XMAS POST-MORTEM

 Hmmmm.... My relationship with the holiday season remains ambivalent.  Generally I start out strong -- in late November I start to feel the "spirit" a bit, but I tamp it down, knowing I'm peaking way too early.  I actually refuse to put up a tree or decorate at all until the calendar at least turns to December.  But this year, I felt no rush of Christmas spirit at any point preceding Christmas.  I did all the holiday things I still do, which is many fewer than in the past, but it felt more like going through the Christmas motions than really being consumed by a joyful fervor of anticipation.  

Hallmark Movies:  I try to get in the spirit by diving into the Christmas fantasies and lighthearted, mindless entertainments that are these cookie cutter movies with the same plot and often the same actors.  I rate them based on-over-the top decorations, plot originality (hard to come by) and at least somewhat decent scripting and acting (also a crapshoot).  We saw a couple good ones, a few OK ones, some duds.  My winner this year was Hot Frosty.  It hit all the marks, especially original plot - silly but fun.

Decorating:  Yes, Hub hung outdoor garlands, I hauled down my two bins of decorations from the attic (I've donated about 3 more bins of stuff I used to haul out) to place around the house, we put up our tree and Hub hung all his old ornaments, I added a few newer sparkly ones, but none of the old ones we used to collect to reflect something "meaningful" from that year -- they just look tired and no longer hold much magic for me.  The best decorations weren't even ours.  We spent the Solstice going to local light festivals -- a lantern lined river walk in a nearby town, the local arboretum decorated with lights, and an extravaganza of lighting around the ponds at the big casino north of us where over 7 million lights glowed as we walked along the paths covered with light (and crowds).

Sending Cards: Every year the number of cards I've received has dwindled to a handful, and two of the six this year were from our dentist and a realtor.  This year I finally stopped sending cards at all, well, mostly.  I sent two -- to an out of town old friend who I miss and to my cousin who I have not seen since I was a child, but his wife dutifully sends a card every year and I dutifully respond in kind.  I also send e-cards to a group of friends and texts with a family photo to family far away.  I guess those count, but in my mind the old school Christmas card exchange (and letter!)  is one I am sad to see fall away in this digital age.  

Baking:  I don't bake anymore.  I've never been a big baker, but I used to do Christmas cookies.  Now I don't.  We don't need the sugar or the calories.  

Entertaining and Socializing:  We didn't entertain this year.  We were invited to one party, but didn't go.  We went to one performance that was super fun -- Michael Cavanaugh and his band playing Christmas songs.  He tours nationally.  See him sometime if you can; very entertaining.  (We've also seen him do an entire show of Elton John and Billy Joel covers and he's great!  What a fun singalong it was!)  I also loved celebrating with my BFF since we both have December birthdays and we can turn any day (even the worst) into a laugh-fest.  We don't exchange gifts anymore; we are in agreement that we don't need more "stuff", but just keeping this nearly 40 year friendship alive and precious is gift enough.

Gifts:  Speaking of gifts, our family has scaled back gift giving to mostly buying for our "girls" -- the grandkids/nieces.  They get the "big stuff".  Adults bring 'stocking stuffers' for all that are a step above a candy cane or a pair of socks, but still not super extravagant.  We also do a "white elephant" exchange with inexpensive items for all ages that generally end up being games to play or food to eat.  Hub and I have never really given each other that many Christmas gifts -- we generally have made some big joint purchase that "counts" as a Christmas present, as we did this year (details in another post!)  I did feel the spirit briefly as I loaded up and delivered a box of new and very gently used items to donate to our local elementary school for their "Holiday Shop".  Each year, just before the holiday break, all the gifts are displayed and the kids get to "shop" for up to four items to give to their family members.  Volunteers are on hand to wrap them.  We also delivered our homemade jam to neighbors -- an annual ritual that people are polite enough to lead us to believe they appreciate.  LOL

My birthday:  Being a December baby means a childhood of birthdays being "combined" with Christmas.  As an adult, I decided I'm having none of that.  I insist on a separate celebration and any gifts must be wrapped in BD paper, not Santa themed.  And every year Hub and I usually take a pre-Christmas trip during my BD week, which I always look forward to.  This year we went back to one of our fave waterside towns a ferry ride away and stayed two nights, taking long walks on the beach, in the woods, along the town waterfront, shopping, and eating in restaurants, which we don't do often anymore.  I guess I do like that my BD comes at a time when the world is decorated so beautifully.  And I like the Christmas backdrop adding to the birthday fun.  It was hard to believe I'm now 74 years old.  But ho, ho, ho -- it's true.

Family:  We don't cut a tree anymore but we all go the tree farm together and "help" find the perfect tree for others.  We take a group photo and drink hot chocolate by the bonfire.  We usually gather in December for Son 2's BD early in the month, but not this year since he was out of town.  So we did his and mine together at a surprise BD brunch the kids planned for me after our little trip.  That was fun!  We gather at our house on Christmas Eve for our annual buffet of delicious foods and I am so grateful that everyone brings things so it no longer falls on Hub and me to do all the planning, shopping, and prepping.  On Christmas day everyone comes back for leftovers from the buffet, gift opening, puzzles, games, and turkey sandwiches in the evening. We light the last of the Advent Season candles on the mantel in darkness before everyone departs and we call it a wrap on another Christmas.  It's a relaxed, happy time to have everyone here in high spirits, with good cheer, and loving appreciation of each other.  

Having now typed all of this out, I realize that my lack of "spirit" did not translate into actually hating the season, in spite of feeling grumpy at times.  It's just different now.  And after 74 Christmases, things are sure to feel different.  At different ages and stages in life we live each day, including holidays, according to the likes, dislikes, urges, and necessities of each stage.  Now I am in a stage of "downsizing" my holidays.  While it might feel less festive, it also feels less frantic.  And for that I'm grateful.  The expectation that 4-6 weeks of "high spirits" is sustainable is a bit of con job foisted upon us by merchants, mostly.  For me, there were meaningful moments scattered throughout those long weeks and I am grateful I was present and open enough to see and feel them.  

The trick is to keep that opening, that feeling of connection, joy, and celebration going throughout the year, not when it is "dictated" that we "must".  My intention for 2025 is to make peace with Christmas so I can find the promised Christmas Peace all year long.

At least, that's the view from here...©

IT'S DIFFERENT THIS TIME...

OK, fine.  I do have a holiday post in mind, but I have to purge myself of these thoughts first.  Back to politics, but not really politics in the "dirty, smoke-filled back room" way; politics in the way that is a reality of daily life. 

People get all huffy and don't want to "talk politics" and I think that means they don't want an argument or someone trying to convince them of anything or berate them for their political preferences.  Yeah, that gets old fast.  And all those ads.  Nope.  I get it.

But that's really only during election seasons when candidates and issues are trying to get the attention of the electorate.  That is intense.  But politics is actually always, all the time.  Politics is the way we make decisions, the way we negotiate, the way we progress and are heard.  Politics happens at work, at church, in the family.  And most of all in a democracy.  If you want an end to politics, then you are asking for an end to our way of organizing our government.  

It's always been a rough and tumble game and there have always been those who have are in it for their own self-aggrandizement, with little understanding or care for the consequences of their actions; those who have no problem telling outright lies, making misleading statements, doing deals, and forging questionable alliances.  (I won't name names, but I have villians in mind.)  Some people who are in office relish this power game and imagine themselves great leaders.   

But others are in it for more altruistic reasons.  They actually want to work hard, understand the issues, come up with plans, and put up with the compromises they are reluctant but willing to make, to advance the good for the greatest number of people.  They try to be smart, do their homework, understand what is needed and how to get to that goal and try to be honest and fair and in the process.  They are happy when they've won victories for others and may also be proud of themselves in the process.  (I won't name names here either, but I have heroes in mind).

What I'm hearing lately is that many, many people are disappointed in the recent election and are weary, shocked, terrified, cynical, and turning a blind eye to "politics" right now.  OK.  I get it.  It's been a very hard pill to swallow.  It's December.  Let's enjoy the holidays.

But COME BACK soon!  All is not lost.  What I'm also hearing -- and these are the voices I'm listening to -- we are not defeated!  An election we wanted to win was lost.  We don't like it.  We can wish it wasn't this way, but it is.  Radical acceptance of that fact means just facing it and moving forward.   

Last time (2016) we were in shock, in mourning, walking around like zombies with no plan; reacting instead of responding.  Eventually we gathered and marched and learned to organize effectively.  We couldn't stop everything that was happening, but we were able to throw some roadblocks at some of it.  We learned.  We got stronger and more experienced.

This time, I'm seeing, reading, and participating with people and groups who are ready for what's next. What I see and feel is a quiet resolve.  We have the skills honed by trial and error and won't have to spin our wheels to organize.  Incredible national organizations are fully formed. There are many.  I recommend Indivisible, Common Power, and Third Act, all of which I have worked with and/or support.  No one there is ceding anything.  We are not helpless and there is no reason to feel hopeless.  Democracy is not lost; it is damaged and threatened right now, but not lost.  Not yet. 

The incoming president won less than 50% of the popular vote.  In four of the swing states he won,  a Democrat won a Senate seat in those states also.  The margin in the House is one of the slimmest in history.  This was a "soft" win.  Not a mandate nor a landslide as they would want you to believe.  He eked out a win.   

It was a vote against inflation and economic woes more than a vote for him (although overlooking his illegal conduct, cruel policy intentions, and just horrible character for the hope of getting consumer prices to drop was a puzzle to many of us).  This economic concern was reflected the world over where the incumbents facing a post-Covid financial crisis were booted from office.  Once we put our masks away it seems we forgot the immense downstream impacts Covid had on everyone everywhere.  The U.S. economy and jobs growth are the strongest in the world right now, but this didn't show up in cheaper gas and eggs -- for reasons often outside the president's control, by the way -- so out with the old and in with the older.  We'll see: maybe tariffs (which the consumer will pay for) and tax cuts for crony billionaires and corporations really will magically trickle down this time. 

And yes, there is always racism and sexism to factor in his win.  We have work to do.  They are masters of getting people to see a boogey-man where there is none.  They have a right wing media empire to amplify their fear-mongering and finger-pointing and name-calling.  Tragically, people will be hurt by this administration's policies. They have even fewer guardrails this time; the checks and balances the Founding Fathers assumed would reign in a monarch/dictator have been weakened to the point of nearly disappearing.  But nearly is not completely. 

We still have a democracy; we can fight back.  We can slow them down, minimize their "wins",  continue to advocate for all, and demonstrate for everyone what a compassionate, intelligent, and determined opposition looks like.  We become community.  We support each other.  We don't burn out; we take turns.  We don't quit; neither do we lose the joyful spirit of doing the good work of what is right, for continuing to bolster the democracy we cherish.  The real world consequences of their governance will be evident by the 2026 mid-terms.  We aim for that.

One would think I am some Pollyanna type.  I am decidedly not.  I'm generally an anxious worrywart, clutching my half-full cup with the expectation that I'll spill it.  But I absolutely will not allow myself to become despondent (like last time).  There will be hard work, many setbacks, and lots of grief over what's to come.  But there will be no quit.  Just visioning my grandkids' futures is enough to thwart that idea.

Surround yourself with smart, capable, committed activists.  Monitor the click-bait media (yes even MSNBC 😉) for stories that keep you afraid and discouraged and just turn it all off once in a while.  Tap into the strength, experience, and long-game determination of others who have historically been fighting for their freedoms against all odds.  They will show us more privileged people how to do it.  Find your peeps and keep going.  The new year is coming.  My Project 2025 is to stop theirs.  Let's do it!

At least that's the view from here...©

Photo Credit: www.pixabay.com