RESISTANCE REVIEW AND OFF WE GO...

And so 2017 is winding down.  Seems appropriate, as I look back over the year's blog posts here (and also to some extent in the Circling the Mat blog I write about yoga) that I say a few words in reflection about the political shit-show that dominated my life this year.

I'm not going to recount the horrors; it's hard to even keep track and recall them all. Thankfully, Amy Siskind, nationally known author and speaker on girl/woman empowerment,  has done that for us by keeping a weekly list of "not normal" actions by this president and his administration.  It has garnered so much interest and so many followers, that a book, The List, is being published in April about the first year of this presidency and what has occurred in our march toward authoritarianism.  Anyway, yay for her because it is truly important that we not lose track of what has happened to our Republic this year --the eroding of norms and values, the passaged of laws and enactment of policies that prove to be so detrimental to so many Americans.

So, instead of recounting all of that, I've been reflecting on how MY life shifted this year, in response.

Immediately after the election on November 8, 2016, I was in shock and grief.  So many of us were.  Then came the Inauguration and the reality that what had befallen us was not just a fleeing nightmare but our way of life for possibly the next four or more years.  I recall feeling confused, overwhelmed, disoriented and determined.  Determined.  I love that I can recall feeling determined.  It meant that I wasn't free-falling into depression and hopelessness.

Here's a list that evolved over the past year, of actions I took as part of my personal "Resistance" activities.  Almost NONE of this was part of my life prior to 2017.  Now it is all so much like breathing...it just is:

ONLINE AND IN THE WORLD:

1.  Immediately turned to Facebook as a community of sharing, my own thoughts and feelings, as well as finding support and encouragement in our collective shock and resistance.  I feel at times compulsive about posting and I know many must by now just scroll by my daily shares and posts, but many have also told me they look to me to keep them informed and motivated, which is all the encouragement I need to keep it up.  We MUST not be complacent.  We MUST remember that this is "not normal" and we MUST keep fighting for justice.  I find my online presence to be a source of information and a place of community and encouragement, as well as catharsis.

2.  Online I also found support by joining Pantsuit Nation and Resistance Live -- national groups of folks who feel as I do.  I feel not so alone.

3.  Formed a women's "support group" called CARE (Commit, Act, Resist, Enlist) in late 2016 to process our anger and grief.  We met at my home and I tried to push it beyond tears and rage and into activism, but most were not ready for that, so it faded.  I'm thinking of re-invigorating it in 2018.

4.  Participated in the Women's March on January 21st which shockingly turned out to be a worldwide event of historic proportions.  I'm so thankful to have been part of it.  I wrote all about it in earlier blog posts and won't recount, but I can still "see" and "feel" the day in my head and heart as one of my life's highlights.

5.  I, with Hub, participated in the Tax Day (Show Us Your Tax Returns!) and the Science Marches (waving signs at a street corner on Kauai); the Climate March in our town (with 450 others!), and an Anti-Refugee Ban Rally.

ORGANIZATIONAL AFFILIATIONS:
1.  Hub joined 350.org, a climate justice group, and while I haven't attended meetings, I've kept abreast of their activities through him.

2.  We both re-joined Physicians for Social Responsibility, a group we belonged to in the '80s when we were fighting nuclear proliferation, but which has now expanded their scope to climate and economic justice issues.

3.  Hub became a Justice Steward for the Alliance for Jobs and Clean Energy, working to put an initiative on the Washington State ballot for a corporate carbon tax.  We did a Lobby Day together in our state capitol and hosted an organizing meeting at our home.

LOCAL POLITICAL ACTION:
1.  We attended an organizational meeting for a group working to ensure fair City Council representation throughout the various geographic neighborhoods in our growing and ever more sprawling city.

2.  We actively campaigned for and hosted an event for a young City Council candidate with fresh ideas and tons of enthusiasm, as well as for an incumbent with years of experience and expertise in climate issues.

FINANCIAL SUPPORT:
The money we used to give to the church we once attended has been re-directed with generous donations to these organizations:  (*new to us this year)
*ACLU -- ensuring legal action for justice
*Ploughshares Fund --  ending stockpiles of nuclear weapons
*Physicians for Social Responsibility -- working to educate and advocate for climate and economic justice and nuclear de-escalation, with emphasis on health effects of these issues.
Housing Hope -- local housing, childcare, and job training for homeless families
UUSC -- Unitarian Universalist Service Committee -- responding to needs world wide in times of turmoil and natural disaster
*Seattle Globalist -- online publication that focuses on connections between local and global issues
Project Ethiopia -- providing schools/education, safe water/sanitary development in small Ethiopian villages
ANSWER -- sponsoring the education of two charming, bright, amazing children in Nepal
*Climate Reality -- Al Gore's organization, working to educate on the causes and effects of climate change
*Every Town for Gun Safety -- educating on the need for common sense gun safety laws
*Revolutionary Love Project -- Valarie Kaur's organization to promote love and acceptance as a public ethic in media and politics.
Smaller contributions to various other organizations.

PERSONAL COMMITTMENT:
1.  Continued to volunteer at the foster care program where I'd worked for 10 years, supporting the staff who dedicate themselves to serving children in need of out of home placements due to abuse and neglect.

2.  Volunteered in my granddaughter's 1st grade classroom, not only to support her, but to show the other kids, most of whom come from lower socio-economic areas, and racially and ethnically diverse backgrounds, that serving them also serves the community in which we live, embracing the gifts they and their families bring to our city, state, country.

SUPPORT FREE PRESS:
Subscribed to:
New York Times
Washington Post
New Yorker
The Herald (our local paper)
Sent emails of thanks to those media outlets who I felt were upholding the best of the Free Press standards in the face of a constant barrage of vitriol from the current president.

ONLINE AND ON-AIR THOUGHT LEADERS, COMMENTATORS, & JOURNALISTS WHO HAVE KEPT ME INFORMED, MOTIVATED, & SANE.  I TURN TO THEM ALMOST DAILY:
Elizabeth Cronise McLaughlin -- Resistance Live on Facebook
Amy Siskand -- Facebook presence who keeps the list of "not normal" things happening nationally
John Pavlovitz -- Facebook presence, book author, and Liberal Christian minister
Dan Rather -- Storied journalist, historical voice of calm and reason, Facebook presence, and author of great new book "What Unites Us"
Charles Blow -- NYT Op-Ed columnist
Valarie Kaur -- Revolutionary Love founder and dynamic speaker/activist
Chris Hayes --MSNBC anchor, young, bright, fair, insightful
Rachel Maddow -- MSNBC anchor, who will totally get to the bottom of the Russian connection!
Prof. David Domke, University of Washington -- Lecture series on political topics that are fabulous -- did one series online, did one on campus; third on campus starts in January.
Many others...

DEMOCRACY IN ACTION:
Calls/texts/letters/FAXes/Tweets -- almost daily contacts to my own Congressional and State representatives, as well as those in leadership positions nationally who have influence over legislation that effects everyone.  So many issues, coming up so fast, so many calls to action, so many deadlines. There were victories and also defeats, but I've never felt more engaged in patriotism through involvement.  And I never expected to be first-name familiar with the members of the Judiciary and Intelligence committees, nor recall specifically how some Senator or Representative from Montana or Virginia voted on this or that!

I guess I did this blog post as a "note to self" to remind me, when I feel I've not done enough, that  I've done what I can and so have millions of others.  Together the Resistance WILL Prevail.

Let's go, 2018!  We've got this!

At least, that's the view from here...©

DRUNK ON NUTTY LOVE

Do you know any sloppy drunks?  You know, the kind that after a few cocktails get all maudlin and sad and wax philosophic about the human condition, or express their deep and abiding love for you and every other living thing with the utmost sincerity (at least in the moment), as they cling to your hand, hug you too long, or gaze blearily into your skeptical eyes?

That's me at some point over the holidays, but without the booze.  It's short-lived.  Mostly I'm not a fan of the forced intimacy and expected good cheer of Christmas, but there is generally a moment when it all comes into emotional sharp relief and I get drunk on love and gratitude.

And that moment often involves a "visitation" from my mother.  She's been dead for 9 years, but around Christmastime she decides to float on back and hang out with me.  Even as I write this the tears are falling because she is punishing me with her love again.  She is forgiving me for being judgmental, rude at times, dismissive; for taking her for granted.  She is reminding me that she loves me anyway, in that Christlike way of mothers, and that her sacrifices were made from her heart and because she had no other choice.  Love just is.

She's also sort of smug about watching my pity party of longing to sit and talk with her.  "See?  NOW you miss me!  Now you're 67 years old and your "kids" are grown and you worry about them anyway, your grandkids are precious but exhausting, your eyesight is a struggle and for some reason you can't hear your husband quite so clearly as you used to when he turns his head away and keeps talking.  You nod asleep in front of the TV at night and you wake up way too early in the morning.  You try to keep your body healthy, but you share my sugar addiction and losing weight is hard!  The world is moving so fast and sometimes it all seems confusing and overwhelming and you think war, famine, and pestilence are just around the corner, especially with a crazy Republican in the White House!  You think a lot about the past and have some new curiosity about your genealogy.  You realize you are the only one left of your original family and that particular loneliness is completely unexpected. You wish I was around to talk to about all of this.  You wish you could tell me you are sorry for being so impatient with those very same issues when I talked about them.  Well, nope!  I'm dead!"  And she smiles -- with love, wisdom, and bit of quiet self-righteousness.  (She was not an overtly vengeful person, but she could "silent treatment" you into submission.)

So, there's all that and also the memories of Christmases she created, the food, the decorations, the gifts, all the usual family Christmas stuff that she pretty much did single-handedly (see: "taking her for granted" above).   Some of that I've retained, some I've let go.  But I have a deep appreciation for her, for all of it, and I do wish I could tell her so.

The other day I remembered a tiny tradition that I'd nearly completely forgotten over the years.  Mom used to buy mixed shelled nuts.  You see them in bins in the produce section:  almonds, hazelnuts, walnuts, pecans, Brazil nuts.  She had a wooden bowl, the same bowl each time, where she'd put the nuts and the nutcracker and picks.  The bowl sat on the kitchen table and I remember my dad, more than anyone else, sitting in his place at the table, bowl before him, as he cracked and ate with delight.

I don't think my granddaughters have ever seen nuts in the shell, have ever cracked open a nut to find the meaty prize inside.  Today I got Mom's bowl down from the top shelf where it has been ignored for years, filled it with nuts I bought at the grocery store, placed cracker and picks atop the pile, and now it awaits the arrival tonight of the family for our traditional Christmas Eve buffet.

Like those nuts,  Mom and I often bumped up against our unique tough exteriors, but inside there was the reward of dense, sweet substance, different each from the other but still a delight.

If she was here, I'd cry into that bowl, drunk on love.  I guess, actually, that's exactly what I'm doing.  Her spirit is here with me, happy to see me and asking why in the world I didn't bake any Christmas cookies?!?

At least, that's the view from here...©

ALL IS CALM; ALL IS BRIGHT

 Just checking in with my usual Christmas season complaints.....NOT!!!!!

Amazingly I am not pissed, overwhelmed, depressed, or sad.  I feel happy, content, calm, and on top of things.  This is the first time in as long as I can recall that I've been a week into December and not dreading the rest of the month.  Well, last year wasn't too bad either, but this year feels decidedly better.






Tree is up, a few decorations dispersed about, advent candles in line on the mantel, new outdoor lights strung.  The family has drawn names and I've bought my gift for my recipient.  I'm enjoying shopping for our granddaughters.

I took a friend out for her birthday yesterday and she will return the favor for my birthday 11 days from now.  There will be other celebrations with friends and  family to honor my 67th as well.  I make sure my birthday doesn't get buried in Christmas!

We have plans to do an "Ugly Sweater
and Secret Santa" party with friends, will participate in the annual Luminary River Walk hosted by my yoga studio, will have our grand girls for a sleepover so their parents can enjoy a holiday get-away.  We'll do the traditional Christmas Eve buffet and Christmas day gifts and dinner but without Son Two and his girlfriend who will be in California with her family, then when they return, one more family gathering to celebrate with them.  There's a lot going on, but it feels manageable and fun and I'm looking forward to every event!

Is this how "normal" people go about the holiday season?  I had no idea I didn't have to be stressed and depressed!  To what do I attribute this change of mood?  No one thing; probably many.

I'm still delighted that my plunge into severe anxiety/depression two years ago resulted in what seemed to be a life-changing series of visits to a Wonder Woman therapist.  But really, she would be the first to encourage me to say... I am the Wonder Woman for doing the hard work, for upping my Mindfulness and mediation practices, for practicing radical self-acceptance and self-compassion...all of that has helped me live a more settled, grounded, authentic life in relationship to those around me, through all the joys and challenges that life metes out.

I feel healthier than ever with my yoga practice and treadmill walking routine.  I'm eating healthy and sleeping well.  I feel strong and flexible and balanced -- that fall down the stairs notwithstanding -- and even my super impressive bruises are fading.

Things are going well with my "kids", my friends are a refuge for laughter and tears, my husband is my rock and love, my home is cozy and warm....gratefulness seems to play into a rising of spirit as well.

So, let's just mark December 8th as a day when all is calm and all is bright...and everything is alright.

At least, that's the view from here...©