Friday, January 16, 2015

GOLF PORN

I've been sick.  And I never get sick.  Last year, nary a sniffle.  But the bug got me a week ago.  Just a common cold, thankfully, and not the dreaded flu virus.  Still...the stuffy nose, sore throat, watery eyes, hacking cough all make for a less than stellar experience lately, and keep me mostly isolated in my attempts not to infect others, as well as often giving in to the overriding desire snuggle on the sofa in "jammie clothes" and a blankie.

I am getting a bit antsy, however.  Of note, I'm tiring of my usual reading materials and picked up a freshly delivered copy of Hub's Golf Digest magazine.  I don't golf.  Truth be told, it's sort of a silly sport, in my opinion.  (Oh...I hear you dear golfing friends, I hear you, and I love you anyway....).  It is very popular, however.  I get that.

Hub is an occasional golfer.  Being just a natural jock kind of guy though, he is passable to really good at most sports -- even those he rarely plays.  He used to golf about once a year, but has increased that frequency over the past couple of summers since "couple friends" of ours took it up.  I know it would be nice if I'd join in and make it foursome, but my lack of interest and bad attitude would outweigh any benefit -- as is so often the case.

Anyway, our friends sent Hub a gift subscription to Golf Digest and I admit I was surprised when he decided to re-up the subscription.  I note he shows moderate interest when it arrives, then it goes on the "to be read" pile, never to be opened again.  I understand this -- I have such a pile going most of the time as well.

Since the guy on the February issue cover (Billy Horschel -- never heard of him) had a passing resemblance to Adam Levine (Maroon 5), I was drawn to opening the magazine.  I spent some time thumbing through it and got the gist of the thing -- it's about how to be a better golfer, what equipment will help, where to play, and what to wear while playing....these socks! (Photo by Victor Prado)
As I was about to put the magazine down, something dawned on me.  Golf is for guys.  Golf is for "guy" guys.  Golf is for rich "guy" guys.  Here's how I know:

Ad content:  Golf club ads are sleek, modern, and mostly in stark sliver/black photography with primary color highlights -- red or blue preferred.  Same with the 2-page Rolex watch spread.  Same with the cars  -- Lincoln Navigator (starting at $61,480), Lexus ("prepare for the white knuckle treatment"), Porsche ("powerful drives are an obsession we share" -- I get it!).

Copy content:  Lots of guys giving golfing advice to other guys, all of an indeterminate age (35-50?), in great shape and wearing some really sporty and colorful slacks and collared, knit shirts that remind me of my dad. (The shirt that is, without the paunch.)

Feature story:  Osama bin Laden Special Forces assassin, turned golfer, talking in great and graphic detail about the day he shot our arch-enemy in the face.  Booyah!  Also, America's Top 100 Golf Courses.  #1 Augusta National.  Famous for the annual Masters Tournament.  Also famous for not allowing any African American members until 1990; mandating all caddies must be black (until 1959) and not admitting women until...wait for it...2012! (Condoleeza Rice was one of two women who were the first to be admitted.  Augusta defends their policies by citing "we are a private club".  Oh, OK then. )

This woman and people of color thing sort of had me going at this point, so I went back through and did a count.  With the exception of Tiger Woods (one photo, one ad) and another man who's ethnicity was indeterminate, all the guys were white.  There is a photo spread on page 98 of 108 total pages of a woman who's face we never see beneath her bent head and white cap, swinging a club.  There is a teeny, tiny photo of a woman who works in the 'golf fashion industry' standing for a photo with the ubiquitous Donald Trump. The only other photo of a woman in the whole magazine is a 2-page ad for Viagra, where that attractive brunette in all the commercials is seductively sprawled in a half-recline on soft bed, offering her sage and oh so understanding advice about "getting and keeping an erection".

I have some advice for the Viagra-inclined golfer too.  Just read this copy from David Leadbetter's article on putting and you may not need that little blue pill:

You'll have much more power for this shot if you hold the club with your normal full-swing grip.  You'll naturally put some wrist action into the strike, which will help you get the ball to the hole.  You're going to need more room for your hands and arms to make a bigger stroke than normal, so stand more upright.  If you're hunched over, you'll struggle to swing the putter freely.  The common mistake when putting from off the green is to try to hit the ball harder with a short, jabby stroke.  Swing back longer, and let the flow and acceleration of the putterhead feel natural.  Don't force it.  Let your hips and knees move a little toward the target, especially your back knee kicking in.  This helps generate more energy so you don't have to try to muscle the ball with your hands.

FORE!

At least that's the view from here....©


7 comments:

  1. I tried so hard to like golf in the 60s and then again in the 80s, even took 14 lessons back in the 60s. My dad was a life-long golfer and taught golf in the 80s. Half my family all golf and for years I felt so left-out but I just couldn't dig up a passion for the sport. I do love movies with golf themes (think In Cup, Bagger Vance) and I used to read golf articles to my dad back in the last 6 months of his life. I have come to decide that golf is a lot like writing because no matter how good you might get you can always get better and it's the attention to details that make a difference. Having a code of ethics was/probably still is an important aspect of the game and I do admire that. Love those socks!

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    1. My parents both golfed with their friends and they had a blast. They were "working class' folk, playing municipal courses, so not at all like those Porsche-drivers depicted Golf Digest. I think you are right about the process of the game -- seems like everyone enjoys "working" on their game and that's probably why I'm not interested; I find I am impatient with the processes of things. I do, however, read grammar books for fun. I guess we all have our passions. And I love the movies you mentioned to -- but that's golf as entertainment, not golf as an exercise in frustration. :)

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  2. Back in the day, most blacks could not afford to play golf--because as you say, it costs a lot! My hubs played a "little" golf too--like 18 holes every day. Which later led to a few drinks afterwards, which later led to---divorce, LOL.

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    1. Back in the day, Judy, blacks were not allowed to play on the courses. They could be caddies but that was it. That's one of the major reasons whey Tiger Woods rise to game fame was such a big deal.

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    2. Thank you for making my day. (Your golf blog was perfect until I read the cooking adventure!) You picked almost my two favorite subjects. Becoming obsessed with golf now two years ago and involving your hub has been a peak experience. I'm learning to Zen...Thanks again!

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  3. The only positive thing about my golfing experience was that I could get 36 holes of exercise on a 9-hole course. I took it the game up reluctantly in hope it was something I could pursue it with my Himself in our retirement years. I quit when I found out he only played for political reasons. There were times when I accidentally did something right and I would think, now with a little more practice I might . . . Then I'd come to my senses and think but why would I do that? As my mother sometimes said (not necessarily referring to carrots) "I'm glad I don't like carrots, because if I liked 'em I'd eat 'em and I hate that damn' things."

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