AWAKE

Well, I had a helluva weekend.

Sometimes you don't know if you've been asleep until you wake up.

I've been having this horrific nightmare that some misogynist, racist, self-serving, unqualified doofus named Donald Trump won the presidency.  Crazy, right?  In my dream he defeated probably the most qualified person ever to run for president, a woman no less, and then went on to choose a cabinet of deplorables who have proceeded to dismantle the very agencies they are overseeing!  Crazy, right?  He regularly lies to everyone, antagonizes allies, buddies up to dictators, and calls our free press the 'enemy of the people'.  Turned out the Russians actually helped him win by attacking our election system with disinformation and hacking into private email servers.  And he's under investigation for colluding with the enemy.  It's one of those nightmares that could be a movie!  Crazy, right?

In my dream I've been a Resistance fighter, nose to the grindstone doing all I can, with a small local group of compadres, and other Resisters nationwide, to stop our rapid descent into authoritarian rule.  People on the other side are outspoken, violent, and rude to say the least.  They believe everything this guy tells them and can't see what he does is at their expense.  I fight for them too.  I could go on and on about the daily horror show, but suffice to say, I've been immersed in disbelief, dismay, and acting upon an urgent call to action.  At times I feel like I'm drowning.  I flail around trying to keep my head above water.  Sometimes I float to the bottom into the darkness.

What I noticed in my dream was that while all of this was going on, I also tried to have a normal life. I socialized, I took trips, I paid bills, I exercised, I went on Weight Watchers, I loved my family, I read books, I crocheted, I cooked and cleaned and got the car washed, I grew some food in my garden and planted some flowers...you know....life.  But a pall was cast over it all.  I felt like every moment NOT dong activism was wasted time in some way.  Intellectually I know better, but that pall was there nonetheless.

Friday night Hub and I had tickets to see Jackson Browne, my all time favorite singer/songwriter/musician.  We've seen him probably 20 times since discovering his music in the 70's.  In many ways his music is the soundtrack of a big chunk of my life.  His lyrics are poetry; perfect whether ballad or rocker or call to action.  So Friday night at the concert I sang along to every word to every song and I was freaking AWAKE!  His music roused me and gave me joy and hope and peace.  I realized at the end of one song, guitars and drums and keyboards blasting with the crowd cheering that I had opened my mouth and screamed; literally screamed at the top of my lungs for about 30 seconds, my primal yell drowned in the wall of sound around me.  As I was doing it I became aware that it wasn't about the music anymore; it was about giving all of my pain and anger and angst and lonliness voice.  It was pure release.

On Saturday I attended a workshop with John Pavolovitz http://johnpavlovitz.com, a pastor, author, blogger, and Resistance hero.  He led us in an exploration of compassion burnout and how to avoid it.  He was kind, welcoming, affirming, articulate, and so funny!  I found myself in tears as he so astutely and eloquently acknowledged how very disorienting and difficult it has been to find our country in this place in time and how exhausting is the daily struggle to remain sane and engaged when all around us chaos swirls.  He "got" exactly how I've been feeling.  He gave voice to my sadness.  His acknowledgment was like a hug, a balm to my spirit.  I felt less alone.

Saturday night, however, was a different awakening.  I sat with a group of friends who meet monthly and we talked about the Pavlovitz workshop and that he gave the advice to be engaged in social media.  (And to also beware of its toxic nature if we get obsessed with it.)  Almost everyone in the circle talked about their aversion to Facebook and social media, finding little of interest there and/or succumbing to the black hole it can become.  Most said they were weaning themselves away, might look but never engage there,  and/or never enjoyed it anyway.

I was stunned.  I went from feeling affirmed by what Pavlovitz had said about finding community on social media, finding support and encouragement, and a source of information, to feeling downright embarrassed about my social media use.

I have spent considerable time using social media to share about my personal life, about political issues, sharing information and calls to action, and hoping to find support and yet here was a group of close friends saying they pretty much wanted to shut down their Facebook pages.  I realized in that moment, that AWAKE moment, that again, I'd been sleeping.  I had not seen that what I'd been doing was only appreciated by a relative handful of people.  Much of my support on social media, at least for political action, comes from strangers in the form of various groups who post there.   No wonder I've often felt I'm whistling into the wind, when my FB friends ignore me and only a few respond.

On Sunday, I went to a concert by the incomparable Jami Sieber www.jamisieber.com.  She played at my yoga teacher's beautiful home and art studio space.  Jami's electric cello is magical and her music transcendent.  It was the calm, meditative, centering finale I so needed after a weekend of turbulent awakening.

Something has shifted now.  I can feel it.  I have screamed in joy and release, cried with compassion for myself, cried again in embarrassment and realization of erroneous assumptions, and laid back in the healing melodies of beautiful song.  I am stronger and more balanced today.

I will never stop being outraged at what is happening to our country, but I can only do so much.  I will do all I can, but not to my own detriment, not to the point of darkness.  And I will stop trying to rally people around me who have little to no interest in being rallied.  I will find my allies and we will march forward with what must be done -- together, in community, with joy, laughter, and music as the soundtrack to Resistance.

At least, that's the view from here...©

Photo credit: www.pixabay.com

RESISTANCE REVIEW AND OFF WE GO...

And so 2017 is winding down.  Seems appropriate, as I look back over the year's blog posts here (and also to some extent in the Circling the Mat blog I write about yoga) that I say a few words in reflection about the political shit-show that dominated my life this year.

I'm not going to recount the horrors; it's hard to even keep track and recall them all. Thankfully, Amy Siskind, nationally known author and speaker on girl/woman empowerment,  has done that for us by keeping a weekly list of "not normal" actions by this president and his administration.  It has garnered so much interest and so many followers, that a book, The List, is being published in April about the first year of this presidency and what has occurred in our march toward authoritarianism.  Anyway, yay for her because it is truly important that we not lose track of what has happened to our Republic this year --the eroding of norms and values, the passaged of laws and enactment of policies that prove to be so detrimental to so many Americans.

So, instead of recounting all of that, I've been reflecting on how MY life shifted this year, in response.

Immediately after the election on November 8, 2016, I was in shock and grief.  So many of us were.  Then came the Inauguration and the reality that what had befallen us was not just a fleeing nightmare but our way of life for possibly the next four or more years.  I recall feeling confused, overwhelmed, disoriented and determined.  Determined.  I love that I can recall feeling determined.  It meant that I wasn't free-falling into depression and hopelessness.

Here's a list that evolved over the past year, of actions I took as part of my personal "Resistance" activities.  Almost NONE of this was part of my life prior to 2017.  Now it is all so much like breathing...it just is:

ONLINE AND IN THE WORLD:

1.  Immediately turned to Facebook as a community of sharing, my own thoughts and feelings, as well as finding support and encouragement in our collective shock and resistance.  I feel at times compulsive about posting and I know many must by now just scroll by my daily shares and posts, but many have also told me they look to me to keep them informed and motivated, which is all the encouragement I need to keep it up.  We MUST not be complacent.  We MUST remember that this is "not normal" and we MUST keep fighting for justice.  I find my online presence to be a source of information and a place of community and encouragement, as well as catharsis.

2.  Online I also found support by joining Pantsuit Nation and Resistance Live -- national groups of folks who feel as I do.  I feel not so alone.

3.  Formed a women's "support group" called CARE (Commit, Act, Resist, Enlist) in late 2016 to process our anger and grief.  We met at my home and I tried to push it beyond tears and rage and into activism, but most were not ready for that, so it faded.  I'm thinking of re-invigorating it in 2018.

4.  Participated in the Women's March on January 21st which shockingly turned out to be a worldwide event of historic proportions.  I'm so thankful to have been part of it.  I wrote all about it in earlier blog posts and won't recount, but I can still "see" and "feel" the day in my head and heart as one of my life's highlights.

5.  I, with Hub, participated in the Tax Day (Show Us Your Tax Returns!) and the Science Marches (waving signs at a street corner on Kauai); the Climate March in our town (with 450 others!), and an Anti-Refugee Ban Rally.

ORGANIZATIONAL AFFILIATIONS:
1.  Hub joined 350.org, a climate justice group, and while I haven't attended meetings, I've kept abreast of their activities through him.

2.  We both re-joined Physicians for Social Responsibility, a group we belonged to in the '80s when we were fighting nuclear proliferation, but which has now expanded their scope to climate and economic justice issues.

3.  Hub became a Justice Steward for the Alliance for Jobs and Clean Energy, working to put an initiative on the Washington State ballot for a corporate carbon tax.  We did a Lobby Day together in our state capitol and hosted an organizing meeting at our home.

LOCAL POLITICAL ACTION:
1.  We attended an organizational meeting for a group working to ensure fair City Council representation throughout the various geographic neighborhoods in our growing and ever more sprawling city.

2.  We actively campaigned for and hosted an event for a young City Council candidate with fresh ideas and tons of enthusiasm, as well as for an incumbent with years of experience and expertise in climate issues.

FINANCIAL SUPPORT:
The money we used to give to the church we once attended has been re-directed with generous donations to these organizations:  (*new to us this year)
*ACLU -- ensuring legal action for justice
*Ploughshares Fund --  ending stockpiles of nuclear weapons
*Physicians for Social Responsibility -- working to educate and advocate for climate and economic justice and nuclear de-escalation, with emphasis on health effects of these issues.
Housing Hope -- local housing, childcare, and job training for homeless families
UUSC -- Unitarian Universalist Service Committee -- responding to needs world wide in times of turmoil and natural disaster
*Seattle Globalist -- online publication that focuses on connections between local and global issues
Project Ethiopia -- providing schools/education, safe water/sanitary development in small Ethiopian villages
ANSWER -- sponsoring the education of two charming, bright, amazing children in Nepal
*Climate Reality -- Al Gore's organization, working to educate on the causes and effects of climate change
*Every Town for Gun Safety -- educating on the need for common sense gun safety laws
*Revolutionary Love Project -- Valarie Kaur's organization to promote love and acceptance as a public ethic in media and politics.
Smaller contributions to various other organizations.

PERSONAL COMMITTMENT:
1.  Continued to volunteer at the foster care program where I'd worked for 10 years, supporting the staff who dedicate themselves to serving children in need of out of home placements due to abuse and neglect.

2.  Volunteered in my granddaughter's 1st grade classroom, not only to support her, but to show the other kids, most of whom come from lower socio-economic areas, and racially and ethnically diverse backgrounds, that serving them also serves the community in which we live, embracing the gifts they and their families bring to our city, state, country.

SUPPORT FREE PRESS:
Subscribed to:
New York Times
Washington Post
New Yorker
The Herald (our local paper)
Sent emails of thanks to those media outlets who I felt were upholding the best of the Free Press standards in the face of a constant barrage of vitriol from the current president.

ONLINE AND ON-AIR THOUGHT LEADERS, COMMENTATORS, & JOURNALISTS WHO HAVE KEPT ME INFORMED, MOTIVATED, & SANE.  I TURN TO THEM ALMOST DAILY:
Elizabeth Cronise McLaughlin -- Resistance Live on Facebook
Amy Siskand -- Facebook presence who keeps the list of "not normal" things happening nationally
John Pavlovitz -- Facebook presence, book author, and Liberal Christian minister
Dan Rather -- Storied journalist, historical voice of calm and reason, Facebook presence, and author of great new book "What Unites Us"
Charles Blow -- NYT Op-Ed columnist
Valarie Kaur -- Revolutionary Love founder and dynamic speaker/activist
Chris Hayes --MSNBC anchor, young, bright, fair, insightful
Rachel Maddow -- MSNBC anchor, who will totally get to the bottom of the Russian connection!
Prof. David Domke, University of Washington -- Lecture series on political topics that are fabulous -- did one series online, did one on campus; third on campus starts in January.
Many others...

DEMOCRACY IN ACTION:
Calls/texts/letters/FAXes/Tweets -- almost daily contacts to my own Congressional and State representatives, as well as those in leadership positions nationally who have influence over legislation that effects everyone.  So many issues, coming up so fast, so many calls to action, so many deadlines. There were victories and also defeats, but I've never felt more engaged in patriotism through involvement.  And I never expected to be first-name familiar with the members of the Judiciary and Intelligence committees, nor recall specifically how some Senator or Representative from Montana or Virginia voted on this or that!

I guess I did this blog post as a "note to self" to remind me, when I feel I've not done enough, that  I've done what I can and so have millions of others.  Together the Resistance WILL Prevail.

Let's go, 2018!  We've got this!

At least, that's the view from here...©