That's the stuff I WANT to say to myself. The mantra that REALLY went through my head today was: "Damn it, Donna! Why didn't you find a Yoga studio in New York? I bet they have them there! At the very least why didn't you just plop down in that groovy "Mad Men" apartment and do a few downward facing dogs on your own? Reading 10% Happier (a funny and inspiring book by ABC Nightline anchor Dan Harris about discovering meditation) is NOT the same thing as meditating! And then, last week when sweet grand-daughterAngel was with you every day why didn't you keep up the morning Yoga and meditation "demo" you tried at the beginning of the week with her? Just because she was squirmy and impatient didn't make her any different from YOU, now did it?"
Yes, I berated myself today. I counted breaths and endured poses. I scolded my sore wrists and punished my tight hamstrings. I listened to Karen, my amazing Yoga instructor, remind us to be gentle, to be accepting of our bodies, and realized I prefer to accept my strong, supple body rather than this stiff old thing that showed up at class today. Big, bad, goofy Ego even started to look around the room and compare! Bad! Bad! I was reminded of this little poem I wrote many years ago when I first started Yoga practice.
YOGA DIALECTIC
Walk through the door,
Say hello,
Remove shoes & socks
Unfurl mat,
Pause
Notice feeling
Sit
Seek quiet
Breathe
Notice
The space around my breath
The pause between my thoughts
Delicious moments of stillness
We begin…..
A signal to monkey mind
to swing gaily from branch to branch:
Ahhh…this feels great.
Wait…this is hard…
I can’t do this….
She’s better than me….
Even he’s more limber…
Am I doing this right?...
Just breathe…
I’m better than her….
I hate this….
I feel fat….
My wrist hurts…
Oh good this one’s easy…
I’m thirsty….
I feel like crying…
What time is it?...
Do I feel strong?
Exhausted…
Light…
Lie down
Let it go
Resting in shavasana
Notice
Space around my breath
A pause between my thoughts
Delicious moments of emptiness
The unexpected moment of loving
my perfect imperfect self.
Namaste.
************************************
Namaste.
************************************
I forgot, but now I remember. Breathe. Begin again. Smile.
At least, that's the view from here… ©
At least, that's the view from here… ©
I do not "do" yoga but I can kiss my knees (while lying supine) and I can go flat-palmed on the floor from a standing position and I can sink to the floor and rise again without using my hands. BUT I do know the inner demon-voice that berates and scoffs. At least 4 times a week I walk 3 plus miles (uphill and down) at a pretty quick pace and yet...I could hardly climb into bed last night. Arthritis is such a pain - literally - yet let me say this, dearest blogger - do not succumb to the inner-demon-voices,. You are woman - hear you roar - and you will regain your calm, ease, flexibility. Thus may it be so.
ReplyDelete