SOUTH CAROLINA VACATION PART 3: ADULT BEVERAGES AND FAMILY LOVE

It's not just in the South, I know.  But it sort of felt that way as I looked over the resort activities each day.  Drinking alcohol is a big thing. People like it.  People want it. People find it fun and carefree and necessary to having a good time.  I don't drink; it's like being perpetually relegated to the Kids Table.  

Here is a selection of activities that included alcohol: Sea Turtles and Tequila* (a nature talk with drinks); Oyster Roast with Wine Pairing*; Local Beer Tasting*; Mimosas To-Go*; Bags & Brews (corn hole tourney); Brew Yoga; Local Rum Tasting and Cocktail Demo; Wine & Cheese Social*; Arnold Palmers on the Porch*.   Starred (*) are the ones the adults in our family did; I went to some, sipping the usual non-alcoholic too sweet soda option, or just water, or I skipped the event and hung out with the kids.  

It's been almost 11 years since my last drink.  You'd think I'd be used to this "one of the kids" feeling by now, but I'm not.  In fact, it's become more isolating with time, to not be part of this ubiquitous social convention around which revolves so much not just joyful consumption, but conversation -- comparing vintages, brews, tastes.  Thankfully, no one in my family over-indulges, so I don't know why it bugs me. I just always wonder what the big attraction is.  But I'm in the minority for sure;  I realize I have some work to do around being a bit judge-y about the automatic assumption that every social gathering requires alcohol to be considered enjoyable.  Still, I secretly appreciate it when someone says "no thanks" to a drink.  I feel like I'm not so alone.  Plus, it feels like that person is making an intentional decision about what they drink, rather than a knee-jerk acquiescence to social conventions.  Anyway, I loved the Milk and Oreo Cookies event the grandkids and I went to.  I fit right in! LOL

To end this vacation recap, it's appropriate that I sit down to finish this series on Fathers Day morning.  Our sons and their families will be here this afternoon to celebrate together: Hub being a dad, Son One being a dad, and bugging Son Two to become a dad.  LOL   And I think back on all the family gatherings of my earlier life, before Hub and I moved away from our home state and before the rest of my family also scattered across the U.S. and before we lost so many to the inevitable "big move" -- death.  

My parents have died, as well as my only siblings, my two brothers, and this year my older brother's wife, my sister-in-law, also died.  My older brother's daughter,  my niece, and her family live in Arizona.  My younger brother's family, my sis-in-law, nephew, and niece and her family live in Georgia.  We have not all been in the same place together since my mom's memorial service in 2008.  It is decidedly strange to be the only living member of my original nuclear family.  It's lonely at times.  

I have a good friend who still has her siblings, the in-laws, all the nieces, nephews, their families, cousins and on and on living near enough to continue to share holidays and rites of passage together.  I envy that.  I realize that when I sit and reminisce, I have no one to fact check with, to laugh with over old times, to just remember a shared experience. Since I've known Hub since high school, he of course plays a big role in walks down memory lane, but his memories of my family life are different and truncated.  

Our family holidays and meaningful moments have mostly been just the four of us -- no extended family to share with, so our sons have not had the experience I did of so many fun and/or "boring" times celebrating a distant cousins' wedding, a great aunt and uncle's anniversary, a grandparent's repeated stories of life on the farm or whatever.  I am sad about that; it's a part of family life that for us was missing except for the annual summer trips back to Illinois for a week.  My sons' memories are of seeing extended family while on vacation -- not as a daily part of their lives.

So we were delighted to welcome our Savannah family to join us on Hilton Head.  One look at my sis-in-law and I was in tears.  First of all, I adore her.  I love this kind, determined, strong, funny, loving, no B.S. woman!  Like Hub, she knows my history at least going back to the 70's and that's getting to be a long time.  When we talk, we can talk in the shorthand of one who knew each other "when" -- through good times and bad, great haircuts and awful, weight fluctuations, stupid decisions, little apartments, cross-country moves, 80's shoulder pads.  We know about being parents and now grandparents.  We know what shared heartache and joy feel like.  We were there for a lot of the big stuff in each other's lives.

Her kids, my niece and nephew, joined us too, with my niece's husband and their kids.  I thought of the generations sitting around the picnic table, our son and my niece sharing their memories of childhood antics during our annual visits, their shared memories of grandma and grandpa, their sort of stunned disbelief that they now have children of their own sitting with us, the younger generation getting to know each other as cousins for the first time.  I had tears in my eyes almost constantly; I'm a sucker for this family connection stuff.  It means the world to me.  

We spent one whole day together early in our trip, then at the end my niece and her kids came for another day of hanging out at the pool.  The following day was travel day for us although on different flights and airports.  My niece invited Son One and his crew to spend the day at her house before their evening flight.  My son said that when they showed up there my sis-in-law and nephew were there as well and they spent the day together watching the kids play, continuing to reminisce, and then bidding a tearful, hugging goodbye to each other.  My son has a heart as tender as mine when it comes to family and I could hear in his voice the deep gratitude and emotion he felt at having had this time together.  There are always good intentions to see each other more often, but then work, school, responsibilities, obligations and the fact of living 3000 miles apart become the realities that thwart those good intentions.  I'm glad we had this -- and hope we can do it again.

And that's the story of our vacation.  I'm not sure it warranted a 3-part series, but since I write this blog not only to share life observations with others who may be able to relate, but also as a documentation of sorts for myself and my family, it seemed special enough to dwell on it a bit.  May we all create special times with those we love.  Cheers!🥛 

At least, that's the view from here...©

Family Silhouette Photo Credit: www.pixabay.com

HOMEWARD BOUND

I am not generally an eager traveler.  I like my home, my gardens, my friends, family, and familiar routine.  That's not to say I don't also enjoy visiting new places, having new experiences -- I just get a tad grumpy about the actual travel part of traveling (logistics of flights, cars, maps, lodging, food, etc) and dealing with changing landscapes over relatively short periods of time.  I like to settle in.

We are flying home today from a 12 day trip to South Carolina and Georgia.  It all started because we own some timeshare points, purchased in a fit of euphoria over the idea of traveling more after retirement (if not the reality, as it turns out.)  There is some complicated equation for figuring out the timeframe for using said points, and we find we often have some "left over" that we have to use or lose within a certain timeframe.  So, this trip was the result of finding we had extra points to use by year's end and then sitting down and deciding where to go to use them up.  We are frugal enough not to let these slip through our fingers unused!

I have family in Savannah.  My younger brother and his family had moved there from our home area in northern Illinois 13 years ago for his work.  We visited once for my niece's wedding 8 years ago and to celebrate my brother's what we thought was successful cancer treatment.  We went back again a few years later when that ugly cancer returned and claimed my brother's life.  We decided to visit under happier circumstances this time, so planned a visit that would include family time in Savannah, a stay on the Isle of Palms -- a barrier island along the Charleston SC coast where we used to live, then ending with several days on Hilton Head to use those points at a resort on the ocean.

We started on the Isle of Palms, staying in a VRBO home owned by former neighbors with whom we had been best of friends for the two years we lived on the island several lifetimes ago (1980-82).  We've been back a handful of times, so were aware of all the changes to our quiet little island, but this time we were amazed at the oceanfront mansions, expansion of the commercial area, the new "connector" bridge to the mainland that brought traffic and visitors over on a 4-lane highway.  It was no longer the quaint, laid-back burg we'd known.  Progress, I guess.   Still it was beautiful and we enjoyed reminiscing as we walked along the wide sandy beach and paddled a kayak around the Intercoastal Waterway, with a pod of dolphins accompanying us.

A day in the city of Charleston also surprised us with its changes, but the historic area remains gorgeous, the city itself way more cosmopolitan than when we lived there, full of outstanding restaurants and cultural events.

On to Savannah, we stayed in a Historic District hotel, from which we walked and walked, snapping photos of the grand old homes, the River Street tourist walk, and live-oak shaded squares and parks.  That area of Savannah really is beautiful and while we have a soft spot for our old home of Charleston, there is no denying the charms of the Savannah experience.

That said, we are in the Deep South and Civil War statues are not uncommon, with African-American residents sitting nearby on park benches, making me wonder what they must think of these monuments to a time when half the country banded together to fight for the continuation of slavery.  I admit to feeling a bit smug, as a northerner, that "we" won what the south calls "The War of Northern Aggression".

Family time was full of laughter, tears, reminiscing, and watching the Circle of Life unfold as the older generation shared stories and experiences with the next and next generations gathered.  I am sometimes sad that our little family is scattered across the country, but such is life.  Hub and I were the first to leave our Illinois homeland, and as others went their ways, we all said we'd visit each other often, but life, finances, and other priorities make it hard.  When we left, we vowed again to do better.

Today I sit overlooking the pool from our condo, all packed and anticipating being home tonight.  Hilton Head is a bit too Stepford-y for me; a little too planned and perfect.  But this is a beautiful property, a huge 2-bedroom condo, lots to do on site and lots to see and do around the island.  As is our way, we've mostly stayed put right here, taking long beach walks and even going into the warm, silky Atlantic waters so familiar from our time living down here.  Last night we sat on our balcony in the warm evening dusk, eating a big basket of peel and eat shrimp cooked with Old Bay seasoning, and it was like coming home to a time that was a turning point in our lives together.

We could have stayed in South Carolina back then; Hub was offered a job, but in spite of its beauty, our love of the beaches and ocean, there remained many things about the south that were challenging for us.  Some, we note, are still the same; some have changed for the better.  But our decision to head west, to the Seattle area, was the best possible choice for us.  We've made a life there, had careers, raised our family, created home and community that have uplifted and supported us through all of life's trials and joys.  Could that have happened here too?  I don't know.  It would be hard to be "us" here, I think...for sure we'd be in the Progressive Liberal minority!  But it's easy to be us as visitors, to spend time in a place we hold in memory and can still enjoy as travelers.

For now, though, I'm happy to be homeward bound.  Can't wait to get off that plane!

 At least, that's the view from here...©

Photos:  Sunset over the Intercoastal Waterway, Isle of Palms, SC; The Battery Walk, historical area of downtown Charleston, overlooking Charleston Harbor where the first shots of the Civil War were fired by the Confederacy on the Union stronghold at Ft. Sumter; Live Oaks and Spanish moss in Forsythe Park, Savannah; wide sandy beach at our resort on Hilton Head.