MEDICAL CARE AND A SHOCKING EVENT

The new year means it's time to start again with the cycle of annual medical appointments that I religiously (and gratefully) schedule because I'm determined to do all I can to live well until I die.  One bad day is what I'm shooting for.  LOL  Sort of what we used to say about our dogs.  That last trip to the vet should be their one bad day.  We committed to them that we'd take care of them, helping them to live well, knowing they would slow down with age, but still they would bask in love and gratefulness for what we shared before the inevitable good-bye.  We all deserve that, right?

I've recently rejoined NOOM (weight loss/healthy living/psychological/motivational program) because my good intentions over the holidays did not exactly align with my actual behaviors around candy and cookies. I saw the pounds start to creep up a bit.  NOOM has us write a statement that they call Your Big Picture (YBP) as the ultimate motivational affirmation.  Here's mine (I've changed it a couple of times, but this is the current iteration): "I want to be fit and active as I grow older so I can be fully engaged with life -- with grace, confidence, and vitality."  I like it.  It motivates me to move when I'd rather sit, to pick an apple snack instead of a candy bar, to drink water throughout the day, to be intentional about what and how much I eat.  I'm not perfect, obviously -- those Christmas cookies!  But I try.

It also motivates me to get an annual physical exam, lab screenings, mammograms, audiology screening, eye exams, dermatology appointments for skin checks, dental cleanings every 6 months, and that dreaded colonoscopy when I have to.  I actually LOVE preventative care.  It comforts me to know that to the best of my ability nothing is lying in wait to sneak up on me unawares.  And if they find something awful, we'll hopefully catch it in time to fix it.  I'm currently in the middle of a multi-visit course of treatment with my Physical Therapist for hip and neck pain likely due to my body spending decades holding itself in a crooked posture, compensating for my scoliosis.  Finally all those weak muscles said, "Enough!" and got my attention with chronic pain.  Grrr.  But I'm grateful for my skilled therapist, and I feel better already. 

Still I know, bad things can happen out of the blue:  Here is the first "public" mention of my daughter-in-law's stroke a month ago.  ("Public" meaning the dozen or so people who read this blog.  LOL)  

This absolutely should not happen to the 36 year old, slim, fit, healthy wife of my son and mother to my grandchildren.  On that Sunday, she realized she was not feeling well, had a bad headache, and something weird going on with her eyesight.  On Monday, feeling no better, she left work and got herself to the E.R. (at the urging of the opthamologist she saw first) and immediately started a battery of scans and tests  that revealed a "possible stroke".  We were all shocked.  My son was with her; Hub and I rushed to be with the kids at their house after school, keeping them calm and cared for.

She was admitted to the hospital and over the next 5 days endured ongoing scans and tests and procedures of every possible kind. The stroke was confirmed and then they started trying to determine what had happened and why.  The neurologist told us that in 30% of cases they can't really pinpoint the cause.  This seems to be the case for our daughter-in-law.  They did discover an anomaly with her heart that will need to be repaired soon, but they don't know if this was the cause.  They'll fix it just in case.  In the meantime, she took time off work, trying to adjust to partial eyesight affecting her left side (zero ability to see anything peripherally on that side), can't drive until she takes a simulated test, and is on various mediations and a stroke prevention protocol indefinitely.

Unlike me, who has severe medical anxiety issues, (I would be a basket case of imagined impending doom) she is in remarkably good spirits.  For the past month, she has rested (almost constantly for the first week home from the hospital.)  Then, feeling a bit better, she continues to rest, but also is working at getting used to living normally, but with an eyesight deficit (which may get "better" but likely will not resolve completely.)  She and my son  have spent quality time together at home interspersed with him driving her to all her appointments and errands.  

She talks about not seeing things on her left side, with humor and acceptance.  We all try to make sure to position ourselves so she can see us.  She's practicing doing everyday things to see where she has to compensate.  She has helped choose new kitchen lighting, attended her daughter's school play, has gone on walks with her group of great girlfriends (they are mostly medical professionals, so she's in good hands), went grocery shopping, and visited friends for a Super Bowl party.  

She is grateful for the compassionate support of her bosses and colleagues around time away from her very demanding and stressful career managing two medical clinics.  She has returned this week on a limited schedule and reports things are going well; she's happy to be back. She takes lots of breaks since staring at her computer screen brings on headaches. Her young age and good health make her prognosis excellent for not having a repeat of this event. We are all expecting the best possible outcome. (By the way, please don't reach out to her if you know her...she knows we all care and I think she's trying to get on with life without repeating the story and having people hovering.)   

I have so many friends in my age cohort, where limitations begin to be expected, who spend a lot of time talking about and dealing with health issues.  We all know we can't ward off that last bad day forever.  But we must take whatever action we can to live with gusto, to take care of ourselves, to have intentions for health and vitality, and to be grateful for the longevity that previous generations would not have imagined.  

My daughter-in-law's stroke is even more reason for me not to take even one day for granted.  I honor her by taking care of me.  We all owe it to each other to value every minute of this human life; to have as much health and vitality as possible with our Big Picture, whatever it is, as motivator.

At least, that's the view from here...©

NOT MY VACATION

Here's a lesson learned:  Don't go on someone else's vacation.

Hub is an avid snowboarder.  Some might say an obsessive snowboarder.  I call his winter trips his "snowboard tour".  Totaling up his various trips, he's gone about 4 weeks between January and March.  This has become a bit of a point of contention with us over the years, for many reasons.  I think it's excessive.  He defends with the logic that it's a short season and he has to get a lot of slope days in within a short period of time. I stipulate that I am grateful he's in great shape and has a passion to pursue that brings him such satisfaction.  Sometimes he goes with a group of friends, many times he goes alone.  Until last year...

During one of our many talks about his snowboarding plans, he said I was welcome to come along on his solo trips.  Generally he has preferred to be with other snow enthusiasts or alone.  So, this seemed like a nice offer until I thought about where he goes and where he stays -- smaller "resorts" (basically small towns with a mountain) with nothing for me to do and he often sleeps in the camper.  Uh.  No thanks.  But we decided it would be fun for me to go along to a big resort, to stay in a luxe condo, and enjoy the ski resort apres ski festivities at the end of his snowboarding day.  

So last year we spent a week in Whistler, BC together and it was GREAT!  We both had lots of fun.  The Whistler/Blackcomb Village is large with lots to do -- shops, art galleries, restaurants, a gondola ride to the top where I met him for lunch, and just walking and walking for exercise.  There was a pool, sauna, gym.  Yes, very nice.  So we decided to make it an annual thing for me to go on one of his winter trips.  

This year we chose South Lake Tahoe with a stop in Ashland, Oregon on the way -- a town we have loved for years.  Driving can be challenging in the winter, but the two-day drive was mostly uneventful (traffic, of course, and a bit of glare ice and blowing snow at one stretch) except that I am a Nervous Nelly passenger and didn't have the confidence to drive on two-lane icy roads.  I was trapped in road anxiety much of the time.  I realize that road trips of 6-7 hours a day may be in my past.  I didn't enjoy that many hours in the car.  

Our first destination, Ashland, was fun.  He boarded Mt. Ashland and I wandered around town, full of nostalgia for our many visits there.  (It's a liberal oasis in "red" southern Oregon, home of the annual Shakespeare Festival every summer.  Touristy but not tacky, with a big lovely park in the middle of town to explore.)

At Tahoe our condo was bigger and nicer than I expected so I felt like I'd be very content there.  Hub took off for his first day on the slopes and I headed out to explore the Village.  It took about 20 minutes.  How many kitschy Tahoe emblazoned T-shirts and keychains, etc etc can one look at?  There were outdoor clothing stores for the ski/board crowd, a few alcohol-fueled over-priced restaurants, an ice skating rink (not my thing), and a Starbucks.  I went there.  Plus it was a chilly 8-degrees!

Back in the condo I did some yoga, read my books, crocheted, looked out the window, snacked.  Waited for Hub to return.  He did, late in the afternoon, with bad news.  He'd lost his phone on one of the runs.

Suffice to say, the week went downhill (haha) from there, for me anyway, and partly for him too.  Every day was the same for me.  Six hours of him on the mountain and me trying to not go stir crazy.  He'd come back after his mountain adventures, and we'd deal with the phone issue:  three trips to the Verizon store, hours on the phone with tech support, tracking the UPS delivery of his replacement phone.  We mostly ate in, watched a little TV, and repeated it all the next day.  He loved his days on the mountain, but the phone thing was a major distraction and frustration.  (The day before we left the replacement phone was finally working.)

We did spend a few quality hours together here and there over the week, but we both agreed that this is not a good idea.  Even in a nice resort, it's not MY vacation, it's his.  I don't like being cold, or doing snow sports, and over the years I've lived enough of the "lodge life" for it not to be romantic or cool anymore.  I don't know why I didn't foresee this.  

I was so ready to fly home, as we'd planned.  We drove back to Ashland for a night then I took a 1 hour and 22 minute flight from the nearby airport back home (instead of the 7 hour drive) while Hub had a 5 hour drive to his next mountain in northern Oregon where he met up with friends for another week of snowboarding.  Again, his daily calls/texts tell me he's having a great time.

Me too. I'm so glad to be home.  Lesson learned.

At least, that's the view from here...©