PROWLER AND MUSINGS

A couple weeks ago at 1:52 a.m. my phone dinged, waking me from a light sleep, with an alert from our security camera showing a man walking up my driveway and around our garage.  What?!?  Then another "ding" and the back camera picked him up on the patio heading for the door that would lead into the house that is well-hidden from anyone's view.  He walked up to the door, looked up at the little row of windows at the top, and immediately turned and left briskly.  I think he saw the 24 hr security monitoring system sticker.  If he'd opened the door, the alarm would have gone off and police would be called.  Nonetheless, my heart was pounding as I dialed 911.  In short order I saw the squad car pull to within a block of our house, lights off; three officers walked toward our house and once at our driveway, three large and bright flashlights illuminated the whole area as they walked around the whole house.  Nothing.  He was gone.

Earplugs firmly in place, Hub slept through the whole thing, including my 911 call.  People ask why I didn't wake him and I don't really know.  He wouldn't have done any more than I already did and I guess I wanted to just handle it.

I'm practicing individuation.  I've had anxiety probably my whole life as I look back on it, but I never used to have the degree of anxiety that I currently do about feeling vulnerable.  I think it's an age and stage thing.  It started with my "fainting out of the blue for no diagnosable reason" spells 8 or so years ago and when I write that I'm stunned I'm still carrying fear of it happening again after all this time.  I just seem to hold onto bad experiences and let them dictate how I live my life sometimes.  The whole reason we have a security system in the first place is because a guy broke into our home in 1985 when I was home alone with my newborn Son One.  No one has broken in since (although apparently we had a very recent close call.) And my fear of flying was from a horrific flight in 1981!  I've had dozens of great flights since, but still I get queasy every time I board a plane.  Sheesh!

Anyway, Hub travels a fair amount, leaving me home alone and every time he's away it's such an effort to remain calm and centered and anxiety-free.  It's exhausting, actually.  And ridiculous.  It's not as if he is some Ninja-trained, Secret Service style 007-skilled security force ready to jump into action as my protector.   He's just a guy who likely would be pretty freaked out too.  He just calms down faster with a rational rather than an emotional response to most things.  So I'm trying harder to handle things on my own, in my own way, cutting him out of the picture as if I'm a single lady, as strong and capable as all the women I know who live alone in what appears to me to be some strange brew of a silly, saavy, sassy, strong, and determined mindset.  I so admire it.

I also disappoint my feminist self and feel I'm not walking my talk if on the one hand I rail against the patriarchy and on the other I'm a wee bit afraid to be alone, which is weird cuz it's mostly men who are the "bad guys" of my nightmares and mostly men who I think can keep me safe.  That dualistic
thinking gets me into trouble.  The patriarchy IS bad and most criminals are men.  And men are also built to have more physical strength and protect-the-hearth hormones.  But the fact remains I feel like a wuss.

I realize I'm just thinking "out loud" on the page here.  Mostly musing about how couples negotiate their lives together.  Thinking about gender roles and how they shift over time.  Thinking about change and how hard it is. Thinking about ages and stages and how shocked I am that there are still growing pains in a body and mind bumping up against 70 years old and in a marriage bumping up against 50 years long.

I will post this, as I always do, hoping a reader will be able to relate and not feel alone with his/her own struggles to be free, safe, in love, and alone.

At least, that's the view from here....©

Photo Credit: www.pixabay.com

POINT. COUNTERPOINT.

How did my life become one of living on a point system?  Earning and spending points has become insidious and obsessive for many.  I am afraid I'm one....

When I shop at a Kroger-owned grocery outlet (there are three locally -- Safeway, Fred Meyer, QFC), I earn gas points to be used at the FM or Safeway gas stations for a discount.  So, of course, those are the stores I most frequent for incidental groceries.  Gas is expensive; discounts help.

For most of our groceries and almost everything else, we shop at Costco.  Hub is a dedicated and joyful Costco shopper.  He goes weekly, preferring "Sample Days" where he darts to each sample station like a starving man in a desert.  It's disconcerting to be with him.  I stand by the cart and check my FB "feed" during his different sort of feeding frenzy.  Costco has a points system of sorts in their partnership with a Citibank Costco credit card which nets a percentage return at the end of the year on annual dollars spent. For us, it's a tidy sum.

Airline miles are also a points program, basically, in that you accumulate miles to spend on a "free" ticket based on miles accumulated in air travel with the various airlines.  We are mostly Alaska flyers, because we like them and because we want our mileage program to accumulate, plus we get that  once a year companion fare thing which gets us to Hawaii each spring for almost 2-for-1 airfare.

Recently we cashed in some miles for an unexpected trip coming up in August.  Hub didn't have quite enough for his fare, so I transferred some of my miles to his account.  It cost $10 per 1000 miles in "transfer fees" which I found ridiculous since I was doing all the work myself, with the transfer happening instantaneously as I completed the transaction.  I guess Alaska has to maintain the software to make this happen, but I gotta think $10/1000 is a hefty premium!  Oh well...such is the system.

Also, we own a week of timeshare in addition to travel points to anywhere we want to go!  We can cash in our week for points and stay longer than a week in Hawaii, or hoard them for awhile and use them later for other destinations.  Recently we discovered we'd kept a stash of points so long they were about to expire, so we quickly planned a stay in Hilton Head -- using our airline miles and our vacation points in combination!  WOW!  Point goals!

My Fitbit is linked to my Medicare Advantage Wellness program and I can earn points toward merchandise or gift cards, from meager ($25 GC) to great (i-Pad!) depending on how many points I've accumulated for exercise and wellness activities (preventative care medical visits) over the year.  I use it all for Amazon Gift Cards!

And of course there's Starbucks.  You accumulate points in the form of "stars".  How many times have I been taken in by my 'double star day'; 'buy three items by Friday to get 50 bonus stars!'; 'play monolopy!' (I draw the line there; I don't even like the board game.)  I've been enticed to buy a lot of coffee to get the occasional free drink which I generally allow Hub to choose for himself because of course I'll get a Venti of whatever is most expensive as my freebie, but I can't drink that much by myself.  I am a little annoyed that Starbucks used to give me anything on the menu for my accumulated 150 stars or whatever, but now they have tiered their points so that you have to earn even more for my favorite Starbucks salad.  I don't have that kind of patience.

The current point program I am most intimate with is Weight Watchers.  I track semi-religiously into the app every food I eat and it adds up my daily and weekly points, with some magic math to take my "activity" efforts into consideration.  It's an easy and doable program and I've lost weight on it, so I like it.  It keeps me semi-honest.  (I might 'forget' to log that extra bowl of popcorn...)

But last week my points programs collided.  Starbucks encouraged my purchase of a Tazo Tea and bakery item to get me a whopping bonus 75 points!  How could I resist?  Plus, how many WW points could that possibly be?  Not that many, right?  I got a Grande Chai Tea latte and a chocolate chip cookie.  Yum!  And I got my bonus points!  But when I logged that little treat later it added up to a whopping 27 WW points, 4 points over my entire daily allotment.  That did not go well; no "blue dot day" for me. (They reward you a little colored-in blue dot on days you stay within your point total.)

When did our lives become a sticker chart of points for good behavior?  Or for retail indulgences?  It's all very math-y for me and I get confused and the points start to duel with each other and I'm left realizing all these points programs are simply a way of controlling behavior and rewarding us for doing what they want.  Like toilet training a toddler -- eventually we learn the behavior even if there is no immediate reward.  Beware, if all point programs disappear and your behavior remains the same, you'll know you are thoroughly trained!

At least, that's the view from here...©