HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE, LIKE ME

I  just got back from Ireland.  But reports on that will have to wait.  This has to come first because it will explain a lot, about a lot, including my trip.  

I've been meaning to write about this for awhile:  I'm a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).  It sounds sorta special, doesn't it?  Sorta egotistical, really.  Sorta woo-woo.  Sorta wimpy and weird and cry-babyish.  Sorta like something one should outgrow.  But for me, it is huge.  It is affirming.  It is the explanation for (going back to childhood) so much I have loathed about myself, been embarrassed by, tried to change, deny, and fix.  

But turns out, it's not a character defect or an indulgence.  It's a real thing with a genetic component, which has been studied and researched and exists in diagnostic manuals and is confirmed by my therapist who has helped me embrace this trait for what it is -- real and permanent and positive.  About 20% of the population has the trait that would define an HSP.  (And it is a trait, not a disorder!) We are a minority, but we walk amongst you!

Dr. Elaine Aron is the HSP guru who came up with a short quiz to identify those with this trait, but is quick to point out that no quiz can be the full answer.  Working with a therapist to tease out all the threads of diagnosis is important.  But it can give you a clue, and maybe an explanation for why you've always felt differently from others. Many people will identify with some of the characteristics.  How high you score on the test will indicate your degree of sensitivity.  My score, on multiple tests, is consistently near the top.  

 Here is her quiz you might try out of curiosity; be honest in your answers:  https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

Dr. Aron also talks about D.O.E.S. (Depth of Processing, Overstimulation, Emotional Reactivity,  Empathy, Sense the Subtle).  This pretty much sums up the life of an HSP.  Here's more info: https://hsperson.com/faq/evidence-for-does/  

And it can manifest like this: https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/highly-sensitive-people-problems/?fbclid=IwAR0klKHkyUrgqKaQ_njlGw5V6g-7-mGTMOZpI2MFYTSa4rBjxNpStF2Jdjw

I know this is a lot to read and absorb unless you have a true interest in this topic. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. I guess I'm just letting you see what makes me be me in many ways.  But as an HSP I totally dig this stuff!  What I've learned about me:

I process things deeply, giving hours and hours of attention to introspection to try to figure out what makes me and others think and behave as we do.  I've often been completely stumped and even frustrated by those who do not see the same value in this introspection as I do.  It makes no sense to me!  But now that I know I have an inner trait for this that others don't, I am more understanding that it's not them being disinterested necessarily,  it's them being different.   

I observe subtle body language, taking the emotional temperature of a person through non-verbal cues.  I can 'read the room'; with no words spoken I can often tell who's sad, excited, angry, frustrated, etc.  Then I immediately want to fix another's discomfort, mitigate any tension, support, cajole, soothe to the point where my own emotional equilibrium is disturbed. 

I clue into the surroundings -- images, light, temperature, texture, noise, all senses on alert to the point of being painfully overstimulated at times, feeling a desperate need to escape. 

I can often "feel" another's emotions, myself feeling ill or sad or excited around others who are experiencing these states, even when I am not.  I can feel tremendously helpless one moment, while in another I am able to sit calmly and strongly with another, helping hold their pain.  

I cannot abide reading or watching sad, violent, or frightening scenes.  My nervous system responds dramatically and with great discomfort.  It is very real to me and I immediately can relate to and feel the horror.  On the other hand, I can become completely overwhelmed with joy, love, inspiration -- a hug from the grandkids, a special moment with Hub, a sunrise, a good book, a yummy dessert, wrapping myself in a soft nurturing blanket. I often weep with overwhelming love and gratitude over the simplest, most commonplace of events or acts of kindness.  

People are extremely important to me.  Reciprocal relationships are paramount.  When I am emotionally hurt I can feel devastated and lose my sense of self, assuming blame and moving into shame too easily.  Setting boundaries can be difficult yet vitally important to my sense of well-being and confidence.  I'm working on that, and it helps to know that being an HSP is fueling these feelings of lack, the urge to return to some equilibrium in relationship even at my own expense.  I can get back on track by taking some time, by accessing the strength of an HSP to process what is happening in a positive way, to honor myself.

Does all of this sound like a lot of work?  It is!  And it's who I am.  Every day I confront the characteristics of an HSP as I make decisions, go and do, be in relationship, think, be, act.  I am learning that I need A LOT of down time to take breaks from the processing, stimulation, emotional reactivity, empathy, and subtleties of how I move in the world.  I need to take a step back, get quiet, be in the present moment, let go of believing I can fix everything for everyone, stop blaming myself for not being able to keep going or for not being in the world like other people who seem to be able to take things more lightly.  I need time alone to recharge (because I'm also an introvert, but not all HSPs are.)

Does any of this resonate with you?  Maybe you are in the HSP club!  If so, let's get together and draft a Mission Statement, write some by-laws, and create our secret handshake!  But more importantly, let's affirm each other and develop our Super Powers of Sensitivity that serve us and those around us.

Oh, and what does any of this have to do with my trip to Ireland?  Hmmmm...stay tuned!  All will be revealed.

At least, that's the view from here....©