I can tell I'm doing better because I just made my third trip to Costco in three days and I didn't even hate it. Much.
I'm not the Costco shopper in my family -- Hub is. He loves it there. He goes every week. You might wonder how two people can do the majority of our grocery shopping at Costco, but it works for us. We go through a lot of vegetables and soups and cheese and eggs -- and he shops for long shelf life, frozen stuff, and "staples" that we pretty much eat all the time. I guess we are not adventurous cooks. We have the handful of "regulars" we cook and we are content. If we over buy or over cook, we share with our family. And we have LOTS of storage space in our garage 'fridge and on garage pantry and storage shelves for those twin packs of this or that and enormous quantities of paper products that will eventually get used.
Anyway, it works for us to do most of our shopping there. On the rare occasion I tag along with him, I stand by the cart scrolling my Facebook feed while he darts this way and that, getting what's on his list, what catches his eye, and stopping at every sample station in the store. I find this frenetic and annoying. When I go alone, I have a list from which I rarely deviate. I grab and go. I don't shop.
But on Saturday I had to buy some supplies for our new cleaning service people (YAY! Housecleaners!). Turns out I got the wrong "rags" -- how did I know there was a difference in "rags" but my cleaning guy is very particular, so I went back on Monday to exchange those for the preferred brand. While there, just inside the door, was a large display of Lucky Brand T-shirts that were super cute and perfect for yoga. Costco has no 'try on' area, so it's always a crap shoot buying clothing there, but I took a chance and came home with two size large shirts. That usually works.
Nope. They were too big. Just slightly, but even after I tried to talk myself into them, I knew I wouldn't wear them. They looked baggy and frumpy. So today I went back to exchange them before they were all gone. Those special displays disappear seemingly overnight, never to return. I brought home two mediums, which of course are a bit snug. So I made two trips to buy two sizes of shirt, neither of which fit. Oh well....motivation to lose the ten pounds I've been wanting to shed.
On the way home, even on a cloudy, cool day, I was feeling pretty happy and carefree. I marveled at this turn-around. When the Demons retreat it all seems like a bad dream, but in the thick of it it feels like it will always be that way. Mysteries of the troubled mind.
When I got home, I discovered my good friend and musician had emailed me. He's been working on a new CD (or album? or what? I don't even know what a collection of music is called in these download/streaming days) and a few of the songs on it are ones for which I've written the lyrics (and tweaked in collaboration with him). He told me he's decided to name the CD for one of the songs that I wrote lyrics for -- Downhill Dancing. I'm pretty delighted!
So all in all life is good. Yep, I'm about 85% back...and that feels great!
At least, that's the view from here...©
Photo Credit: Copyright: <a href='https://www.123rf.com/profile_adamgregor'>adamgregor / 123RF Stock Photo</a>
My husband LOVED Costco and always came home with huge quantities of stuff that he didn't have room to store in the Cracker jack sized house they had to go in before we moved after his stroke. I happily left shopping there behind when I could.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're feeling better. And having a poem you wrote set to music and in a CD, well, that's something to crow about! How cool is that!
Yes. The song thing is cool. I think there are 3-4 of our collaborations on the CD. It will likely sell a few copies among family and friends. ;)
DeleteI know some people LOVE Costco and some hate it. I don't mind going every couple of months, but not weekly!
March is here! I see a bit of blue in the sky! But, I also would like to add that I take online courses as a requirement for the care of my oldest Grandson. Yesterday and today's workshop dealt with Mental Illness and, as someone who has experienced deeply depressed past episodes, I found the information to be very useful. Perhaps we can discuss over lunch but mostly, I wanted to state my admiration of your willingness to step outside of the sitgma of the issue of Mental Illness (at all levels) and your encouragement of others: by your own example. Thank you, Donna.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sue. Yes, there is a part of me who wants to delete the previous post and hide in embarrassment. But what good does that do anyone? People have told me they are shocked that I experience episodes of anxiety and depression and I'd love to stroke that "strong and capable and upbeat and outgoing" facade, but that only exacerbates the lie that even "healthy" people deal with challenges like this. Of course, I am strong, capable, upbeat, and outgoing -- those are major parts of me, but not all of me. I hope my honesty really does help others be honest too...or at least not feel so alone when they are in the abyss.
DeleteMe again! I am proud of you also. Depression was with me much of my life. I am reluctant to admit I took the easy way out with a pill that does not make me feel wierd or wired. My mom was truly mentally ill, (schizophrenia), and I think my genetic inheritance is part of my issue. Hoping that new research in genetic mutations can help with diet changes instead of chemicals.
DeleteNothing wrong with taking a pill! I see medication to treat depression or anxiety the same as I'd see it for treating a physical ailment. I truly believe antidepressant medication saved me at one point 25 years ago.
DeleteThat said, I think they are often overprescribed and often a shortcut to dealing with underlying issues, so I'm a big proponent of a combination of mediations and therapy, which is how I decided to go off the medication and it was a hellacious journey to get off the meds -- withdrawal left me sick and shaking. (Doctor later admitted perhaps she didn't monitor it very well. No kidding!)
I'm hoping my meditation practice and cognitive behavioral therapy and personal growth tools will serve me and I won't go back on meds, but if I felt I had no other viable option, I'd go back. No one needs to suffer needlessly.
And yes, there is a genetic component to depression (unrelated as you know to schizophrenia). Glad you have found relief and I hope too that more and better remedies are on the horizon.