With these two competing heart sentiments, The Tribe was born. We are embarking on a Grand Experiment -- forming an intentional community of adults who are seeking intimacy in friendship.
Looking back, the way we came together was an organic accident. Among the group are those who felt adrift after the loss of our church home (lots of words already typed about the "Great Unraveling"); those who still go to that church but are seeking a deeper connection in community; those with no connection there, but wanting something "more", something "different" in friendship.
We got together to eat. People love to gather around a meal and this group has some creative and passionate cooks and eaters! Food, laughter, and lively conversation led some of us to ask...could we be more than a supper club? Hub and I have experience in facilitating groups. We offered to lead a discussion where we would vision what we might create together. Each person talked about what they want (connection) and what might hold them back from getting it (fear). We talked about what we might do together -- meet regularly, eat, laugh, make music and art, take trips, do good in the world through social and political action. Sometimes these out-in-the-world activities would include the whole group and sometimes a subset of the group, whoever wanted to join in. No pressure; just an invitation.
Several months into this, we twelve have grown closer, shared the ups and downs, joys and challenges of life. We've taken risks in revealing our true selves. We've laughed and cried together. We've shared our life stories -- where we came from and what formed us, what significant events contributed to who we've become, and how we might want to change our story for the next chapter of our lives. We are between 50 and 80 years in age. Some still work, some are retired, some have children and grandchildren, some don't. Some are excited about the next phase of life, some confused and fearful. We live within no more than about 20 minutes driving distance of each other. We rotate our monthly gatherings in each other's homes, everyone contributing to a meal and then an extended and facilitated time of "circling up" to check in on what's happening in each other's lives, how we're feeling, maybe discuss a topic that helps peel another layer of emotional armor from our hearts. Sometimes we include singing, chanting, or meditating, or do a gentle qigong movement practice to get us out of our chairs. We are exploring what it means to be spiritual beings on a human journey, or, simply human.
We are mostly in awe at this point that this experiment has become an important place of community and connection. We set an intention with a vision and with a willingness to commit to each other. We show up, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.
We know that this tender beginning needs nurturing and care, so we've decided to be a "closed group" for now at least and maybe always. We'll see. We are still forming. In fact, we've been a bit secretive, worrying that others may feel we are a clique. It is not our intention to be separate, but it is our intention to protect the safety we've created with each other. Yet, hiding this joyful enterprise doesn't feel honest or authentic to me. So with a warning to the group that I might do so at some point, I am writing about it today.
My offer to anyone interested in forming a similar group is that I (and Hub and maybe others of us), would be willing to mentor others in doing something similar. Is your heart longing for connection? Are you willing to be vulnerable enough to open yourself to learning a different way of communicating, a different way of being with people that goes beyond small talk? Are you ready to know yourself better, change what you want to change, celebrate that which needs celebrating and take a journey of the soul with another?
Then gather 'round the hearth with something good to eat, a smile, a tear, and a warm hug and dive in. In these times of discord, it helps to have a Tribe.
At least, that's the view from here....©
I so admire your pioneering spirit into the unknown within your self. And to do that journey with a group of like-minded people...well, your and your husband are nothing short of amazing!
ReplyDeleteOh my. Thank you. We feel really lucky to have had the opportunity and willingness to explore personal growth work and to have had so much modeled for us by skilled facilitators. We are just trying to pay it forward.
DeleteThis is wonderful. Something like this is what I've been longing for all my life, but not likely to ever occur...you are very fortunate . I think the desire to connect in a deep way can grow as we age as we ponder the mystery and meaning of it all.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Mary, that age often prompts us to search more deeply for meaning. I think all of us long for connections and often thwart those attempts with fears of revealing too much of ourselves. Our culture doesn't easily lend itself to showing our vulnerability. I am grateful for having the willingness to take the risk and for finding teachers to guide me.
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