JUST PERFECT. PERIOD.

 I draped the red fleece blanket over the back of the "fancy chair" in my living room.  I set up a standing tray next to the chair to hold the gifts. I clipped greens from a fir tree in our yard and arranged them on the glass-topped coffee table, interspersing red votives, aflame.  I prepared white chocolate hand-dipped strawberries on two white platters to add to the table.  

Saturday was a special day for the women in my family -- my granddaughter, her mom, her aunt, and me, her grandma. We gathered to acknowledge and celebrate my sweet granddaughter's first menstrual period.   

First, where did the years go?  And why does this have to happen to girls so young?  I guess I still think of her as my little girl.  But she's not "so young"; in fact, she is right on target for the average age for this to begin.  She and I have been talking about this occasion for some time, as her body has changed in ways signaling the event was soon as hand.  I asked her if I could have a special Family Dinner when she got her period.  "Grandma!  NO!"  We laughed.  Then I asked if I could do a little party for her with just her mom and aunt and me.  She agreed, if not joyfully, also not reluctantly.  She mostly seemed puzzled.  So, this has been on the back burner until a month ago when I got a Messenger text from her -- "I've got some news Grandma....I got my period."  As with most things, she took it in stride, saying she was neither excited nor mortified; "just neutral, I guess."  

I knew I wanted to mark this life transition in a positive and supportive way for her.  We have no cultural recognition of this occasion in the U.S.  I looked it up.  The internet is full of "rituals and customs" from around the world, but totally silent here.  We don't publicly celebrate what happens naturally when kids transition from childhood to puberty; instead, we find ways to tell kids they're growing up by what they can "do" -- get a driver's license, vote, drink, etc.  These are age-related milestones that totally ignore the inner turmoil raging in changing bodies and minds. 

I thought there must be a better way.  We gathered in my living room.  I explained that our intention was to celebrate this amazing life-affirming/life-giving event with joy and laughter, with story-telling, advice, information.  The women of the family told their stories of first periods which had been couched in embarrassment, secrecy, and scant information or instruction. I wanted to do it differently.  We were breaking the pattern of loneliness, confusion,  embarrassment, and silence. We were speaking out, with honesty, emotion, joy, frustration, and encouragement.  My granddaughter took it all in, asking occasional questions, smiling, listening, laughing with us, and being totally composed and engaged.  Her maturity was a thing to behold.  

After we shared our stories, meandering into birth control and pap tests, the latter of which my granddaughter found most appalling of anything she had heard!, I read short blurbs of cultural rituals from around the world, ranging from community parties for the girl in which everyone she knew was told, to girls being banished from the family for the week of her period.  

In the Native culture of the Ojibwe people, a young girl is forbidden to eat strawberries for the first year of her periods.  During this "berry fast" she focuses on personal growth, sitting with and learning from her elders during the week of her periods.  At the end of the year she breaks her "berry fast" and is seen as a leader among her peers.  I especially wanted to include this to also honor my granddaughter's half-Native heritage.  After our time of sharing and "learning from the elders", we all dug into the white chocolate strawberries!  I'd not made her wait a year -- only about 2 hours.  

We ended with each of us telling the honoree what we love and appreciate about her, then offered her a "blessing" saying what we hope for her at this time of her life.  We all acknowledged her generosity, kindness, humor, compassion, and creativity.  And we all wished for her to find her assertive voice in the world, to love and appreciate herself, to know how special she is and never doubt or denigrate her own unique qualities.  And we pledged ourselves to her, letting her know this is an ongoing conversation, not a one-time thing.  As her aunt said, "We've got your back." She took all this in with a smile on her face, never breaking eye contact with the speaker, with a calm composure far beyond her 12 years.  Can you tell I'm so proud of this bright light in my life?

We adjourned to more snacks, waiting for the men to return with her little sister for a pizza supper together.  That's when she and her mom revealed that there had been some trepidation coming into this unknown "thing" Grandma had cooked up.  My granddaughter had told her mom she hoped I wasn't going to do some "voodoo" thing to her.  LOL  I guess I must have freaked her out just a wee bit last summer when I engaged her assistance in doing a "sage smudge" of our camper to "banish the bad juju" I felt there.  Was it when, engulfed in wafting aromatic smoke, we chanted, "out with the evil!  in with the joy!"? Whatever....LOL

There was no Voodoo on Saturday, only the joyful connection of the sisterhood of women in my family.  She messaged me later, thanking me, saying she loved all the love and support.  Just perfect. Period.

At least, that's the view from here...©

DANCING IN THE STREETS

It's over (ish).  The election, fraught with so much discord, distrust, and disarray, has been decided.  WE WON!  Well, "we" if you were supporting the Biden/Harris ticket, which I most certainly was.  

On Election Night November 3rd we sat glued to the TV watching returns come in.  Nothing was decided by the time I went to bed at 10:00 PST.  Hub stayed up until 1:00 a.m.  We were back at the TV on and off on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.  I couldn't take hours upon hours of hearing nothing but the trickling in of votes and ongoing commentary that was nothing more than speculation, so I went to bed early and then was awake at 4 a.m. tuning in to the overnight results, which continued to come in agonizingly slowly.  I did learn the names of important counties in Arizona, Nevada, and Georgia and could recognize all of their election officials by sight, for what that's worth.  I also know what the vote counters were wearing and how long they each worked and where they sat/stood to count.  I saw the current president's supporters chanting "Count the Votes!" in Arizona and "Stop the Count" in Georgia, depending on how their candidate was doing.  It was ridiculous, but pretty typical of his whole regime.

We had been warned that we might not know the result for many days given the Covid-induced numbers of states allowing mail-in ballots, with all of them having different rules on when votes could be counted and for how long.  We had been warned, also, that there would be a "red mirage" of early same-day vote reporting that showed the GOP candidate ahead, but that lead would disappear as the Dem. votes came in later from mostly mail-in ballots.

Still, by Thursday night we were no longer patient and no longer remembering that the "red mirage" was not reality.  We were, many of us, relieved to be ahead but dismayed, angered, and saddened to find that there would be no "blue wave" of overwhelming repudiation of the man in charge of the chaos of the last four years.  Some of us raged, sobbed, stomped our feet, and sat in mute disbelief.  (Well, at least one of us did.)  This was not how we had hoped it would go.  Nor was it what the pre-election polls predicted.  We are now finally and truly OVER listening pollsters.  Something has gone awry with their methodology.  

So, when all major networks announced a winner at around 9:30 a.m. on Saturday November 7, my overwhelming feeling initially was just relief.  Finally!  Then it sank in and euphoria arose.  WE HAD DEFEATED HIM!  After 4 years of his abuse, of a slide into deeper authoritarianism, of resistance and work and worry and oppression, of chaos and dismay and disbelief, we had said, "NO!"

Spontaneous parties erupted throughout the United States with video of major metropolitan areas showing people taking to the streets in joyful exuberant (masked) cheering, dancing, and singing!  And not only in the U.S.  -- people in European capitals joined in, with one correspondent musing that it felt like his experience of seeing dictatorships toppled.  Indeed.  Saturday was a day of celebration for sure, especially when we all settled in to watch Kamala Harris -- first woman/woman of color Vice President -- take the stage in her Suffragette white pantsuit, then Joe Biden after her to deliver a beautiful and moving speech about healing the soul of the nation.  Tears, joy, relief.  Overwhelming relief. Many, including me, described the feeling of as if a great weight had been lifted from our bodies.

Not all of us were joyous, of course. And that part is very troubling.  Here are the vote totals today:  Biden 76,408,662 (50.8%) 290 electoral ; Trump 71,495,756 (47.5%) 214 electoral.   A week later, only North Carolina (leaning Trump) and Georgia (leaning Biden) are still outstanding.   It was a record-breaking turnout, over 66%, with Biden winning more votes than any candidate in history.   But what that also indicates is a country divided along party lines that shows no sign of healing, yet.  

The current president has refused to concede, is pursuing a zillion simultaneous lawsuits in a variety of states (all defeated or thrown out so far) and has instructed the Justice Department to investigate voter fraud (with absolutely zero evidence of such) and will not allow the GSA to give permission to the Biden campaign to start the official transition process.  So there's that.  A bunch of his administration and Congressional sycophants and his citizen supporters are "all in" on this move to stage an electoral coup.  They won't succeed, but they will keep us mired in anger, chaos, and confusion -- and will play up the "stolen election" lie to keep their supporters violently and rage-fully blaming the "socialist democrats" for taking over their country and their rights.  It's scary.  And sad.  And infuriating.

And yet, something wonderful and important has happened.  We fought back against a credible threat to our democracy.   A majority of Americans chose experience, decency, and hope.  We chose a man of character and empathy, with vast experience in leading.  

And we chose a woman to be at the top (or near enough for now) -- a dynamic, intelligent, capable, joyful, charismatic woman of black and East Indian descent to be Vice President.  This is a phenomenal thing for me to finally see in my lifetime.  I had been an early and ardent Harris supporter for her presidential bid until she dropped out.  I happily switched my allegiance to Elizabeth Warren, whom I also adore.  But to have Kamala back and in charge is a gift I didn't expect to get.  There is a person in power who knows my lived experience as a woman, who is a role model for my granddaughters who will grow up in a world where it will seem impossible for them to believe this used to be unheard of...a woman at the highest levels of our government.  I feel like dancing.

At least, that's the view from here...©