Here goes. Why is "old" so bad? Why do we nip, tuck, tweak, dye, and lie it away? Why is "old" synonymous with infirmity, ignorance, sedentary pursuits, lack of curiosity, and inability to continue to grow in meaningful ways?
I saw this on Facebook today.
My adventure these days is to find my comfort zone, at all times and in all places, after spending much too much of my life "acting as if", being someone I thought I should be, or what others wanted me to be, or going and doing to such an extent that I was generally overwhelmed and exhausted. Is wanting to live in my comfort zone a sign of "growing older", no longer willing to push the envelope of "adventure"? I don't think so.
Are elders unable to be bold? Is boldness only allowed when one is trekking the Himalayas? Or was my elder mother acting out a kind of boldness when she moved from her large home, selling most of what she had and leaving a lifetime of familiarity behind, to move 2000 miles closer to me? She didn't see that as an adventure, for sure. She saw it as a step toward dependence and she resisted it, but with boldness she did it anyway, knowing it was for the best. She was growing older, but definitely not by any definition moving into her comfort zone.
I think we are all terrified of aging. I think we project ourselves into that nursing home bed, moaning and groaning, drooling on our hospital gowns, staring at the ceiling, ignored. Well, maybe that will happen. Maybe it won't. Watching my mother age was like watching the most courageous act of will, of surrender, and of grace I've ever seen. They say getting old isn't for sissies and I think that's true. You want adventure? Try being discriminated against…being called "geezer", "hag", "granny" (not as an honorific, but as a pejorative); try being dependent upon others who are too friggin' busy with their adventuring to be present for your final act of courage.
Here's what's bold for me, at 64. Embracing my age. Not denying or covering up. Making friends with a body that is changing in predicable ways. Undertaking a spiritual practice, with Yoga and meditation, that allows me to gain strength, balance, insight, and peace. My "call" is to pursue a quest of comfort with aging. But I don't think it's a passive pursuit. I think it's pretty damn bold and adventurous to face reality and embrace life here, now, with grace and humility, with curiosity and challenge, with commitment and fortitude.
At least, that's the view from here…. ©
To bad we could realize all that,, "be whatever others think you should be", when we were in our 40-50's. To me, you aren't old--of course that is my perspective--I wish I were 65. But finding our comfort zone, absolutely and, it is no way what I thought it would be...before I got old. I love my life even though there are others who think my lifestyle is just weird, LOL
ReplyDeleteLoving life even when not what we expected is, to me, such a gift. Instead of chasing some fantasy of "youthfulness", we get honest and embrace what is. I think that is an act of radical honest and takes courage.
DeleteWell said and I don't disagree with a single word you've written.
ReplyDeleteI don't get it either, the whole mind-set that suggests being adventurous is the only admirable way to age. Maybe some us had all the adventure we wanted when we were younger. Maybe some of us now want to find that inner peace you are seeking at this time in your life. The best part of being older is we are freer to do or be whatever you want. We're not bound by our places in society, our insecurities, like we were when others depended on us to be and do certain things.
Congratulations on your poems to be published in 2015! It also takes guts to do the Open Mic and I admire that you've done it.
Thanks, Jean, for the compliment on the publication and performance stuff. As to aging, I love that feeling of freedom to continue to create a meaningful life. No matter how "small" it might look on the outside, I believe life can expand in surprising ways right up to the end of this life. We are bound by our cultural disdain of aging, not seeing a whole new world that can open internally.
DeleteI neglected to read the "small print" - when I saw the Facebook statement - something I often do. In fact I am by nature a "big picture - theory" person and have had to force myself to read the small print - whether in work documents, banking, medication, etc., etc., etc. But to get back to "older" - my goal, when I was college aged (and beyond) was to grow up to be a wise old woman. Perhaps that was the influence of my grandmother - who was a true Christian and as close to a saint as I will ever meet. And she was loving and kind and...not really well educated. I wanted to be like her - only curiosity kept nibbling at me and I wanted to know sooo much. Not math theories but who developed those theories and why and what they led to. Same with History, Engineering, Science, etc., etc. So growing older wasn't something I thought about much. (I know this puts me outside the typical American woman experience - but I grew up without TV and much radio and not many magazines. Plus, I knew I would have to rely on my brains and personality and not my looks) So. I am often not quite in step with folks and "older", to me, seems to be a great privilege.
ReplyDeleteIt IS a privilege, isn't it? I love that expression of aging. I also love your lifelong intellectual curiosity and ability to embrace what comes, whether challenging or joyful, with a positive attitude…you are WISE!
DeleteI so admire your willingness to "put yourself out there" even when it is scary and/or embarrassing and/or unappreciated. I follow your blog because I learn from it. Thank you Donna.
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