THE LAST DAY

 I've intended to write more often this month.  Well....good intentions and reality are different animals, right?  But here I am, on the last day of December, the last day of 2023, sitting down in a reflective mood.  

I have a well-documented love/hate relationship with the holidays.  This year is no exception.  I am so over it today.  But looking back on the season, which for me starts on Thanksgiving, I have much to feel grateful for; mostly, seeing so much of my family.  I have been sad that over the past few years (since the Covid Times) that we see each other less frequently than we used to. Covid kept us apart, and lives changed in other ways that I didn't predict. I've tried various strategies to reach out, keep in touch, encourage texts, etc between visits, but it's been met with somewhat less than enthusiastic response.  Adult children and growing grandchildren have other priorities.  I know.  I did too at their ages.  I just thought the "Magic Mom/Grandma" Seeds I planted would make it different for me.  Ha Ha  Nope.  

But when the holidays come 'round, so does everyone else.  Our family love grows in full flower over the holidays.  We gathered for Thanksgiving. A day later we all went to the Christmas Tree Farm together.  A week later most of us were able to attend  one of Granddaughter One's volleyball games (Hub and I went twice/weekly for several weeks -- so much fun to see her play) and out for pizza afterwards to celebrate Son Two's birthday.  Hub and I went to Granddaughter One's school choir Winter concert.  The next day, DIL Aunt and granddaughters met here to make Krumkaka -- passing on a Norwegian tradition from my family and Aunt's.  A little over a week after that all came over to celebrate my birthday (Hello #73!).  Then it was Christmas Eve together with Son One and his family (Son Two and DIL went to California for Christmas with her family.)  Christmas Day Son One and family were back here for more festivities.   Over Christmas break from school, Hub took 8-1/2 y/o Granddaughter Two snowboarding (a season pass and lessons was her big Christmas gift).  I got to spend a day with 14 y/o Granddaughter One going shopping -- and being fully immersed in the consumer life of an early teen. (She spent hours in Bath and Body Works and Old Navy!)  Son Two and DIL got home and we all gathered again for a second Christmas, the whole family together, yesterday.  Many hugs, much laughter, food, games -- sort of Hallmark-y, actually. I treasure all these together times and know that there will be a bit of a dry spell now when I won't see or hear from them so much.  But Granddaughter Two's BD is coming in late February...

So all in all, a good holiday season, amidst my angst about buying paltry gifts this year, barely decorating, letting others bring a lot of the food, getting tired of logistics at times, and lately just wanting all the red and green to go back in the attic.  

I realize that, like with so much else in 2023, I've let go. I've let go of what I used to do to create Christmas and I just let it unfold with lots of help, a quieter presence, a little less stress.  I've been doing this for a few years and even more this year.  It's different and fine, I think.

Tonight Son One and DIL are hosting a big New Year's Eve party.  Son Two and DIL are heading to good friends' house a ways away to celebrate and spend the night.  Hub and I are staying home, pup-sitting the nervous dog who will NOT be pleased with a houseful of revelers at his home.  I will make some zero-proof drinks for us.  Hub will likely pour a beer or a glass of wine for himself also.  We will eat leftovers from yesterday's family get together.  We might watch a movie.  I will try to stay awake until midnight.  If not, Hub will wake me to watch the official Seattle countdown from the Space Needle on TV.  We will head up to our upper floor covered porch, taking in the lights of the city and watching the informal fireworks going off around us.  We will toast the new year, share a kiss, marvel that this will be our 54th NYE together (including dating) and collapse into bed.  I don't feel I'm missing anything at all with this plan.  It is perfect, as it's been for several years now, to stay home and be quiet.  

At least, that's the view from here...© 

Photo Credit:  Daniel Kim/Seattle Times/2021 (New Years at the Space Needle)

CHRISTMAS HITS & MISSES

I have joked for years that my favorite day of the holiday season is December 26th.

I'm not a huge fan of the Christmas Season with it's ever-expanding to-do lists, forced socializing, and excesses of planning, decorating, buying, entertaining, cooking, baking, SUGAR eating....  Even though I've scaled all that back dramatically in recent years (except the sugar binges), it seems there are still moments when I'm  overwhelmed/over-stimulated and just want it all to STOP!  I hit a low point on Saturday 12/22, just prior to leaving for a Winter Solstice Party with friends, but about a quarter of the way into the evening, I rallied and enjoyed walking the traditional spiral path, singing holiday songs and carols, and spending time with my Tribe.

My second wind ended up with us adding to the family plans by buying lights to set up our own backyard spiral for walking on Christmas Eve, which we thought was very beautiful and meaningful, but which was met with what I'd say was tolerance at best by our sons and their people. The grand girls seemed to find it a fine and novel activity, but others were mute about their experience of it.  I guess it's too late to add another "tradition" to the already well-established Christmas Eve family festivities.

But I'm not giving up entirely.  I think I'll move it to my birthday, which is only a couple days before the Solstice.  Plus, I can demand anything on my birthday and get no complaints.  We'll add a bonfire with BD S'mores  and all will be happy.

Many of our friends report that they've passed the baton on holidays to their grown children who now host the big holiday gatherings in their homes instead of at Mom and Dad's.  We still host here because we have a big house, which neither of our sons do, and because it's the old family home that holds all the memories.  I actually love that they come here.  I just don't want to cook for them.

It's well known that cooking and baking are not my thing, and it's a big chore for me.  Over the past few years more and more I've been grateful for sharing this part of the holiday as the youngers bring dishes to share.  The feast they put together for our Christmas Eve buffet this year was a wonder to behold!  Son Two took on the majority of the Christmas Day dinner too.  I felt like a guest in my own home.  A lovely gift to me.

Speaking of gifts.  A few years ago we decided to exchange names amongst the six adults to have only one to buy for. All of us get things for the little girls.  We don't reveal who we have until Christmas Day gift exchange time and it's fun to find out who our Secret Santa was.  The odds of getting the same person, of course, are pretty great since there are so few of us.  I've gotten Son One three years in a row.

Something I appreciate about our family, even the little kids, is how much we love giving gifts -- even more than getting them.   Son One has a particular knack for paying attention all year to the likes and wants of family members and comes up with something that fits that person to a "T".  Since he's helping the girls buy things for the grown ups, his choices are on display in their gifts.  I just love seeing what he comes up with for everyone.

Christmas is renewed through the eyes of children and our grand girls of course are full of anticipation and excitement and thankfully, gratitude, for the whole enterprise from start to finish.  They are catching on to the family traditions around stockings, foods, candles, books, puzzles, games, gifts, etc. and it heartens me to see our holiday rituals taking root in a new generation.

So how am I doing this December 26th?  Less exhausted than usual.  More appreciative.  Not depressed.

 And almost obsessed with being so OVER Christmas that if Hub wasn't standing in my way, all the red and green and Santa-themed decorations would be put away by this afternoon.  I don't mind the "winter" decor with some snow and sparkle, but the obvious Christmas stuff is annoying me now.  As for the tree and outdoor garlands?   I will leave those aglow until New Years, but January 2nd will be a busy day of packing it all away.

The time seems to fly by so quickly that it will all barely be stowed in the attic than it will be time to drag it all out again.  And in spite of my December 26th vows to leave most of it in bins and boxes next year, I'll again get caught in the spirit and out it will come to brighten our home and welcome our family and friends back into the fold of Christmas Magic 2019.

At least, that's the view from here...©

Tired Santa Photo Credit:  www.pixabay.com

CREATE: ART SAVES LIVES

I'm in one of my favorite places in all the world. (Well, I've only been to a teeny fraction of the world -- that which doesn't involve transatlantic flight, so there's that...but still a favorite place!)  I'm looking out the window on a quintessential Northwest scene with the sun breaking through to shine in warming my shoulder and I am content and happy and feeling deep, deep gratitude for my life.

Every year Hub and I come here for a three-day getaway to celebrate my December birthday and the holidays.  This town, Pt. Townsend, Washington, (Google it -- charming and historic) holds so many memories for us, even though the shops and restaurants change little from year to year and the gorgeous scenery not at all, thankfully.  It's been documented that Hub and I are creatures of habit and return again and again to familiar places we love.  We are "settlers" more than "explorers", I guess.  We have often talked of moving here and I still have a longing to do that and would in a heartbeat but for our sons and their families, especially the grandkids, and our friends who we see frequently and love like family.  A 2-1/2 hour drive-ferry crossing-drive from our current home would make being wth all of them an occasional event, not a multi-day of the week one.  We are tethered to where we live by love and commitment and gratitude.  We won't leave now.  But we come here annually for sure and often more frequently since summers here are glorious as well.

These three days have been a respite from the bustle of holiday prep at home and from the to-do lists that seem always to grow longer and never completed.  At home I wake up full of "gotta get going" energy with things to do, places to go, people to see competing for my time.  Here, in true vacation fashion, I wake up soaking in the creative energy that permeates the air here.  I wake up eager to stroll across the street to a waterfront coffee shop for my first cup, then to the waterfront restaurant on the other end of town that is our favorite for breakfast, then wandering in and out of boutiques and bookstores, home decor, garden, and toy shops.   We might stroll up the hill to "Uptown" to visit a cool grocery there where they sell the best cookies!  We go to the tea shop that has a comfy seating area where we plan our evening -- which of our favorite dinner places to hit before a movie at The Rose -- an old-fashioned movie theater in town.  If the weather is nice, not too windy, we might take a beach walk (and since Hub is reading this, I acknowledge that the weather doesn't hold him back and he just returned from a multi-mile walk while I hung out drinking coffee, so really HE'S the walker, not me, but there is always the possibility I might...)

One thing I haven't left behind is my FB newsfeed and I admit it's been a bummer to follow the ongoing debacle that is the political situation in our country.  I am more dejected and bereft with every Administration appointment and ridiculous Tweet from the minority-president-elect. (Hillary won 2.5 million more votes that he, so he's the "minority-president" forever after in my mind.)   What is happening is surreal -- his Cabinet appointments are gazillionaire business cronies or washed up politicians with no experience for the job.  They have vast conflicts of interest in every position.  It's a joke but it's not funny.  I've talked to so many friends who are still feeling their lives to be off-balance, and I am among them.  I feel like I'm just holding on to my own life, but what's happening around me threatens to pull me out of my reality at every turn.  People say they are going through the motions of their lives, trying to find islands of peace and hope, while also being buffeted by despair and outrage.  It's a schizophrenic experience.

Yesterday, at the coffee shop, I was inspired to write a "rhyming poem", something I never do unless I "hear" music that might apply to it.  I sent it off to two collaborators -- excellent musicians and great friends who have put my words to music and may end up on a couple of CDs one day soon (YAY!).   It was one of those moments where I looked out at Puget Sound and watched the ferry glide by, after having read news of Aleppo, Exxon, Standing Rock and an op ed by Charles Blow in the NYT (he's been a voice that speaks to me) about finding love and justice in the midst of terror and destruction -- of cities and of institutions.  The words floated into my head and out through my fingers on the keyboard organically, without thought or much editing.  I love when the Muse just takes over almost against my will.  The song lyrics I've written (few and far between) are almost always like that -- with the musicians doing the hard work of finding melodies to go with them.  I loved being in a creative groove, because I think art is necessary in a world gone awry.

I once bought a bumper sticker in this town in a shop that featured Native American Art.  It read: Art Saves Lives.  I put it on our old van and it traveled with us for many, many years -- inspiring me and maybe others who sat behind us in traffic, who knows?  Humans have the urge to create.  Find your special place, get quiet, indulge in pleasures that relax, and then do your art.  Whatever that is.  Sing, dance, paint, write, knit, sew, build, weld, cook, tell a joke.  BE.

The world needs us refreshed and ready to save lives, the earth, the future.

At least, that's the view from here....©

TRICK OR TREAT OR NOT

I cracked up when I saw this meme on Facebook last week.  It sort of describes how I've felt for the past couple of years.

I love decorating for Fall -- Fall being my very favorite season.  I love pumpkins (not carved), the trees turning a riot of colors, leaves falling, a cornucopia of harvest, mums.

When my sons were little, I was way more into Halloween, of course.  It was a very, very big deal.  And I really loved it.  I loved collecting a huge array of Halloween decorations and creating a cute/scary tableau every October.  I still have a lot of the stuff in the attic in orange and black crates.  I just don't get it out anymore.  It's a lot of work.  Hub doesn't care and doesn't notice.  And while I have little grand girls, they are not here full time and I am.   I'm the one who would decorate, look at, and put it all away.   I'm just not that into the whole witches, Dracula, ghosts, Jack'O Lantern, black cat, big rat, hairy spider, cobwebby thing anymore.


But Angel was here last Saturday morning and I promised to take her to the Farmer's Market to choose a pumpkin for carving.  She designed this cyclops woman (where that came from in her imagination I have no idea) and then I let her decorate our front porch.

My only contribution was this disembodied arm hanging from the door knocker peephole.  I get it out every Halloween; my one nod to the holiday in recent years.  I like that it is sort of creepy and very easy to store and display.

I also have a fake Jack 'O Lantern embedded in my living room planter because little Jewel thinks it's sort of magical. She points with wide-eyed delight and says, "Pukkin".   Cute Alert!


Hub came home with a huge Costco-sized bag of candy yesterday.  I have tried to hand out granola bars or fruit leather in recent years in an attempt to encourage healthy eating in the younger generation, but he goes for the Nestle Company (evil empire) Snickers, Twix, Reese's, M&M, etc mix.  In spite of my resolve to not open it until the 31st, all Hub had to do was mention in passing something about how good a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup would taste during the 7th Inning Stretch of the Cubs v. Indians World Series game last night and I was into that bag like an addict scoring a hit of crack.  Turns out those little candy bars are also a nice breakfast snack accompanied by a steaming cup of black coffee.

I will survive Halloween, though.  I have to work too hard to overcome a sugar-binge these days.  I've matured into decorating tastefully, not gaudily, and eating only a modicum of Halloween candy, not having to replace the empty bag before Halloween, as in years long past.

But if you care to stop by for a frightfully good time, I have set some Snickers aside which I can serve in a hollowed-out skull.  Then we can hop on the scale for a truly terrifying adventure in self-recrimination.  BOO!

At least, that's the view from here....©

EASTER MUSINGS

Stiff petticoats and white patent leather shoes.  Starched hats and tiny flower-festoons purses.  Hidden Easter baskets and hollow chocolate bunnies.  Peeps.  Ham, with jello salad.  My dad in a suit -- a rare occasion -- for the annual Easter trip to the Methodist church.  Sunday School.  Easter Lilies.  Alleluia!  Sunshine.

These images have been floating through my mind all day as I have spent the past several hours of Easter Sunday alone at home.  Oh, I'm not feeling sad or morose.  My family will be here later for an indoor egg hunt on this gloomy and rainy Easter Sunday.  We will all sit down to a salmon and asparagus dinner.  There will be plenty of chocolate.

But it's not like it was.  And that's OK.  I just feel in a nostalgic mood since this Easter couldn't be more different than those of my childhood.

Today, all the men in my family were up before dawn to get to the mountain pass ski resort by 8:00 a.m. for our 6 year-old Angel's first snowboard lesson.  It is a special "kids day" with free gear and lessons all day long and a snow-bank egg hunt to boot!  She was at first hesitant, then excited, and I just saw a video of her on Facebook looking like a pro gliding down a gentle hill of snow with ski lifts in the background making me wonder if we might have another snowboard fanatic in the making.  (Hub would be so thrilled!)

My childhood Easter was not spent on any ski slope.   In my childhood in Northern Illinois, it was a day for my family and my aunt's family to gather at one home or another (my mother, in our small city, and her sister, in a tiny country town, traded off hosting holidays), having a meal and entertaining myself while the grown ups talked.  My older brother and boy cousin were 10 years older than I and both ignored me completely.  My younger brother 4 years younger was around, but not interested in dolls or coloring or fingering the fabrics my mom and aunt and grandma seemed to delight in sharing around, with patterns they planned to sew.  I was pretty much on my own.

I was a quiet girl, content with hanging on the fringes of adult conversation, playing games, dressing dolls, creating a rich inner fantasy life of stories and songs.  I imagine Easter was a day for all of that for me.  And really, that's a bit what I've been up to today.  Quietly planning my dinner menu, preparing food, setting the table, meditating, reading, sending a few emails, reading, writing this blog post....

Just waiting for my beautiful family to come through the door with tales of adventures and two little girls eager to find baskets of gifts and eggs.  Their memories of grandma's house will be different from mine.  But I hope they will recall them as fondly.

At least, that's the view from here....©