"A norm is a guideline or an expectation for behavior. Each society makes up its own rules for behavior and decides when those rules have been violated and what to do about it. Norms change constantly."
This is the definition I got when I Googled "social norms". I was curious because I'm spending a lot of time at the pool here in Kauai. I'm pondering the incongruity of all the time spent shopping for attractive outfits, looking this way and that in front of mirrors, making sure all the bulges are tamed and everything fits to maximum flattering effect, versus, well, baring it all in public just because there is a swimming pool in the vicinity.
In olden days, these were the beach fashions:
These days this is more the ideal:
Of course, not everyone wears a bikini, thankfully! Some look great in one. But some, well, do not. It's a rarity to find anyone who is without bulge, flaw, flab or sag and a bikini accentuates the less than positive.
Still, I'm all for embracing a positive body image and I love the freedom some folks have to let it all hang out (literally). I just wonder exactly when we collectively decided that revealing so much skin, more than my doctor has asked to see for my last two physical exams, is socially acceptable.
A modicum of modesty and good taste seems to prevail in our "normal" day-to-day interactions, but at the pool, anything goes!!! Cellulite, varicose veins, scars, tattoos, butt cracks, woolly back hair, enormous beer bellies, scrotums nestled in their Speedo nests, breasts threatening to break free of the strip of cloth holding them hostage -- it's all OK! It's all on display!
I'm not a prude and I don't really care so much about how much people decide to reveal. I really do think, since this is an agreed-upon social norm, that everyone should show up at the pool and feel comfortable regardless of body size or shape or condition. I guess I'm just curious. Is everyone really as comfortable as they appear? I wear a pretty modest black one-piece suit and I still look in the mirror and think, "Hmmm, where are my leggings?"
At least, that's the (sometimes startling) view from here...©
My father weighed 300 pounds during my childhood. He went to college on academic and athletic scholarships and was a Marine in WWII but every years he spent months dieting only to relapse then start all over again. My mother, however, weighed 128# during high school and still weighs that - and she is 93! I don't believe she ever dieted. I (through the luck of genetics) take after her but that doesn't mean I like my body - I prefer long sleeves and long blouses and pants. I haven't worn a bathing suit in years! Part of my cover-up has to do with skin cancer - that is the rational-logical part - and part has to do with knowing from the back I look like a ten year old boy when I would prefer to look curvy.
ReplyDeleteI get so disgusted with the unrealistically think/muscular models on the covers of magazines and then we find out that are they not only unhealthily thin with plastic surgery enhancements, but they have also been airbrushed! But, grousing and rants aside, on the beach or walking in the park I don't want to see nipples (except for nursing mothers) or pubic hair/camel toes or butt cracks. But that's just me.
At my age, I don't spend a lot on clothes or shoes or haircuts or manicures. I mostly shrug and think, "what you see is what you get." And hopefully what you get is a smile.
I always hated my skinny, white, freckly body too when I was young! I wore a high necked, long sleeved wedding dress in JULY in Chicago! DUH! Then over time I gained a lot of weight and for years wore baggy clothes to "hide" the weight-shame. Isn't it sad how we treat ourselves? One of the perks of aging is the attitude you have now, as do I....this is it, folks. I try to eat well, move around, stay flexible and just accept my imperfections. And being around a public pool for 10 days has shown me that "perfection" is rare indeed and reserved for a few lucky ones who look to be in their 20's.
DeleteI can't believe this post has been up since Tuesday and I missed it!
ReplyDeleteI really don't understand how anyone can be comfortable in the skimpy bikinis. There's too much to worry about falling out even on the best bodies. Although I've seen photos from cruise ships and clearly not many people really care about how they look in the sun. I would not be that comfortable showing my flaws and I guess that's kind of sad. The image the medium portrays of body types has done us all a disservice.
There is a women's spa near us that my friends rave about (I've not gone yet), where nude is the "attire". One visit disavows every women there of the idea that there is a "perfect" body-type. If the media portrayed real bodies, of all ages, sizes, conditions, I'm sure we'd be less self-critical and self-conscious.
DeleteActually, going to swim in the Forest Park pool in Everett - take an open shower - can also accomplish that. I have also read that there are specialty high end restaurants where you and your friends/dates/family can in (in a closed booth) in the nude. I spill too much crap on my front - or end up sitting where the buttered roll fell On a practical level I can say "nope, not for me".
DeleteMy feelings are that in order to bare it all you have to earn it. It seems at times, that some of our society doesn't understand that you have to "earn" anything. There is a sense of entitlement in so many areas and wearing something you shouldn't is one of them. Where is the self respect? I can't imagine someone walking around in a bikini that doesn't compliment them can feel confident walking around in public. This tells me they are asleep at the wheel.
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