I WANT TO DO BETTER

I wish my brain was still working in tip-top condition.  But that ship seemed to have sailed some time ago, exacerbated by the Covid 19 shutdown of the past 3 months when I've mostly settled into a comfortable cocoon of fear, worry, sadness, grief, Zoom, coloring mandalas, and watching Netflix.  That is to say, I have not been in the practice of the "use or lose it" creation of new brain cells.

So, I'm not sure I can give this topic its due.  It's big and multi-faceted and seems to have come to the fore overnight.  And THAT, my friends, is the voice of White Privilege.  Overnight?  Hardly.

The death of George Floyd on May 25th, the victim of Minneapolis police killing, has sparked a culture shift.  We are on Day 12 of daily/nightly protests from coast to coast.  Big cities see thousands and thousands of people marching and rallying; small towns smaller numbers but still turning out.  Everyone is finally "woke" to what generations of black Americans have always known -- the system is sick and wrong and deadly for them.  Resources abound for us white folk to do some soul searching and self-education on racial issues, confronting our own privilege and inaction.  Police Departments are overhauling their training procedures and questioning the police code of silence that protects them from consequences -- new inquiries are being opened on old cases of victims deaths at the hands of the police.  Politicians, movies stars, sports figures, corporations and businesses have spoken out and issued statements of support for equality and promising to do better.  Even the NFL has admitted they were wrong to punish  former SF Quarterback Colin Kapernick's kneeling during the anthem silent protest years ago over police brutality toward black people that left him out in the cold and unemployable in the NFL.

Of course we are not all holding hands and singing Kumbaya; the white supremacists are out en force too and it is at times a very scary scene.  Armed "protectors" take up positions of intimidation in some vigilante attempt to stop looters from stealing stuff at Crate and Barrel.  Some "outside agitators" with ties to white supremacist groups have come in after dark to start and encourage the looting and fires in an attempt to bring judgement down upon the black protestors, who may or may not be part of the nighttime melee.

And our current president has done nothing to show empathy, understanding, or ability to calm and reassure.  He demands instead, that the police "dominate" the protestors, and if they won't he will call in the U.S. military to do it for them.

Here's his abhorrent act this week, which I mention because it will likely show up in history books:  He ordered Lafayette Park cleared of peaceful protestors (using rubber bullets and tear gas and officers on horseback) in the early evening hours so he could take a walk outside the White House grounds to an historic church that had been damaged by fire in one of the nighttime protests gone bad.  He did not speak there; he did not even enter.  He stood in front of the church holding a Bible aloft (some reported it was held upside down) as if hawking it on the Shopping Channel, assuming a serious scowl likely meant to make him look badass and/or grief-stricken (but mostly gaseous) and just stood there for a photo op.  The next day the White House issued a professionally done music video showing him looking strong and valiant in his walk to the church through a phalanx of riot-geared police lining the walkway for him.  He got his War Presidency moment, I guess.  This is America, the Banana Republic, at the moment.  Today he has had a second layer of fencing installed surrounding the White House grounds to protect him.  He has his wall.

People say we are at an "inflection point".  Why did this police killing get the attention that others did not to this degree? What was the tipping point?  Maybe seeing the video of a police officer digging his knee into the neck of handcuffed 46 year old George Floyd and not relenting for 8 minutes and 46 seconds in spite of the man begging to be let up, repeating several times, "I can't breathe", calling out for his mama, and finally lying motionless, dead, with his face still held tight against the pavement.

Maybe that video more than the others we've seen of police brutality finally was enough.  Maybe the Covid Pandemic "stay home" orders and the 20% unemployment rate because of it created the perfect storm of enough (white) people paying attention -- not too distracted by their jobs and busy lives to look up and see what has been right in front of us all along.  Maybe black people could not take one more killing at the hands of police without exploding.

As for me, I will not even attempt to justify myself with any words that sound like, "Yes, racism is awful, but I'm not racist! " Maybe not, but I've sure benefitted from a racist system and have done little to educate myself or act specifically on behalf of African American people.  I've been complacent because I can be.  I've been silent because I'm afraid of saying something wrong or of offending.  I've stayed out of the fight because I don't know what to do and don't want to presume anything.  My whiteness seems like it would just get in the way or be presumptuous.  But what I can do is listen more intently, read more widely, advocate more broadly, and educate myself more deeply.

I've downloaded some resources and I'm ready to take a dive into a world I've long known about but never truly visited, even though it's existed right here, right in my line of sight.  I've looked without seeing, heard without listening. I've smiled, laughed, hugged, worked alongside black friends without truly understanding black people, and their every day racist experiences, in my community.  I want to do better.

At least, that's the view from here...©