Can't seem to grasp it as hard as I try
It's like a song I can hear playing right in my ear
That I can't sing,
I can't help but listen...
--lines from the song "For A Dancer" by Jackson Browne
I love this song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IU1rZa8Ur_Q I want it to play behind the video montage at my Memorial Service. Jackson Browne's poetry and music have been so often the soundtrack of my life. And this particular song has always moved me -- especially after my older brother died far too young in 1990 and then with each subsequent death of a loved one.
I don't know what happens when people die either. Having been raised Methodist, and having had children's Bible story books read to me, I got the message about Heaven, even saw pictures of it (artitst's rendition anyway), which looked like a peaceful place. I would journey there after I died... IF....
It was the "IF" that scared me. I never really believed I could ever be good enough to make the cut, and Jesus dying to ensure my spot in the clouds never made any sense to me. So I have spent a lot of time trying to sort out the meaning of life, the reality of death, the oh so tempting desire to believe there is "something" out there, something else, something after. It has mostly been an intellectual pursuit, a curiosity of questioning and an occasional topic of Google searches and Amazon purchases.
One of those purchases was the book, Proof of Heaven, by Eben Alexander, MD. He tells in this memoir the story of his Near Death Experience (NDE) after contracting a rare E-Coli meningitis which attacked the thought and emotion centers of his brain and put him in a barely not yet brain-dead coma for seven days, with death the only possible outcome, according to the physicians caring for him. But, alas, he did not die, and miraculously returned to consciousness telling of realms beyond this one where he had visited and was absolutely certain existed on the other side of death of the body. Some part of us lives on -- not only lives, but thrives, and "returns" to our soul's source. I give credence to his account because he was such an intellectual, scientifically-trained, mostly non-religious skeptic. Now he's not.
His new book, The Map of Heaven, explores this further, pulling in the latest discoveries from quantum physics to help explain that we know so very little about the universe and the subtle swirling subatomic ....whatever, whatever, whatever... I don't get the science of it all. That stuff is what Stephen Hawking has spent his amazing lifetime studying, along with other really smart people who are good at math.
All I know is that sometimes I feel like the people I have loved and lost are sitting just beside me, almost palpably real. All I know is that when my dad had a massive heart attack, which he only survived because he had it in a hospital bed, told my mom later that he had a feeling of tremendous peace while he was unconscious and no longer feared death. All I know is that my niece says she regularly has contact with the spirit of her dead father, my brother. All I know is that stories of NDEs are ancient, real, and becoming more and more accepted as fact in mainstream circles, rather than the crackpot meanderings of a psychotic mind.
When religion asks us to have faith, tells us that the unanswerable questions are the "Mystery", I actually believe that to be true. While I don't think we've figured it out yet, I have faith that there is something (a lot) we don't know, and the "mystery" will remain just that until, and if, we ever get the answers from science -- or God.
So, here's what I believe, on faith and a bit of science: There is a Source (God, if you call it that) from which the universe(s) emerged. We are part of that. Humans are pretty well evolved (for now) in that we are given the gift of intellect and emotion and the ability to contemplate our own mortality. It's our job to do that -- to think and feel and question and learn, and then to further this gift of Creation by honoring the Source by living a life of Love and Service to this Creation. I believe that some part of this Source lives in every part of the Universe -- including you and me, and that part never dies. It moves between planes of existence most of us can only imagine in a Science Fiction-y way, but into which some people have gotten a glimpse.
I'm not sure this Source cares about the outcome of football games (obviously not, since my fervent prayers went unanswered in the Seahawks Super Bowl loss...still mourning) or even about each and every individual life. I think we are sort of on our own as humans and while deep inside we are Love and Light and have all goodness (the Spark is not evil), we do end up making dumb decisions, experiencing terrible things, being awful to one another. I believe we are big swirling blobs of energy -- not even solid according to that science stuff I don't understand -- and that energy can affect energy, so that "miracles" can happen where the energy gets shifted and something seemingly amazing happens (Seahawks win!!!). I don't really get that part because there is so much seeming capriciousness involved in any given outcome, but it might explain (to our little human minds) the unexplainable.
At least I think so. I don't know...I used to try to believe the Sunday School explanations. Then I didn't really believe anything. I guess at this stage of life, aging as I am and giving more careful thought to what lies ahead, I've formulated this rather interesting, ultimately comforting belief in a mix of science and spirit that sustains me. I don't have all the details down. I just hope everybody enjoys the music while watching the video of my life. Maybe I'll be there too...right beside you. ©
At least, that's the view from here....
