About ten years after that I decided I no longer wanted the unwieldy and confusing hyphenated name (my real unmarried name is unusual -- eight letters long and no one can spell nor pronounce it). So I just took back and starting using my LEGAL, married name, Smith. Done and dusted. I thought.
With my 65th birthday looming, I am being inundated with offers for Medicare Supplemental insurance. I've mostly just tossed it all in the recycling bin, but Hub alerted me to the fact that maybe I'd better take a look at it and get myself signed up sooner rather than later since, you never know, there could be a glitch in the smooth-running bureaucracy that is the U.S. Government. So I got online and started to fill out the electronic Medicare enrollment form. I got as far as my name. Glitch.
Immediately I got the error message that my name and my social security number did not match. Try again. I went to the safe and pulled out my old SS card and there it was Donna Jones-Smith. Hmmm....that's right. I did that about 35 years ago, didn't I? Well, no prob. I'll just run down to the SS office and have them put in a change order for a new card.
I gathered up all my "proof of identity" documents to prove I was LEGALLY Donna _______. That little name discrepancy on my SS card, was just a brief flirtation with trying to claim some sense of identity not tied to my husband.
Allow me to digress here to rail agains "the man". Could there be a more soul-deadening, impersonal place (except Walmart) than any government benefits office? I mean really: I was greeted by an unsmiling "guard" at the door who instructed me to wait in line to check in at a touch screen computer kiosk to be assigned a number. With number print out in hand, I took a seat among the 30 or so people in rows racing a window too high to see out. A TV screen displayed the numbers currently being served, but they were typically one or two numbers behind, which I knew because periodically some unseen, disembodied voice announced "Now serving number A202 at Window 3 or some such. If you were in the restroom and missed this, well, get to the end of the line. Also, some lucky folks (or likely not so lucky in life) had an actual scheduled appointment. If this was the case, a young woman emerged from behind a locked steel door at the back of the room, talking to the backs of heads of rows of folks who may or may not speak English or have a hearing challenge, and in a voice barely audible said, "Anderson; is Anderson here?" Then, having given "Anderson" a full 3 seconds to respond, she turned and walked back behind the door, as it banged close behind her. How hard would it be to be actually HELPFUL to people? To be friendly? To be reassuring? No one is sitting in the Social Security office for any good reason. So frustrating and sad.
But back to me. I rather quickly (50 minutes wait) found my number being called. I went to the woman in Window 4 and explained my dilemma and how easy it would be to fix it..."Here are all my documents...." "Nope, don't need them," she said. "I can't do anything without a court order." "A court order for what?" I asked. "A name change", she answered. "But wait, I'd be changing my name from my sort of made up version of both my names to what is already my LEGAL name." "I know, I understand," she said with a tinge of sympathy. "But I can't do anything about this until you get your name changed in court." "But last time all I did was fill out a form..." "I know, it used to be like that. It's not anymore. I can't do anything without a court order."
So, off I went on Monday morning to District Court. I filled out a Petition to the Court for a Name Change and paid my $131.00 fee. Yes. $131.00 to change my name to my legal name, which already appears on every legal document I have in my possession, expect my SS card. My court date was set for two days later, today.
This morning I showed up early, waited in line to proofread my Petition, then in line to enter the court, then in line to have my case heard, which took about 3 minutes for my new/old name to be approved by the judge, then waited in line to get my notarized duly signed and stamped Court Order showing my name change. I drove back to the SS office, and was delighted to find I DID NOT have to sign in and wait for my number to be called again. For some reason there was special dispensation for this matter of business and I got to stand in a designated area of the lobby and see the next available worker because I had a "pass". It turned out to the be very woman I'd spoken with two days ago. She was friendly and also appalled that I'd had to pay so much to not really change my legal name, but just to correct my name in their system.
Lesson learned. The patriarchy wins. You will either have your father's name or your husband's name or a combination of them both unless you just choose your own name (which you will need to do in court, believe me.) So I say pick a name and stick to it. Just live with it, whatever your decision. And for God's sake don't mess with the Social Security Administration.
At least, that's the view from here...©
What a glitch! Glad you got it all straighten out, presumably before you started getting checks or I should say couldn't get the checks in your legal name. I'm impressed that your S.S. office has a bathroom!
ReplyDeleteI never changed my name when I got married and the only time I ever hyphenated our names was at social functions where people needed to know who I was married to. I have one niece who to this day addresses all mail to me by my husband's last name and she spells it wrong. Once when I was in the hospital she couldn't find me because of the name thing. I don't think she approves of feminists who don't take their husband's name and I'm afraid to ask. LOL Speaking of disapproving can you believe it, when I ordered my husband's and my cemetery stone the lady there wanted me to use my husband's last name and leave my legal last name off all together! I compromised and added the date we were married just so people wouldn't think we were living in sin down there in the ground.
I didn't awaken to feminism until a year to two into my marriage, so I took my husband's name automatically when we wed; didn't know there was any other choice. If my unmarried name wasn't so difficult to spell/pronounce, I'd likely have changed it back at some point legally. But I also considered that we had children eventually and I sort of liked the idea of us being a same-last-name family unit. I tell you, it's a true dilemma that we have this cultural holdover from an ancient patriarchal system of 'wife-ownership'. After 43 years of marriage I still sort of cringe when I hear my last name. I know lots of women now who keep their unmarried names, or couples who legally hyphenate their names (these never fit comfortably on forms, let me tell ya). I think women should choose or make-up a women's lineage name and use that. If I had it to do over I'd use my first and middle names as my complete name. My middle name has been passed down 4 generations of women -- including now my baby granddaughter. I love that.
ReplyDeleteI love traditions like the 4 generations of women with the same middle name. That is so cool. My niece has that with three generations of men/boys.
DeleteI've never been sorry I kept my maiden name but if I had kids, I might have rethought the name thing. Or maybe given them my last name as their middle name. It's short and is often used for a first name. Better (in my mind) than a hyphenated last name. I think some people thought we really weren't married legally. LOL
And you were never divorced...which also adds to the confusion. I told each of my three girls this: Stick to your legal birth/adopted name or you will spend forever trying to convince the judge, employer, any number of governmental agencies, whatever...that you are you.
ReplyDeleteThis is just craziness, Donna. Government takes your taxes, but won't give it back until you are official. Probably all about computers and identity and proof of US citizenship???
ReplyDelete