A ROOM OF ONE'S OWN

When I read A Room of One's Own, by Virginia Woolf way back in the first college course I ever took (Women in Literature, taught by the woman who first introduced me to feminism in the early 1970s) I was captivated.  A woman could have her own space?  To create whatever she wanted?  To think, write, "be" without intrusion, interruption, or obligation elsewhere?

It seemed like a dream, or a fiction.  Nothing in my life had prepared me to even consider this as "real" in any woman's life.  Certainly not mine.  

The influence of this teacher and my many new college friends, as well as the progressive urban culture where I lived in the early 1970s, helped me know I was a feminist and likely always had been.  It was the explanation for my inner rebellion against patriarchal social, political, and economic systems.  But it didn't transfer completely to my own inter-personal relationships.  

My role model was my mom, of course, who I've come to appreciate as one of the most creative, independent, strongest woman I have ever known.  But all of that had to be observed through the filter of a woman of her times who used those talents to toil tirelessly for her  home and family, who served her husband's needs first and always, only later in life finally pursuing a long-delayed career, but not the one she'd dreamed of as a teenager -- so far out of reach as to be a fantasy.  She described herself as "timid"-- her word -- when she was younger and that her career helped her be more confident. Now I know that "timid" meant she was an introvert and highly sensitive because that's me too, via both nature and nurture.  She took her skills and talents for granted and never touted them in any way.  And she certainly never, ever had a room of her own -- literally or figuratively.  In my early feminist years (and too far beyond) I judged her as hopelessly traditional and "lost" to "the patriarchal system".  Oh my! The ignorance of youthful arrogance!  Now I see that in some ways my own life has mirrored hers, feminist or not.  (Another blog post, perhaps?)

Anyway, lately I've been intentional about exploring  the idea of inhabiting separate space.  In my  marriage there has been a value of assumed "togetherness" and that has created a pattern that is both a source of pride and a source of conflict.  

Like my mother before me, I am most happy when I am close to home, family, and friends in familiar, safe surroundings.  I'm not an intrepid explorer of the outside world; I don't long to be on the move; I don't seek the thrill of danger and adventure; I don't crave large swaths of time alone in the world (although once in a while it's nice).  So, my life could be described by some as small, boring, dependent upon others, even timid. 

 (Contact me for chapter and verse for all the ways that judgement couldn't be further from the truth, even if most of my courage has manifested on the inside, not evidenced on the outside in traditional ways.  I'll go toe-to-toe on "challenge, courage, and confidence" with anyone!)

Hub, on the other hand, absolutely shares my love of family and connection and loves our home.  But he also needs/wants time alone -- unstructured amounts of time to de-stress and relax, but also to flex his physical, adventure, and problem-solving muscles.  He sometimes likes feeling totally alone and independent, not needing to take others into consideration in plans and decisions.

We have been talking lately about how in the past decade (approximately since he semi-, then completely retired, but before that too) it seems he has been away frequently on various adventures -- mostly snowboarding trips and camping/hiking/kayaking trips, but also two 3-week trips traveling to India and Nepal, as well as a number of weekend retreats with his men's groups.  When I added it up (because I keep all my old paper calendars) he has been away an average of 4 weeks a year for the past 10 years.  (Not counting those two 3 week trips, because they were not typical).  I added up my away time for the same timeframe: 1/2 week per year on average (not counting my own  9-day Maui trip with friends while he was in Nepal, because that too was not typical).   There is a discrepancy, yes?  

It seems that for him to get his alone time, he has to leave home...because I never do. LOL  I wondered why.  I questioned my "stay at home" nature and wondered if it was because I was afraid to challenge my "comfort zone".  I decided to take a solo trip almost every month this year, to experiment with greater aloneness in the world and also to give Hub some alone time at home, which he says he has enjoyed.

But I'm not sure it's working for me.  I've discovered that being alone in a city, a town, in nature, in a hotel room, at a B&B, navigating the route, deciding what to see, where to go, what to eat, how to spend my time can be stressful and actually not that enjoyable.  I much prefer to share a novel travel experience with a compatible travel companion, whether it be Hub or someone else I want to hang with, as we explore together, creating a shared experience and having stories to tell for years afterwards.  Sure there are places I want to go and plan to go alone (next weekend for example), but for the most part that would not be my choice. 

Consequently, Hub and I have a "predicament" -- we have an unsolvable problem.  Hub should be able to have some time at home alone and I need to not feel I have to leave, wandering alone in the wilderness (haha), to give him space for this.  He has NOT asked this of me (for me to go away), but for years I have felt resentful of his trips and also realize that since I'm always here, he can't find his alone time at home.  I have felt like an obstacle to an important part of his life.  My solo trips have been a recent  attempt to solve this problem.  However...

I've learned (I'm a slow learner) that some problems can't be solved.  He won't change and neither will I on this issue.  We are who we are.  We need to be resilient.  We need to find an adaptation. This has all been an issue for far too long.  I need to stop feeling sad and pissed and he judged and frustrated.  That's no fun for anyone. 

So, last week I proposed that we establish a "personal retreat" when we are at home together.  One night a week we will spend an evening/night apart in our own home.  After an early dinner, we will go our separate ways.  I know some couples have done this for years; not us.  We have always planned our evenings together and have rarely slept apart -- except for after a couple of bad arguments. LOL

Fortunately we have not downsized and still have a big house which allows plenty of personal space once we agree on who's going to stay where on our weekly "retreat" nights.  For now, Hub will have our upstairs bedroom/bathroom/porch and main floor office.  I will have the downstairs TV room, my yoga room, and the main floor bathroom/guest room.  We might accidentally pass in the kitchen getting a snack, but we will try not to.  Apart is apart.  My plan is that we not see, talk to, or interact in any way for the evening and overnight until the next morning. (No texting either!)

Which brings me to getting my own room.  I feel like a teenager who has had to share a bedroom and now gets her own!  I'm taking over the guest room.  It's a comfortable enough space, but it feels impersonal to me.  It just sits there at the end of the hall, slightly musty-smelling because it has no life.  There are weeks when no one even goes in there except for our cleaners who dust and vacuum an unused room.  

I am pouring over Pintrest and Wayfair sites for decorating ideas.  I think I'm going BoHo!  Why not?  It's not the whole house and I find the whole BoHo thing fun and uplifting.  I've been to Home Depot twice grabbing paint samples.  We had planned to remove the wall-to-wall carpeting in there soon anyway; might as well paint over the deep dark forest green that's been on the walls forever and lighten things up.  I wish the bed and dresser were not dark wood, but I can live with that since I'm not willing to spend big bucks on new furniture.  Otherwise, I'm on the hunt for furnishings and decor that will enliven the space and reflect a part of me in my own room !

I'm moving some clothing and toiletries downstairs from our shared bedroom space and taking up new space for me that has not been inhabited since the kids left home.  My room will evolve over time, but the "retreat" plan starts next week.  This might not feel like a big deal to some, but it is a real challenge to our 51-year marriage pattern of cohabitation.  I think we are both curious/excited/hopeful.  

It also might be a disaster.  I'll keep you posted.

At least, that's the view from here...©

Photo Credit: Wayfair ad. (Just an idea... 😁)

50 YEARS AND COUNTING: AN EXAMINED MARRIAGE

Hub and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary in July.  We went away to our favorite local waterfront resort for 4 days. It was perfect except for me just getting over Covid and dealing with exhaustion and a nagging cough.  Still, I was able to go for a short 2 mile waterfront walk on our trip, a kayak paddle trip across the bay to go to lunch at a fave restaurant, had a couple restaurant dinners on the deck at water's edge watching the sunset, and long, long talks sitting in our beach chairs reminiscing, reviewing, renewing, and planning for the future.

The day after we got home we welcomed our family -- adult sons, their wives, the grandkids (and dogs) -- who planned all the food, prepped it, brought lawn games, and wrote speeches to toast us after Hub and I gathered everyone on the patio.  We sat facing them in a semi-circle around us, not to renew any vows, but to share with each other, witnessed by our family, the words we'd written to each other to reflect upon our marriage and of how much we look forward to continuing to learn and grow and love together.  Everyone was in tears as the last toast was offered. Our sons and daughters-in-law said the most beautiful affirming things to us.  I couldn't have asked for a more perfect honoring of our 50 years.

50 years married. 54 together counting dating.  53 subtracting the troubled year we lived apart, but not divorced, early in our marriage.  But we are going with the traditional 50.  This will not be the exhaustive, definitive analysis of our marriage because who can do that?  It's a long time.  Still, this will be a long post with highlights of the past five decades.  Forewarned.

1968-1972: We met in high school.  We were kids.  We were in love, in lust, in flux.  Decisions were made without thought or intention, on auto-pilot.  There were break ups, drama, craziness.  We got married, he 22 and me 21.  We "acted" like grown ups, working, going to school, trying to figure what we wanted in our life together, something we'd never really discussed.  We were in a life together that seemed to surprise us at times...You?  What are YOU doing here?  

1973-1980: Hub got into medical school, we moved from our conservative home town to Chicago -- a big, international smorgasboard of never-before-known-to-us delights and opportunities.  We started to pull in opposite directions, neither of us truly understanding how to be responsible adults one minute and grab the gusto of every option and experience the next. It was an intense time of individual change in ways that would come to define us still today.  But at the time?  Let's say it didn't go smoothly.  At all.  (That year of living apart was precipitated by some very bad behavior.  I leave it at that.)  But somehow we persevered.  An earthquake of change shook us, but we were still standing, in some ways stronger than ever.

1980-1982: We left Chicago, our families and friends and all we'd ever known, and moved to the east coast.  A new life and new experiences awaited there.  It was only for two years, but it was an important time of cutting ties to everything familiar and clinging to each other as we made our way in new chapter.  We felt like we'd landed in paradise, living 2 blocks from the Atlantic ocean on a barrier island near Charleston SC.  We made lots of new friends, learned to love oysters, shared everything together with freedom, joy, and a lot of work for Hub as he began to build his career.  I mostly went to school and the beach.

1982-1985: Moving to our current home meant really buckling down into adulthood.  Hub had a real doctor job in a real clinic.  We bought a real home, in an old established neighborhood with a killer view.  We were alone together, excited but disoriented, until we slowly found our way to making a few friends and figuring out a whole new culture in this Pacific Northwest part of America, which couldn't be more different from Illinois or South Carolina.  

1985-2010: Kids.  Now there's a change.  For us it wasn't easy.  Unexplained infertility was our challenge.  We finally decided we just wanted to be parents, not reproduce our genetic history.  We chose to adopt through a new and groundbreaking program where birthmothers experiencing an unplanned pregnancy could choose the parents for her child by reviewing portfolios submitted by hopeful couples.  We were chosen.  Son One joined us and life turned upside down with joy, exhaustion, and complete commitment to family life.  Two years later we did it again, and Son Two became part of our growing family.  We tried again three years later -- it was not to be.  We were chosen, but at the last minute the birthmother changed her mind.  We were disappointed, but agreed we were complete with our boys.  In retrospect, it's as it should have been. Our family is perfect.  But childrearing is not for the faint of heart.  

Hub was 100% devoted to his career; I was 100% devoted to home and kids.  We each tried to carve out time for each other and family time, on top of  kids, school, jobs, volunteer commitments, home chores and projects, a social life, occasional trips, the daily stress of trying to do it all.  Not enough hours in the day, short tempers, exhaustion, differences in opinions and values  and appetites, resentments, misunderstandings.  We were also working together to create a loving home, family memories, solid values, and varied experiences for our kids.  None of it was easy; much of it was joyful. And all of it was done together.  Our commitment to each other still stood, even if some days there was still that thought...You?  What are YOU doing here?  

2010-2022: The kids grew up (now there's an understatement -- we had to get through some very challenging times to get to that stage!), graduated college, got jobs, left home.  Hub retired (again, huge understatement about the ups and downs of a long and stressful career). I had pursued a later-in-life career in social work, then I retired too.  We both saw our mothers through the challenges and heartaches of older age and dementia.  But within the past 10 or so years, our sons found amazing women to love, got married; grandkids came into our lives.  Circle of life.  

NOW: Here's what I know today:  Every single age and stage of this marriage has been examined.  We've learned to know each other deeply, with help from some very intense personal growth work (both individually and together) that healed old childhood issues, helped us see the "real" in each other and the "why" behind our individual behaviors and values and world views.  We went to counseling when we got really stuck, open to the "I don't know" vulnerability of finding our way through thickets of anger and confusion to emerge into a clearing filled with possibility.

Every morning now we sit with our coffee and talk together, not just about what to have for dinner or where to go on vacation or which light bulb needs replacing, but REALLY talk about about our hopes, fears, anxieties, stresses.  "How are you today?  What's up for you?"  Absolutely nothing, nothing, is off limits.  We've learned that stuffing feelings, keeping secrets, and harboring resentments only leads to disaster. We offer understanding, support, encouragement, help, feedback, our own truth, holding space for the other to vent, cry, talk through a problem, or share an insight, celebrate a joy.  This can take 10 minutes or 2 hours.  But we make it work, however long it takes.  It's that important.

Big issues still arise and they can seem overwhelming and daunting, but we have never given in or given up -- at least not for long.  Even when all has felt hopeless, there are tools in the toolbox to work the problem, and hope has been renewed. We've learned to say "You're right", "I hear you", "I'm sorry" when it would be easier to dig into a defensive posture and each hold our ground.  We've learned to set boundaries, to open up completely in the most emotionally vulnerable ways, and to trust that anger, tears, misunderstandings, even betrayals can be avenues to new understanding and growth, eventually.

We've learned to keep loving.  And maybe that has always been the glue.  We don't really know why we are still standing together after 50+ years.  There have been ample opportunities and temptations to just call it quits.  But speaking the same personal growth language and being willing to really listen and change have served us well.  So, here we are.  We are incredibly proud of the marriage we've created.

"You?  What are YOU doing here?" Just loving, just loving, just loving...and learning to keep making a life together that feels better than ever.  Grateful. 🙏🏽

At least, that's the view from here...©

WHAT'S NEW?!?

It's not "writer's block" exactly.  It's more like inertia and procrastination.  I have plenty that I could write about, but sitting down to do it seems, well, daunting.  And I realize I have about six readers on a good day, so this also seems an exercise in self-talk a lot of the time.  But for we six...here I am!  (Note:  my 11 y/o granddaughter read the post I wrote awhile back about us pup-sitting for their dog and I was quite delighted!  I'm glad I got to know a family member read one of these blog posts before I die.  I'm putting it in my Will that they get no inheritance until they can prove to our executor that they've read every word of the hard copy books I've created of my blogs for 9 years now...I expect there will be many more books to read before they head to the bank. LOL)

Well, let's see.  Let's do a "Headline News" post version for today, from National to Personal.

POLITICS:  We are still dealing with the ridiculousness of outrageous conspiracy theories from the Right.  Politically, they are still insisting the previous president won the 2020 election and only is it due to illegal voter fraud that President Biden is in the Oval Office. (Unproven, in spite of repeated recounts in all states.) This drivel is spouted constantly by the previous president and his corrupt and "it would be funny if it wasn't so scary" GOP cronies in elected office in the state and U.S. legislatures.  It's tiring and embarrassing to think about what the rest of the world must be thinking about this great Democracy of ours.  Duh. 

Also voter suppression laws are being enacted in multiple states to ensure that voting is very, very hard especially for Democratic leaning people of color and urban areas of Red states.  A new wave of gerrymandering is upon us with the release of new census data showing the rise of people of color as percentage of our U.S. population.  (The Republicans really do know they lost, so they are cheating best they can to make sure that never happens again!) The For the People Act to counter this is being held up in the US Senate because two recalcitrant Democrats believe they can get bipartisan support for compromised Voting Rights bills and will not suspend the filibuster rules to pass the legislation.  This is especially galling.  Let the GOP use their racially-motivated cruelty to block democracy-ensuring laws, but geez, it's annoying to have Dems joining them with some Quixotic quest for bipartisanship that will NEVER happen!

COVID:  Things have gotten very, very bad...again.  Speaking of stubborn.  A large swath of the population still REFUSES to get vaccinated for all kinds of ridiculous reasons -- chips are being implanted, "you can't make me" personal freedom screeds, impotence and infertility misinformation, human genetic manipulation conspiracies, and just political Us vs Them-ism as the Right will not do anything to please the Left/Educated Elites/Deep State manipulators even if it kills them, which it is. It is beyond infuriating since now ALL OF US ARE AT RISK AGAIN!  

The Delta Variant of Covid 19 is running rampant amongst the unvaccinated and hospitals in some areas are at the breaking point, unable to admit anymore patients for Covid or anything else requiring ICU care (like your run-of-the-mill heart attack, stroke, accident, etc).  Mississippi has called in help from the Feds, which is rich since that state and plenty of others with a big crisis on their hands have been among the most resistant to taking any action to stem the tide of Covid (no masks, no distancing, no vaccs).  All of this is resulting in spikes of cases among the unvaccinated that now threaten we vaccinated folks as well, as Delta seems to be perfectly capable of also infecting us, even if we don't get as sick or die.  We still can pass it on, say, to vulnerable immunocompromised folks or kids under 12 who cannot get the vaccine.  So we are back to mask mandates and distancing in public.  Damn!

CLIMATE:  It's smoke season.  August is our hottest and driest month here and for several years now it's also our smokiest.  Wildfires throughout the western U.S. and Canada burn for weeks, acre upon acre, creating a smoke cover that, depending on which way the wind blows, blankets us in yellow eye-watering, throat-clearing, hacking and coughing smog for days on end.  We monitor air quality apps on our phones and heed warnings to stay inside, windows closed to avoid breathing the particulate matter toxic brew into our lungs.  It was 88 degrees in our bedroom when we went to bed last night after a day of 90-degree heat and no windows or doors to open.  We had floor and ceiling fans going but mostly they just blew hot air at us.  The air purifiers were working overtime inside, but outside our patio table showed evidence of "dust" collecting rapidly as invisible debris fell from the sky. We hope for relief in a couple of days as cooler, wetter weather comes in from the ocean.

MARRIAGE:  On a happier note, Hub and I celebrated our 49th wedding anniversary in July.  We went to a waterfront resort we love about an hour north of us and did lots of walking, talking, sightseeing, and kayaking.  We had a great time!  A couple weeks later we took a camping trip, together!, to Mt. Rainier. (I have not gone camping with Hub for 4 years for many reasons, but I decided it was time to get back on that horse. LOL) We hiked for three days in a row covering 30 some miles.  Blue skies, beautiful scenery, comfy camper.  

We talked about how we want to acknowledge and celebrate our 50th next year and I declared I will NOT consent to a "corsage and sheet cake reception" in some church basement or rented community room at the park district.  Not my style.  So, I hit upon this idea and Hub enthusiastically agreed:  We are going to create "anniversary-designated events" that will happen periodically (as the spirit moves) over the next 18 months -- the rest of 2021 and all of 2022.  These events will have some meaning to us -- revisting places, people, and activities that we have loved over the years of our lives together.  Because why not really celebrate?!?  

We met when we were 17 and 18; we are now 70 and 71.  There have been numerous times one would have thought we'd never last. But we did and not with gritted teeth (much) but with hope and work and determination and respect and love.  It has never been effortless, even up to this day.  But it has been wondrous in how we've gone through so many changes in our individual lives and have still managed to keep our marriage together and grow far beyond our wildest imaginings.  We are closer and happier now than ever.  We are proud of this.  So, let's party!  For a year and a half! 

YOGA BIZ:  I'll end with this.  I don't think I've blogged about teaching yoga.  Two years ago I completed my 200 hr yoga teacher training, never really thinking I'd teach, but just to deepen my own practice.  Lo and behold, last November I started leading a 30 minute meditation and gentle upper body movement session for Zoom friends monthly.  Then in January I started teaching this group an hour-long weekly yoga class also via Zoom.  We've taken the summer off, which has allowed me time to truly dive into this endeavor.  I've obtained a business license, come up with a name, created a logo, taken classes in various teaching modalities, and am ready to come back in September to a group of students who seem to like what I offer, which is "yoga for the physically hesitant"; for those who say "I can't do yoga"; for those who are new to it; who have limited mobility; who need a gentle, mostly seated practice with no getting down on the floor if they don't want to. There's lots of meditation and calming breathing thrown into the mix, as well as positive encouragement and personal attention.  I'm excited and grateful for this chance to share the benefits of a yoga practice, especially for those who say they "can't".  Yes, you can! 

At least, that's the view from here...©

Photo Credit: pixabay.com

ABOUT HAPPINESS

I have a friend who told me he recently came to this blog and enjoyed reading, but said he was worried about me because I worry so much.  I asked him to elaborate, but he demurred.  So, I'm unsure what caused him to think I'm such a worrywart.  Perhaps it was a couple posts ago when I talked about being a wee bit depressed about this state of things:  But, it's not as if there isn't a life-threatening pandemic, democracy hanging by a thread, social unrest, and far, far too few instances of being able to see my grandkids.  I think I try to put lipstick on the pig most of the time, but hey, some days are just a little ugly.   

So, this post will be about the happiness this pandemic brings to my life!  

First, it's summer.  We've pandemic-ed through mid-late winter, all of spring, and now most of summer, with no end in sight.  But hey!  It's warm and sunny and 75 degrees and I am right now sitting under a tree in my garden hearing kids across the street playing and laughing, chickadees and hummingbirds chirping as they flit to the feeder and the birdbath, noticing my geraniums are still blooming bright red, the bubbler fountain singing a soothing song of cool waters.  It's a bit muggy, but the slight breeze is enough to cool my brow and I'm sipping my ubiquitous Lime LaCroix. (I'm addicted, but better this than my old friend Chardonnay -- this summer makes 9 years alcohol-free, which is another thing to be happy about!)  These summer days are already showing signs of packing their bags and heading to the dark zone -- sunrise is later, sunset earlier.  A few maples are going golden.  The garden harvest is 90% finished.  Nevertheless, I am savoring every single minute of these outdoor days, especially since outdoors is a relatively Covid-safe place to be.

Second, Hub and I are still sort of honeymooning our way through the year, approaching our first anniversary (after 48 years of marriage) of last September when we faced and worked hard to address the earthquake that rumbled through our marriage in 2019.   What a surprising gift to find us closer after all this time.  Marriage is hard and easy, sweet and sour, and totally unpredictable.  It's also demanding.  You can't ignore and push anger, resentment, disappointment, and weariness away and expect to be doing much better than going through the motions at times, even when you have a gift for and a desire to learn and grow together.  Even with that considerable boxful of personal growth tools, there are still challenges because marriage is still between two separate people with two separate ways of perceiving and coping.  But we've rediscovered our easy comaraderie, risked a no-holds-barred truly honest way of talking things out, created a flow of moving through our days together, pursuing our own interests while making ample time to be together, that is agreeable and loving.  Also, lots of sex. (Masks optional. HAHA)

Third, the internet.  I know, we demonize the online life.  It can be addicting to some, with its siren call of continuous stimulation and non-stop scrolling through social media for the next silly meme, outraged headline, cute cat pic, recipes, classes, and ads, ads, ads.  Still, I love signing on and posting about my life and absolutely love when my friends do the same.  I've deepened friendships with some during this physical distancing time and have kept in touch with others, hearing their pandemic-life tales from far away.  And then there's Zoom, which has been both a challenge and a joy, but either way I am grateful to see the faces of those I care about. 

Also, the internet has brought a few lovely antidotes to the sadness, loneliness, and claustrophobic fears we have all faced at times.  I am in a few FB groups, all formed in response to the Covid world, whose sole purpose is to cheer:  

"Garden Therapy" is a local group (gone beyond local as friends of friends have joined from afar) of mostly pictures of our gardens, with queries for advice and sharing of info.  People creating beauty from nature in their own backyards.  

"A World of Hearts" is an international group where people started decorating their doors and windows with "heart art" from kids' homemade cutouts to fancy decals to stained glass masterpieces.  Lately there are photos of "found hearts" -- rocks in heart shape, tree bark revealing hearts, stream waters creating eddying hearts.  It's a lovely sentiment....to send this heart love around the world.

Speaking of world, there is another group called "The View From My Window" where locked down people everywhere -- literally all over the world -- have posted what they can see from their windows, yards, porches, neighborhoods.  Some views are spectacular and some are of small patches of grass surrounded by chainlink fencing.  People comment with where they are viewing from and the world becomes smaller as those stuck at home find companionship across the globe. 

"Spreading Kindness" is a group which shares inspiration mostly in the form of uplifting memes.  I used one to illustrate this post.

On the micro-local level, I started a periodic "Neighbor Check-In" email outreach to those who live on my block.  Many of us are basically introverts. We don't often talk in person, each keeping to our own lives, homes, gardens -- but in the early days of the lock down, it was weird to never even see anyone outside: no walks, no deliveries, no cars coming/going.  I realized that even if we didn't socialize much, we knew the rhythms of each others lives in that silent way that neighbors do.  So I decided to do a "check in" and the emails were returned with delightful, revealing, heartfelt sharing about our experiences with life and the Covid shock, all appreciating the connection. 

Fourth, "random acts of kindness" bring me joy.  A friend of mine organized a pizza delivery to the local hospital for the frontline workers when things were particularly stressful in April.  She solicited donations from friends and family and managed to get $400 worth of pizza delivered, with late donations combined in a gift to the local food bank.

Inspired by her, I started a "Letters of Love" Campaign among my FB friends to send letters or postcards  of appreciation to local hospitals, clinics, and long-term care homes.  I collected all the addresses and announced the recipients to write to each week. We sent these, two or three letters every week , for two months, reaching out to four local hospitals, six local clinics, and ten long-term care facilities.  Amazingly I got three letters of thanks back and word from one clinic worker I know well who told me our outreach was highlighted in their multi-site, clinic-wide newsletter.  

I continue alone to do occasional appreciations to "essential workers".  I've left goodies and cool drinks for the letter carrier and garbage/recycling pick-up guy.  I've sent letters to my local groceries stores and words of encouragement to people I know who work in "essential" jobs that didn't allow them time off.  Note to self: Do more of this.  It's so easy to show ongoing appreciation.

So, see?  It's not all tears and disaster planning.  Life is a precious thing.  If nothing else, this pandemic time has softened me, made me appreciate small kindnesses.  My heart has opened to the simple things, to the love, friendship, and connections that will find a way, even when the usual way is barred.

Do I still worry?  Well, sometimes.  But no one need worry about my worry.  It has its place, but it doesn't consume the whole of me.

At least that's the view from here...©

RANDOM THOUGHTS ON A RAINY DAY

MY FRIEND IS A GIFTED PIANIST.  She used to play for the church we attended, for local high school theater productions, and has given piano lessons to children and adults for decades.  Me included.  I took lessons at the same time as Son Two when he was very young, just to get him started.  I absolutely love piano music and have a passion for listening and watching others play.  I wanted to learn.  Well.  Just like the current president and his surprise about the complications of delivering health care to the masses, I had no idea playing the piano could be so complicated!  To do it well you actually have to use BOTH hands!  Nine months of struggle was enough for me, so I went back to appreciating the talents of others.  As for my friend, arthritis has slowed her a bit, but one wouldn't know it.  I could listen to her for hours....and am.  Today.  I have two of her CDs and they are exquisite.  Perfect for a gray, rainy afternoon and a pot of hot tea.
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I AM "ON VACATION" THIS WEEK.  I have days spread before me, tabla rosa.  Well, not exactly a blank slate, I guess.  Tomorrow I'm taking my daughter-in-law to a  Seattle "multi-media" production of  "A Woman's World" ("the inspiring stories of women and girls who are transforming our world") to honor her completion of her Master's in Business Degree.  Then Monday I do my foster care program volunteer gig before going to a League of Women Voters forum on a local political issue.  Tuesday I go to Seattle with a friend for lunch and art museum gazing.  Wednesday morning I have my volunteer time in my granddaughter's 1st grade classroom.  But in and around those events and all day Thursday and all day Friday I will be able to tackle long-postponed projects, including perhaps beginning the process of turning this and my other yoga blog into books!   There are companies that do such things and it's been on my "to do" list for a long time.  I want a "hard copy" to keep and maybe share with family members.  If the grid crashes, all these stories of my life will be lost!  (These are the thoughts insomnia is born of).
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YESTERDAY WAS HUB'S BIRTHDAY.  I started dating him 2 months shy of his 18th birthday.  Nearly 50 years ago...unbelievable.  We've grown, changed, lived lifetimes together as we look back and marvel that we are still here, still loving each other, wondering what comes next.  I asked him what 67 feels like (I'll know in December, but I wanted a heads up.)  He said it feels a lot like 66.  He notes that maybe he gets a bit tired more easily in recent years -- like he used to do 8 hours of yard and garden work, but now is ready to quit after 4 (which was probably more reasonable anyway -- our sons have un-fond memories of indentured servitude to this big piece of property and its raking, weeding, and mowing demands.)

His knee has been bothering him -- old football injury come back to haunt him -- and he fears that sooner rather than later a knee replacement may be on the horizon, which could interfere with his fearless and obsessive snowboarding schedule.  Not one for groomed runs, he loves the deep powder of the glades, making fresh tracks through the trees, but which is also more challenging physically.  But in almost every other way he is as fit (maybe more so) than that 18 year old kid I went out with in high school.  He certainly is more sensitive, self-aware, patient, kind, and compassionate than back then, when gender roles and goal-driven tasks and projects -- personal,  educational, and professional -- occupied his time and focus.

The whole family was here to celebrate over dinner last night.  We are so blessed by our sons and who they've grown to be, by the women they've brought into our lives, and the grandchildren we cherish.  So, keep those birthdays coming, I guess.  We are holding the alternative at bay wth much to appreciate still present for us.
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THE STATE OF THE UNION CONTINUES TO DETERIORATE.  There is a "before" November 8th and an "after".  I am still trying to adjust to the reality of what is happening.  It's well-documented, so I won't list the litany of horrors 45* continues to visit upon our great nation.  (I call him 45 for he is the 45th President, but *elected by a minority of the popular vote.) Suffice to say, we are 100% immersed in "the Resistance" but it does take a psychic toll.  Sometimes I long to have my life back from the constant barrage of information and calls to action.

We spent all day in our state capitol on Tuesday attending a policy training and public hearing on a climate change bill that the Republicans will ensure won't see the light of day.  You do what is right anyway and just keep fighting.

We've reconnected with Physicians for Social Responsibility, a fabulous organization, a chapter of which we and others organized in our county. It feels good to be "back", but sad that so many issues now need to be revisited with even more urgency.

There are dozens of grassroots groups forming and it's hard to keep up and know which to ally with and which to ignore.  Many seem redundant and are splintering the finite number of people who can populate them.  I assume over time they will merge.  Forming, storming, and norming, as groups do.

I make my calls to legislators, send my emails, and post cards and watch the Media/Press do what they do so well -- dig, dig, dig.  In spite of 45*'s derisive name calling of them, his maneuvering to only include and speak to those conservative "alt-right" outlets that worship him, the tried and true and reliable news sources are doing their jobs.  It does my heart good.  I've always felt the Press is the bulwark of our democracy.  They are doing it again.  Rachel Maddow and her relentless tracking of the Russia connection, along with investigative reporting from the NY Times, Washington Post, the New Yorker and others may just bring the house down.  Waiting impatiently.
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ENOUGH.  The piano CD has ended and the teapot is empty.  The Outlander soundtrack has begun again on repeat and I need to plan which reruns of the TV show I will watch tonight.  So all ye lads and lassies, I bid you beannachd leat.

At least, that's the view from here...©