Here's a lesson learned: Don't go on someone else's vacation.
Hub is an avid snowboarder. Some might say an obsessive snowboarder. I call his winter trips his "snowboard tour". Totaling up his various trips, he's gone about 4 weeks between January and March. This has become a bit of a point of contention with us over the years, for many reasons. I think it's excessive. He defends with the logic that it's a short season and he has to get a lot of slope days in within a short period of time. I stipulate that I am grateful he's in great shape and has a passion to pursue that brings him such satisfaction. Sometimes he goes with a group of friends, many times he goes alone. Until last year...
During one of our many talks about his snowboarding plans, he said I was welcome to come along on his solo trips. Generally he has preferred to be with other snow enthusiasts or alone. So, this seemed like a nice offer until I thought about where he goes and where he stays -- smaller "resorts" (basically small towns with a mountain) with nothing for me to do and he often sleeps in the camper. Uh. No thanks. But we decided it would be fun for me to go along to a big resort, to stay in a luxe condo, and enjoy the ski resort apres ski festivities at the end of his snowboarding day.
So last year we spent a week in Whistler, BC together and it was GREAT! We both had lots of fun. The Whistler/Blackcomb Village is large with lots to do -- shops, art galleries, restaurants, a gondola ride to the top where I met him for lunch, and just walking and walking for exercise. There was a pool, sauna, gym. Yes, very nice. So we decided to make it an annual thing for me to go on one of his winter trips.
This year we chose South Lake Tahoe with a stop in Ashland, Oregon on the way -- a town we have loved for years. Driving can be challenging in the winter, but the two-day drive was mostly uneventful (traffic, of course, and a bit of glare ice and blowing snow at one stretch) except that I am a Nervous Nelly passenger and didn't have the confidence to drive on two-lane icy roads. I was trapped in road anxiety much of the time. I realize that road trips of 6-7 hours a day may be in my past. I didn't enjoy that many hours in the car.
Our first destination, Ashland, was fun. He boarded Mt. Ashland and I wandered around town, full of nostalgia for our many visits there. (It's a liberal oasis in "red" southern Oregon, home of the annual Shakespeare Festival every summer. Touristy but not tacky, with a big lovely park in the middle of town to explore.)
At Tahoe our condo was bigger and nicer than I expected so I felt like I'd be very content there. Hub took off for his first day on the slopes and I headed out to explore the Village. It took about 20 minutes. How many kitschy Tahoe emblazoned T-shirts and keychains, etc etc can one look at? There were outdoor clothing stores for the ski/board crowd, a few alcohol-fueled over-priced restaurants, an ice skating rink (not my thing), and a Starbucks. I went there. Plus it was a chilly 8-degrees!
Back in the condo I did some yoga, read my books, crocheted, looked out the window, snacked. Waited for Hub to return. He did, late in the afternoon, with bad news. He'd lost his phone on one of the runs.
Suffice to say, the week went downhill (haha) from there, for me anyway, and partly for him too. Every day was the same for me. Six hours of him on the mountain and me trying to not go stir crazy. He'd come back after his mountain adventures, and we'd deal with the phone issue: three trips to the Verizon store, hours on the phone with tech support, tracking the UPS delivery of his replacement phone. We mostly ate in, watched a little TV, and repeated it all the next day. He loved his days on the mountain, but the phone thing was a major distraction and frustration. (The day before we left the replacement phone was finally working.)
We did spend a few quality hours together here and there over the week, but we both agreed that this is not a good idea. Even in a nice resort, it's not MY vacation, it's his. I don't like being cold, or doing snow sports, and over the years I've lived enough of the "lodge life" for it not to be romantic or cool anymore. I don't know why I didn't foresee this.
I was so ready to fly home, as we'd planned. We drove back to Ashland for a night then I took a 1 hour and 22 minute flight from the nearby airport back home (instead of the 7 hour drive) while Hub had a 5 hour drive to his next mountain in northern Oregon where he met up with friends for another week of snowboarding. Again, his daily calls/texts tell me he's having a great time.
Me too. I'm so glad to be home. Lesson learned.
At least, that's the view from here...©
I can so identify with this post having gone out west every other year with my husband when he hunted in Colorado or Wyoming. I didn't always go in the woods with him every day and when I did he just camera hunted because he knew I didn't want to see an animal die. On other other days I'd check out the tourist town where we had a motel room.
ReplyDeleteMaybe if you compared the time away from each other you'd spend while he was still working fours weeks for his snowboarding wouldn't seem like so much. Granted he came home each night but that same time he's gone frees you up for retreats and your grand kids are getting old enough to start treating them with long weekends trips to kid friendly places.
Yes. He will leave on his trips whether I like it or not. So I've just decided going with him doesn't solve anything and makes it, most of the time, less enjoyable for me than staying home -- where I can do all the things you suggest!
DeleteI can can relate to your frustrations. Dan goes off travelling for work, although not snowboarding, it's the same idea, where he's gone for long hours each day and I have to figure out what to do with my time. Once was a trip to Phoenix where I was without a car and so forced to hang around the resort for 5 days alone. Mind you it was a Hilton and they had a pool, but you can understand that it would get very boring after several days of book reading. I decided to take a taxi to the nearest mall and get some USA clothing for my girls, but the driver dropped me off in in a slum. I was worried for my life and Dan came to rescue me and drove me back on his lunch break. I've learned my lesson and will not go on business trips with him unless it's a city where I feel safe and there are lots of cool places to explore. So I get it.
ReplyDeleteExactly. It sounds good in theory...but the reality is quite different, isn't it? There are some places I'd go, I suppose. But his winter sports mean it would be COLD no matter where it was. I'm going to be much more discerning. (Glad Dan could rescue you in Phoenix!)
DeleteWhen I was working, I drove up to Solvang (California Danish town) every summer for 3-4 days. I needed time away from people before my job got super busy in Sept & I could do what I wanted, when I wanted in Solvang. My husband disliked the town & was never interested in going, but hated that I did go. We spoke every night & he learned to find other things to do, while I was gone (plus he still had to work). Now that we're both retired, we go up to the Casino outside of Solvang & I bring a book to read once I get tired of gambling. He never held the Solvang vacations against me, as it was something I "needed" to do & he didn't want to waste his vacation time on something he hated. Back then, the casino was a tiny thing & he would have been bored in about 3 hours. (By the way, Solvang is not the same quaint town it used to be. We only stop in on the way home, so we can pick up pastries. He doesn't have to whine about the shopping or the fact that it seems they roll up the sidewalks about 6pm, but that was the lure way back when, for me.)
ReplyDeleteOh my! Your comment got lost in awaiting moderation file. Apologies! I totally understand. It sounds like you had a good system for each getting their needs me.
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