Hmmmm.... My relationship with the holiday season remains ambivalent. Generally I start out strong -- in late November I start to feel the "spirit" a bit, but I tamp it down, knowing I'm peaking way too early. I actually refuse to put up a tree or decorate at all until the calendar at least turns to December. But this year, I felt no rush of Christmas spirit at any point preceding Christmas. I did all the holiday things I still do, which is many fewer than in the past, but it felt more like going through the Christmas motions than really being consumed by a joyful fervor of anticipation.
Hallmark Movies: I try to get in the spirit by diving into the Christmas fantasies and lighthearted, mindless entertainments that are these cookie cutter movies with the same plot and often the same actors. I rate them based on-over-the top decorations, plot originality (hard to come by) and at least somewhat decent scripting and acting (also a crapshoot). We saw a couple good ones, a few OK ones, some duds. My winner this year was Hot Frosty. It hit all the marks, especially original plot - silly but fun.
Decorating: Yes, Hub hung outdoor garlands, I hauled down my two bins of decorations from the attic (I've donated about 3 more bins of stuff I used to haul out) to place around the house, we put up our tree and Hub hung all his old ornaments, I added a few newer sparkly ones, but none of the old ones we used to collect to reflect something "meaningful" from that year -- they just look tired and no longer hold much magic for me. The best decorations weren't even ours. We spent the Solstice going to local light festivals -- a lantern lined river walk in a nearby town, the local arboretum decorated with lights, and an extravaganza of lighting around the ponds at the big casino north of us where over 7 million lights glowed as we walked along the paths covered with light (and crowds).
Sending Cards: Every year the number of cards I've received has dwindled to a handful, and two of the six this year were from our dentist and a realtor. This year I finally stopped sending cards at all, well, mostly. I sent two -- to an out of town old friend who I miss and to my cousin who I have not seen since I was a child, but his wife dutifully sends a card every year and I dutifully respond in kind. I also send e-cards to a group of friends and texts with a family photo to family far away. I guess those count, but in my mind the old school Christmas card exchange (and letter!) is one I am sad to see fall away in this digital age.
Baking: I don't bake anymore. I've never been a big baker, but I used to do Christmas cookies. Now I don't. We don't need the sugar or the calories.
Entertaining and Socializing: We didn't entertain this year. We were invited to one party, but didn't go. We went to one performance that was super fun -- Michael Cavanaugh and his band playing Christmas songs. He tours nationally. See him sometime if you can; very entertaining. (We've also seen him do an entire show of Elton John and Billy Joel covers and he's great! What a fun singalong it was!) I also loved celebrating with my BFF since we both have December birthdays and we can turn any day (even the worst) into a laugh-fest. We don't exchange gifts anymore; we are in agreement that we don't need more "stuff", but just keeping this nearly 40 year friendship alive and precious is gift enough.
Gifts: Speaking of gifts, our family has scaled back gift giving to mostly buying for our "girls" -- the grandkids/nieces. They get the "big stuff". Adults bring 'stocking stuffers' for all that are a step above a candy cane or a pair of socks, but still not super extravagant. We also do a "white elephant" exchange with inexpensive items for all ages that generally end up being games to play or food to eat. Hub and I have never really given each other that many Christmas gifts -- we generally have made some big joint purchase that "counts" as a Christmas present, as we did this year (details in another post!) I did feel the spirit briefly as I loaded up and delivered a box of new and very gently used items to donate to our local elementary school for their "Holiday Shop". Each year, just before the holiday break, all the gifts are displayed and the kids get to "shop" for up to four items to give to their family members. Volunteers are on hand to wrap them. We also delivered our homemade jam to neighbors -- an annual ritual that people are polite enough to lead us to believe they appreciate. LOL
My birthday: Being a December baby means a childhood of birthdays being "combined" with Christmas. As an adult, I decided I'm having none of that. I insist on a separate celebration and any gifts must be wrapped in BD paper, not Santa themed. And every year Hub and I usually take a pre-Christmas trip during my BD week, which I always look forward to. This year we went back to one of our fave waterside towns a ferry ride away and stayed two nights, taking long walks on the beach, in the woods, along the town waterfront, shopping, and eating in restaurants, which we don't do often anymore. I guess I do like that my BD comes at a time when the world is decorated so beautifully. And I like the Christmas backdrop adding to the birthday fun. It was hard to believe I'm now 74 years old. But ho, ho, ho -- it's true.
Family: We don't cut a tree anymore but we all go the tree farm together and "help" find the perfect tree for others. We take a group photo and drink hot chocolate by the bonfire. We usually gather in December for Son 2's BD early in the month, but not this year since he was out of town. So we did his and mine together at a surprise BD brunch the kids planned for me after our little trip. That was fun! We gather at our house on Christmas Eve for our annual buffet of delicious foods and I am so grateful that everyone brings things so it no longer falls on Hub and me to do all the planning, shopping, and prepping. On Christmas day everyone comes back for leftovers from the buffet, gift opening, puzzles, games, and turkey sandwiches in the evening. We light the last of the Advent Season candles on the mantel in darkness before everyone departs and we call it a wrap on another Christmas. It's a relaxed, happy time to have everyone here in high spirits, with good cheer, and loving appreciation of each other.
Having now typed all of this out, I realize that my lack of "spirit" did not translate into actually hating the season, in spite of feeling grumpy at times. It's just different now. And after 74 Christmases, things are sure to feel different. At different ages and stages in life we live each day, including holidays, according to the likes, dislikes, urges, and necessities of each stage. Now I am in a stage of "downsizing" my holidays. While it might feel less festive, it also feels less frantic. And for that I'm grateful. The expectation that 4-6 weeks of "high spirits" is sustainable is a bit of con job foisted upon us by merchants, mostly. For me, there were meaningful moments scattered throughout those long weeks and I am grateful I was present and open enough to see and feel them.
At least, that's the view from here...©
A few FB and email comments....thanks, all!:
ReplyDelete"Relating to your words with respect to growing older with Christmas. Our season was compressed with our cruise and trip to the Rainforest in Brazil. Where Christmas decorations in Manaus south of the Equator with the heat just seem odd. Then it was home an active couple of days with our granddaughters and parents. Their excitement quickly rubbed off on me for a few hours. I was thankful I had put up and decorated the tree before we left for the trip. Went to Costco to stock up on a few things after the trip a few days before Christmas. Expected to see twinkling trees, and Christmas stuff. With the exception of the guy pushing Lindell’s chocolates in a Santa hat there was nothing. My thoughts were they’ve moved on to the next event. Came home and binge watched Christmas movies, like you found a few good ones and old ones like The Holiday for the 6th time. I have a sense for me the election results have had something to do with less cheer this year. But grateful for all I have. Thanks for your post. Happy New year🎉"
"Donna, I appreciate your thoughts around the season, but I'm in agreement that the anxiety pervading our spaces is tainting everything. While I feel so fortunate having a warm house, enough to eat and reasonable personal safety its hard to embrace fully the Christmas season knowing how many people are suffering and knowing that my country intends to perpetuate such suffering. Now, world wide misery is nothing new but it's disheartening to see my country as evil rather than a beacon of hope."
"Well done, as always!"
"Hear, hear! Finding the perfect balance of scaling (waaay) back while not raining on other people's parades sounds like exactly what you accomplished. Working towards the same, myself."
"Thank you for your reflections on this season….so many changes as years pass. I continue to be grateful for all the lights that brighten this dark time of the year, whether it be the lanterns of solstice or the twinkling lights on a tree."
"Happy holidays!! Your blogs are a delight to read."
"Yup! My motivation to give is highest when there is zero expectation. So, I tend to lay low until the "season of giving' has passed. Then, I go for it. I like it better that way.
And, commercialization of kindness and generosity -> boooo."
"Your words resonated with me as I also purged some Christmas items. Then as a family we would hold up things and decide if it meant anything to anyone. We went from 4 boxes to 2. We have a relaxing time together. "
And....
ReplyDelete"I have found that I have entered that time of life where I am mostly an observer rather than a "doer" in holiday celebrations. I remember my grandmother sitting in a corner watching and smiling as we all prepared/ate our sumptuous meals, opened our presents, exchanged exciting stories about our lives, played games, made music, etc. Now, I am mostly that Grandma, enjoying the festivities, but getting tired easily, and being ready for the quiet after all is done. It's not bad, but it is different. I feel blessed that I have my family near by so I don't have the additional stress of either flying somewhere to see them, or having to prepare for/deal with overnight guests. And I appreciate not having to go to work in the week between Christmas and New Year's!"
I got a skimpy amount of Xmas cards this year, too, and I am truly sorry to see that tradition die out. I loved sending them, writing notes or letters to put inside and receiving them. I sent 30 out this year and probably will only send out ten next year.
ReplyDelete