24 HOURS IN GRANDMA LIFE, PART 2

I was up at 6 a.m. after a fitful night of not much sleep.  I usually get up at 6:00 anyway so it was no big deal to be ready to greet Son One at our agreed-upon time of 6:45 for him to drop off their dog for the day.  We all realized at some point that with them off on their snowshoe hike and us in Seattle with the girls, their dog would be alone in his crate for about 12 hours at their house.  Nope.  So of course we agreed to dog-sit.   We'd be gone about 5 hours, but that was more manageable for him.

Son and pup showed up at 7:15, running late, so Son One stuck the crate in the door, said "Hi and Bye" and took off.  Rocko was a ball of energy and running around like crazy like he always does when he first arrives.  I knew he'd have the girls up in no time, and of course that's just what happened.  He sniffed them out in their downstairs nest and ran down to greet them.

I started making the fruit salad I'd planned for breakfast.  In short order Jewel was upstairs announcing, "Rocko pooped on the carpet."  Angel was right behind her grabbing paper towels for clean up.  Sigh.  I trusted them to get the job done, plus, I just didn't want to deal with it.  I kept my salad-making going.  Angel went to the bathroom down the hall, came out and said, "Oh no! Rocko just peed in the hallway!"  This time I was annoyed.  He had just arrived!!!  Angel, again, went into clean up mode while I took Rocko outside -- sort of a horse/barndoor situation.  He just looked at me, sniffed around for 30 seconds, and wanted back inside.  I decided to try to wear him out a bit by throwing the ball for him, but that only lasted a few minutes.  Back inside we came.

The girls went back downstairs, but were up again a little after 8:00 at my urging since I needed them eat, get dressed, and ready for our trip to Seattle, with a plan to leave around 9:30.  They behaved as if they had all the time in the world.  By then, Hub had come down from his morning routine upstairs.  While the girls ate, again taking their plates downstairs, he and I had a few moments to chat and have coffee where I told him of all the events that had transpired since I last had seen him awake just before 10:00 the night before.  I admit, I shed a few tears of overwhelm and self-recrimination.  I just felt I should be able to handle all the ongoing "chaos" a bit better.  How do some people move through these things with such ease?  He was, as always, a great listener and encourager and propper-up of my sagging self-esteem.

I took Rocko out again for more ball throwing before he'd have to be alone for several hours.  Hub went to the garage to clear out his snowboard gear from the car so we could all fit in for the drive to the candle place.  I cleaned up the kitchen with Jewel chatting in my direction as she played one of her computer games on her tablet.  She wanted me to create an "avatar" of myself to play with her, so I stood beside her at the counter where she sat and we started to created the face/hair/clothing of this computer generated "me".  I chose a chin shape that she said wasn't right.  I said I thought it was fine.  She said, "But you have the chin of an old hag."  

O.K.  I know I should have laughed.  Under other circumstances and with a bit more sleep I would have, maybe.  But instead, my heart sank and I just stood there silently, blankly, wondering how to respond.  She immediately said she was sorry; that she didn't mean it; she just meant I'm old  -- with which I do not take exception, but still it stung.  I know this is what they hear in our youth-obsessed culture; she didn't mean it as overtly insulting.   She was truly sorry she'd blurted it out.  She knows my stance on ageism.  LOL  Struggling to feel relevant and on top of things anyway, I just calmly and as cheerfully as I could, told her I needed to use the bathroom and she could finish the avatar and show me when I returned.  I went up to my room and cried.  I allowed myself a 5 minute pity party about how tired I was and how hard I was trying and how much I loved my grandkids and wanted to be able to do this for them, but maybe I'm not cut out to be a "fun grandma"...on and on.  Then I pulled myself together, put on a little make up, and went downstairs to face the day...again.

We all gathered and I said, "Grab your coats!" to which they replied they did not bring any.  It was pouring rain and about 38 degrees outside.  I left Angel to tough it out since she would mostly be inside making her candle, but I grabbed an umbrella and one of my fleece jackets for Jewel, who refused to wear it.  I brought it along anyway.  We headed out and the drive was fine.  Hub dropped us off at the candle place and went off to park the car.  The older girls settled; Hub returned after parking;  he, Jewel (who said she was cold and put on the previously refused jacket, along with gloves we found in the pockets), and I started to explore the neighborhood for the next hour while the candle event was going on.  The area where we were is not really kid-friendly.  It's very urban, hip, and sophisticated and not exactly a family fun destination.  But we found a big art supply store and enticed Jewel to go in with us.  She had a blast.  Lots of art supplies, but also little this's and that's like cool pencils, papers, games, puzzles, rocks, magnets, and toys.  

At one rotating stand there were colorful rocks of various types, geodes and the like.  One bin had round balls stuck together like a bracelet.  She picked the whole thing up, thinking it literally was a bracelet, and trying to try it on, the magnetic hold released and one-inch balls when flying off her hand and skittering all over the floor with a crash.  She was shocked and embarrassed.  But the very cool young sales-woman came over to see if we were OK, laughing and encouraging that the accident was no big deal as we skuttled around trying to find all the balls rolling on the floor.   

After that fiasco, we went in search up and down the aisles looking for affordable markers that Jewel wanted.  Why are dogs allowed in stores?  In the very aisle we needed to be in, a dog had taken an enormous dump and no less than three young sales-women were in the process of doing clean up.  (I felt this was going to the be theme of my day!)  We finally were able to access the markers, pay for them and get outside again in time to go pick up the older girls.  We still had 2-1/2 hours to kill while their candles 
"cured" and would be ready for pick up.

We got everyone in the car again and drove down the hill to the tourist attracting Pike Place Market.  There is so much to see and do, we thought they'd love it.  Jewel said she doesn't like big cities because it's too crowded and every one litters. She didn't like seeing the fish stalls because she feels sorry for dead animals and she wants to be a vegan.  She held my hand through the crowd, but with a glum look on her face as we made our way trying to keep Hub in view as he went ahead trying to find a kid-acceptable place to have lunch.  She said she wanted to go home.  Everyone was hungry.  

We finally found a spot where we could all sit down.  Restaurants are expensive, but at this point we just said, "Order what you want."  I was going to cheap out at the $5.00 hot chocolates, but Hub overrode me.  He knew better than to throw roadblocks at this mostly pleasant respite.  Lunch was fun and relaxing.  Well worth the $114 we paid for simple fare, nothing fancy.  (What the hell?!?)  By the way, my animal-loving "vegan" had a cheeseburger and ate every bite.  LOL

We decided to ditch the Market at that point, having barely seen anything, realizing it was not fun for the kids.  We loaded up the car and headed back up the hill to the candle place, but still had time to kill so wandered around a bit, strolled through an upscale toy and clothing store.  We picked up the candles, headed back home, dropping Friend off on the way.  Back at our house our two girls were quiet and calm, seemingly content.  Jewel had napped on the way home.  Hub went upstairs to install the new bedroom blinds that had been delivered.  The girls and I went downstairs to "veg out" with a movie I agreed to rent on Amazon, "Wild Child".  I was looking forward to some mindless teen chick flick  entertainment.  

Jewel had found my old Betsy McCall doll on a shelf downstairs and had been enamored with her.  She's about 60 years old and has one outfit that came with her.  Jewel decided to design her a new dress.  So for the entirety of the movie I was trying to watch, she sketched a dress and took measurements of the doll, asking me for help reading the tape measure, how to spell words, etc etc.  I watched the movie with one eye while engaging in the design details of a new dress for Betsy with the other.  The movie ended and we adjourned to the fabric box to choose fabric for the new dress. She changed her mind on the fabric design after finding a pattern more favorable.

I am no seamstress, but I figured, "How hard can this be?"  Hard.  The first attempt was a disaster and went in the trash; the second slightly less so, but we made it work.  I cut out the shape of the dress, got the seams started and we took turns hand-sewing until we had a rather shapeless but workable enough new dress for Betsy.  Deciding to add a belt made all the difference.  Accessories often do.  Jewel and I were both pretty proud of our collaborative efforts.

After chasing Rocko around to retrieve the spools of thread he was chewing on after raiding my thread box, I cleaned up all the fabric, thread, needles, scissors, etc and did dinner prep.  Hub came downstairs and sauted shrimp and dressed the salad.  Shortly after finishing dinner I got a text from Son One saying they were home and he'd be over shortly to get the kids and the dog.  I sort of stood at the window in anticipation.  LOL  Not really, but I did start to project myself into an evening of pajamas and a grown-up movie in a clean and quiet TV room with Hub.   And later, when I got to that TV room, I discovered Angel had cleaned everything up to its previous tidiness and not a trace of the "sleepover party" remained.  Plus, before going home she had sought me out to thank me and tell me she loves me and was so happy we treated her to the sleepover and outing.  Heart melts.

Today I am feeling 100% rested, enjoying a quiet Sunday, and doing some self-admonishment for my self-criticism around not being completely and totally joyful about every moment of the 24 hours of Grandma-ing.  Hub helped me get perspective by telling me I should give myself credit for doing a damn good job in spite of my challenges around high sensitivity to noise, demands, and the unfolding chaos of the unknown at every turn.  He's right.  Yay, me.

So, to be clear, none of this is meant as complaint.  I have lovely, normal, amazing grandkids.  What I recall is that raising kids is hard and relentless work.  I did it for 20 years, getting my two boys from zero to eighteen -- and beyond, if one counts the horrors of the college years.  I wouldn't want to do it again.  AND, I am incredibly grateful to have my granddaughters close, both physically and emotionally.  It is a labor of exhausting and joyful love.  It's like living in a colorful kaliedoscope of chaos and beauty, ever spinning, ever surprising.  

At least, that's the view from here...©