AGAIN

I don't recall how many blog posts I've written about school/mass shootings, two of which were local -- a high school attended by the daughter of friends and one involving a gathering of teens where the son of a friend was shot and injured by a jilted boyfriend of one of the girls he killed.

Now, Uvalde, Texas.  19 children, ages 7-10, and 2 teachers were slaughtered the other day by a young man who legally bought two AR-15 assault rifles for his 18th birthday last week prior to his decision to kill.

I can't look at the photos of the kids and teachers on TV, in the papers, on social media.  I only see innocence; I only see my own granddaughters in their faces.  I see my best friend's daughter, 5th grade teacher extraordinaire, moving to protect her students.  My heart breaks anew with every glimpse at those lively, smiling faces and then their grief-stricken parents and families. 

I have nothing eloquent or motivating or interesting to add to the already well-articulated outrage and grief that is everywhere.  But I can post this list, broken up into multiple screen shot photos.  I can post this list of America's tolerance for shameful violence against children.  Guns are the #1 killer of children and teens in America.  Guns!

And with each mass killing we hear about "thoughts and prayers".  We hear about the fact the 90% of Americans favor some sort of regulation on gun ownership.  We hear about an entrenched political party that will not move gun safety legislation forward.  We hear about the National Rifle Association which seems to have those recalcitrant politicians in their grasp.  We hear about the terrorizing of our children, who practice "active shooter" drills as part of their curriculum.  We hear that it's a mental health issue, not a gun issue.  And we see that statistics that tell a different story -- we are by far the most violent democratic, economically stable country on earth.  Others have mental health issues. Others have poverty and crime. Others have all the problems we have.  But they also have the will to say NO to the ridiculous notion that gun ownership is a right without restriction.  

They do not glorify guns and violence as uniquely American.  Our country was founded on violence and continues to be violent to this day.  We put up with it.  It's part of our culture. I saw a man at my local grocery store last week wearing a t-shirt that announced, "In God We Trust -- The Guns Are Just Back-Up", with an American Eagle bracketed by images of rifles.  He wore his sentiment proudly.  I wanted to cry...or rage.

There is the usual taking sides right now...until all this fades until the next time.  I guess there will never be a day when enough is enough for some people.  As for me, my heart breaks...every time.

At least, that's the view from here...©

Here is a partial list of schools where gun violence has occurred in the U.S.  According to National World magazine, since 1970 there have been 2052 incidents of gun violence in American schools, killing 661 children and adults.  America is a gun.

DON'T SHOOT!

Friday night Hub and I went to the first play of the season at the theater company here in town.  We love that we don't have to commute to Seattle to experience excellent professional musical theater.  The show was "Into the Woods".  I was disappointed not to love it, but regardless of the plot and book; I have to praise the actors and stage/lighting designers.  Top notch every time.  We didn't leave the theater until nearly 11:00 -- pretty late for us these days.

Driving home, we noticed our street was filled with cars and a few people walking around.  "Party", we both said, and just kept going.

I was tired, so I went to bed shortly after getting home.  Hub decided to stay up a bit longer.  I had fallen asleep but not deeply so, and at one point I heard Hub talking.  It was disorienting.  Who in the world was he talking to on the phone after midnight?!?  I called down to him from upstairs asking if he was OK.  "Yes, just called 911. I think I heard gunshots!"

What?!?!  That woke me up fast!  Immediately I heard sirens.  Hub came upstairs to our bedroom where we have a good view of the street and we both watched as police, ambulance, and some sort of armored truck (SWAT team, we thought) converged on the corner 1-1/2 blocks from our home.  Hub said he'd seen people running down the street and cars peeling away shortly after the gunshots.  Now we saw people milling about as the police cordoned off the street 1/2 block from us.  Shortly, two officers raced by our home on foot being led by a police dog on the scent.  It was all quite surreal and we had no idea what was going on.

The neighborhood email list serve immediately lit up and I followed the comments of other neighbors who had heard the shots and called 911 also.  They said a partygoer had shot another and the shooter was still on the loose.  Nervous Nelly that I am, this was not welcome news.  We continued to watch for awhile, but really couldn't see all that well.  Hub got tired and came to bed, soon falling asleep.  But I was awake until after 2:00 a.m. watching the red lights flash on the walls of our bedroom until eventually I dozed off and awoke around 3:00 to a quiet street, all evidence of the police and the incident gone.

In the meantime details have emerged that the party was at an historic house originally belonging to a lumber baron back in the day, but has had several owners since we've lived here.  Currently it is owned by a development company seeking to subdivide the property and build more homes there -- not something we are happy about since it will destroy the historic nature of the property and the stately mansion will be surrounded by modern homes, but such is progress I guess.  In the meantime, it is being rented to some college students in their mid-late 20's.  The mother of one of them lives here in the neighborhood too and vouches for them.  Her son has written an account of the incident to the neighbors on the list serve.  He says it was a gathering of friends and co-workers that was going fine until an uninvited group showed up and started to cause a disturbance.  He told them to leave, which they did, but once in the street, shots were fired.  He said none of his original guests were involved, only the group that showed up and were unknown to him.  A 15 year old boy is in serious condition at a Seattle trauma center hospital.  The shooter is still to be identified and taken into custody.

It's all very unsettling, but plausible.  Parties have a way of getting out of hand, I know, when people spread the word and strangers show up.  I'm sure my sons were at plenty of college parties where not everyone was known to the host.  As to those who showed up and ended up shooting one of their own group....what's up with that?

What's up with any of it really?  I am sickened by how common gun violence is.  I could go on and on about my abhorance of guns and the prevalence of guns and our lax gun laws...yes, on and on.  It's a national tragedy.  Maybe I'll devote another post to this topic, but for now, I am stunned that this happened so close to home....and at the same time I have no illusions that any of us are safe from gun violence no matter the relatively affluent, historic nature of our neighborhoods.

We try here to be good neighbors. We keep our houses painted, our lawns mowed, watch out for each other, helping when we can, staying in touch on the list serve...AND lots of folks have alarm systems and security cameras.

I woke up scanning the thickly treed greenbelt behind our home, wondering if the shooter may have taken temporary refuge there.  Into the Woods, indeed.  Troubling times.

At least, that's the view from here...©

Photo Credit:  Pixabay.com

SHARED GRIEF

I'm just now getting around to writing about this, a week after the shocking news of three young people killed 10 miles from where I live, and a fourth young man gravely wounded.  The shooter was a classmate of all of them when they were in high school, the former boyfriend of the young woman killed.  All were 18-19 years old and in their first years of college;  all of life ahead of them and by all accounts talented, gifted, vibrant individuals.  I'm just now writing about this because writing about it sooner would have made it too real.  I just couldn't believe it.

The story is that the shooter broke up a couple of months ago with the young woman he killed.  She began dating other guys.  He wanted to reconcile and was jealous.  There was a gathering of a bunch of friends at a private residence in the small, quiet waterfront town where they lived.  It was not unusual for this family to open their large home to these kids who were well-behaved and just having fun together.  (My younger son, when he was in high school had good friends in that community, his best friend in fact, and hung out at their homes at parties and gatherings just like that one.  I could picture him there, on a similar summer night, having fun with his buddies.)

At about midnight, the shooter showed up.  He saw his ex-girlfiend with another guy, returned to his car to read the instruction manual for the Ruger semi-automatic rifle and two 30 round magazines he had purchased days before and returned to the party to shoot his ex-girlfriend.  He did, as well as three others before finally fleeing the scene.  The girl and two boys died there.  A third boy was wounded and taken to a Seattle trauma center in serious condition.  A community woke up last Saturday morning to this shocking news.  It had happened again.  It had happened here.

I've been reading about the kids who were killed.  There has been less written about the shooter other than that his parents are devastated and remorseful.  I can't even imagine their shock and grief.  He was apprehended a couple of hours later driving south of Seattle, making frantic cell calls to out of state friends.  (Police were able to pinpoint his location based on cell tower "pings" off his phone - technology can be a good thing.)  He basically confessed to everything and gave the police a chronology of his actions.  I don't know what kind of defense they will mount for him, but I heard he's entering a "not guilty" plea.  The law baffles me at times.

What I haven't said yet is that I know the father of the boy who was wounded.  He is engaged to a friend I've known for 20 years.  We've socialized with them and I met his son last December at a gathering at their home.  It is unbelievable that my friends are party to this, are devastated by this,   are unhinged and disbelieving about this.  Fortunately the young man is recovering from his physical wounds.  The bullets shattered his shoulder blade, likely saving his life, since the doctors say had it hit anywhere else he would likely have been killed.  His physical wounds will heal.  But how does anyone ever heal emotionally and psychically from seeing and hearing your best friends being killed, the screams from others at the gathering, the horror of the carnage left behind?    I know my friends and they are wise, compassionate, resourceful people with a huge support system.  They will do all they can to help this young man regain his strength and heart.  But such a tragedy, such an experience can never be fully overcome, can it?

I will say it now.  Had this troubled young man, the shooter, not had a gun in his hand, four lives would have been saved.  Kids fall hard in love at that age.  They have limited experience with break-ups and moving on.  Their brains are not fully formed.  They say and do stupid things.  They need time to live and learn and find perspective.  I would guess that "back in the day" this kid might have shown up to find his ex-girlfriend with another guy and maybe caused a scene.  There might have been yelling, pushing, shoving, maybe a punch thrown.  But I can't believe three people would have been killed in a pique of jealous rage.  And the shooter himself maybe would have walked away defeated, embarrassed, bereft for awhile.  But he wouldn't be facing a possible death sentence at worst, a long prison sentence at best, at the age of 19.  The families of all of these kids, those killed and wounded and those of the boy who did the shooting, wouldn't be torn apart by an unending grief.

A 19 year old can't legally buy a beer, but he legally walked into a store somewhere and buy a semi-automatic rifle.  He bought the second magazine for it the very day he killed his friends.  There is something very wrong with this scenario.  It is impossible to overstate how much I hate the gun culture we live in, how ridiculous I feel it is that so many people walk around armed, how the gun lobby has hamstrung our Congress to the point that common sense gun laws are stalled at every turn.  The CDC is prevented from researching the effects of gun violence; pediatricians are forbidden to ask parents of children whether they have a gun in the home and how it is secured.  We have a public health epidemic of gun violence in our communities and we are doing almost NOTHING about it.  It's harder to get a driver's license and maintain a car than to buy and use a gun.

I've joined Mother's Demand Gun Sense in America, associated with Everytown for Gun Safety, USA.  Mom's Demand was organized by an Indianapolis mother the day after the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings.  It has grown to have chapters through the U.S.  I hope to join (or start) a chapter in my county.  This has to end.

At least, that's the view from here...©

BASTILLE DAY

Son Two is dating a wonderful young woman who is already well-traveled at 28 and she is widening his horizons of travel too.   Of course by my standards "well-traveled" means leaving the county where I live.  A slight exaggeration, of course; I've been to almost every state (may have missed Kansas and Oklahoma...) and two foreign countries -- the ones that cozy up to the US -- Mexico and Canada.  I did not like my Mexico experience.  I'd like to move to Canada, but it will be overrun with political refugees if He Who Must Not Be Named wins in November.  Anyway...

On July 5th Son Two and his gal left the US and flew to Lisbon, then on to Barcelona, Pamplona, back to Barcelona and on to Paris.  France.  To coincide with the Bastille Day festivities.  When I heard of their plan, I inwardly freaked out about them being in a big, already targeted, European city for a national celebration where likely every third person in the crowd was a terrorist.  It is a testament to my recent therapy sessions that I kept my fears to myself and didn't completely bum out their plans by shouting out my own worries and warnings.  I smiled and said, "How cool!  That will be a wonderful experience!"  Then I put it all out of my mind, as best I could.

I watched for the daily Facebook "photo dump" as they made their way from destination to destination.  Sightseeing in Lisbon, going to a bull fight (I was so happy my son hated the bloody spectacle and left after the first bull was killed), watching (not participating) in the running of the bulls, visiting museums in Barcelona, eating and drinking and socializing with locals as well as Seattle area friends who were also in Europe at the same time, and then walking the canal in Paris, watching the Bastille Day parade, and taking in the fireworks at the Eiffel Tower.

Then, on Facebook I saw there had been a Bastille Day terrorist attack in France.  My heart skipped a few beats, my breath caught in my throat.  Almost simultaneously my phone rang.  One of my BFFs called to see if I'd heard from my son.  Another texted.  Frantically looking at Facebook posts I realized in short order the attack was not in Paris.  It was in Nice.  800 miles from Paris.  Still....the horror of it, the madness.  My son messaged me right away to assure me they were safe.  Whew!

They flew out the next morning, as scheduled, from Paris to London then on to the U.S.  I followed their route and breathed a bit easier when I knew they were over U.S. airspace and then on the ground and home.  But that is a false sense of security isn't it?  Our own gun violence can mean innocents are killed here as easily as anywhere.  What has happened to our sense of safety in a world gone a bit mad?

I know this is really nothing new.  History shows we have always been a violent race, that violence manifesting in a myriad of ways.  Now we have smart phones that broadcast the news and videos almost instantly, and then over and over and over again, as if the same event keeps happening.  It's all crazy and I can't dwell on it.

This moment, this moment all is well.  I am sitting on my back deck, watching the approaching dusk, feeling a chill in the air, smelling salmon baking in the oven, hearing Hub pad around the house.  All is well.  Until it isn't.  The world is a little mad.  But so it has always been.  Good people of compassion and love and optimism keep the balance.  May each of us be one of those people.  May our children always be safe.

At least, that's the view from here...©

Photo credit to my son!

POLITICAL DISMAY

Well for god's sake.  I have already mentioned I'm depressed.  How am I going to get any better when every week Donald Trump racks up more delegates and his supporters punch out more protestors at his rallies -- while he urges the violence on?

I so love our country.  I do.  I am a proud Liberal Democrat Patriot.  I know there's a lot we can do better and a lot of mistakes have been made and some outright evil has been perpetrated on others by our government for selfish motives throughout history.   But in spite of it all, I have ALWAYS believed that we are for the most part a loving people of compassion and good-will and that our leaders, while they may disagree on various points, would band together to ensure that a dictator, tyrant, or fascist-leaning individual would never be able to take over.  Oops.

I have never been more dismayed and disillusioned about our political system and our country's future.  I have seen it coming:  The degradation of any civility in public discourse, where politicians behave no better than the worst talk show hosts and reality show contestants; where partisanship devolves into brute force refusal to compromise on anything for any reason, citizens be damned; where the person holding the office of President is ridiculed, maligned, and disrespected beyond the pale by those who cannot countenance that this man "somehow" became the leader of the free world.

Smarter people than I have written volumes about all of this and I'm just a personal essay blogger who writes for a teeny audience of mostly friends and family so I won't even try to explain why all of this has happened at this point in our nation's history.  I have some facts, some theories, some opinions.  So do you.  Suffice to say, this election season has taken on a scary surreal quality that has me scratching my head, waking worried in the middle of the night, and fearful for the future of my granddaughters.

They say the Republican Party is crumbling before our very eyes and I'm glad.  Not because I'm anti-Republican, but because I'm anti whatever and whoever these people are who call themselves Republicans but are something else entirely.  We have a strong and vociferous far right wing of that Party who really are an entity unto themselves  -- Tea Partiers, I guess, but that moniker almost seems quaint in these days of the identity-defying Donald Trump who has been a Democrat at times, who is wealthy and ostentatious, who has no moral compass, who is a textbook narcissist -- yet is supported by those of low to moderate means, of low education, of professed religious faith, and who (as a study shows as the consistent common denominator) adhere to an authoritarian perspective.  Anyway, this right wing cabal has disrupted and disturbed to the point of taking over what used to be a political party with at least a relatively understandable world view -- one where I could maybe see their point.  Now there is no point.  Not one I can understand.

I am afraid of the current wave of anti-intellectualism;  anti-"elitism"; anti-press/media(ism); and every other anti-ism (except fundamentalism) that is now the gospel of the day.  Really?  Do we want people running things who are less intelligent, less sophisticated, less informed and less able to think creatively and critically than the majority of us?   Do we want a media that is so biased that we just hear over and over and over again the very things (often fraught with distortions and lies) we already agree with?  What happened to unbiased reporting?  What's happened to reporting at all?  Now it's all just opinion and conjecture.

I am starting to lose faith.  But maybe that's just what they want.  Maybe that's the point of it all.  To wear down and demoralize, to make violence commonplace, to denigrate and deny and defame until the effort to continue to defend ourselves against such an evil onslaught becomes just too damn hard.

Wait.  No. No. No. No.  I will not give in, give up, or give away my country!

I almost feel like there is a Civil War brewing....not one with cannons (hopefully!!!) but a war of ideas and ideals, of values, and of the very essence of our identity and our humanity.  Who we choose in November as our new president, as well as who we choose to represent us in Congress (even more important when it comes to day-to-day decision-making), will tell us who we are and who we want to become for the next four years and beyond.  

I look into the innocent faces of my beautiful granddaughters and I know I can't quit.  I have to work for candidates who stand for progress, for humanity, for kindness and compassion; who exhibit intelligence,  fairness,  experience, and  wisdom.  Is there a perfect candidate in the race this year?  Is there ever?  Nah.  But some are way more perfect than others.   Let's choose one who doesn't want to punch us in the face.

At least that's the view from here....©

"SUFFER THE LITTLE CHILDREN TO COME UNTO ME..."

Here we are, right in the middle of the fa-la-la-la-la Christmas season, caught up in shopping, baking, decorating, planning, organizing, socializing....a time when our hearts sometimes have a hard time finding "Christmas Spirit" amidst the "to do" lists that this holiday has become.  And then an act so unspeakable and at odds with the season of peace and love shakes us to the core and focuses our attention away from ourselves and our petty troubles.

On Friday, a crisp blue sky day in Newtown, Connecticut, a troubled young man, carrying at least two rapid-fire weapons, entered Sandy Hook Elementary School and started shooting.  Within only a couple of minutes, 6 adults and 20 children, between the ages of 5-10, were dead, as was the shooter, who took his own life.

Facts are slowly emerging of acts of heroism by teachers and school staff, whose first thoughts were to keep their students safe.  Facts are slowly emerging about the perpetrator, who had also killed his mother in their home before descending upon the school, who seems to have suffered his whole life with significant mental health issues; as we so often hear, he was intellectually brilliant but socially withdrawn, even pathologically "shy" and reclusive; a loner.

My first thought, as is my first thought every time there is an eruption of gun violence (which is frequent), is that troubled people with access to guns leave more carnage in their wakes than those who do not have a readily available gun.  I am an unequivocal proponent of gun control.   Within hours of the shooting, I re-joined the Brady Campaign to End Gun Violence and wrote to my Senators and Congressman.  I might finally be giving in to my frequent impulse to "get involved" in an issue or cause again.  I've always known this would be the one.  For me, it's the only action I can take to try to mediate the overwhelming sadness and frustration I feel when something like this happens, something I believe could be prevented.

But right now, I don't have any energy for "organizing".   Instead, I am reminded of a saying that comforts me:  "We are spiritual beings having a human experience."  Humans are flawed, vulnerable, confused, loving, compassionate, violent, crazy, amazing creatures.  So, my energy is going into creating havens of peace for the human experiences in my little world. My energy is going into advocating for "radical kindness" within myself and others I know.  My meditation practice teaches me to "stay in the moment", to be aware of the vast cosmic consciousness that exists in and around us, connecting us all, and that the only answer to the troubles of the human experience is to be kind, to love, to act with compassion.

There is a meditation in the Tibetan tradition called Tonglen, where one invites on the in-breath the suffering of another into our consciousness and on the out-breath sends out love, peace, and healing to that person.  I have been practicing this meditation since Friday, both in sitting silently and at random times during the day when I am going about my life's busy-ness.   Meeting violent, unspeakable acts with compassion for those impacted (which on one level is all of us) is the only response I know right now.

For Christians, this is the season celebrating Jesus' birth.  He was an example of love and acceptance and also acted to upset the status quo.  His example might be one we can  emulate in the days and months ahead, beginning as we gather around our Christmas trees holding those we love with special care.

So, my prayer is this:  May all those little children and the adults who gave their lives for them, the families left to mourn, and the person who fired the gun, all find peace in the compassionate, loving presence of Divine Consciousness.

At least, that's the view from here....©