A BEACON SHINING BRIGHTLY

When she walked out onto the stage dressed all in white, we all cheered.  We had invited a small group of true-blue Hillary supporters to our house to watch Hillary Clinton's convention speech.   We were all in a celebratory mood.  People showed up with food and wine.  We had champagne and cake ready to serve once the balloons dropped at the end of her speech.  We gathered 'round the TV and listened intently to her message of hope and determination.

And I cried.  Standing in the back of the room, Hub on the sofa to my right, my son and DIL standing nearby and my granddaughters running around on the deck just outside, I was moved by the moment.

I was overcome with memories of myself at 23 years old, having been introduced to feminism in a Women's Lit class -- the first college class I ever took.  (I was late to college, having chosen to work right out of high school).  That firebrand feminist professor spoke of ways women could be in the world that I had never known or imagined before.  Other women in the class were equally moved. I found friends there and with them formed a Consciousness Raising Group.  We met in each other's living rooms for three years,  raising our voices, our fists, and the questions that came to define the Women's Movement.  We hosted a major women's weekend at the college, the first of its kind, with the featured speaker being author and feminist icon Germaine Greer.  We were in awe.  We worked our butts off for the Equal Rights Amendment; lobbying, writing letters, marching.  Some of us from those years became life-long friends.  We've scattered geographically and have pursued different life paths, but several of us are still in touch via Facebook now.  We've all grown older and perhaps more mellow, but we haven't forgotten and hadn't given up the dream of what could be.

Watching Hillary I remembered, too, that the volatility of that personal awakening in the '70's wrecked havoc with my fledgling marriage, leading to a year-long separation from Hub when I was 27 years old.  We had married at 21 as high school sweethearts with no life experience to speak of, expecting him to be a teacher in our hometown and me to be a housewife and mother.  Then our worlds had come undone with a move to the big city, him in medical school, me in college and suddenly also a feminist ready to rail at the world -- and him.  It was a hard and important time in our lives.  It changed us.  It moved us forward, eventually, to becoming  a couple today in our 60's sitting in our home with our family and friends watching history being made by Hillary Clinton -- the first woman ever to be a major party nominee for President in the United States.  Watching,  I felt keenly the passage of time, yet also gave a nod to that young woman in her 20's who still lives within me, smiling and raising a fist in the air in solidarity with a moment so long in coming.

Tears in my eyes, I looked over at my daughter-in-law standing next to me and saw her wipe a tear.  My son handed us both tissues and he put an arm around me.  I heard my grand girls in the background and realized this was what it was all about; that our work and passion back then would mean that the generations coming after me would have a different world to live and grow within.  They will have their own passions, their own fights, their own awakenings, but maybe this one is one they won't have to struggle so much to win.

I know there is still sexism, misogyny.  I know it's not all fixed with one woman finally standing on the national political stage in a place previously allowed only to men.  But to me Hillary looked like a beacon, a light toward which we all turned last week and I thought, "Yes.  Here we are.  I've been waiting for 43 years.  We rise!  Finally, we rise."

At least, that's the view from here...©

IT'S PARTY TIME FOR POLS

I hardly know where to begin.  I'm in turns restless and impatient, dismayed and agitated, excited and joyful.  Hopeful and bereft.  And sometimes just crazy happy.  I'm trying to breathe through it all and BE HERE NOW, but damn!  It's hard.

Every four years I become obsessed with presidential politics.  I'm a presidential campaign junkie.  I watch all the debates in the primaries (OK, this campaign I skipped some of the R debates, because really, that was just torture).  I devour news and opinion.  I tune in to primary night results.  I listen to the pundits.  I scroll Facebook and news sources.  I get invested.  By the time summer and the conventions come along, I'm in so deep I can barely keep afloat.

Every night last week I tuned in to the Republican National Convention.  I knew I would disagree with much of what was said, but I was curious about their perspective and the hows and whys of our differing world view.  Holy Shit!  Armageddon over there at the RNC!  The United States, in their view, is a dystopian landscape of violence, death, destruction, anger, hatred.  Who are those people?  How can they deny actual facts and spin a web of fantasy that is based on nothing but pumped up fear and the desire to have a strongman (strawman) save them from people like me?  It was startling.  Their presidential nominee has been labeled a racist and narcissist with not one iota of experience in elected office, yet he declared in his speech that only he can fix the world they are so afraid of... and they cheered him!  This, after chanting over the course of the week in true mob mentality fashion, "Lock her up!" about the Democratic nominee for president.  Yes, that's one way to deal with your adversaries.  Not really what our democracy is about, but then the word "fascist" hasn't been tossed in his direction for nothing.

In the party I support, the Democrats, we've had our own brouhaha what with Socialist/Independent Senator Bernie Sanders suddenly becoming a Democrat to run for president and then decrying the primary process the Dems have in place for choosing the nominee.  He struck a chord, hit a nerve, revved up the disaffected on the Left and used his bully pulpit to push the Dems leftward and good for him for that.  But in the process he denigrated the true Democratic candidate, Hillary Clinton, effectively undermining her to the point that now that he has lost the nomination and is trying to get his troops to line up behind her, they've gone AWOL and on Monday even booed him when he called for unity.   Their intractable ideology is looking just as whacked out as those on the far right.  Comedian Sarah Silverman, a Bernie supporter, even took them to task during her convention appearance with one of my favorite (and ad-libbed) lines of the convention so far:  "Bernie or Bust people -- you are being ridiculous!"  Golly this is fun!

I know I am biased, but ask anyone who is an expert on conventions and they will tell you the RNC was a hot mess.  Nobody knew how to run a convention and it was a bit crazy and chaotic.  No big name Republicans agreed to speak or even attend, and even the entertainers were washed up third rate oldies who ranted a good rant, but really, who cares?

The Dems have run theirs, the first two nights this week, like clockwork and all the biggies are out to support Hillary.  On Monday Michelle Obama gave a speech for the ages (ask anyone, even the sensible R's say she rocked it), along with inspirational Cory Booker, firebrand Elizabeth Warren, and Bernie himself finally stopped with his Ego Trip and gave his full-throated support to Hillary.  (I don't dislike the man at all; he just annoyed me a lot.  I hope he is an important voice in the Senate with Warren).  Last night Bill took the stage and did his Bill thing.  I have some quibbles with the speech, but overall he bragged Hillary up and gave us an insider's view of the absolutely life-long dedication she has shown (not in front of cameras or on the national stage) to helping others and moving our country forward.  Tonight the trifecta of Joe Biden, Barack Obama, and Tim Kaine (VP nominee) will all speak.  Tomorrow Chelsea will introduce Hillary.  In contrast to the doom and gloom at the RNC, the DNC is upbeat, positive, hopeful, and reveling in the slogan "Stronger Together".  Yes, our side gets silly trying to out-Liberal each other at times, but I love our diversity and our can-do spirit and the knowledge that we really are all in this together.  We are not looking for a "daddy" to fix it.  We got this.

So, I don't know where I'm going with this except to say, every four years I get caught up in the excitement.  I lose sleep over polls and worry about the ups and downs of the race.  I pray nothing will derail my candidate (hello email scandal) and I lament that the other side is often so mean, with this year proving to be worse, with the meanest SOB yet as their standard-bearer.

I also get overwhelmed with patriotism.  I reflect on our democracy and the history of our country and I weep with gratitude that, warts and all, we have maintained this grand experiment for 240 years.  Other countries still want to be us.  The least we can do is be aware, involved, and engaged in this process. At the very least, we must  realize what a privilege we have; one that should never be thrown away or taken for granted -- just ask anyone who has lived under a repressive regime.

The next few months will be a roller coaster ride.  But also a time to play catch up if you are not as tuned in to politics as some.  Time to listen, read, ask questions.   Be informed.  Think critically.   And get ready to cast your vote on November 8th.  People have died to protect your right to do so.  Don't diss them by not caring.

At least, that's the view from here...©

POLITICAL DISMAY

Well for god's sake.  I have already mentioned I'm depressed.  How am I going to get any better when every week Donald Trump racks up more delegates and his supporters punch out more protestors at his rallies -- while he urges the violence on?

I so love our country.  I do.  I am a proud Liberal Democrat Patriot.  I know there's a lot we can do better and a lot of mistakes have been made and some outright evil has been perpetrated on others by our government for selfish motives throughout history.   But in spite of it all, I have ALWAYS believed that we are for the most part a loving people of compassion and good-will and that our leaders, while they may disagree on various points, would band together to ensure that a dictator, tyrant, or fascist-leaning individual would never be able to take over.  Oops.

I have never been more dismayed and disillusioned about our political system and our country's future.  I have seen it coming:  The degradation of any civility in public discourse, where politicians behave no better than the worst talk show hosts and reality show contestants; where partisanship devolves into brute force refusal to compromise on anything for any reason, citizens be damned; where the person holding the office of President is ridiculed, maligned, and disrespected beyond the pale by those who cannot countenance that this man "somehow" became the leader of the free world.

Smarter people than I have written volumes about all of this and I'm just a personal essay blogger who writes for a teeny audience of mostly friends and family so I won't even try to explain why all of this has happened at this point in our nation's history.  I have some facts, some theories, some opinions.  So do you.  Suffice to say, this election season has taken on a scary surreal quality that has me scratching my head, waking worried in the middle of the night, and fearful for the future of my granddaughters.

They say the Republican Party is crumbling before our very eyes and I'm glad.  Not because I'm anti-Republican, but because I'm anti whatever and whoever these people are who call themselves Republicans but are something else entirely.  We have a strong and vociferous far right wing of that Party who really are an entity unto themselves  -- Tea Partiers, I guess, but that moniker almost seems quaint in these days of the identity-defying Donald Trump who has been a Democrat at times, who is wealthy and ostentatious, who has no moral compass, who is a textbook narcissist -- yet is supported by those of low to moderate means, of low education, of professed religious faith, and who (as a study shows as the consistent common denominator) adhere to an authoritarian perspective.  Anyway, this right wing cabal has disrupted and disturbed to the point of taking over what used to be a political party with at least a relatively understandable world view -- one where I could maybe see their point.  Now there is no point.  Not one I can understand.

I am afraid of the current wave of anti-intellectualism;  anti-"elitism"; anti-press/media(ism); and every other anti-ism (except fundamentalism) that is now the gospel of the day.  Really?  Do we want people running things who are less intelligent, less sophisticated, less informed and less able to think creatively and critically than the majority of us?   Do we want a media that is so biased that we just hear over and over and over again the very things (often fraught with distortions and lies) we already agree with?  What happened to unbiased reporting?  What's happened to reporting at all?  Now it's all just opinion and conjecture.

I am starting to lose faith.  But maybe that's just what they want.  Maybe that's the point of it all.  To wear down and demoralize, to make violence commonplace, to denigrate and deny and defame until the effort to continue to defend ourselves against such an evil onslaught becomes just too damn hard.

Wait.  No. No. No. No.  I will not give in, give up, or give away my country!

I almost feel like there is a Civil War brewing....not one with cannons (hopefully!!!) but a war of ideas and ideals, of values, and of the very essence of our identity and our humanity.  Who we choose in November as our new president, as well as who we choose to represent us in Congress (even more important when it comes to day-to-day decision-making), will tell us who we are and who we want to become for the next four years and beyond.  

I look into the innocent faces of my beautiful granddaughters and I know I can't quit.  I have to work for candidates who stand for progress, for humanity, for kindness and compassion; who exhibit intelligence,  fairness,  experience, and  wisdom.  Is there a perfect candidate in the race this year?  Is there ever?  Nah.  But some are way more perfect than others.   Let's choose one who doesn't want to punch us in the face.

At least that's the view from here....©

IT WAS INEVITABLE -- POLITICS 2016

I've been steering clear of political discussions this election season.   So contentious!  And demoralizing!  But it was inevitable that at some point I'd start to write about it.  (Stop Reading Now if You Are a Conservative Republican...you won't like this post.)

I'm not going to deconstruct what has happened with the parties and their standard-bearers so far.  I'm actually not all that well-informed about the minutia, as I may have been in past Presidential election years.   I've been watching mostly from the sidelines, reading the occasional article, catching most of the the so-called "debates" and Town Hall Meetings, and seeing the ubiquitous partisan Facebook posts.  I do believe I have the main talking points for each candidate down.

God knows I won't be supporting any of the Republican candidates who I find to be mostly terrifying and diametrically opposed to all I hold dear.  Our values do not align.  At all.  Plus, what can one say about The Donald?  His seemingly successful candidacy as the R frontrunner is such a demoralizing degradation of our political system that I fear for the health of the Republic.  (See?  I told you you wouldn't like this.)

That leaves me with either "Feel the Bern" or "Hill Yes!" which, in turn, leaves me in an unfamiliar and rather squirmy position.  I have never been a true-blue Hillary gal.  Like many, I often have found her to be too politically cautious, too politically expedient.  I parted company with my feminist cadre of friends in 2008 and jumped early and completely into the Obama camp and never looked back.  If he could run again, my response would be the same.  But he can't, so here we are.

Bernie is the Progressive darling of the political left and according to many of my friends, the Second Coming of the Christ, he is so pure of spirit and intention.  Never mind that he hasn't even been a Democrat until relatively recently, having been mostly a local boy done good as an Independent from a chilly and homogeneous Northeastern state which prides itself on irascibility.  The thing is, his "revolution" talk has caught fire  with the "kids" and idealistic left-leaners of all ages.  Plus, he does seem to display a consistency of values and has "walking the talk" to his credit.  I like that.  A lot.

And yet....I don't know how this will play out nationally when push comes to shove in Ohio and Pennsylvania and Michigan and the like.  I'm a Midwest girl from a conservative mostly rural area of northern Illinois.  I KNOW those folks.  They are mostly Republicans or moderate Democrats.  Bernie is not Moderate.  I just don't believe his Progressive momentum will carry the day in areas where people are more than a little skeptical of his list of Liberal bonafides.  Moderate Dems will lean right, not left.

What I like is that his candidacy has pushed Hillary to the left a bit.  She has had to ditch her knee-jerk caution and come out with some positions she might have considered too risky without his nudge.  Is she just being politically savvy?  I don't think so.  I think she says what she believes and not all of it is popular with either side of the Left/Right divide.  Do I agree with everything she says?  No.  But, I'm with Hillary this time.

Unfortunately, being with Hillary puts me on the outs with people I love, many, if not most of whom, are completely enamored with Bernie and truly believe he is the inspired leader of the Uprising of the People.  I believe he has said some very important things and has pointed out some very ingrained problems and hypocracies.  I just don't think shouting about it and being able to fix it are the same thing.  What we will all need to do is clean house in Congress to really get anything to change.  How many Bernie or Hillary supporters are willing to work their butts off for down-ticket races that will put new faces in the Capital building?  Remains to be seen.

Hillary is pragmatic and that's where she and I align.  I am a realist when it comes to the glacial pace of change.  And I have learned in my own life that the person in leadership can't do anything unless those further down the pecking order are with him/her.  One can hold a vision all day long of how things "should" be.  How they are, however, takes a cool-headed pragmatist to admit and then start to chip away at what can be changed little by little over over a long, long time.   Compromises must be made -- not always palatable and not always successfully -- to move the behemoth that is our government forward.

Am I being a pessimist or a realist?  Have I lost my youthful enthusiasms for movements?  Have I become a cynical and jaundiced old fart?  Well, I don't know.  I'm just trusting my gut on this one and I will be happy to be proved wrong if Bernie gets the nomination and wins the Presidency.  I just doubt that will happen.

The other thing I have to admit, but by no means is this the reason I support her -- it's just a happy add-on -- is that Hillary, in spite of having to play like the boys in a good old boys sport, is a woman.  I don't have that many election cycles left to see a woman president.  I'd like to see one -- one from my party.  And I do admit my feminist ire has been raised by the double standard that she is up against.  I admire her gumption to just keep fighting her way to holding an office that is so masculine-centric that for some people the very thought of a woman in the Oval is anathema to Americana.  Sheesh!  Get over it!

I'm watching a lecture series on the 2016 election that is available online presented by the Chair of the Communications Department of the University of Washington.  http://www.washington.edu/alumni/election16/    His last installment was a discussion of Politics and Gender and he outlines very clearly that candidates in presidential campaigns are in the business of emasculating their opponents.   Hillary has a double whammy, since she starts out with those scary girl-parts already and must prove her "masculine mettle" while still demonstrating her feminine side which should be at all times compassionate and comforting and sort of nice (and not shrill -- girls can't yell and flail their arms around like boys can.)  That she should have to walk that tightrope at all just makes me hopping mad.

Well, I'll stop now because I can imagine I might write more political posts between now and November.  So, like I say, if you don't like the Dems, I know you won't like my politics.  But I hope you might still like me.  I'm really nice; I don't yell.

At least, that's the view from here....©