PART 2: I DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL (AND I'M HAPPY)

I wrote the previous post earlier today.  Now, later today, I'm getting to the second part of reflecting on my sobriety on this my 12th anniversary of ditching alcohol from my life.

It's absolutely the best thing I've ever done.  I didn't realize until I quit how alcohol had become a big part of my life and how I was using it in detrimental ways.  

I had a health scare 12 years ago.  I saw a bunch of doctors and had a bunch of tests.  No one could find a cause.  So of course I went online.  I found others who'd had similar issues and in a couple of the comments people posited that alcohol might make it worse.  A-ha!  At last something I could do to try to prevent any further episodes.  I could quit drinking.  Running this by my doctors, NONE of them said alcohol had anything to do with what ailed me.  But what did they know?  My friends on the worldwide web had given me the answer -- or at least some action to take.

I soon realized I felt better in several ways.  On occasions when alcohol flowed at a social event or Happy Hour, I never again worried about drinking and driving.  I never again over-indulged or had a hangover or embarrassed myself with some inappropriate comment.  I never again got alcohol-fueled angry or maudlin or overly sensitive to some random remark. 

And on any given Wednesday or Monday or any other day, 5:00 would come and go with no significance. Nothing "triggered" the desire for a drink -- not a social event, not a sporting event, not a holiday, not a celebration, not a disappointment or grief, nor any particular type of food.  I was always absolutely sure that my thinking was clear-headed and any mistakes I might make were honest ones, not ones caused by alcohol.  I didn't fall asleep too early, or wake in the middle of the night feeling gross, or sleep too late in the morning.  I wasn't foggy or groggy.  I wasn't constantly wondering about my alcohol use and whether it was OK.  

I became more myself and less a person trying to "cover" with alcohol -- trying to be more fun, more adventurous, more sexy, more outgoing, more relaxed, less stressed, more connected, a better friend, a ready-for-anything wife, a cool mom.

The myself I've come to know is of course all those things!  LOL  But I didn't believe it then.  I had to learn that without alcohol, I am that person authentically.  And sometimes I'm not any of those, or few of those, and none of it hinges on a drink to make it so again.  It is just life and me in it, accepting who I am in every moment.  And learning that seeing others for who they truly are as well makes for connections more honest and valued.  Or for seeing that some connections were not real after all.  If a Happy Hour companion is more important than alcohol-free me, well, buh-bye.

All of this has been gradual.  My values around substance use (of any kind) eventually solidified around my devotion to my yoga practice.  The yoga sutras call us to a substance-free life.  I am committed to that.  But it has been lonely.  Without the desire to go the AA route, I had no support from others who had also given up drinking.  I'd meet people here and there, but no one really talked about their story and it seemed rude to ask.  And I realized that when I talked about being a non-drinker there was an assumption of me as an alcoholic, which I may well be, but I didn't feel the AA world was for me.  I had no physical withdrawal symptoms.  I barely thought about drinking again once I quit.  So it seemed too easy for me, such that I didn't "fit" with those struggling and going to meetings.  (I might be wrong about this, but I don't know since I never went.)  Anyway, I've felt very alone with my journey and often misunderstood.

Then in January of this year I went on a solo trip to the ocean and reconnected with a woman I've known for years, who I knew had quit drinking and she introduced me to her friend, also a former drinker.  We spent a couple of days together getting caught up, visiting a gallery, doing some art together, and talking about our gratitude for being substance free.  It was the very first time I'd spend any time at all with people like me, people who were not in AA, but absolutely committed to sobriety.  My new friend recommended a couple of books (photos) and I devoured them when I got home and felt even more support from those authors.  I had no idea I could feel so held and supported and loved in this.  I will be forever grateful for my time with these two women and our ongoing friendship.

Since then I've been much more vocal and have set some firm boundaries around alcohol.  Thus, accusations of being "strident".  And maybe to some I come across as a Temperance Era prude.  (By the way, women fought for temperance and other rights for women mostly so their husbands wouldn't be able to drink, get drunk, and keep beating them up.)  But I get that alcohol is here to stay and 99% of the people I know drink and enjoy it.  I'm not marching off into an isolated self-righteousness.  But I do feel I've been given the gift of a lifetime in letting go of this habit, this desire, this social crutch.  I feel liberated.  

And I hope others will join me, like the young woman I heard from today who told me she has been "mostly" not drinking for 7 months, a few sips here and there, but less than once/month, which is a good start for someone young and fun and totally part of an active drinking culture of family and friends, much like anyone else's. She said she is so happy, learning so much about herself, seeing friendships more clearly.  "This is so much better!" she declared.  I am happy for her.  I know what she means.  I wish her the freedom I've found.

At least, that's the view from here...©

P.S. I'm on a mission to find/make/buy mixed drinks without alcohol in them that are crafted just for that reason -- not some "virgin" version of an alcoholic drink or an overpriced fruit juice concoction on the "mocktail" menu.  We found a restaurant in Ashland, Oregon where the mixologist was as proud of their created drinks without alcohol as those with.  Hub and I both loved them.  This is a bottle of shrub syrup, a gift from Son Two and my DIL.  I'll enjoy a drink made with this tonight.