NEW YEAR UPDATES

At the end of every of the 11 years I've been doing this blog, I send it off to "Blog-2-Print" to have the year's posts turned into a hard copy book.  I love the feeling of holding my writings in my hands.  My deepest wish is that someday my family will discover them on my bookshelf and take a look at my life as I wrote it in these posts.  Maybe the grandkids will like them?  Well, I like them. LOL

Paging through the book that arrived yesterday I saw clearly there was a theme to my 2023.  It was a mixture of challenge, letting go, learning, embracing, growing, changing.  Every year is like that but 2023 was more so for me.  

My struggle with wanting to be connected in a certain way with family and friends got less struggle-y.  The lesson that has been front and center in so many ways for so many years finally sunk in.  I cannot change anyone to make them be "better" for themselves, or a better fit for me.  And more importantly I cannot, nor do I want to, change myself to be a better fit for anyone else.  I tried.  God knows, I tried.  

Connections will happen as they will.  No amount of hoping and trying to mold things the way I'd prefer will work.  I let go.  I let go of expectations of others and let go even of parts of myself. I let go with sadness, with resignation, and with great relief.  I put those psychology/relationship self-help books away (as I wrote about in a previous post from last year) and never got them out again.  

Instead of trying to understand and anticipate and mitigate every event/emotion/turmoil, I've turned to accepting as best I can (work in progress) whatever is unfolding right now in the present moment...and be open to whatever comes in the the future with the phrase, "Oh.  So this is what happens next."  Deep gratitude to my gentle, brilliant yoga teacher for this teaching, as well as for Michael Singer's work in the "Untethered Soul" and "Living Untethered".  Also meditation and its many teachers whose words have resonated with me.

I wrote about taking solo trips.  I did that.  I didn't really like it.  I was trying to put myself out in the world as a person who might learn to love traveling in solitude and discover an independence of spirit I doubted I had.  I don't like being alone in the world and I'm plenty independent in many ways.  I don't need to be in that way too.  I love sharing fun experiences, new discoveries, and quiet joys with others, especially Hub.  He's the one who likes to go away alone or with his friends, or be home alone at times, and I tried to learn to accept and appreciate that for myself too.  It didn't work.  I dislike being home alone for days on end.  And I won't travel alone so often again. Maybe sometimes for some specific reason, but not as a deep desire in general.

But, as you may recall from a post from last year, since I don't go away I tried to give Hub more private space at home. I decided we should spend one day/night apart each week.  So we re-did our old guest room to be "my" bedroom space. That didn't work either.  He was never totally keen on the idea and it only lasted three tries for me to realize I felt resentful of my own idea!  If he wants time away from me, he will have to find it elsewhere.  This is my home, all of it, all of the time.  But I do absolutely LOVE the bedroom I created!  I gaze through the door as I walk past and occasionally lie on the bed to read.  The whole sort of boho vibe fills me with joy and delight.  

As does the other bedroom (these were the ones where I wrote about pulling carpet staples and wrecking my hip) which I turned into a creative working space. This room also delights me because it encourages me to think of myself as creative, a label I've never fully owned.  I loved choosing inspiring bright decor and making space for making creative messes, mostly with fabric and yarn.

I also love it because of the hours and hours I spend there with my almost 9 year old granddaughter.  I'm teaching her to sew and imparting stories of women in the family who have gone before who were also seamstresses.  She likes hearing about her great-great grandma (my grandmother) who was a dressmaker with her own shop.  She likes hearing about her great grandma (my mom) who sewed all her own clothing as a teenager, winning prizes at the County Fair, and who sewed upholstery, draperies, curtains, and all of my clothing when I was young.  She likes hearing that her 2nd cousin (my niece) sewed and embroidered professionally, selling her wares in gift shops and online And then there's me -- probably the least skilled but most appreciative of this talent -- now teaching her the basic skills.  I supervised her as she machine-sewed little sachet pillows for everyone in the family as Christmas gifts.  She was so proud!

I also wrote about flirting with becoming an aquarium hobbiest.  I did.  My little ten gallon tank has been stocked since last July and is thriving.  I learned a lot; I'm still learning.  I've loved creating not just something pleasant to look at, but something that has it's own ecosystem -- full of live plants, surprise snails and ride-along shrimp (they all came on a new plant purchase) and little schools of Harlequin Rasboras and False Julii Corys that seem to be doing their fish thing without much intervention on my part.  With warmth, light, food, greenery, friends, and a caring presence to keep it all in balance, life in that aquatic world is good.  

May your life be as peaceful in your own little ecosystem in 2024.

Happy New Year...here we go again!

At least, that's the view from here...©

(Keep scrolling for room photos which don't format well, so sorry about that.)

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