RANDOM THOUGHTS ON RANDOM SUBJECTS

The Muse showed up in September, then abandoned me in October.  In fact all of October flew by in such a rush I barely remember it.  But this being the last day, I decided to sit down and force something onto the page so that I can say I've never missed at least posting once a month since I started this blog.  So here we are with a few things on my mind.

HALLOWEEN:  When my boys were young this was my favorite holiday.  I went all out!  What's not to like?  It's basically a one day holiday; doesn't involve making a meal or having an obligatory gathering of family and/or friends; the decorations are fun and creative; you get to dress up as your alter-ego; AND you get to eat boatloads of candy that people just hand out for free!  

But this year I'm sort of taking a pass.  I usually decorate for Autumn in September, haul out the Halloween decor in October, put that away and get some turkey stuff out for November, then put it all away to start throwing red and green around the house in December.  This year I got out minimal Autumn decor and zero Halloween stuff.  I was going to go dark tonight, but I've now decided to hand out granola bars to the few kids who will come to my door.  Every year it's fewer and fewer and I don't know any of them.  Our neighborhood attracts families from other areas, so cars drive up, drop off their trick or treaters who plunder the 'hood and take off again.  I don't mind, but I don't know any of the kids, which makes it a little less fun.  So, we will see how it goes.  I'm mostly happy for my grandkids who are looking forward to their own Halloween fun in their neighborhood.

TRAVEL:  Do you watch PBS, especially anything Masterpiece?  Then you've seen the Viking River Cruise commercials.  We signed up for one leaving next spring -- the Grand European Tour from Amsterdam to Budapest.  Friends have raved about it.  Viking caters to the traveler's every whim, you feel pampered, see lots of cool stuff, and make friends for life.  Uh-huh.  Well, we spent one entire day on their website and on the telephone making our flight and excursion arrangements with Viking and let me just say, it was not seamless nor particularly easy.   However,  the Viking travel coordinator couldn't have been more accommodating.  It was just complicated. Maybe I'll do a whole post on that one day.  For now I am putting it out of my mind.

We took a less high stakes trip to San Diego last week.  A 5-day getaway as our rainy season here in the Pacific Northwest gets underway.  It was 72 and and sunny in SD, as advertised.  As always.  I don't think I'd get bored with that.  We did touristy things -- walked and walked as we always do and saw the main downtown/waterfront sights.  We did a trolly trip out to Coronado Island and walked on the beach.  We visited a Dia De Los Muertos celebration Old Town.  And saw more unfortunate un-homed people living on the street than my heart could tolerate.  

I will confess to a mixture of feelings -- great sympathy and curiosity about how so many lives became so desperate and sad.  Also, a feeling of guilt at my revulsion over the filth and smell of unwashed bodies and urine soaked sidewalks.  Also, frustration and helplessness over the intractable nature of addressing and solving this problem through policy, politics, and do-gooderism.  No matter which direction we headed from our hotel, we walked past individuals curled up in doorways and small tent cities under viaducts.  I mostly felt safe enough, but with the 'streetwise' caution of not really knowing if/when someone on drugs or with mental health issues might do something unexpected and threatening.  This is the reality of cities large and small to one degree or another.  It's sad.

FRIENDS:  Yesterday, just a week shy of our 6th anniversary, I and a group of my friends (who call ourselves the Coffeehouse Crew) had a rare in-person meet-up at a local restaurant.  Ten of of gathered around a big table and delighted in seeing whole live bodies after years now of meeting primarily on Zoom.  Before Covid we met monthly at a different coffeeshop each time.  Then Covid hit and many were feeling isolated, so we decided to meet weekly on Zoom.  We've continued to do this since we are also geographically spread out and some of us like to be in our jammies all day.  LOL  But we've decided that meeting in person occasionally would be great too so we will do that every so often, along with our Zoom gatherings.

I realized how much I've missed seeing those women in person.  I realize how infrequently I see anyone in person.  My introverted nature was delighted with the Covid lockdown.  No more forced socializing!  I kept up all my connections through FB, this blog, emails, cards, texts, Messenger....but my in-person interactions took a nosedive and has remained so even now.  I go out.  I do things.  I meet  friends for coffee or lunch now and again, but Hub and I rarely go to someone's home or have people over other than family.  It's so different from how it was in the "before times".  I'm realizing I've settled into a new way of being and I am discerning what that means and how that feels to me.  What I notice is that I'm good for about 90 minutes of social interaction, then I'm sort of exhausted.   I will have to work back up to full speed!  

GRATITUDE:  It's been a year since my right hip started to bug me.  I went to Physical Therapy early this year and that helped.  Then I signed up with a personal trainer in the spring and that helped too.  But this fall it has gotten worse, to the point where some days I can barely limp across the room.  (And other days, like on vacation last week, I walked 5-6 miles a day!)  So I'm going back to PT.  This has been such a humbling experience.  I've prided myself on my fitness and lack of chronic conditions that limit me.  I have greater empathy for how something can develop that can slow or stop you in your tracks and the cascading effects of that, both physically and emotionally.  I've gained weight since I've not been able to exercise and walk as much.  I've been in tears of frustration over feeling limitations in movement -- even simply going up a flight of stairs.  I'm less confident in my ability to do certain activities.  It sucks.  

AND I do not have anything life-threatening.  I do not have arthritis or joint deterioration.  This is all due to my scoliosis and a lifetime of compensation for spine curvature which has caused my muscles and supporting tendons, etc to tighten up and "hold on".  I need to do a lot of work to loosen and soothe, build strength, and hopefully find a way to live with this without pain or limitation.  And I have a great team of professionals who know how to help me -- doctor, physical therapist, trainer, yoga therapist.  So I'm humbled but grateful.  And grateful for having developed a desire to persevere.  I might feel like giving up in many areas of my life, but I don't.  Eventually I just find a way, a path, a guide, and I keep on.  Don't we all?

At least, that's the view from here...©

WE HAD A SCARY PARTY

Of course, within days of our Family Halloween Party the newest Covid numbers in the County were released and they are not good.  In fact, they are the worst since last March when all of this was taking us by storm.  The rising numbers are for all age groups and mostly due to "roommate, friend and/or family indoor gatherings" where mask wearing is sporadic if at all. 

So, this morning, when I felt chilled (likely because it's chilly in the house with fall temps and damp fog permeating our living space), I assumed I had "The Covid".  I assumed this with the irrational fear, and absolute conviction, that comes with being an anxiety sufferer even when we do not have a deadly pandemic hiding in plain sight. (BOO!)  I did try to talk myself down, Hub reminded me I was using worry to project myself into a future that I didn't want (ICU, ventilator, etc, etc.),  and I meditated.  All were helpful to a degree.  And still....did we make a mistake with the party?

We spent weeks figuring out how to gather safely indoors now that outdoor gatherings would be slightly miserable (cold and wet).  We decided to clean and clear our garage, hang fabric shower curtain liners over the open shelving, string party lights, set up tables and chairs at least 8 feet apart for each family unit.  We had hand sanitizer and sanitizing wipes at the ready.  We told everyone that costumes were optional but masks were mandatory.

Hub should have a degree in indoor ventilation by now with his research into, and buying of, HEPA Air Purifiers -- six of them! -- set strategically in the garage and the adjacent Game Room (pool table, darts, foosball).  He opened doors and windows and put box fans in windows opposite to draw air through the rooms, creating adequate flow to eliminate "dead air" spaces.  He tested this by carrying a lit candle around watching which way the flame bent.  

When we all gathered (Son One and his family, Son Two and his wife) we went outside to the yard to do a Candy Hunt.  Having lost Easter to Covid lockdown, I decided to create the traditional Easter Egg Hunt, but with Halloween candies inside the plastic eggs.  The grand-girls loved it.  Then we came in to the snacks I had spent all day creating.  Big hit.  Our 11 y/o granddaughter brought a dip and some cookies too -- she's turned into quite the cook/baker!  Then we carved pumpkins together, displaying the finished masterpieces.  A light supper of homemade (all from scratch, of which I am inordinately proud, since I don't normally cook) pumpkin soup, chili, cornbread, and pumpkin cake for dessert came last.  A few of us played a game of pool, some sat and visited together.  Then it was over.  Days and days of planning, two full days of work to cook, set up, and orchestrate and it was over in about 3-1/2 hours.  We were exhausted.  But we think we created a safe and memorable experience.

Still, is that what every family thinks, even those who end up with Covid in their midst?  We did remove masks to eat, to sip beverages, but masks were on at all other times...except our little 5 y/o who has such a hard time keeping her mask on and her distance from us, but I noticed she's much better with the mask if she does come close.  We did stay at least (usually more than) six feet apart.  Even with all our ventilation, was this too big a risk?  I think of all those going to restaurants, maskless, surrounded by strangers, eating and drinking, and who knows which way the indoor air is blowing, if at all?   Our party had to be safer than that, right?

I will be so grateful for the day when seeing my family doesn't include the "countdown to symptoms" anxiety that I felt this morning.  This is Day 5 post-party.  So far so good....

At least, that's the view from here...©

TRICK OR TREAT OR NOT

I cracked up when I saw this meme on Facebook last week.  It sort of describes how I've felt for the past couple of years.

I love decorating for Fall -- Fall being my very favorite season.  I love pumpkins (not carved), the trees turning a riot of colors, leaves falling, a cornucopia of harvest, mums.

When my sons were little, I was way more into Halloween, of course.  It was a very, very big deal.  And I really loved it.  I loved collecting a huge array of Halloween decorations and creating a cute/scary tableau every October.  I still have a lot of the stuff in the attic in orange and black crates.  I just don't get it out anymore.  It's a lot of work.  Hub doesn't care and doesn't notice.  And while I have little grand girls, they are not here full time and I am.   I'm the one who would decorate, look at, and put it all away.   I'm just not that into the whole witches, Dracula, ghosts, Jack'O Lantern, black cat, big rat, hairy spider, cobwebby thing anymore.


But Angel was here last Saturday morning and I promised to take her to the Farmer's Market to choose a pumpkin for carving.  She designed this cyclops woman (where that came from in her imagination I have no idea) and then I let her decorate our front porch.

My only contribution was this disembodied arm hanging from the door knocker peephole.  I get it out every Halloween; my one nod to the holiday in recent years.  I like that it is sort of creepy and very easy to store and display.

I also have a fake Jack 'O Lantern embedded in my living room planter because little Jewel thinks it's sort of magical. She points with wide-eyed delight and says, "Pukkin".   Cute Alert!


Hub came home with a huge Costco-sized bag of candy yesterday.  I have tried to hand out granola bars or fruit leather in recent years in an attempt to encourage healthy eating in the younger generation, but he goes for the Nestle Company (evil empire) Snickers, Twix, Reese's, M&M, etc mix.  In spite of my resolve to not open it until the 31st, all Hub had to do was mention in passing something about how good a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup would taste during the 7th Inning Stretch of the Cubs v. Indians World Series game last night and I was into that bag like an addict scoring a hit of crack.  Turns out those little candy bars are also a nice breakfast snack accompanied by a steaming cup of black coffee.

I will survive Halloween, though.  I have to work too hard to overcome a sugar-binge these days.  I've matured into decorating tastefully, not gaudily, and eating only a modicum of Halloween candy, not having to replace the empty bag before Halloween, as in years long past.

But if you care to stop by for a frightfully good time, I have set some Snickers aside which I can serve in a hollowed-out skull.  Then we can hop on the scale for a truly terrifying adventure in self-recrimination.  BOO!

At least, that's the view from here....©