CHAOS

Yesterday morning a thunderstorm rolled through our area.  This is not a common occurrence.  We get drizzle, mist, showers, even steady rain sometimes.  But yesterday morning the skies darkened, the temperature dropped, and winds picked up.  Soon, there was distant rumbling.  And a pelting non-stop big drop rain.  By the time I signed on to my weekly Zoom visit with my Sutra Sisters yoga group we all heard the loud cracks of thunder and flinched a bit at the flashes of lightening outside the windows in our respective homes, although some of us live 20 miles apart.

This dark deluge, replete with sound effects, seemed fitting.  Our world has been storming lately.  We have been living in a whirl of chaos it seems -- where nothing is as it was.  In the Ayurvedic tradition, one would call the energy around us "Vata" -- a swirling chaos of unpredictable movement.

We've been living with the Coronavirus pandemic where many (most, in Washington) have been "locked down" socially: staying home, keeping physical distance from each other, wearing masks, to comply with the Governors order.  But others, some in our community and in other states, have defied this recommendation to slow the spread of the virus and have refused to stay home, to distance from others, to wear masks. Somehow this defiance has become a political statement -- a disbelief in science, epidemiology, and a protest against being told what to do, how to live.  It's become a statement of "freedom" to refuse to comply.  Citizen is pitted against citizen as the refusal to wear a mask endangers us all.

As businesses have shuttered to comply with orders to "stay home" workers have been laid off, let go, and some small businesses have closed for good.  No one wanted this.  Everyone hates this.  We all grieve.  Yet some believe we must suffer this economic downturn in order to save lives.  Others have organized rallies and stormed State Houses with weapons and banners demanding we "open the economy".   These images on the news are unsettling and chaotic.  There seems to be no way to bridge the gap to reach an understanding of sacrificing for the greater good.

Then last week a black man in Minneapolis was killed when a white police officer pushed his face into the pavement with a knee to the victims neck as he arrested the man (who was handcuffed and unable to resist), while three other officers stood around doing nothing to help the victim.  The ensuing protests in Minneapolis and then spreading out to every major city in the United States over the ensuing days have resulted in riots, looting, fires, massive destruction of property and many injuries (thankfully, no deaths yet).   There is righteous anger, demands for change, for justice.  People want to be seen and heard.

To some police are seen as the "enemy" shouted at, pelted with bottles, rocks, and other debris as they try valiantly to maintain order and safety for protestors.  But some police were also identified as perpetrators of more undue violence in the melee, beating and clubbing and tear-gassing their way through the crowds.  Chaos.

Curfews are put in place to little effect. Tear gas and flashbombs are used to control the crowds.  Store front windows are smashed and looting occurs.  Fires are set and cars and buildings burn.  Many watch in horror, wondering to what end are these destructive acts committed? 

We hear that some portion of this destructive violence comes not from the community, but from outside extremist groups swooping in to take advantage of an opportunity to sew discord, to cause us to judge each other and to turn away from those hurting, casting them as offenders rather than victims.  We hear they are right-wing white supremacists methodically bringing makeshift weapons to the fray, to smash and burn and incite others to violence as mob mentality overtakes reason.  Who can tell?  How do we know?  What can we do?  Who are the good guys?  The bad guys?  Chaos.

And we have no leadership, no voice of calm or reason coming from the White House.  His usual words of divisiveness and threat are no balm to anyone.   The chaos of this administration is more and more disturbing, more and more out of touch, more and more ineffective.  During a pandemic he withdrew the U.S. from the World Health Organization.  During a nationwide protest over police brutality he threatens to crack down harder -- threatening military action and the loosing of "vicious dogs".   It has been nearly 4 years of chaotic dismantling of the rules and norms of our national government, of name calling, threatening, bullying.  It has been horrifying and disorienting.  We both anticipate and dread the coming election.  Our Republic hangs by a thread as an oligarchy-ruled authoritarianism creeps ever closer to the finish line.

I do not do well with chaos.  Yesterday, after the storm, I felt myself unable to find an oasis of calm.  I felt exhausted.  I decided to do something I never do.  I went up to my bed, crawled in fully dressed, pulled the covers over me, and fell asleep.  I slept for 2-1/2 hours.  This is practically unheard of.  But I believe my mind, body, and spirit had had enough.  I needed respite.  Sleep was a gentle and soothing balm in the middle of a dark and troubling day.  Hub made dinner for us; we watched a comedy on TV.  I thought I'd be up all night after my late afternoon nap.  But sleep took me under again -- for 7 straight hours.

Nothing has changed this morning....we are still fighting for our lives with the pandemic; overnight riots continued; the "president' is still Tweeting threats; I still don't get to see or hug my grandkids.

But, rested, I realize with renewed perseverance, we do as we do, we decide to go on.  To take action. To do what we can.  For me that will be:  contribute to an organization fighting for racial justice; contact elected officials; work for voting rights and candidates.  And wear my mask, physically distance, find a safe way to see my family.

I realize how blessed and privileged I am and that I have a responsibility to use that privilege, to be an example, to live a life that brings compassion and support to those I love and those who need my effort on their behalf.

I have a print hanging on my kitchen cabinet that I see every day: "We can do hard things."  Yes.  We can.

At least, that's the view from here...©