced so I can remain physically active and functional for as long as possible.  Is eating sensibly and healthfully or going for a walk or practicing Yoga poses a time set aside for self-care? Or is it just part of how I live my life?

Tending to my psychological and emotional state is important to me. I seek to identify what may be causing upset and explore what I can learn about myself: Why is this thing bugging me? Why do I feel sad/mad/afraid? I gather tools to help me find better insight and greater equanimity. So is spending time seeking information and reading articles and books about one's inner state a self-care activity?  Or is diving into various modalities like Jungian psychology, archetype work, neuroplasticity, the Enneagram; seeking therapy when needed and practicing meditation regularly time for self-care or is it just how I live, incorporating these practices into the whole of my life to ensure I don't get stuck with thoughts, feelings, actions, and consequences I don't want?

For me, tending to relationships is huge because they are so important to me.  So, are having morning "check-ins over coffee" with Hub (often turning into hours long conversations), date days together, weekly family dinners with our adult kids and our grandkids, and coffee with friends acts of self care?  Or is being in relationship with others, including inviting them in closer to my life, or setting appropriate boundaries, backing off and reaching out to honor the needs of all -- and checking in with myself about what is working and what isn't -- just the way I live my life to nurture the connections to people I care about?

I see self-care as integrated into everything I do so that there is a lasting change and a life from which I don't long to seek isolated set-aside moments of "self-care".

I think caring for ourselves is caring enough about ourselves to hold a vision for how we want to live our lives and then taking action on our own behalf to hone that vision into reality.  We are worth the effort.

At least, that's the view from here...©

Photo Credit: pixabay.com

COVID TIMES: DITCH THE MASK? MAYBE

 Let's start with the stark and sobering numbers to-date reflecting the past 16 months:

1. Worldwide Reported Covid Cases: 164 million; Deaths: 3.4 million

2. U.S. Reported Covid Cases: 33 million; Deaths: 587,000

3. Washington State where I live: 426,000 reported cases; 5,700 deaths

4. My county: 37,931 reported cases; 579 deaths

Many of us (I wish I could say it was ALL) took this pandemic very, very seriously.  We followed each update with rapt attention and followed each revised list of protocols we could take to protect ourselves and others.  We stayed home, away from family and friends and community for weeks and then months (Zoom became our lifeline to seeing familiar faces and for work from home connections); we went out only for essentials -- groceries and medications and even some began to have groceries delivered; if we encountered another human, we stayed at least 6 feet from them, not touching and taking a wide berth. With businesses shuttered, we learned to cook again until we discovered take-out and tried to keep struggling restaurants afloat with the occasional order; we learned how to properly wash our hands (warm soapy water for 20 seconds); we had hand sanitizer all over the house and in the car; we wore masks...oh, those masks!

They became a flashpoint of ongoing political division.  The Covid-skeptics were mostly anti-maskers thinking those who wore them were over-reacting to a virus that they said was little more than the common flu.  (They get their M.D. degrees from FOX News.)  From the former president on down through the ranks of his administration and filtering in to his rabid followers, they belligerently refused to wear a mask and ridiculed those of us who did -- those of us following the advice of reputable doctors and scientists as we watched people being rushed to the ICU and/or knew the people who were dying.  Wearing a mask seemed such a simple, commonsense thing to do to protect ourselves, as well as for the common good.  

The common good.  Now there's an ideal that seems quaint in these days of choosing up sides and vociferously defending our positions.  Our country is divided along political, philosophical, and religious lines. Facts are debated as if they have no basis and any errant interpretation or complete dismissal of same is accepted as valid. There is no trust in institutions. Conspiracy theories get indulged at best, taken seriously at worst.  Some days I feel there is no commonalty.  Nor any good.

But here we are anyway.  Scientists kept plugging away in their labs as the rest of us duked it out on the culture wars front in social media and on Cable TV.  They came up with vaccines in record time and once the Biden Administration took over with a plan for distribution, Americans started lining up for the shot.  As more and more people were vaccinated, the numbers of new cases and deaths started to edge downward.  As the vaccines were studied in real life, and not just in clinical trials, doctors saw that they were even more effective than they'd previously hoped!  There was reason for optimism if we could just hold the line a bit longer; just keep those masks on until a majority of people were vaccinated and we could claim some victory over our Covid foe.

Then, last week, the CDC got up one morning and declared: "If  you are fully vaccinated you no longer need to wear a mask!" They indicated that vaccinated people are about 95% safe from this virus infecting us or making us seriously ill or dying.  Well, that's good news!  But those who remain unvaccinated should continue to mask and distance and do all the things -- that includes those unable to be vaccinated for some underlying medical reason, those children under 12 who do not yet qualify until new vaccines are approved for young kids, and those who...yes, refuse the vaccine -- the anti-vaxxers in general and the anti-Covid vaxxers in particular, who believe any number of crazy things including that Microsoft is injecting tracking devices in all of us or some such nonsense.  

The trick now is how to tell the difference from those who are vaccinated from those who are not, because even though the "nots" are to continue to wear masks, we know most won't -- they never did unless forced to by municipal policies that mandated it, like going into stores.  But stores, restaurants, etc are now announcing no more masks, so here we are.  The virus will continue to spread among the unvaccinated and I worry they will pass it on to the innocently vulnerable.  

Plus, it's weird.  The mask had become a symbol of having some modicum of control over the unseen viral enemy.  The mask had become part of our wardrobe, of getting dressed to go out, of telling the world we cared and were in this together (well, some of us). Suddenly to be told all that is over now and we can change the way we've lived and worked and functioned for almost a year and a half leaves some of us feeling confused. The science says our bodies are safe.  Our psychological response may be one of ambivalence, as we integrate the news that we are safe with the emotional familiarity of fear.  And that is OK.  

I think as summer arrives and we become more confident that the virus won't resurge with breakthrough infection of the vaccinated, or move to being more virulent among children, my masking impulse may start to fade.  But for now, baby steps.  

I know some will have mask burning rituals. For some the mask has been a prison, but for some it has taken on the "security blanket" role.  It's hard to have it yanked away like my mom decided to do with my ratty old "blankie" when I was six.  

Still, I have begun leaving my mask in my pocket on my daily walks.  I still wear it when entering public buildings.  My family is now all vaccinated, so we've ditched the mask for family gatherings.  I have taken it off when meeting with 1-2 friends at a time.  I'm considering going to an indoor restaurant just to see how that feels.  

I feel huge gratitude for those who worked so hard and sacrificed so much for us to have gotten to this place at all.  Gratitude to doctors, scientists, and sane politicians who made difficult protective policy. And gratitude to every single person who not only willingly, but eagerly, masked up to protect themselves, and me, and their community.  We might not all be in this together, but enough of us are that all of us will end up being OK.

At least, that's the view from here...©

Photo Credit; pixabay.com

VACATION MUSING

 Continuing my vacation report:

NYC:  I  just love it.  I do.  All the people and skyscrapers and parks and shops and restaurants and activity and diversity and history....all of it. Of course, I am a tourist and I only inhabit the parts of Manhattan that feel safe and welcoming.  As with anywhere, life isn't a vacation and there are challenges and dangers lurking.  Still, my experiences have been positive.  Everyone is friendly and helpful and there is less stigma about mental illness because you can't tell the difference from folks talking to invisible friends from those talking through earpods on their concealed cell phones.  Win-Win!

As I said in the previous post we walked everywhere and saw a lot.  We spent nearly 5 hours just walking to and exploring Central Park before meeting friends for dinner near their apartment on the Upper East Side -- our first indoor restaurant in over a year -- had our temp checked on the way in and tables distanced and separated by plexiglass.   We went to Wall Street to see the Bull and, even better, Fearless Girl.  We went to Hudson Yards, Times Square, walked along the Hudson River Park, along the Highline Trail, to Little Italy and Chinatown, through Tribeca and Greenwich Village and Washington Square.  We saw City Hall and the Courthouse at the Southern District of New York where we hoped smart lawyers were hard at work on some overdue indictments.  Our hotel had a view of the Empire State Building and was close to Bryant Park where we sat people-watching over lunch from take-out stands in the park or from the Whole Foods across the street.  

We visited dozens of public restrooms! Here's my take on those:  not bad!  Someone is doing a good job there.  My only issue, and I offer this Random Acts of Kindness suggestion we should all follow: Leave a tail of fresh TP after you rip off your portion.  So exasperating to sit there spinning and spinning the roll inside those massive stainless steel cylinders trying to find the starting place!  I took to always leaving a fresh tail -- you're welcome.  

DC: I am a Democrat; a liberal; a progressive.  And I am patriotic.  Yes, my gauzy assumptions about our country and what I took to be true (from my privileged white girl perspective, who grew up in the Post-WWII and Cold War American supremacy years) has been good and disavowed over the past 5 years.  But put me in front of the White House and watch me sob like a baby.  

The fences around Lafayette Square, the White House behind barricades and fencing, the Capitol behind fencing, the Supreme Court and the Library of Congress behind fencing....it was all too much for this red, white, and blue lover of history and possibility.  But there you have it.  We have gone through a dark time and it's not over.  The January 6th insurrection was a talking point on the Hop on Hop Off Tour Bus narration we overheard as it passed by.  We visited all the war memorials and statues and monuments as if for the first time, marveling and grieving at what this country has wrought.  It's complicated.  

But DC is a beautiful city and still shines brightly with hope and determination.  We joined in the periphery of a huge march for immigration and citizenship rights and I felt the awesome power of people coming together to demand compassion and justice.  Even if those things are hard to come by these days, I didn't see anyone giving up and I was inspired to keep on.   Our democracy is on shaky ground these days from those who seek power over others rather than the equality of rights we are supposed to represent.   But America is still an ideal worth fighting for.  DC is a monument to that ideal.  

Virginia:  We took a water taxi cruise from DC to Alexandria VA.  We'd never been there.  Very lovely, very historic, very hot, very touristy -- at least where we were.   At one cross street we smelled a very strong odor of natural gas and noticed a cover over an underground access point so we called 911 to report a possible gas leak.  In short order two fire trucks arrived at the intersection presumably to check it out.  Of course we will never know the outcome, but we believe we likely saved Alexandria from a pipeline explosion disaster.  Again, you're welcome.

We also went to Arlington National Cemetery and took a tram tour (two of four people on the whole tram!  Covid Times means no tourists!)  We were able to get off and wander around a bit and came across this grave marker for John Paul Stevens.  But what really caught our eye was the addendum (even though she died first) of his wife.   I wonder if Mrs. Stevens pre-approved her epitaph?  I doubt it.  I told Hub I hope my gravesite will memorialize me as "Beautiful wife and yoga teacher".  That about sums it up, right?

At least, that's the view from here...©

NYC-DC/A-OK

Just got home from a trip.  Those are words I haven't written in over a year!

When I occasionally announced to friends in early January that we were planning a 10-day spring trip to New York City and Washington DC, one friend expressed shock; others' silence indicated an inner judgment was percolating but unspoken.  I was unsure myself.  But we went ahead and booked it, knowing we'd be fully vaccinated by then and that a lot could happen between January and April -- either things would be looking up and all would be well, or we'd cancel the trip, which we were fully prepared to do.  We were diligent in following Covid news, talking to people we know in NYC, and monitoring our own comfort level.  (After January 6, I ended up being more concerned about domestic terrorism than the virus!)

Turns out....no cause for worry.  (Disclaimer: I am 10 days out of NYC and only 5 days home from DC, so I guess some sneaky variant could still be lurking, yet to reveal itself, but all indications are that the vaccines are handing it all effectively, so I feel confident.  Today.)  

Besides, it's not like we went to Arizona or anything, as Son Two did in mid April to attend a buddy's wedding.  He said it was a culture shock; Arizonans seemed to have missed the masking recommendation as well as the physical distancing idea.  Neither were in evidence anywhere.  In spite of being fully vaccinated, he felt so uncomfortable when his old college pals went out to a crowded bar, that he refused to go inside, sipped one beer in the beer garden, and retired early to his B&B.

Things on the East Coast couldn't have been more different.  Masking was a given -- indoors and out -- and we rarely saw anyone unmasked on the streets of New York or DC, ever. We wore our masks all day, every day...much more than at home, since we are literally at home most of the time, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world to do.  Signs everywhere reminded people to mask, distance, and sanitize; hand sanitizing stations were in every lobby, store, restaurant, take-out window, and tourist site.  Physical distancing was easy since there were no crowds anywhere.  Sure, these are big cities so there were people about, but never at any point did I feel the crush of a crowd or the inability to keep as much distance as I wanted.  We had subway cars to ourselves in Manhattan!  We were two of four people on the tour tram at Arlington National Cemetery!

If we were the types who go to fancy (or any) restaurants, wanted to see Broadway shows, visit every museum in both cities, or went in for an exciting "nightlife", we'd have been disappointed.  Much was closed.  But we've done that on previous visits.  This time the intention was to do lots of outdoor sightseeing, walking, eating from take-out menus in parks and in our hotel suite -- back from our daily excursions by 6:00 most of the time and ready to settle in for the evening.  That was exactly what we did.  And we had a blast!  

We walked and walked, putting in 82 miles in 10 days on foot.  Occasionally we'd take a subway to a neighborhood, then walk back to our hotel from there after we finished exploring.  Or sometimes we'd do the whole trip on foot.  Both Manhattan and downtown DC are easily and safely walkable with so much to see that the walking felt almost effortless.

As being a tourist goes, it was a gift to be in these two of my favorite cities before everything opens up again.  I did, however, miss the fun of what I call "New York Fast Walking".  I love to surf my way through the crowded Midtown sidewalks dodging and weaving and moving like a flowing stream around the "boulders" of those going more slowly.  This time, there were so few people I didn't get to do that.  But a more leisurely pace was lovely too.  

It was a memorable Covid Times trip.  I'll have more on-the-ground observations in a future post, such as the strange, sad, hysterical grave marker we saw at Arlington.  

At least, that's the view from here...©

Photo: View from our hotel room