SPEECHLESS

I have so much to say that I feel speechless.  But I'm sure the words will come.  Here goes... 

I cannot begin to enumerate all the ways our government is being dismantled under the Trump/Musk regime.  He is doing exactly what he said he would, but with more speed and a bigger wrecking ball.  Whatever is most cruel and illegal seems to be top of list.  Authoritarianism (the president and his merry band of Cabinet level sycophants) and oligarchy (billionaire and top campaign donor Elon Musk, unelected and unappointed, running amok shuttering programs and firing thousands of government employee while he lines his pockets with government contracts) are in charge, with the Republican Party unwilling to stop them. And while a shred of democracy still stands, many feel impotent and overwhelmed.  It's just how they want us to feel.  There is enough finger-pointing to go around and again, that would be a never-ending run-on sentence.  

So I am doing what I do.  I've become even more involved with our local Indivisible group -- a grassroots nationwide organization of activists who take to the streets and take to the ballot box and work to save democracy and support progressive causes, policies, and candidates.  It feels good.  I have found my "tribe" of resisters.  I spend a lot of time organizing, attending meetings, making phone calls to legislators, writing letters to voters -- all the things.  We are told it works.  It IS working, but slowly and maddeningly inconsistently.  

I will never, ever, ever, ever understand why people voted for this chaos and destruction, nor why they continue to support and even rejoice in the destabilizing and terrifying actions being taken that will harm so many Americans -- and others around the world. Government programs, entire federal agencies and funding are being cut.  Thousands of federal workers are being fired on a moment's notice. The FBI and CIA and military being gutted;  completely unqualified and inexperienced people have been chosen and confirmed by the Republican controlled Senate to serve on the Cabinet and in charge of vital parts of our government (qualifications seem to be loyalty to the current president and having had a job on TV).  The U.S. now aligns with dictators around the globe, turning our back on historical European allies to court favor with Putin and Russia.  It's all madness.  And I am so afraid for my grandkids.  This could all end very, very badly.  

But I fight on as best I can and try not to completely give in to my anger about those people who don't like what is happening yet do not take any actions.  A phone call to a legislator takes literally one minute! And it is so important and it works.  Every activist organization emphasizes this.  Putting pressure on them is the tool we have.  USE IT!  That this administration eeked out a win that could have been avoided if those who didn't bother to vote had gone to the polls angers me too. And I believe my anger about this entire situation is righteous.  AND what's equally true is that I am heartbroken for our country and the people who's lives are being hurt and destroyed in so many ways.  The cruelty of people applauding others' misery is stunning to see.

But life on the micro-level continues...

I have a dear friend who suffered a seizure (no stroke detected) from a dangerous spike in blood pressure nearly two weeks ago and has been in the hospital since.  I've gone to see her nearly every day as she lies there, weak, non-communicative for the most part, exhausted, and confused.  We all are just an accident or illness away from this most tender vulnerability;  I'm learning lessons in dignity and compassion.  It will take a long time for her brain to heal from the trauma and for her body to become strong enough again for her to stand and walk.  I am heartened that she recognizes us and can seem to follow conversation, even if her own responses are often only one word.  This woman is brilliant, bright, funny, and beloved. We've been friends for decades and I have great memories of great adventures with her.  She and I and another friend took to calling ourselves the 'Shiny Sisters' and we hope she will shine again soon.  

Hub is away on his fourth snowboard trip of the season; one more to go.  Again, so much to say.  His many trips have been a point of contention between us for many reasons over the years.  Details are tiresome and private.  But this time...this time...something is different.  All that therapy (see prior post) has paid off and I have had a GREAT week home by myself.  We have not been in touch much, and that's good.  I needed to be in my own space, prioritizing myself, not feeling his absence so much as focusing on my presence.  My presence as an individual creating my own life.  It's long overdue.  I know it sounds like, "What?! Of course you have your own life!"  And I do.  I'm not dependent upon him nor do I pine away for him.  Like I said, it's complicated.  But right now I am so delighted to feel 95% terrific about what I'm creating for myself and that, my friends, is a relief I cannot even begin to explain.  You may be confused by this, but all I ask is that you be happy for me.  Believe me, I deserve it.  LOL

We bought a new car.  An electric KIA EV-6.  It's very futuristic and cool.  And I don't understand it at all.  It has so many tech-y bells and whistles that I wonder sometimes who is in charge -- me or the car?  LOL  I'm getting used to it and more comfortable with it.  But I have yet to watch the 40+ mini-lesson videos on the KIA app that explain all the groovy things it does.  Cars used to be stop/go/steer, right?  Hmmm...

So much seems just out of reach lately -- a little surrealistic; changing so quickly.  I don't do well with chaos so I have focused on my meditation practice and spend some parts of every day just getting quiet and grounded.  Politics, activism, illness, technology, emotional turmoil/healing...it's all a whirl.  No wonder I seek out PBS Masterpiece Theater programs and cozy mystery novels, yoga and meditation, and sometimes dark chocolate to calm me.  🙏🏽

At least, that's the view from here...©

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