GOODBYE 2021

Well, it's almost a wrap.  Tonight we say goodbye to 2021, then hello to 2022.  New Year's Eve is always bittersweet for me.  Being a documentarian and a sentimental nostalgic, I tend to pause, reflect, review, and feel the sweet sadness of the passage time... of people, events, activities, and connections.  When I try to look forward all I feel is curious.  OK, a bit excited.  I assume good things lie ahead, theoretically, even though I can tend toward worry and pessimism on any given day as I come face to face with reality. Ah, life. Complexity abounds. 

I'm looking back at the year and noting the challenges:  a re-emergence of relationship issues with Hub to revisit and find clarity; still somewhat refraining from many familiar activities; still not seeing my family as often as I'd like; rarely seeing friends and noting the toll that has taken on the closeness I loved and largely lost in some cases; losing my writing Muse for weeks on end; a bit of depression.

I also look back at the joys: the "sobriety party" Hub and my kids had for me; my granddaughters growing into such fine, funny, smart, and lovable people; at least more family time than the year before; rare friendship that is unwavering; some trips and travels; losing 15 lbs with a commitment to healthy eating and lots of walking; starting my yoga teaching business; and deepening my relationship with Hub in spite of the challenges, which in fact are growth opportunities, painful at times, and deeply meaningful too. 

I think I can take these joys and build upon them in the new year.  I know Hub and I are defining our marriage in a new way through all our trials. I plan to continue to nurture a recovery from the Covid isolation our family endured last year which created distance that lingered into this year.  I have 5 more pounds to lose and more muscle to build.  I'll expand my yoga biz.  Hopefully I'll find friendship again in familiar and new ways.  

I know I'll continue to look inward for answers to who I am and why and how I can be a more caring, authentic, engaged, grateful, and happy "me" as I grow older.  I turned 71 mid-month.  I don't even know what that means.  I don't feel old, nor young either. I am just this "now" of myself.  I'm grateful for my health, mobility, curiosity, determination, confidence, and strength.  I see all of those as assets.  Some say at times I tend to express them with judgment and self-righteousness.  That makes me sad and I am working on it; not always successfully, yet trying.  But my voice, at this age, will no longer be silenced either, even if others are uncomfortable hearing it.  

So, bring it on '22.  I'm ready.

At least, that's the view from here....©

Photo Credit: www.pixabay.com