ELECTION NIGHT SHOCK

It wasn't supposed to turn out like this.  I believe my successful mindfulness therapeutic practice of the past few months has over-compensated for my old anxiety/depression worry-wart default system.  I never once considered Hillary Clinton would lose.  Even when I made myself imagine it, I'd almost laugh and say, "Are you kidding?  No.  He could never be the president."  Except she lost and he is.

As a result, I and those I love and respect are in mourning today.  Stunned, shocked, frightened, angry, and sad, sad, sad -- for us, for our country, for our future.

Everyone is deconstructing.  What went wrong?  How could every single poll have been so far off the mark?  Who voted for him?  Who didn't vote for her?  How in the God's great world does someone as vile and angry and hateful as him become the President of the United States of America in the 21st Century?

I can posit my own answers and quote the experts.  It doesn't really matter.  For me what matters is feeling this grief to the depths of my being for as long as I have to in order to cleanse myself of the deep wounding of this experience so I can move on.

I posted this on FB early this morning:

A lesson I haven't learned yet has come 'round again. Do not attach to outcome. Do not put faith in institutions, or people's ability to reach for the highest good. This is not the country I have loved. The depth of my anger and sadness is limitless in this moment. I cannot hear, see, say, or feel anything positive right now. It all sounds like another bullshit way to try to trick me into caring again. Not yet. Gonna see how small and insular I can make my life. My sphere of influence is minuscule anyway. Our country just made a dark, hateful choice. I am broken.  

Later I wrote a much abbreviated but similar comment on someone else's FB page.  This was a comment I got:  "Donna, if you no longer love our country then please move.  I'm sick and tired of all the negativity, hate, finger-pointing, etc.  It needs to stop....."

She goes on to tell me how much she hates President Obama but she "sucked it up" and supported him for 8 years and I/we should do the same with the new president....or else, I guess.  Of course I clicked on her profile -- lots of Christian stuff.  OK, no comment.  Wait. One comment -- Christian compassion anyone?  Also, no appreciation for irony:  sick of negativity, hate, and finger-pointing?  Hello Mr. President-Elect!

Her easy remedy for removing me from her sphere by shoving me out of my country actually amused and motivated me.  I got off the sofa, out from under my blanket, dried my tears and sought Hub out to share this exchange.  I actually laughed.  I've been told to leave before -- at a time when I was working on a local political issue with which many in the community disagreed.  I got hate calls.  Often telling me to move to Russia, but that was in the 80's.  I guess our new president is chummy with Russia these days.  Anyway, getting their adversaries to leave is their go-to diatribe.

So that's how my day has gone.  What feels broken to me is my faith in humanity and the notion that people will ultimately do good.  Also gone for now: My love of politics.  My sense of hope.  My joyful exuberance over the process itself.

Late this afternoon I posted this on FB:

I'm trying. I've talked, meditated, written, yelled, sobbed for hours. I watched Hillary's speech and then Barack's, with Kumbayah playing in the backgournd. I read a zillion articles about the hows and whys and what to do about its. 

One theme among my friends and others is that Love Wins. Love will prevail. We must all join together in love, open our hearts to love, be the love. Blah, blah, blah. Not there yet. Not feeling the love. 

Do I understand those who felt ignored and disenfranchised by the powerful and the elite? Do I understand the depth of their shame and pain and anger? Yes,because I grew up in a Midwestern rural blue collar manufacturing town surrounded by cornfields. 

And because I'm a woman. I have some experience with disenfranchisement, another example of it happening last night when a supremely horrific man defeated a supremely qualified woman for the presidency. 

I get that some wellspring of anger fueled the white vote; I don't get (and never will) the willful decision to ignore (or worse, embrace) his dangerous, disgusting behaviors and beliefs, his total vacancy of any policy that would address the complex needs of workers or the world, in order to inflict this man on all of us. Maybe once I can get a handle on that, love will find a way.

But for now, still broken-hearted.

At least, that's the view from here...©

IT WAS INEVITABLE -- POLITICS 2016

I've been steering clear of political discussions this election season.   So contentious!  And demoralizing!  But it was inevitable that at some point I'd start to write about it.  (Stop Reading Now if You Are a Conservative Republican...you won't like this post.)

I'm not going to deconstruct what has happened with the parties and their standard-bearers so far.  I'm actually not all that well-informed about the minutia, as I may have been in past Presidential election years.   I've been watching mostly from the sidelines, reading the occasional article, catching most of the the so-called "debates" and Town Hall Meetings, and seeing the ubiquitous partisan Facebook posts.  I do believe I have the main talking points for each candidate down.

God knows I won't be supporting any of the Republican candidates who I find to be mostly terrifying and diametrically opposed to all I hold dear.  Our values do not align.  At all.  Plus, what can one say about The Donald?  His seemingly successful candidacy as the R frontrunner is such a demoralizing degradation of our political system that I fear for the health of the Republic.  (See?  I told you you wouldn't like this.)

That leaves me with either "Feel the Bern" or "Hill Yes!" which, in turn, leaves me in an unfamiliar and rather squirmy position.  I have never been a true-blue Hillary gal.  Like many, I often have found her to be too politically cautious, too politically expedient.  I parted company with my feminist cadre of friends in 2008 and jumped early and completely into the Obama camp and never looked back.  If he could run again, my response would be the same.  But he can't, so here we are.

Bernie is the Progressive darling of the political left and according to many of my friends, the Second Coming of the Christ, he is so pure of spirit and intention.  Never mind that he hasn't even been a Democrat until relatively recently, having been mostly a local boy done good as an Independent from a chilly and homogeneous Northeastern state which prides itself on irascibility.  The thing is, his "revolution" talk has caught fire  with the "kids" and idealistic left-leaners of all ages.  Plus, he does seem to display a consistency of values and has "walking the talk" to his credit.  I like that.  A lot.

And yet....I don't know how this will play out nationally when push comes to shove in Ohio and Pennsylvania and Michigan and the like.  I'm a Midwest girl from a conservative mostly rural area of northern Illinois.  I KNOW those folks.  They are mostly Republicans or moderate Democrats.  Bernie is not Moderate.  I just don't believe his Progressive momentum will carry the day in areas where people are more than a little skeptical of his list of Liberal bonafides.  Moderate Dems will lean right, not left.

What I like is that his candidacy has pushed Hillary to the left a bit.  She has had to ditch her knee-jerk caution and come out with some positions she might have considered too risky without his nudge.  Is she just being politically savvy?  I don't think so.  I think she says what she believes and not all of it is popular with either side of the Left/Right divide.  Do I agree with everything she says?  No.  But, I'm with Hillary this time.

Unfortunately, being with Hillary puts me on the outs with people I love, many, if not most of whom, are completely enamored with Bernie and truly believe he is the inspired leader of the Uprising of the People.  I believe he has said some very important things and has pointed out some very ingrained problems and hypocracies.  I just don't think shouting about it and being able to fix it are the same thing.  What we will all need to do is clean house in Congress to really get anything to change.  How many Bernie or Hillary supporters are willing to work their butts off for down-ticket races that will put new faces in the Capital building?  Remains to be seen.

Hillary is pragmatic and that's where she and I align.  I am a realist when it comes to the glacial pace of change.  And I have learned in my own life that the person in leadership can't do anything unless those further down the pecking order are with him/her.  One can hold a vision all day long of how things "should" be.  How they are, however, takes a cool-headed pragmatist to admit and then start to chip away at what can be changed little by little over over a long, long time.   Compromises must be made -- not always palatable and not always successfully -- to move the behemoth that is our government forward.

Am I being a pessimist or a realist?  Have I lost my youthful enthusiasms for movements?  Have I become a cynical and jaundiced old fart?  Well, I don't know.  I'm just trusting my gut on this one and I will be happy to be proved wrong if Bernie gets the nomination and wins the Presidency.  I just doubt that will happen.

The other thing I have to admit, but by no means is this the reason I support her -- it's just a happy add-on -- is that Hillary, in spite of having to play like the boys in a good old boys sport, is a woman.  I don't have that many election cycles left to see a woman president.  I'd like to see one -- one from my party.  And I do admit my feminist ire has been raised by the double standard that she is up against.  I admire her gumption to just keep fighting her way to holding an office that is so masculine-centric that for some people the very thought of a woman in the Oval is anathema to Americana.  Sheesh!  Get over it!

I'm watching a lecture series on the 2016 election that is available online presented by the Chair of the Communications Department of the University of Washington.  http://www.washington.edu/alumni/election16/    His last installment was a discussion of Politics and Gender and he outlines very clearly that candidates in presidential campaigns are in the business of emasculating their opponents.   Hillary has a double whammy, since she starts out with those scary girl-parts already and must prove her "masculine mettle" while still demonstrating her feminine side which should be at all times compassionate and comforting and sort of nice (and not shrill -- girls can't yell and flail their arms around like boys can.)  That she should have to walk that tightrope at all just makes me hopping mad.

Well, I'll stop now because I can imagine I might write more political posts between now and November.  So, like I say, if you don't like the Dems, I know you won't like my politics.  But I hope you might still like me.  I'm really nice; I don't yell.

At least, that's the view from here....©

MONEY CAN'T BUY ME GOV

It's over.  Most of the people I know are happy, relieved, and hopeful again.  No one is gloating.  For all of the vitriol that was flung this way and that, it seems no one really wants to live that way.  There are scores of Facebook posts, blog entries, op-ed pieces all calling for unity and an end to lies, distortions, and blame.  Can't we all get along?  I guess time will tell.

As for me, I think the president was re-elected due to my silent 3-day Obamathon on Facebook.  I had every intention of backing off political posts when it got to the point that people were begging for it to stop in general.  But no one could really stop.  I thought, "I can!"   Yet I couldn't either.  But I also saw no reason to continue to post the obvious with charts, graphs, outrageous quotes, reasonable lines of thinking....it had all been said ad nauseum.  So I took to posting different photos of President Obama every few hours for 3 days pre-election day, with the status update, "Obamathon".  Many of my FB friends thought it was great and I got lots of "Likes".  Son-Two, however, threatened to "un-friend" me (he is the "not political" one in our family).  It was fun to just silently and visually state my support for President Obama, over and over, like a FB mantra.

Election night was sort of stunning.  Many are stating it more eloquently than I, but basically....Holy Shit!  Romney got 61% of the white vote.  He lost.  Our politicians can no longer play the "race card" and expect to win.  (Take that! you who made attempts at voter suppression in swing states with large non-white populations, and those who want Hispanics to "self-deport").   Women surged in the Senate -- including an openly lesbian woman (Take that! all of you with the stupid talk about what is and isn't rape, and what is and isn't equal pay, and what is and isn't a woman's right to choose, and what is and isn't "natural").  Bazillions of dollars and distortions and outright lies were hurled back in the faces of those who were cynical enough to believe that a majority of Americans would allow buying and lying to win an American presidential election.

In 2008 I was elated beyond any sort of reasonableness that Barack Obama won the presidency.  I remember sobbing almost uncontrollably when it was announced, so happy was I to have witnessed it. In 2012, I was more quietly happy, shedding some tears, but mostly relieved, rapidly commenting on FB and answering texts with friends across the nation as we had watched "together" via our now ubiquitous internet connections.  It is only now, a couple of days later, that I feel a swell of pride.  I feel that sense of patriotism that always brings a lump to my throat when I realize, again, that good people will do the right thing and that our system, no matter how battered and broken, will prevail.

I know that millions of people who voted for Romney and embrace that world view are feeling bereft.  But even so, their fight will continue to be a war of words, protected under our constitution; there is no threat of military insurrection in our democracy.  We will continue to disagree and that is a good thing, if done with civility.  Because we are sick to death of name-calling, conspiracy theories, and lies.  My hope, my prayer, my mantra is that this election has shown that "we the people" want to move forward with leadership that is steady, focused, compassionate, and inclusive.

At least, that's the view from here....©

"We believe in a generous America, in a compassionate America, in a tolerant America.. . . What makes America exceptional are the bonds that hold together the most diverse nation on Earth, the belief that our destiny is shared -- that this country only works when we accept certain obligations to one another and to future generations.”  -- Barack Obama 11/6/12

THE SACRAMENT

We are 11 days away from the 2012 Presidential election.  Everybody is pretty much sick of politics at this point.  Me included, even though presidential election years are like Mardi Gras to me.  Spectacle, tradition, ritual, absurdity, and at base deeply important – even “religious”.  I treat voting like a Sacrament.

Our state has gone to an all mail-in ballot voting system, which I really dislike.  I LOVED going to the polls on Election Day.  It was high school civics class come to life.  My polling place was the local elementary school where my boys were students.  I saw familiar kids, teachers, neighbors, and poll-workers – a true sense of community.  I loved being handed my ballot and walking to the booth to cast my votes amid the hubbub of activity around me in the school cafeteria.  It reminded me why I was voting at all.  I loved getting my “I VOTED” sticker, which I wore proudly the rest of the day, like ashes on my forehead.

Now I have a different voting experience.  My ballot arrives in the mail about 2 weeks before the election.  I don’t open it until the day I set aside for voting.  At that point I sit at the dining room table with my Voter’s Pamphlet and a cup of coffee.  I become quiet, focused, and intent on making my final decisions.  I might read once more about each initiative, the “for” and “against” arguments.  I might read once more the candidates statements.  And then I draw my line next to the name of the one I’ve chosen to vote for with great care, ensuring the black line is neither too thin nor too thick.  I feel like the altar guild ladies preparing for communion.  Everything just so.  Because I want to be sure my vote will count – no errors.  Then I put the ballot in the envelope and sign my name carefully where indicated and drive to the post office to mail it.  I absolutely don’t trust leaving it at my door for the mail carrier to pick up.  I must see it slide into the slot of the huge mail box outside the post office, left there by my own hand.  Amen.

This may sound seriously neurotic.  To me it feels seriously patriotic.  Voting is a right, a responsibility, and above all, a privilege.  I think it is the most amazing thing, this representative form of government of ours.  It’s broken now, I know that.  Money, lies, betrayals, “fixes”, apathy, cynicism…it’s all in stark evidence this year.  That makes me sad for our country, for our democracy.  But I won’t give up.  I still believe my vote counts.  The only way we lose this grand experiment, this model of democracy that people in other lands are literally dying to emulate, is to stop voting.

My vote is my prayer of thanks for those who fought so that I’d have this privilege – our nation’s founders, the soldiers who fought for independence and freedom, the women who marched and were jailed and tortured to win me, their sister, the right to cast a ballot alongside men, the Freedom Riders who stood shoulder to shoulder with their brothers and sisters to desegregate the south and eventually win the right to vote for all.  Our history is about preserving – and serving – this big, messy, majestic United States of America.

My vote is also my prayer for hope for the future.  It really does matter who is in the White House and what that person’s vision and leadership will manifest.  It really does matter who is in the Legislature and whether their positions on issues (that will become the laws we must all obey) are those which will benefit all Americans.  It really does matter who sits on the Supreme Court and is the final arbiter of dispute, interpretation, and enactment of those laws.

How can we do anything less than to cast a vote for those who are most likely to embrace the inherent humanity of every American and set policy that will respect, uplift, and benefit every citizen?  How can we do anything less than to take this right seriously, cast our vote joyfully, and shout “Halleluja!” on Election Day? 

At least, that’s the view from here…©

STEPFORD SISTER-WIFE

I only meant to tune in briefly.  Just a glimpse.  I knew I wouldn't like what I'd hear.  But curiosity overcame common sense.  And I am practicing equanimity.  I thought this might be a good test.

There she was, Ann Romney, resplendent in patriotic red.  Matching lipstick.  Perfectly coiffed blonde hair.  She talked about the early days of their head-over-heels-in-love courtship and of how they just couldn't wait to get married.  They moved into a basement apartment and used a door on sawhorses for a desk and an ironing board for a dinner table.  Who can't relate to those kinds of "we were just a couple of crazy kids" tales?

It went on....and on....and on....the humble beginnings, the hard work, the rise to prominence.  She said her husband had never been handed success.  Unless you count the help they got from Mitt's daddy, who "ran a car company".  (Not exactly the Ford dealership on the edge of town, however; more like American Motor Company in Detroit).  I guess Mitt and Ann were The American Dream come true.

Just like us.  My dad worked in a textile factory for 40 years, dying cloth to exacting color specifications, often coming home with the after-effects of chemical exposure that created respiratory issues most of his life.  My mom worked as a seamstress in a factory making Formfit bras (rows and rows of women at sewing machines) until she was able to go to beauty school and open a little shop in a converted porch in our home.  Hub's parents were schoolteachers in the Lutheran Parochial School system, serving at "God's calling" for His love, certainly not money.  I went to work in an office just out of high school, not going to college until I was 23 years old and then only part-time while I worked to support us as Hub continued his education.  Hub worked his way through college loading and driving moving vans on weekends and school vacations.  We grew up and started our married life humble and struggling, just like the Romney's.

"Neither one of us had a job, because Mitt had enough of an investment from stock that we could sell off a little at a time," Ann Romney said in an interview with the Boston Globe when Mr. Romney was running for the Senate.  "We had no income except the stock we were chipping away at.  We were living on the edge, not entertaining."  (She didn't mention this hardship in her convention speech.)

So, while the "facts" of her marriage biography may be subject to investigation, she did come across as a woman who at least knew how to relate (pander, some said) to other women. She did raise all those boys (with help, no doubt, and money, and status and private schools....) and seemed to at least be conversant with the joys and sorrows a mom experiences.   So I listened and tried to keep an open mind with a compassionate heart.

Ann Romney is doing what she was raised to do:  be a wife, a mother, a grandmother, hold the family together, support her husband, work tirelessly for her Mormon faith, look good, love her country, and assume success is a "given" for everyone who tries hard.  She is who she is.  I accept that.  (And she says one of her favorite TV shows is "Modern Family"!  Mine too!  I bet her favorite characters are the gay couple, Mitchell and Cam and their little girl Lily!  I'm sure she sees in this portrayal that allowing real couples/parents like them to marry would be the only loving and sensible thing to do!)

After the speech, I turned the TV off and thought no more about any of the Republicans at their convention.

But I woke up the next day full of enthusiastic energy for homemaking!!!!  This is a VERY uncharacteristic thing for me to do.  Hub does 95% of the cooking around our house.  I haven't baked anything in over 2 years.  I have been crocheting lately, but mostly so I don't feel so badly about watching TV; it's OK if I'm multi-tasking.  But the day after the speech, I got up and made a batch of blueberry muffins (FROM SCRATCH!), a bowl of egg salad, and 6 pints of raspberry freezer jam -- by 10:30 a.m.!  Then I cleaned off my desk, paid a stack of bills, balanced my checkbook, did a couple loads of laundry, learned a new crochet stitch by making a 10" x 10" dishcloth, prepared supper, took muffins and jam to Son-One's family, came home and finished a scarf that had been in the bottom of my yarn basket since last winter, and watched a little TV with Hub before going to bed at 10:00.  WHAT??????

A friend suggested there was but one wifely duty still to be performed....Let's just say Hub is in a state of shock and wonders where he can get his hands on a DVD of that speech.

As for me...a warning:  DO NOT LOOK INTO ANN ROMNEY'S EYES!  She will take possession of your soul and turn you into a perfectly groomed, muffin-bakin', jam-makin' Stepford Sister-Wife! (Mitt?  Noooooo.......)

At least, that's the view from here....©

POLITICIANS: THEY ARE NOT ALL THE SAME

The pendulum of the Republican party has swung so far right, it's liable to knock us all out cold on its inevitable swing back.

A sadly misinformed politician from Missouri (Rep. Todd Akin, R.) has created a shitstorm of controversy with his recent comment, to the effect that "legitimate rape" can't result in pregnancy because a woman's body will "shut down" if attacked in this way and won't allow fertilization.  This, to justify a ban on abortion even in cases of rape or incest (which has just been included in the draft of the official Republican party platform).  It also helpfully explains, I guess, that if pregnancy did occur in cases of rape, well, it just wasn't "legitimate"... as in she secretly wanted to have sex at knifepoint?  I need further clarification on that.

Mr. Akin is not the only one who thinks this way.  I saw on a news show the other night a piece detailing how this line of thinking (and speaking it out loud!) about rape not resulting in pregnancy goes back at least three decades amongst (male) politicians, all Republicans from the south (I don't blame the south, but they do seem to have a disproportionate number of dipshit politicians.)

You can tell my ire has been raised.  I have worked so hard to let so many things go.  I'm practicing compassion, lovingkindness, "nowness".  So, this political season is a challenging teacher for me. It's  hard to let go of the outcome of this election, because I believe politics really do matter and that politicians are not "all the same" as some disillusioned in the electorate like to lament.

There is a busload of Catholic nuns who are criss-crossing the country to educate and protest the "Ryan Budget" as immoral in its draconian measures to cut funding for programs that help the poor and the working poor, who are drowning in spite of treading water as fast as they can.  I thought, at first,  "Who is this Paul Ryan guy and that budget of his will never pass anyway."  Well, the Republican nominee, Mitt Romney, just chose Ryan as his running mate.  Even though Romney changes his tune to sing whatever song his audience of the day wants to hear, at least we now know what he really believes.  Ryan's views are well-documented and consistent.

I've seen a lot of elections -- some of which went the way I wanted, and some didn't.  But really, none made me truly fearful, even though I was not happy with cowboys or paranoids in the Oval Office.  This being a democracy, I believed reasonable people would ultimately demand responsible leaders.  Now I'm not so sure.

The "good guys" of the Republican Party seem to have abandoned ship.  They've handed it over to right wing politicos who appeal to what I thought was a minority, but who now have been given a great deal of power.  Or at least the power to take over the debate and somehow drag others along with them.  And to enact laws aimed at ensuring Republican-leaning districts in some states will have an unfair advantage over those who traditionally vote for Democrats -- the young, poor, and/or elderly would be most affected -- by requiring a government issued ID to get their hands on a ballot.  (My own mother would have been denied a vote if she had lived in one of these districts).

This year we have a billionaire Republican nominee who will say anything he thinks you want to hear to get elected.  He has chosen a running mate who is the darling of the far right.  Both of them will reward the excesses of the rich at the expense of the middle class and the poor.

And we have the incumbent, a pragmatic and perhaps over-reaching, but well-intentioned President who swept into office on a wave of "Yes We Can" only to realize, "no you can't" if the other party sees as Job One personally vilifying our President and thwarting absolutely any legislation he proposes--the American people be damned--then blaming him for "doing nothing".  Talk about a Catch-22!

I believe that having an intelligent, articulate, principled black man in the White House who embraces diversity across the board, inclusive of ethnicity, race, class, gender, and even divergent ideas, has created such fear and aversion that an ultra-conservative uprising of unhinged classism, racism, and sexism was perhaps inevitable.  What I didn't see coming was how the rest of the Republican party would stand for it.  There must be some who are appalled, embarrassed, outraged.  But will they express this dismay by switching parties in the privacy of the voting booth?

Don't know. Hope so.

Because I still want to believe that my country, which I dearly love, will not abandon the very democratic, egalitarian principles we so fondly espouse to uphold.

(Here's a clip from an Aaron Sorkin-written TV show; so the bias is obvious, but the points are factual and well made, even if he went a bit far at the end in my judgement.  He's entitled to his opinion...we do still have freedom of speech here (even money "talks").

http://front.moveon.org/what-we-already-knew-about-the-tea-party-and-the-newsroom-finally-said-out-loud/#.UD024cIjA8g.facebook

And, sisters, if men like Todd Akin continue to think they can tell women how our bodies work and what's best for us politically, and we let them do so by not standing up for our own truth, then we do not honor the sacrifices of the women who worked to ensure we have a voice in this election, or any other.

At least, that's the view from here....©

Read this easy abbreviated history lesson about women's voting rights: http://www.pbskids.org/wayback/civilrights/features_suffrage.html
Also, watch this "Hollywood-ized", but factually accurate portrayal of the fight for the vote:  Iron Jawed Angels 2004-HBO Movies (Netflix has it).