YOU'RE SO FULL OF SHOULD!

I know they are well-meaning.  I know they have my best interest at heart.  I know they are eager to share their experiences, insights, adventures, and hard-earned wisdom with me.  I know.  I've undoubtedly done it too.  (Sorry.)

But I have HAD it with people "shoulding" on me.  Really, really had it.  (I am a tad grouchy today).

So, here I am in Hawai'i.  I love it here.  The warm sun, gentle breezes, the sound of the waves crashing to shore, tastes of sweet tropical fruits, sounds of ukulele strummed by a Hawaiian boy under a coconut palm, shouts of encouragement to the canoe racers on the bay, the amazing color and variety of flora and fauna.  My senses are actively engaged.  My mind is both at ease and alert.

Yesterday I sat under the shade of an ironwood tree on a north shore beach as Hub (and about 50 other tourists) snorkeled the area called "Tunnels", famous for it's variety of fish on the coral reef there.  I was happy and content with my delight at enjoying a beautiful day on Kaua'i, staring dreamily out to the turquoise waters contemplating the history of this island state from passages I'd just read in Sarah Vowell's history of Hawai'i, "Unfamiliar Fishes".

Before long a couple arrived near to where I was sitting, dripping with sea water, goggles and snorkels in hand, breathing heavily with exertion and excitement.  Seeing me there, the woman said, "Are you going snorkeling?!?"  I started to reply, "No...my husband is, but I...."  She interrupted me with, "Well, you SHOULD!  It's so AMAZING! You would LOVE it!!!"

Really?  Do you KNOW me?  Do you KNOW I've tried it many times and the whole thing makes me hyperventilate, panic, and flail about in a wild frenzy of realization that putting my face in the water is maybe on the top ten list of  torture techniques that would cause me to spill national secrets?  Do you KNOW that when I was a kid and again in high school I had to be plucked, embarassingly, from the pool during swim lessons due to complete catatonic panic?  That's what I thought...you don't know me.  So, shut up.

Same goes for those who insist I SHOULD bundle up in several layers of clothing and specialized gear, strap slippery boards to my feet, and head for a snow-covered mountain, cuz tumbling down the side of an avalanche-prone peak is freakin' "fun"!

Also, biking long distances, jogging, and hiking -- particularly if steep hills are involved -- I just have to ask, "Why????"

Also, boating and flying since I am prone to violent motion sickness (you don't want to know the stories associated with those experiences).

Cruises too.  (I know some of my cruise fan friends read this...and you know I love you, right?  So don't be offended by what I am saying here.)   This activity involves a boat (see above), and lots of people in a confined space (claustrophobia and introversion), and constant man-made "entertainments" (noise and sensory overload).

I get that I sound like the world's hugest dud.  Really, I do.  Especially since I've lived my adult life in the Pacific Northwest where people flock to do the very things I don't do.  Don't even WANT to do.  Perhaps I should have stayed in Chicago, where hanging out at the coolest blues club was on everyone's "must" list.  I totally can do that!

Here are some of the things that thrill me:
     Facilitating personal growth groups where I see the light of an "ah-ha" appear in the eyes of a person who has just had a breakthrough;
     Facilitating an Ecstatic Dance group who have learned to trust and love each other while moving together in a joyful practice of bodies in motion;
     Facilitating a support group for women over 60 where a sense of Eldering with strength and power has overcome the dread of being an elderly person in our society;
     Performing my poetry at Open Mics and talent events;
     Practicing Yoga and meditation, with acceptance and awe;
     Reading and appreciating authors who knock me over with the ways they string words together in precise and breathtaking ways;
     Going to live rock 'n roll concerts by artists I love, most recently a kick-ass Coldplay concert.

I love these things.  They amaze me with their beauty and power.  I am a better person for doing them. But whether you feel the same or not is none of my business.  You may be suited to group facilitation, or not.  You may love to read, or not.  You may be able to sit with only your mind to keep you company in meditation, or not.  You may agree that Mick Jagger still rocks and is still sexy on stage at 60+, or not.  You get the idea.  I'll tell you what excites, delights, and motivates me, and I truly want to hear what excites, delights, and motivates you.  But I will do my best not to "should" on you about my interests.  And hope you won't "should" on me either.

At least, that's the view from here....