Well, it's over. Christmas. I guess it's still the holiday season so our tree is still up (until January 1) and I left a few "winter" decorations out, but yesterday I put away anything that was red, green, or Santa-related. As I observe every year, things that once looked so festive in early December become gaudy and cloying as soon as the last guests leave on Christmas night. I'm finished.
Still, my love/hate relationship with the holidays mellowed this year. I had some sweet and happy times, some stressed and tired times, a couple of sad times, a migraine too much of the time, but mostly sort of neutral "this is fine, not awful, not great" times. I scaled my activity, traditions, and expectations way back to the point where often nothing felt particularly magical.
In thinking about that I realize part of the reason this year didn't feel very "Christmas-y" to me was how little effort I put into it. I let so much of the work and stress go that I also let go of the very few things I love to do: bring in greens from our big fir trees to decorate, bake and frost sugar cookies in shapes of Santa and trees and bells, play classic Christmas music (OK - I tried -- it annoyed me this year -- not sure why), put a holiday table cloth on the dining room table for our Christmas Eve finger-food buffet, get out and read my sons' old Christmas books from their little kid years, reading "The Night Before Christmas" aloud to my family on Christmas Eve (no one noticed we didn't do that this year, so there's that.)
I guess I'm still grateful for a feeling of "neutral" in some way though. While the emotional roller coaster of my past Christmases was stimulating in a weird way, it was also exhausting. And no, I'm not on any "even out the moods" meds. I'm doing a new (to me) therapeutic modality that finally seems to be the answer to my woes (most of the time): Radical Acceptance. Maybe I'll write about that in the new year. For now, with the exception of missing a few of my favorite things, I'm experiencing a strange low-level hum of....contentment, just being with what is. Is this how other people live all of the time? Weird!
I did send Christmas cards this year. I always look forward to choosing family photos for the cards, sending them out for printing, getting them back, then spending time pouring over my old address book, remembering friends near and far, who I don't see often, but still care about, with a short note on each card before it goes in the envelop to be addressed and stamped. Years ago I sent about 50-60 cards each year. As fewer and fewer people reciprocated, I've scaled that number way back to about 25 in recent years. I still get excited when the mail carrier comes. I'm always hopeful for a card, even better if it has a Christmas letter inside -- it's widely ridiculed, but I love that people take the time to share their lives in this way. Last year I got about a dozen cards in the mail. This year I'm absolutely and finally giving up all hope and I'm ready to admit card sending is a dying (dead?) tradition. I sent my 25. I received 6, most with no personal note at all, let alone a letter. Now I just feel embarrassed that I sent mine -- especially a card with photos and notes! Sheesh. Like, who cares, right? LOL But I'm pretty sure I'll do it again next year because I love doing it. It's MY holiday tradition and it makes ME feel happy. I'll just scale back again -- to 1, for my BFF who shares my love (and nostalgia) for Christmas cards.
I read the other day that the week between Christmas and New Year's is "liminal time" - a time of transition. The article recommended we suspend all responsibilities, obligations, work, worry, and stress, and stay in our jammie clothes all day sipping tea, and reading one of the books we got for Christmas (that would be "The Light We Carry" by Michelle Obama for me). I know many still in the outside-the-home work-world don't have this luxury, but some of us do and I love the notion of just letting ourselves settle and rest.
I'm trying to do that, with some limited success. My migraine "helped" as I gave myself (finally!) a full afternoon on 12/26 to just lie in bed, reading and napping, and it seems to have chased the several days in a row headache away, for now. (Although I'm feeling very lethargic...) Tomorrow I think I'll teach my Zoom yoga class to my merry band of yoginis. No other plans for the week. I'm going to try to guard that time against any incursion of a case of the "shoulds" and just flow with whatever I want to do -- getting well, being quiet, reflective, self-nurturing, and gentle with myself -- mindful of each precious moment of this time of transition, which is actually every moment, isn't it?
At least, that's the view from here...©
I sent out 15 cards and got 14 back...but not from the same people who got cards from me. For the past few years I've said I won't do it again, but writing my Christmas letter is the one consistent tradition I've had for decades and it's hard to stop. I can remember years ago having 150 on my mailing list. I did get 5-6 of the digital cards but I'm afraid of opening them for fear of getting a virus on my computer so I hope people don't have to pay for them.
ReplyDeleteI think you scaled back Christmas sounds very nice and manageable. And it's normal at a certain age to hand the family baton down to the next generation to do more so you can do less.
Yes, I love passing on some of the work/stress to my kids! LOL
DeleteI love getting Christmas cards!!! I will say I haven't sent any in years. Last year I sent New Year's cards... or was it 2 years ago I did that 🤔
ReplyDeleteI receive 3 cards from the same people each year on the last day of November. I smile and it fills my heart. Maybe that's the beginning on the Christmas season for me.
I hope others enjoy my cards. It sounds like you still enjoy receiving cards from others. I hope others enjoy getting my cards too. It's just becoming fewer and fewer that I receive, so I think next year I won't go to the expense and effort to send so many. I really do think it's a tradition that is dying out and I'm having trouble letting go of it. But people are too busy or uninterested. Things change. Anyway, Happy New Year!
DeleteI started to write about our Christmas traditions, but it was turning into a blog post on its own. That's happened before after I read yours. I'll spare you all. I'll just say that Christmas is the time of year that I DECORATE. I also love to bake, but daughter got in ahead of me with so many sugary treats that I gave up this year. I've eaten the cookies, I'll start taking things apart the end of next week. Cards, I make my own, nothing fancy -- a sketch, a photo, printed 2 to a page with a note: The last few years have brought little to write up. I had trouble starting this year and recycled a design from 10 years ago. 12 cards mailed Dec 24. I still exchange with a few people from our North Dakota years.
ReplyDeleteGood idea about making your own cards! I'll consider that for next year since I'm scaling back on that. And lucky you to have a baker in the family. I ended up getting quite a few from neighbors who always deliver cookies. They always get my homemade jam. It's a nice exchange.
Delete