POLITICS THIS YEAR: IT AIN'T PRETTY AND I'M MAD AS HELL

I've been told I am fairly articulate.  Generally I can express myself just fine; can access my emotions, identify the whys and wherefores of them and relate them intelligently in conversation.  I've been told I can write fairly well on a good day.

So, here it is, past mid-September, and I've not written a word in this blog about what's "up" for me almost every day, because for the life of me I cannot find words to express the roiling emotions I'm feeling over this political season.

I wrote that last sentence and sat here for 3-4 minutes full of sadness, anger, rage, despair, hope, more rage....words floated through my head in rapid succession, none of them making any rational sense.  I'm relating to my 18 month old granddaughter who tries valiantly to communicate with us, but some days just dissolves into tantrums of frustration.  That's me with this Presidential race.

I've said it before here; I love presidential election years.  I find the process stimulating, exciting, informative, and yes, even fun.  And I'm royally pissed that this year, when I should be over the moon excited about the prospect of perhaps electing our first woman president, who happens to be the most qualified candidate for president ever running for the office, instead I am inundated with the daily, drip, drip, drip water torture of enduring the outrageous antics of her opponent, a despicable human being who is the most unqualified person to ever run for the office and who according to some polls is running neck and neck with Hillary Clinton.  (See what I mean?  That's an example of terrible run-on sentence construction, but I can't even care enough to fix it because I'm so emotional right now.  Aaarrrgggg!)

I can't even enumerate the zillions of ways in which his vulgar, racist, sexist, misogynist, multi-phobic narcissistic lies have permeated the discussion and how somehow his outrageous statements and behaviors have not disqualified him from running.  I have lost any modicum of respect I may have had for a Republican Party to have nominated him; it's a national disgrace.   The news media is fixated on him because of the train wreck he is and train wrecks are good for ratings.  I have started to turn it all off.  I can't watch as any semblance of rationality goes up in flames as the false sense of equivalence between the two candidates continues to be bandied about as if it is in any way real.  It's not.

I know Hillary has her haters; she has a 40 year history of very visible public service and has made some questionable decisions at times.  She's been pragmatic when falling on an idealist's sword may have been the more popular choice.  Sometimes I have disagreed with her; sometimes I have agreed; sometimes I have seen the compromises she has made to move forward an inch, if not a mile, knowing there is a roadblock at mile-marker .75.  Gain a little or lose it all; these are not the kinds of compromises many on the Left like to see.

I also know she is judged for being a woman -- the sexism and discrimination are both overt and subtle.  She has had to be tough to make it in a "man's world", then gets criticized for being "cold", "aloof".  When she reveals her softer side, she is accused of being inauthentic and calculating.  Doesn't smile enough; smiles too much; bad hair day; stupid pantsuits; errant husband -- all her fault.  She's labeled as dishonest and untrustworthy because not everything she's touched has turned out golden.  Not one investigation has turned up wrongdoing or illegality on her part, but the framing of her as "crooked" has become real even though there is no proof for the moniker.  Almost no one is talking about her lifetime of working for the common good (for women and children, for working families) both in the limelight and behind the scenes, quietly doing the dull and tedious policy work it takes to make a difference in people's lives.

It INFURIATES me and awakens the sleeping Angry Feminist within me to see us fighting the same old shitty battles for equality right on the cusp of making a major breakthrough.   And even if she wins, that won't be the end of it -- not by a long-shot. If the right wing has had to stonewall and question the validity of our first African-American president, I'm sure they will just continue on with disparaging the first woman president.

For the first time in my life I've lost faith in the "greater angels" of what is right and good to win the day in politics and policy.  I've lived long enough to ride out some terrible presidents and terrible policy decisions, but always believed that if someone truly dangerous rose to the top, that person would be stopped; that even those with whom I disagree politically had the ultimate best interests of American at heart, even if I thought their tactics to get there were flawed.  I no longer believe that.  If this year's Republican candidate is elected, it will reveal a horrific and terrifying turn away from everything I believe this country stands for.  His campaign has already revealed an ugliness that has  given voice and power to millions of bigoted Americans and has exposed them for what they truly are.  It has hit me over the head with the fact that progressive, liberal, open-hearted values of equality and fairness are far from the national reality right now.

How anyone can support him, even if they believe the lies about Hillary or just disagree with some of her policy proposals, is beyond my ability to comprehend.  How anyone can look at the despicable things he has said and done throughout his life, and say, "Yes, this is the man I want for President; the man I want to represent me on the world stage; the man I want to hold the safety and security of my family in his hands." is appalling to me.

It's disturbing to recognize how this man's hate-filled, selfish rhetoric has brought out MY shadow side as well.  At times I feel equal hatred for him and what he stands for as his supporters must feel toward me.  I completely have lost respect for his supporters.  Even if they cherry-pick the one or two issues he has touted that they agree with, there is no leaving behind the totality of what he is and that is what they would be voting into office.  I cannot understand, or respect, the thinking of someone who could do that.  Maybe in some way his disrespectful rhetoric has made me so angry that I've stopped trying to be so compassionate and understanding of another's views and just call it out:  I believe political leanings represent a person's world view and value system.  If he's your man, I don't think you and I have a value system in common.

I know this is a bummer blog post.  It's not funny and I may have offended some people; I don't know.  But here's what I do know.  This year's election is no laughing matter.  The Republican candidate by definition is deplorable and dangerous.  I won't be silent.  I won't pretend there is parity between the two candidates.  I won't watch the degradation of our political system without speaking up, without mourning, without at least trying to give voice to my inarticulate emotions.

November 8th will come and we shall see.  I have to believe there are not enough people who think and behave like him to elect the Republican.  I sincerely hope not.  So, when Hillary wins, I will celebrate for many reasons -- relief that this horrible campaign is over,  a candidate with whom I agree on most issues has won the presidency, the most qualified candidate in history has won the presidency, a woman has won the presidency -- and a lunatic has been put in place back in his vulgar tower of wealth and self-aggrandizement.  But I know it won't be smooth-sailing.  We've seen the near collapse of the two-party system.  Both the right and the left are mad as hell and ain't gonna take it anymore.  Change is coming.  I just hope it's change we can all survive.

At least, that's the view from here...©