BABIES AND BELTS: BOTH CHALLENGING

I've been up nearly all night.  Long story, but the gist of it is an almost one-year-old little girl having a sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's house, but being fairly unaware of the part about "sleeping".

She went to bed at 9:00, got up at 12:45, refused to settle back down in spite of me pulling out all the stops with all the tricks I know about how to soothe babies in the middle of the night (dry diaper, warm bottle, rocking, walking, singing, allowing a bit of fussing -- but not so much as to wake her sister!, more walking, more swaying, not interacting, finding darkest corners of the house to reduce stimuli...)  All to no avail: she was ready to party!

So at 2:00 I gave up and carried her downstairs to the TV room, where I could close the door, and allowed her to toddle around, jabber away, and give the remotes a good going over while I sat dazed and exhausted, not daring to actually turn the TV on and stimulate her further!  I noticed a few yawns at about 3:30 and she finally lay on the floor and feel asleep.  At that point I decided to let sleeping babies lie.

So, I tried to find comfort lying down on the love seat, but mostly kept focusing on my sore kinked neck and cramped legs and the tick, tick, tick of the clock on the wall.  So here I sit with baby at my feet,  wondering when her 6-year-old sister will be up and ready for those promised blueberry pancakes.  Soon, no doubt.

Which brings me to ruminating about my waistline.  Of course I've been scrolling through late night posts on Facebook and happened upon a sponsored ad from a local women's clothing store.  Here's what I saw:

Breathe Life into Your Wardrobe with a Fabulous Belt

I thought about my wardrobe, consisting almost exclusively of yoga pants and hoodies these days, when Granny Nanny care takes up 30 hours a week, my yoga classes about 3-9 hours a week, then  writing, housework, errands, and coffee with friends thrown in.  In the evenings Hub and I relax in what we jokingly call our "nursing home clothes" -- basically "jammie pants" and fleece pullovers.  Since I quit working and going to church, I see that my wardrobe has taken a turn to the ultra-casual.  No need for a belt.

But even when I used to actually get dressed, belts were never my friend.  For one thing, take a look at the waistline in the graphic above.  I've never, ever had that waistline.  Even in my 20s when I weighed about 120 pounds, I carried any excess weight right about where that belt sits.  And now, at 65 and fighting to nudge the scale below 140, one side profile look in the mirror shows EXACTLY where those extra pounds have settled.  Right at the buckle.  Trying to reign that mess in just accentuates my "problem area".  

A belt may breathe life into some skinny lady's wardrobe, but as for me, I just want to breathe.  

And sleep.

At least, that's the view from here...©

ALTERED STATES

I have re-entered the Twilight Zone.  There is a little self-deprecating joke I tell about the first year or so after Son-Two was born --  "I seem to be present and smiling in all the family photos, but I really don't remember a thing!"   Hahahaha, funny...except that it's true.  Motherhood Amnesia.  I had a high-energy 26 month-old and a colic-y newborn.  I did not sleep for months...years.  Hub had a demanding job with erratic hours.  I had no extended family within 2000 miles.  Thank god for my mom-friends, who supported me and kept me (mostly) sane.

All of that is so far behind me now, that not remembering every detail is expected.  But much of it is coming back to me.  Remember that little baby granddaughter's birth I wrote about in February?  Well, she's growing, healthy, strong, cute, sweet....and today is 4 days shy of 3 months old!

Also, my Granny Nanny stint is in full swing.  I just finished my third week of baby care, three days a week.  Hub is on board too, but as timing would have it, he's had work conflicts galore with his part-time "just filling in" gig and I've been on my own...a very familiar pattern.

I had forgotten how all-consuming an infant is!  Bottle, diaper, playtime, nap, fuss, settle, repeat.  Oh...and walk the floor, juggle and jostle, sing and coo, change clothes, rock,  dance, look in the mirror, survey the garden, take a stroller stroll.... Our ten hour days together are ten hours of non-stop baby, Wednesday through Friday!

I have been outfitting myself with "baby stuff" -- a carseat, a swing, a play mat, a port-a-crib, diapers, wipes, toys, clothing.  Still, I'm amused at the "baby bomb" that seems to hit our house within 30 minutes of her arrival.  I forgot how nearly impossible it is to keep things tidy when the first and only priority is baby.  Things accumulate!

Plus, I know I might be a tad overly attentive.  She prefers to nap on my lap.  I prefer to let her.  She sleeps longer and more soundly and I get to gaze at her perfect little face as she rests so cozily in my arms.  Just like every other gushing grandma, I'm in love.

I also notice, my "other" life goes into hiatus on the days my Jewel is here.  We are cocooned, so far, in our own little world.  I haven't ventured out and about with her, still learning her habits and routines.  So, truth be told, I'm feeling a bit ambivalent about that.  The altered state, the Twilight Zone of stay-at-home Mommy-ness is a familiar quandary.  I love that the days spread before us with no real obligations, yet there is a sense of isolation too.  What DID I do in that other life?  Where did my friends go?   I was always meeting someone, doing something, going somewhere, and now, well, not so much.   And even on my "off" days, it's hard to switch gears out of the loving heart space and physical care of being with baby into the skill set needed to organize and facilitate a task or committee or group discussion.

We will find our rhythm, I know, and she will join my friends and me at coffee or maybe at a meeting for one thing or another.  I'll get back out there and able to be more integrated.   But just like when my sons were little, the real priority won't be "out there" so much on Jewel-days,  but "in here" -- in the circle of love and care that I have the privilege to provide for her.

I never expected this.  I am so grateful.  And tonight.....well, I'm tired.

At least, that's the view from here....©

A PERFECT JEWEL

I have a rule about not posting photos of people I know on this blog out of respect for the privacy of all my friends and family.  You can imagine then how freakin' hard it is for me to avoid plastering this post with photos of THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY IN ALL THE WORLD!  

Yes!  Beautiful DIL gave birth to our little granddaughter, on Thursday, February 26th at 3:43 p.m.  7 lbs., 11 oz.,  21-1/2 inches long and "perfect" according to the doctor and everyone else who has seen her since.   Yes, a perfect Jewel of a girl, who arrived six days early because she just couldn't wait to make her mark on the world!

When something either wonderful or terrible happens I feel compelled to tell the story over and over to either cement it in my mind or work through the emotions that attend a Big Event.  But to everyone  else listening it gets a bit old, yes?  So, no long-winded retelling of the story of labor and birth here.  The abbreviated version is that I got a call at 8:00 a.m., that contractions were under way and everyone was enroute to the hospital.  I live 3 minutes away, so I beat them there.  What followed was seven hours of progressive labor, with a big rush of excitement at the end!

I was in the room, along with DIL's mom and my son, "Daddy", for the delivery.  This was an especially huge deal for me, being a mother through adoption, and never having experienced a birth myself or even ever seen one.  Their generosity to invite me to be an intimate part of this pregnancy and birth was the greatest gift I've ever been given.  

Let me say this about pregnancy, labor, and birth.  It's a little weird.  Many women I know, including DIL, agree.  There is a strangeness in realizing a little human is growing inside you.  We made "Alien" jokes more than once.  And then the whole labor thing.  It looks pretty hurt-y.  I'm pretty good at pain when I set my meditating mind and Yoga breathing to the task, but I don't think I've felt anything at all like labor pain.  It looks a little daunting, but DIL was absolutely amazing.  A little moaning, a few tears, and at the end maybe a delicate "vocalization" (nowhere near the screaming stream of obscenities I was sure would be coming from me at that point had I been in her place.)  

The drama was how fast it all went at the end.  There was one nurse in the room checking her and then frantically trying to reach their doctor, who was nowhere to be found.  A team of nurses with equipment ran into the room, then a doctor no one had ever seen before came in, took one look and said, "On the next contraction, go ahead and give a big push."  She did.  Then one more big push and...zoom!  Baby birthed!  Within minutes, DIL was all smiles, baby lying on her chest.  Son One cut the cord.  Baby got a blanket thrown over her and the bonding began.  

Hub came into the room to meet his granddaughter, Son Two had been babysitting Angel and brought her to the hospital to meet her sister....the rest of the afternoon and early evening was a surreal and tender time of oooohing and ahhhhing, taking dozens of photos on six smart phones and sending the pictures instantly to family and friends far and wide.  Everyone took a turn holding our Jewel.  We toasted with champagne and sparkling cider and then said our goodbyes around 6:30, leaving Son-One and DIL to spend their first night together at the hospital with their new daughter. 

OK.  I guess I did go on and on....sorry.  I'm still a bit in a daze.  All my usual irony is completely at bay and I'm going around spouting the most sappy, cliche'ed, rhetoric about the whole thing.  I am blessed, I am delighted, I am in love, I am proud, I am hopeful, I am glowing, I am ... amazed at my amazement.

"Angel" came to us at 10 months old when Son-One introduced us to,  and eventually married, her mother.  I love Angel with all my heart, and now we have "Jewel" who I will have known from her first breath.  Two little girls in my life, after a lifetime of being surrounded by boys and men.  I cannot wait to watch them grow and become the human manifestation of the bright spirits and beautiful souls I know they are.

At least, that's the (joyful) view from here...©

RITUAL TIES THAT BIND

DD Minus 11.  That's "due date" -- 11 days from today on March 4th.   My beautiful DIL is about to give birth to another baby girl and we are all so excited to meet her!

I was thinking back this morning to when we first met Son One's girlfriend.  In his usual way, often leaving out a pertinent detail, he asked nearly 5 years ago if we'd like to meet the girl he'd been dating "for awhile".  Well, sure!  When she pulled up in front of the house I saw her get out from behind the wheel of her car and....go the the back seat, open the door, and emerge again with a 10-month-old little girl on her hip!  Yep.  Just like that my heart was stolen by our Angel, who is now almost 5-1/2 and is the center of attention at every family gathering.  But soon the spotlight will shine just as brightly on her little sister, about to make her debut.

In preparation for this upcoming new granddaughter, I may have pushed a new idea on to Beautiful DIL, but she graciously went along with it.  I hosted a "Mother Blessing/Baby Shower" for her a month ago.  The truth is, I was more excited to introduce the idea of "mother blessing" than throw a traditional baby shower.  Been there, done that.  But thankfully Son-Two's girlfriend had talked to Beautiful DIL and let me know that some traditional baby shower activities would be most appreciated.  (Son Two also often has to rein in my, what he calls, "hippie tendencies".  Whatever.)

So between us we did a combo.  I started with the Mother Blessing and had all the guests introduce themselves with a maternal lineage naming... "My name is Susie, daughter of Ellen, granddaughter of Kathryn, great-granddaughter of Rose..."  Isn't that cool???  I was surprised and a little saddened at how few even knew their great-grandmother's names.  (I guess our legacy lasts basically two generations.)  We each told how we know Beautiful DIL and named a characteristic of hers we admire.  How often have a dozen of your friends sat in a circle and said what they love about you?  It was a warm and moving tribute.


I had slips of paper where guests wrote "Words of Wisdom" to sustain her in difficult times and they went into an oversized plastic baby bottle I had found as a shower decoration.   We also tied brightly colored threads around a "Friendship Candle" to send home with DIL to burn when she needed to feel our presence.

Each guest also brought items to put in the big basket labeled "Mommy Survival Kit" -- lotions, gift certificates, Tylenol, books, magazines, candy, etc.

We did a "Web of Support" ritual where we tossed a big ball of yarn back and forth across the room, each guest wrapping a strand or two around her wrist to connect us all in the 'web', then cutting the ties, but wearing the yarn bracelet in solidarity until the baby comes.  (I think I'm the only one still wearing the yarn bracelet.   I take these things very seriously. :)  )

When the guests left they were given a small votive to light when DIL goes into labor.

I just loved all that!!!

I also loved the cute game Son Two's GF led us in playing at the baby shower part of the afternoon -- naming all the things that go into a diaper bag and having to remember in order what everyone else had named before adding your own item.  I failed miserably at the memory test.  Then Beautiful DIL opened her gifts.  She was delighted with every item and I was amazed at how generous everyone was and how baby equipment has changed in 30 years!

Son Two's GF handled all the food and drink, for which I was most grateful -- not my thing -- and the biggest hit was the display of cake pops she and Son Two had made!

Ritual and celebration are so much a part of our family life that I take it for granted.  But I am reminded often that what we do so routinely is not the norm for many.  I am grateful that Hub and I have created these ritual ties that bind and that they are appreciated by our sons and their partners.

Maybe "Mother Blessings" will become one of those rituals that are repeated from now on.  I hope so.  It would make my Hippie Heart happy.

At least, that's the view from here.... ©

RANDOM GRATITUDE

Today the sun is shining in its perfect October way, giving us a bright and beautiful landscape after days of fog, hinting at the rains and clouds to come soon to this part of the country.  Maybe that's why my heart is full of gratitude and happiness.

Here are some random things that make me happy today:

Son-One and his wife, our beautiful DIL, are expecting a BABY GIRL!!!  Yep, little 5-year old Angel will be a big sister.  (There will be other posts about this, of course (!), but we just found out the sex of the baby, so we are floating like this pink balloon!)

YAY!  SEE YOU IN MARCH, SWEET GIRL!

Our Seahawks quarterback, Russell Wilson, who absolutely everyone loves because he is such an amazing athlete with an almost unshakable positivity about everything in life and is an articulate and caring person as well, has started a Foundation to combat Domestic Violence, which I think is pretty great.  Watch him here and Pass the Peace:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPqGbALs_Y0


My all-time very favorite singer/songwriter, Jackson Browne, is 66 today and how the hell does that happen anyway, when I am still 26 and I thought he was 28.  Oh well, here he is singing the anthem of my mid-20's.  He has more poignant socially relevant music, but this one rocks the world I inhabited in 1977:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdHg4QEmBvk


Also on the VIP music hit parade today is this iconic song by the great John Lennon, who would have been 74 today.  (Just imagine that while you are imagining!)  This is another song that puts me right back in a certain time of my life, but the message is timeless:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRhq-yO1KN8

I love this picture I got from somewhere on Facebook (not sure who to attribute it to, but it's not mine) to commemorate Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  So funny.  It reminds me that back in December, after my most recent mammogram, I was so scared when I had to go back for another look due to an "abnormality" in the initial image.  I wrote about that in this blog (12/11/13).  I am grateful it turned out fine for me; I send love to my sisters everywhere who are battling this disease (which is not funny at all).


Also, the upside (I guess) of my recent car accident is that the loss of my beloved Prius meant the gain of a new car, a Suburu Outback.  I am told I now belong to the "Subie Nation" -- some sort of cult, apparently headquartered in Boulder, Colorado judging by the massive number of Outbacks I saw during a visit there last weekend.  Mine is a beauty.  Her Venetian Red Pearl color has led to me calling her just "Pearl".  I think we will make a nice couple.

I deserve none of this joy, of course; it is all grace.  It feels good to find open-hearted appreciation for so much light after a little stretch of darkness.  Hallelujah!

At least, that's the view from here…. ©