POST-APOCOLYPSE LANDSCAPE

So.  I guess it wasn't a nightmare we will awaken from any time soon.  Many of us are still in this phase of the journey as depicted in Edvard Munch's "The Scream".   It is said Munch meant it as an inwardly heard "scream of nature".  Well, nature should be screaming along with us, given the beliefs and policies of the President-Elect and his assumed Cabinet members about climate change.  (A digression:  I recommend the National Geographic documentary, "Before the Flood".  Beautifully photographed and full of easy to digest science info, if you believe in such things.)

Everyone is reacting in their own ways to the election outcome.  It's only been 5 days and it feels like 5 years of disbelief and grief to me; I'm sort of paralyzed in sadness.  Others have found their fervor for activism and are ready to do battle with all the wrongs he plans to visit upon people who are different or disagree with him.   Good for them!  I'll bring the snacks.

Of course those who voted for him (or didn't vote for President at all, which amounts to the same thing) are happy as clams.  They've been given the "un-PC" go-ahead to act out their worst selves.  Or they have been given hope for a "shake up" that they think will get their jobs back and put money in the bank again or keep those "other" people who are not like "us" out of the country.   They get to feel the self-righteous ardor of those who were willing to sacrifice the good for the perfect.  (Hello Bernie and 3rd Party voters.)  They have all put their faith in a selfish narcissist, a billionaire (if you believe him, but who knows since he won't release any information on his finances) unprepared for leading our country, with only sketchy policies and plans jotted down to "fix it".

Of course what they also got was the pleasure of putting that Bitch in her place.  Don't get me started. Can't even go there yet.

I am incredibly weary.  I am in full-blown grief.  I recognize it.  Been here.  All the stages swirl around except I'm not able to get too far past denial and anger quite yet.  Or tears.  Good god, what  has our country become?  The world is laughing and/or appalled and very worried.   Hillary supporters are stunned and take cold comfort in the fact that she won the popular vote.  More people voted for her than for him; more wanted her as our President. I do take comfort in that.  The Electoral College's intention to save the masses from themselves by not allowing the populace to directly vote for an unsuitable President went off the rails.  Again.

Yesterday I took the drastic measure of signing out of Facebook for the foreseeable future.  I was overwhelming myself and others with the non-stop newsfeed of posts of both outrage and support for those of us who are broken.

It felt good for awhile to connect into communities of people, like Pantsuit Nation, a true phenomenon of Facebook -- a FB group formed by a woman in Maine intended to be a safe place for Hillary supporters to "gather" and share uplifting hopeful stories and encourage each other to action on her behalf.  In only two weeks, by Election Day, it had garnered 2,000,000 members (only allowed in through someone already a member -- word of mouth).  The posts were so hopeful and joyful.   Since Election Day it has grown to over 3,000,000 members, as people find solace and calls to action there.

But soon I became obsessed with seeking out articles and posts that would help me find meaning and uplift and passing them on in 'share' posts.  My sons told me it was over the top; Hub told me I was too constantly online; I know I was quoting "Facebook" as if it was a real thing and not just a bunch of pixels.  A friend and I had a disagreement about how the DNC vs. Bernie Sanders played into this outcome; another told me to back off because she was in such pain and overwhelm she couldn't take it anymore.  Even my good intentions to help those hurting, and to build community together, was having the opposite effect.

I'll admit that only 16 hours into no FB I'm twitching a little bit,  which is likely an indication of the depth of my addiction.  I feel very isolated and alone this morning.  My "FB Tribe" is out there without me, sharing and supporting.  And I don't know the latest this and that cool or abhorrent thing happening in this aftermath.  Well, have another cup of coffee and take a deep breath.

It's come to this:  Last night I was so depressed I was barely functional.  I fell asleep on the sofa for a couple hours, but when I went to bed I was wide awake.  I came back downstairs at 11:30 and sat in the dark.  I decided to meditate and did a series of guided meditations until the wee hours.  I got hungry and made my favorite healthy treat -- blueberries, vanilla yogurt, walnuts, and cinnamon.  But the berries were too tart, so I added a teaspoon of sugar.  The yogurt was too sour, so I shot a dollop of whipped cream over the top.   I already had a bad taste in my mouth...I had to find a way to sweeten my existence even if only in a small bowl of comfort.  I finally fell asleep on the sofa at 3:30, up at 6:45.

It's just like that now.

At least, that's the view from here...©

ELECTION NIGHT SHOCK

It wasn't supposed to turn out like this.  I believe my successful mindfulness therapeutic practice of the past few months has over-compensated for my old anxiety/depression worry-wart default system.  I never once considered Hillary Clinton would lose.  Even when I made myself imagine it, I'd almost laugh and say, "Are you kidding?  No.  He could never be the president."  Except she lost and he is.

As a result, I and those I love and respect are in mourning today.  Stunned, shocked, frightened, angry, and sad, sad, sad -- for us, for our country, for our future.

Everyone is deconstructing.  What went wrong?  How could every single poll have been so far off the mark?  Who voted for him?  Who didn't vote for her?  How in the God's great world does someone as vile and angry and hateful as him become the President of the United States of America in the 21st Century?

I can posit my own answers and quote the experts.  It doesn't really matter.  For me what matters is feeling this grief to the depths of my being for as long as I have to in order to cleanse myself of the deep wounding of this experience so I can move on.

I posted this on FB early this morning:

A lesson I haven't learned yet has come 'round again. Do not attach to outcome. Do not put faith in institutions, or people's ability to reach for the highest good. This is not the country I have loved. The depth of my anger and sadness is limitless in this moment. I cannot hear, see, say, or feel anything positive right now. It all sounds like another bullshit way to try to trick me into caring again. Not yet. Gonna see how small and insular I can make my life. My sphere of influence is minuscule anyway. Our country just made a dark, hateful choice. I am broken.  

Later I wrote a much abbreviated but similar comment on someone else's FB page.  This was a comment I got:  "Donna, if you no longer love our country then please move.  I'm sick and tired of all the negativity, hate, finger-pointing, etc.  It needs to stop....."

She goes on to tell me how much she hates President Obama but she "sucked it up" and supported him for 8 years and I/we should do the same with the new president....or else, I guess.  Of course I clicked on her profile -- lots of Christian stuff.  OK, no comment.  Wait. One comment -- Christian compassion anyone?  Also, no appreciation for irony:  sick of negativity, hate, and finger-pointing?  Hello Mr. President-Elect!

Her easy remedy for removing me from her sphere by shoving me out of my country actually amused and motivated me.  I got off the sofa, out from under my blanket, dried my tears and sought Hub out to share this exchange.  I actually laughed.  I've been told to leave before -- at a time when I was working on a local political issue with which many in the community disagreed.  I got hate calls.  Often telling me to move to Russia, but that was in the 80's.  I guess our new president is chummy with Russia these days.  Anyway, getting their adversaries to leave is their go-to diatribe.

So that's how my day has gone.  What feels broken to me is my faith in humanity and the notion that people will ultimately do good.  Also gone for now: My love of politics.  My sense of hope.  My joyful exuberance over the process itself.

Late this afternoon I posted this on FB:

I'm trying. I've talked, meditated, written, yelled, sobbed for hours. I watched Hillary's speech and then Barack's, with Kumbayah playing in the backgournd. I read a zillion articles about the hows and whys and what to do about its. 

One theme among my friends and others is that Love Wins. Love will prevail. We must all join together in love, open our hearts to love, be the love. Blah, blah, blah. Not there yet. Not feeling the love. 

Do I understand those who felt ignored and disenfranchised by the powerful and the elite? Do I understand the depth of their shame and pain and anger? Yes,because I grew up in a Midwestern rural blue collar manufacturing town surrounded by cornfields. 

And because I'm a woman. I have some experience with disenfranchisement, another example of it happening last night when a supremely horrific man defeated a supremely qualified woman for the presidency. 

I get that some wellspring of anger fueled the white vote; I don't get (and never will) the willful decision to ignore (or worse, embrace) his dangerous, disgusting behaviors and beliefs, his total vacancy of any policy that would address the complex needs of workers or the world, in order to inflict this man on all of us. Maybe once I can get a handle on that, love will find a way.

But for now, still broken-hearted.

At least, that's the view from here...©

MY STORY OF SHAME

Every time he pointed his finger at her and said, "You should be ashamed of yourself" (which was multiple times), I cringed and my heart sank like a stone.  I felt myself folding in on my myself, like a child punished for a wrong I barely understood or never even committed.  Shame.  What a powerful and destructive emotion to carry.

Last night's Presidential Debate was a spectacle unprecedented in American politics, as were the events leading up to it.  History can record (it's all on video) the onslaught of disgusting and reprehensible words of the Republican candidate for president in 2016 throughout this campaign.  I won't repeat the litany.  But last Friday, a videotape was released wherein he uses vulgar language about women and boasts about his conquests, saying "when you're a star, you can do anything."   He admitted to being a sexual predator and committing assault.  Of course, now he says he never did it, it was just "locker room banter."  His big defense is to accuse President Bill Clinton (who's own sexual escapades were litigated 20 years ago) of doing much worse, and then showed up at the debate with women who have accused Bill Clinton of assault to throw Hillary off her game.  Classy move.  Punishing Hillary for what her husband did.  Yes, women need to take responsibility and be punished for the behavior of their partners, I forgot.

All of this has brought up a long-buried incident in my own life.  I was 25, working at the medical center where Hub was in medical school.  My boss, 22 years my senior, was a renowned professor, foreign-born, urbane, and demanding (but with a smarmy smile that belied his cruelty).  I was a secretary; actually I was more like a "clerk", my immediate supervisor was the secretary.  I made coffee and typed and answered phones.    I thought myself mature and savvy; but I was no match for him and looking back I see I was naive and timid.   

He often had me come into his office to "take dictation", but he spent a lot of time critiquing me, trying to help me be more sophisticated.  He offered suggestions on clothing, make up, hair, and one time he told me not to move my face so much because it would create wrinkles.  He asked personal questions about my marriage and offered helpful hints for a "good relationship".  I listened uncomfortably, tried to laugh it off (without moving my face) and was relieved when I was excused to go back to my desk.  (Think "Mad Men" -- those were the days when this type of thing was commonplace and not "reportable".)  

One day he asked if I would be a participant in a study he was doing on a new type of stethoscope.  I said I would.  He stood up and locked his door, so we wouldn't be interrupted and he could concentrate, he said.  He then proceeded to lean in and listen to my heart, so close to my face I could smell and feel his breath on me.  Then he said he needed to test it on the femoral artery.  This is located in the groin area.  Why I didn't run from that room then and there is a mystery to me.  I felt trapped.  I felt intimidated and I felt like I would NOT behave like a scared rabbit.  I was trying to be strong.  He asked me to lower my slacks just a bit so he could access the area.  I did.  He asked me to slouch down in my chair.  I did.  He placed the stethoscope just so and listened, taking notes on a yellow legal pad.  Then he said he had what he wanted and told me I could go.

I was shaken.  I was sick to my stomach.  I did tell my supervisor and she was sympathetic, but helpless to do anything.  We agreed I didn't have to go to his office alone anymore and she would run interference for me.  (Some time later, she told me the study was legit and he got other subjects to participate, but no part of the process involved the femoral artery.)

Not long afterward he insisted on taking me out to lunch at a fancy restaurant in downtown Chicago to thank me for a project I'd completed for him.  I don't know why I agreed to go; maybe to not let him intimidate me; maybe to try to overcome the shame I felt in his presence.  I had toughened up with him and likely felt I could "handle" him at this point.  So I went.  Lunch was fine, although he criticized the outfit I chose to wear that day.  Afterward he said he had taken a room at a hotel for the weekend to get some work done away from his family and he needed to pick up some paperwork there to take back to the office.  I was trapped.  Once in the room, he lay down on the bed and encouraged me to sit near him.  I refused.  He told me he loved me, over and over.   I told him he was crazy and I wanted to leave.  He reached out to touch me, and I rebuked him.  I told him I would scream if he tried to touch me again.  He became angry, told me I was acting like a child.  He grabbed his briefcase and headed for the door.  I followed.  In the taxi ride back to the office I ignored him, wouldn't answer his questions, or respond to his benign comments.  He acted as if nothing had happened.  Finally, in anger, he told me I should thank him, because now I knew the depth of my commitment to my marriage, having been "tested".  

I told my supervisor and another doctor in the department who I liked and trusted, a good man.  But he did nothing.  Within a month I left to go to work in another department for a kind, respectful, and caring doctor who I still admire to this day.  

Shame.  Writing about this (I've actually only told a handful of people about these incidents since they happened around 1975) makes me so sad for that naive young woman, so sad for there being no place to go with my story at the time.  Was I a willing participant?  I guess so...if an older man in a position of power taking advantage of an obviously naive young woman defines "willing".  I relate to Monica Lewinsky in this regard, so yeah, Bill was definitely an asshole in that respect.  I've heard she's felt ashamed too of her naivety.  Shame makes you want to hide.  Shame makes you hate yourself for who you are, not what you've done, or what was done to you.  It's soul destroying.

So, when a 59 year old man (his age when the video was made in 2005) says the things he said about women he's tried to seduce and/or grope without their consent, that is a man who objectifies, feels entitled, and is absolutely unrepentant and uncaring.  He is a shame-making machine.  He is dangerous.  And he is running for president of the United States.  If there is shame to be felt, I wish it would start with him.  But it won't.  In fact, he shamelessly trotted out women (who he was using for his own means) to humiliate Hillary and then pointed the "shame on you" finger at her.

Too many women have stories like mine to tell.  Every woman has been objectified in some way at some time.  All women must rise up and keep fighting this fucking shit.  Vote as if your life depended on it.

At least, that's the view from here...©

POLITICS THIS YEAR: IT AIN'T PRETTY AND I'M MAD AS HELL

I've been told I am fairly articulate.  Generally I can express myself just fine; can access my emotions, identify the whys and wherefores of them and relate them intelligently in conversation.  I've been told I can write fairly well on a good day.

So, here it is, past mid-September, and I've not written a word in this blog about what's "up" for me almost every day, because for the life of me I cannot find words to express the roiling emotions I'm feeling over this political season.

I wrote that last sentence and sat here for 3-4 minutes full of sadness, anger, rage, despair, hope, more rage....words floated through my head in rapid succession, none of them making any rational sense.  I'm relating to my 18 month old granddaughter who tries valiantly to communicate with us, but some days just dissolves into tantrums of frustration.  That's me with this Presidential race.

I've said it before here; I love presidential election years.  I find the process stimulating, exciting, informative, and yes, even fun.  And I'm royally pissed that this year, when I should be over the moon excited about the prospect of perhaps electing our first woman president, who happens to be the most qualified candidate for president ever running for the office, instead I am inundated with the daily, drip, drip, drip water torture of enduring the outrageous antics of her opponent, a despicable human being who is the most unqualified person to ever run for the office and who according to some polls is running neck and neck with Hillary Clinton.  (See what I mean?  That's an example of terrible run-on sentence construction, but I can't even care enough to fix it because I'm so emotional right now.  Aaarrrgggg!)

I can't even enumerate the zillions of ways in which his vulgar, racist, sexist, misogynist, multi-phobic narcissistic lies have permeated the discussion and how somehow his outrageous statements and behaviors have not disqualified him from running.  I have lost any modicum of respect I may have had for a Republican Party to have nominated him; it's a national disgrace.   The news media is fixated on him because of the train wreck he is and train wrecks are good for ratings.  I have started to turn it all off.  I can't watch as any semblance of rationality goes up in flames as the false sense of equivalence between the two candidates continues to be bandied about as if it is in any way real.  It's not.

I know Hillary has her haters; she has a 40 year history of very visible public service and has made some questionable decisions at times.  She's been pragmatic when falling on an idealist's sword may have been the more popular choice.  Sometimes I have disagreed with her; sometimes I have agreed; sometimes I have seen the compromises she has made to move forward an inch, if not a mile, knowing there is a roadblock at mile-marker .75.  Gain a little or lose it all; these are not the kinds of compromises many on the Left like to see.

I also know she is judged for being a woman -- the sexism and discrimination are both overt and subtle.  She has had to be tough to make it in a "man's world", then gets criticized for being "cold", "aloof".  When she reveals her softer side, she is accused of being inauthentic and calculating.  Doesn't smile enough; smiles too much; bad hair day; stupid pantsuits; errant husband -- all her fault.  She's labeled as dishonest and untrustworthy because not everything she's touched has turned out golden.  Not one investigation has turned up wrongdoing or illegality on her part, but the framing of her as "crooked" has become real even though there is no proof for the moniker.  Almost no one is talking about her lifetime of working for the common good (for women and children, for working families) both in the limelight and behind the scenes, quietly doing the dull and tedious policy work it takes to make a difference in people's lives.

It INFURIATES me and awakens the sleeping Angry Feminist within me to see us fighting the same old shitty battles for equality right on the cusp of making a major breakthrough.   And even if she wins, that won't be the end of it -- not by a long-shot. If the right wing has had to stonewall and question the validity of our first African-American president, I'm sure they will just continue on with disparaging the first woman president.

For the first time in my life I've lost faith in the "greater angels" of what is right and good to win the day in politics and policy.  I've lived long enough to ride out some terrible presidents and terrible policy decisions, but always believed that if someone truly dangerous rose to the top, that person would be stopped; that even those with whom I disagree politically had the ultimate best interests of American at heart, even if I thought their tactics to get there were flawed.  I no longer believe that.  If this year's Republican candidate is elected, it will reveal a horrific and terrifying turn away from everything I believe this country stands for.  His campaign has already revealed an ugliness that has  given voice and power to millions of bigoted Americans and has exposed them for what they truly are.  It has hit me over the head with the fact that progressive, liberal, open-hearted values of equality and fairness are far from the national reality right now.

How anyone can support him, even if they believe the lies about Hillary or just disagree with some of her policy proposals, is beyond my ability to comprehend.  How anyone can look at the despicable things he has said and done throughout his life, and say, "Yes, this is the man I want for President; the man I want to represent me on the world stage; the man I want to hold the safety and security of my family in his hands." is appalling to me.

It's disturbing to recognize how this man's hate-filled, selfish rhetoric has brought out MY shadow side as well.  At times I feel equal hatred for him and what he stands for as his supporters must feel toward me.  I completely have lost respect for his supporters.  Even if they cherry-pick the one or two issues he has touted that they agree with, there is no leaving behind the totality of what he is and that is what they would be voting into office.  I cannot understand, or respect, the thinking of someone who could do that.  Maybe in some way his disrespectful rhetoric has made me so angry that I've stopped trying to be so compassionate and understanding of another's views and just call it out:  I believe political leanings represent a person's world view and value system.  If he's your man, I don't think you and I have a value system in common.

I know this is a bummer blog post.  It's not funny and I may have offended some people; I don't know.  But here's what I do know.  This year's election is no laughing matter.  The Republican candidate by definition is deplorable and dangerous.  I won't be silent.  I won't pretend there is parity between the two candidates.  I won't watch the degradation of our political system without speaking up, without mourning, without at least trying to give voice to my inarticulate emotions.

November 8th will come and we shall see.  I have to believe there are not enough people who think and behave like him to elect the Republican.  I sincerely hope not.  So, when Hillary wins, I will celebrate for many reasons -- relief that this horrible campaign is over,  a candidate with whom I agree on most issues has won the presidency, the most qualified candidate in history has won the presidency, a woman has won the presidency -- and a lunatic has been put in place back in his vulgar tower of wealth and self-aggrandizement.  But I know it won't be smooth-sailing.  We've seen the near collapse of the two-party system.  Both the right and the left are mad as hell and ain't gonna take it anymore.  Change is coming.  I just hope it's change we can all survive.

At least, that's the view from here...©

IT'S PARTY TIME FOR POLS

I hardly know where to begin.  I'm in turns restless and impatient, dismayed and agitated, excited and joyful.  Hopeful and bereft.  And sometimes just crazy happy.  I'm trying to breathe through it all and BE HERE NOW, but damn!  It's hard.

Every four years I become obsessed with presidential politics.  I'm a presidential campaign junkie.  I watch all the debates in the primaries (OK, this campaign I skipped some of the R debates, because really, that was just torture).  I devour news and opinion.  I tune in to primary night results.  I listen to the pundits.  I scroll Facebook and news sources.  I get invested.  By the time summer and the conventions come along, I'm in so deep I can barely keep afloat.

Every night last week I tuned in to the Republican National Convention.  I knew I would disagree with much of what was said, but I was curious about their perspective and the hows and whys of our differing world view.  Holy Shit!  Armageddon over there at the RNC!  The United States, in their view, is a dystopian landscape of violence, death, destruction, anger, hatred.  Who are those people?  How can they deny actual facts and spin a web of fantasy that is based on nothing but pumped up fear and the desire to have a strongman (strawman) save them from people like me?  It was startling.  Their presidential nominee has been labeled a racist and narcissist with not one iota of experience in elected office, yet he declared in his speech that only he can fix the world they are so afraid of... and they cheered him!  This, after chanting over the course of the week in true mob mentality fashion, "Lock her up!" about the Democratic nominee for president.  Yes, that's one way to deal with your adversaries.  Not really what our democracy is about, but then the word "fascist" hasn't been tossed in his direction for nothing.

In the party I support, the Democrats, we've had our own brouhaha what with Socialist/Independent Senator Bernie Sanders suddenly becoming a Democrat to run for president and then decrying the primary process the Dems have in place for choosing the nominee.  He struck a chord, hit a nerve, revved up the disaffected on the Left and used his bully pulpit to push the Dems leftward and good for him for that.  But in the process he denigrated the true Democratic candidate, Hillary Clinton, effectively undermining her to the point that now that he has lost the nomination and is trying to get his troops to line up behind her, they've gone AWOL and on Monday even booed him when he called for unity.   Their intractable ideology is looking just as whacked out as those on the far right.  Comedian Sarah Silverman, a Bernie supporter, even took them to task during her convention appearance with one of my favorite (and ad-libbed) lines of the convention so far:  "Bernie or Bust people -- you are being ridiculous!"  Golly this is fun!

I know I am biased, but ask anyone who is an expert on conventions and they will tell you the RNC was a hot mess.  Nobody knew how to run a convention and it was a bit crazy and chaotic.  No big name Republicans agreed to speak or even attend, and even the entertainers were washed up third rate oldies who ranted a good rant, but really, who cares?

The Dems have run theirs, the first two nights this week, like clockwork and all the biggies are out to support Hillary.  On Monday Michelle Obama gave a speech for the ages (ask anyone, even the sensible R's say she rocked it), along with inspirational Cory Booker, firebrand Elizabeth Warren, and Bernie himself finally stopped with his Ego Trip and gave his full-throated support to Hillary.  (I don't dislike the man at all; he just annoyed me a lot.  I hope he is an important voice in the Senate with Warren).  Last night Bill took the stage and did his Bill thing.  I have some quibbles with the speech, but overall he bragged Hillary up and gave us an insider's view of the absolutely life-long dedication she has shown (not in front of cameras or on the national stage) to helping others and moving our country forward.  Tonight the trifecta of Joe Biden, Barack Obama, and Tim Kaine (VP nominee) will all speak.  Tomorrow Chelsea will introduce Hillary.  In contrast to the doom and gloom at the RNC, the DNC is upbeat, positive, hopeful, and reveling in the slogan "Stronger Together".  Yes, our side gets silly trying to out-Liberal each other at times, but I love our diversity and our can-do spirit and the knowledge that we really are all in this together.  We are not looking for a "daddy" to fix it.  We got this.

So, I don't know where I'm going with this except to say, every four years I get caught up in the excitement.  I lose sleep over polls and worry about the ups and downs of the race.  I pray nothing will derail my candidate (hello email scandal) and I lament that the other side is often so mean, with this year proving to be worse, with the meanest SOB yet as their standard-bearer.

I also get overwhelmed with patriotism.  I reflect on our democracy and the history of our country and I weep with gratitude that, warts and all, we have maintained this grand experiment for 240 years.  Other countries still want to be us.  The least we can do is be aware, involved, and engaged in this process. At the very least, we must  realize what a privilege we have; one that should never be thrown away or taken for granted -- just ask anyone who has lived under a repressive regime.

The next few months will be a roller coaster ride.  But also a time to play catch up if you are not as tuned in to politics as some.  Time to listen, read, ask questions.   Be informed.  Think critically.   And get ready to cast your vote on November 8th.  People have died to protect your right to do so.  Don't diss them by not caring.

At least, that's the view from here...©

POLITICAL ILL WILL

Oh, the bashing!   Our Presidential Primary season is way too long.  People have far too much opportunity to build to a state of near hysteria.  I try not to engage in much back and forth on social media -- no one ever convinced anyone with a heated argument full of emotion, half-truths, outright lies, or even facts or figures in that medium.  Mostly people like to post to get the kudos of those already singing their song or to incite an argument, for what reason I have no idea.

I've stuck my head above the firing line a few times to express my support of Hillary.  It's dangerous out there.  I'm mostly lying low and waiting for her nomination to be confirmed and then I'm all in and eager to work for her.  Is this cowardly?  I trouble myself sometimes thinking so.  But with the electorate (read, "my friends") so polarized, I can't make any headway with changing hearts and minds now anyway.  The Bernie contingent will not hear or believe anything other than what he says and I can only hope that when he finally steps aside he will encourage them to vote for her regardless of the hatred he is helping to whip up now.

I was involved in a huge local issue about 30 years ago.  A Navy Base was proposed for our waterfront, displacing local industries and effectively claiming prime development real estate and inhibiting access to this jewel of a natural setting for the public to use.  Oh, and there was also the little problem of parking a nuclear powered aircraft carrier and its nuclear weapons on the edge of our downtown business district and residential neighborhoods.  Some of us didn't think this plan was one we could embrace and saw it as the "pork barrel politics" it was.  We formed a citizen's coalition that showed up at every public meeting to question the Defense Department and local politicians about these issues of grave concern as well as others.   The "other side" whipped up a lot of resistance to our questioning, called us Communists, anti-American, and unpatriotic.  I'd get phone calls from strangers encouraging me to "Move to Russia, where you belong, bitch!"  I was the chairperson of the committee and one of several visible spokespersons interviewed on TV and in the paper, so I guess I should have expected the calls.  Thank god this was before social media!  I just changed my number and was out from under that harassment.  This went on and on and, of course, the base is now here and so far hasn't blown anyone up.

The point is, it seems to be the way of things to vilify the enemy in ways that are antithetical to reasonable, respectful, compassionate regard for someone of a different opinion.  During the height of my dismay about the threats aimed at me, a local pol who was "on our side" counseled me to let it roll off my back.  His retort was, "It's only politics", as in, this is part of the game; don't take it personally.   I guess that's how some people view it.  I found it scary and hurtful; thin-skinned I guess.

Hillary has had it all thrown at her for her whole career.  She can take it.  For now, I just try to walk the middle ground and throw people off by the display of bumper stickers on my car:  Hillary 2016 (evil witch of a woman); Namaste (peacenik Bernie lover); Seattle Seahawks (violent sports fan).  That should cover all the assumptions people make about me as they wait at the stoplight studying my rear window -- wondering what kind of multiple personality disordered person was able to get a driver's license in this town!

At least, that's the view from here...©

IT WAS INEVITABLE -- POLITICS 2016

I've been steering clear of political discussions this election season.   So contentious!  And demoralizing!  But it was inevitable that at some point I'd start to write about it.  (Stop Reading Now if You Are a Conservative Republican...you won't like this post.)

I'm not going to deconstruct what has happened with the parties and their standard-bearers so far.  I'm actually not all that well-informed about the minutia, as I may have been in past Presidential election years.   I've been watching mostly from the sidelines, reading the occasional article, catching most of the the so-called "debates" and Town Hall Meetings, and seeing the ubiquitous partisan Facebook posts.  I do believe I have the main talking points for each candidate down.

God knows I won't be supporting any of the Republican candidates who I find to be mostly terrifying and diametrically opposed to all I hold dear.  Our values do not align.  At all.  Plus, what can one say about The Donald?  His seemingly successful candidacy as the R frontrunner is such a demoralizing degradation of our political system that I fear for the health of the Republic.  (See?  I told you you wouldn't like this.)

That leaves me with either "Feel the Bern" or "Hill Yes!" which, in turn, leaves me in an unfamiliar and rather squirmy position.  I have never been a true-blue Hillary gal.  Like many, I often have found her to be too politically cautious, too politically expedient.  I parted company with my feminist cadre of friends in 2008 and jumped early and completely into the Obama camp and never looked back.  If he could run again, my response would be the same.  But he can't, so here we are.

Bernie is the Progressive darling of the political left and according to many of my friends, the Second Coming of the Christ, he is so pure of spirit and intention.  Never mind that he hasn't even been a Democrat until relatively recently, having been mostly a local boy done good as an Independent from a chilly and homogeneous Northeastern state which prides itself on irascibility.  The thing is, his "revolution" talk has caught fire  with the "kids" and idealistic left-leaners of all ages.  Plus, he does seem to display a consistency of values and has "walking the talk" to his credit.  I like that.  A lot.

And yet....I don't know how this will play out nationally when push comes to shove in Ohio and Pennsylvania and Michigan and the like.  I'm a Midwest girl from a conservative mostly rural area of northern Illinois.  I KNOW those folks.  They are mostly Republicans or moderate Democrats.  Bernie is not Moderate.  I just don't believe his Progressive momentum will carry the day in areas where people are more than a little skeptical of his list of Liberal bonafides.  Moderate Dems will lean right, not left.

What I like is that his candidacy has pushed Hillary to the left a bit.  She has had to ditch her knee-jerk caution and come out with some positions she might have considered too risky without his nudge.  Is she just being politically savvy?  I don't think so.  I think she says what she believes and not all of it is popular with either side of the Left/Right divide.  Do I agree with everything she says?  No.  But, I'm with Hillary this time.

Unfortunately, being with Hillary puts me on the outs with people I love, many, if not most of whom, are completely enamored with Bernie and truly believe he is the inspired leader of the Uprising of the People.  I believe he has said some very important things and has pointed out some very ingrained problems and hypocracies.  I just don't think shouting about it and being able to fix it are the same thing.  What we will all need to do is clean house in Congress to really get anything to change.  How many Bernie or Hillary supporters are willing to work their butts off for down-ticket races that will put new faces in the Capital building?  Remains to be seen.

Hillary is pragmatic and that's where she and I align.  I am a realist when it comes to the glacial pace of change.  And I have learned in my own life that the person in leadership can't do anything unless those further down the pecking order are with him/her.  One can hold a vision all day long of how things "should" be.  How they are, however, takes a cool-headed pragmatist to admit and then start to chip away at what can be changed little by little over over a long, long time.   Compromises must be made -- not always palatable and not always successfully -- to move the behemoth that is our government forward.

Am I being a pessimist or a realist?  Have I lost my youthful enthusiasms for movements?  Have I become a cynical and jaundiced old fart?  Well, I don't know.  I'm just trusting my gut on this one and I will be happy to be proved wrong if Bernie gets the nomination and wins the Presidency.  I just doubt that will happen.

The other thing I have to admit, but by no means is this the reason I support her -- it's just a happy add-on -- is that Hillary, in spite of having to play like the boys in a good old boys sport, is a woman.  I don't have that many election cycles left to see a woman president.  I'd like to see one -- one from my party.  And I do admit my feminist ire has been raised by the double standard that she is up against.  I admire her gumption to just keep fighting her way to holding an office that is so masculine-centric that for some people the very thought of a woman in the Oval is anathema to Americana.  Sheesh!  Get over it!

I'm watching a lecture series on the 2016 election that is available online presented by the Chair of the Communications Department of the University of Washington.  http://www.washington.edu/alumni/election16/    His last installment was a discussion of Politics and Gender and he outlines very clearly that candidates in presidential campaigns are in the business of emasculating their opponents.   Hillary has a double whammy, since she starts out with those scary girl-parts already and must prove her "masculine mettle" while still demonstrating her feminine side which should be at all times compassionate and comforting and sort of nice (and not shrill -- girls can't yell and flail their arms around like boys can.)  That she should have to walk that tightrope at all just makes me hopping mad.

Well, I'll stop now because I can imagine I might write more political posts between now and November.  So, like I say, if you don't like the Dems, I know you won't like my politics.  But I hope you might still like me.  I'm really nice; I don't yell.

At least, that's the view from here....©