STATS & THOUGHTS

Just gonna do a brief numbers update and talk about how this feels, as if this time and what it brings up for everyone can ever be captured succinctly.  We live on shifting sands these days.

Coronavirus COVID-19 on April 7, 2020 (keeping in mind that testing for this virus is woefully and shamefully unavailable to most Americans, so these are the really sick people who got a test -- not those "presumed" victims whose symptoms were not quite bad enough or who are asymptomatic carriers):

Global cases: 1,390,380
Global deaths: 79,148

U.S. cases:  380,744
U.S. deaths: 11,907

Washington cases:  8,384
Washington deaths: 372

My County cases:  1,522
My County deaths:  55


I remember the first COVID case in the U.S. being discovered here (literally, HERE -- a couple miles from where I write) in late January.  Then more cases, then more, and more....

We did not take it seriously enough at first; we should have.  Warning bells were sounding loud and clear and but I have to think the usual American Exceptionalism was at play -- "Oh, sure.  But not HERE!"  Yes, here.  On the national level the pandemic was ridiculed, ignored, downplayed, mismanaged at every turn by the unqualified yahoos in the current Administration with the Chief Yahoo being the worst culprit, which continues to this day with his daily press briefings which he plays like a campaign rally, talking about his ratings and undermining the scientists he trots out to stand next to him as if they support his nonsense.  They later (especially epidemiology specialist Dr. Tony Fauci) try to walk back the silly words that came from his mouth.

At any rate throughout February we saw that this thing really was coming to America.  By the first week of March, I personally started to get very nervous.  I went to the Y but felt weird about touching anything, went to yoga, but noted how close together the mats were.  We went car shopping and by then no one was shaking hands on the deal.  We hand sanitized and wiped down the steering wheel and door handles on our new Leaf when we left.

On March 7th I decided to start staying home for the most part.  On the 9th I went to a friend's house for coffee then stopped at the grocery store.  That's been about the extent of my social outings in the past 30 days.  On March 13 the governor closed schools, bars, restaurants, put limits on public gatherings; on the 23rd he issued a Stay at Home order; we are only to go out for "essential services" like groceries and medications.  (NOTE: Essential services is a rather loose term -- certain businesses have been given permission to stay open and at times that feels like a value judgement, but whatever...)

Hub gets our groceries every two weeks, gloved and masked, at the "Senior" shopping times at QFC and Costco.  We sanitize the boxes and packages he brings home.

We go for almost daily walks along the Marina trail, wearing masks.  Other than that we stay home.  At least the weather is improving and we are able to be in our yard/garden.  We planted our veggie seeds yesterday.  Gardening is such an act of faith in the future, isn't it?

What does all this feel like to me?  Well, I'm sort of made for staying home.  I love the blank slate of long unstructured, unscheduled days.  As an introvert, I don't need a lot of people time or novel stimulation.  But I miss human touch.  I miss seeing faces in person; picking up all the cues that communication entails beyond a disembodied head on a screen.  I miss the simple ability to go grab a coffee with friends or have our weekly Family Dinners.  I miss my family enormously; miss hugging my granddaughters, with a longing I can barely tolerate.

I notice my moods swing between a sense of peace and freedom, longing and sadness, panic and claustrophobic desperation.  I notice that I am beyond grateful for Hub and that our "troubles" of last year were resolved before all this hit us.  I am grateful to be in a strong, confident, loving place in my marriage; I have the best "partner in isolation" I could have.  I love our long mornings talking over coffee, our afternoon walks, our evening TV show binges.  It's a sweet and special time -- this forced slowed down togetherness.

I am constantly amazed that people speak of being "bored" at home.  I've never been bored; there is always something to explore, if not external busy-ness, then internal reflection.  Letting our minds, hearts, and bodies rest in "nothingness" is a doorway to inner knowing, inner peace.  I intend to walk through it and see what I find.

I notice that some people reach out to friends and family and some don't. I feel abandoned at times and very sad.  I notice that what I always thought to be true of people, institutions, and norms are not really what is true in many cases.  There is a "paper tiger" aspect of seeing behind the facade of "all is well" (government, health care system, financial stability, friendships, family ties).  This is a period of discernment:  What am I learning?  How will I take that knowledge into the rest of my life, when all of this is behind us?   Our world won't be the same post-pandemic, and neither will I.

At least, that's the view from here...©