About ten years after that I decided I no longer wanted the unwieldy and confusing hyphenated name (my real unmarried name is unusual -- eight letters long and no one can spell nor pronounce it). So I just took back and starting using my LEGAL, married name, Smith. Done and dusted. I thought.
With my 65th birthday looming, I am being inundated with offers for Medicare Supplemental insurance. I've mostly just tossed it all in the recycling bin, but Hub alerted me to the fact that maybe I'd better take a look at it and get myself signed up sooner rather than later since, you never know, there could be a glitch in the smooth-running bureaucracy that is the U.S. Government. So I got online and started to fill out the electronic Medicare enrollment form. I got as far as my name. Glitch.
Immediately I got the error message that my name and my social security number did not match. Try again. I went to the safe and pulled out my old SS card and there it was Donna Jones-Smith. Hmmm....that's right. I did that about 35 years ago, didn't I? Well, no prob. I'll just run down to the SS office and have them put in a change order for a new card.
I gathered up all my "proof of identity" documents to prove I was LEGALLY Donna _______. That little name discrepancy on my SS card, was just a brief flirtation with trying to claim some sense of identity not tied to my husband.
Allow me to digress here to rail agains "the man". Could there be a more soul-deadening, impersonal place (except Walmart) than any government benefits office? I mean really: I was greeted by an unsmiling "guard" at the door who instructed me to wait in line to check in at a touch screen computer kiosk to be assigned a number. With number print out in hand, I took a seat among the 30 or so people in rows racing a window too high to see out. A TV screen displayed the numbers currently being served, but they were typically one or two numbers behind, which I knew because periodically some unseen, disembodied voice announced "Now serving number A202 at Window 3 or some such. If you were in the restroom and missed this, well, get to the end of the line. Also, some lucky folks (or likely not so lucky in life) had an actual scheduled appointment. If this was the case, a young woman emerged from behind a locked steel door at the back of the room, talking to the backs of heads of rows of folks who may or may not speak English or have a hearing challenge, and in a voice barely audible said, "Anderson; is Anderson here?" Then, having given "Anderson" a full 3 seconds to respond, she turned and walked back behind the door, as it banged close behind her. How hard would it be to be actually HELPFUL to people? To be friendly? To be reassuring? No one is sitting in the Social Security office for any good reason. So frustrating and sad.
But back to me. I rather quickly (50 minutes wait) found my number being called. I went to the woman in Window 4 and explained my dilemma and how easy it would be to fix it..."Here are all my documents...." "Nope, don't need them," she said. "I can't do anything without a court order." "A court order for what?" I asked. "A name change", she answered. "But wait, I'd be changing my name from my sort of made up version of both my names to what is already my LEGAL name." "I know, I understand," she said with a tinge of sympathy. "But I can't do anything about this until you get your name changed in court." "But last time all I did was fill out a form..." "I know, it used to be like that. It's not anymore. I can't do anything without a court order."
So, off I went on Monday morning to District Court. I filled out a Petition to the Court for a Name Change and paid my $131.00 fee. Yes. $131.00 to change my name to my legal name, which already appears on every legal document I have in my possession, expect my SS card. My court date was set for two days later, today.
This morning I showed up early, waited in line to proofread my Petition, then in line to enter the court, then in line to have my case heard, which took about 3 minutes for my new/old name to be approved by the judge, then waited in line to get my notarized duly signed and stamped Court Order showing my name change. I drove back to the SS office, and was delighted to find I DID NOT have to sign in and wait for my number to be called again. For some reason there was special dispensation for this matter of business and I got to stand in a designated area of the lobby and see the next available worker because I had a "pass". It turned out to the be very woman I'd spoken with two days ago. She was friendly and also appalled that I'd had to pay so much to not really change my legal name, but just to correct my name in their system.
Lesson learned. The patriarchy wins. You will either have your father's name or your husband's name or a combination of them both unless you just choose your own name (which you will need to do in court, believe me.) So I say pick a name and stick to it. Just live with it, whatever your decision. And for God's sake don't mess with the Social Security Administration.
At least, that's the view from here...©
