5,479 DAYS

I am deeply grateful for 5, 479 days without alcohol.  Today is my 15th anniversary of the best decision ever.  No alcohol, no recreational drugs.  Just me, discovering every day the world as it is; no mind alteration to make it better, to make it through, to make it stop.  

I was not a daily heavy drinker, but I decided I was drinking more than was healthy -- which recent studies are showing is far, far less than previously recommended.  (Some of those studies were at least partially funded by the alcohol industry, who now argue with those researchers who say no amount of alcohol is truly safe.)  Quitting, I discovered that I don't need drugs (yes, alcohol is a toxic drug) to relax, to socialize, to celebrate, to grieve.  It adds nothing and takes so much.

In the past 15 years I have had days of pure joy, days of deep despair, days of contentment, days of boredom, days of hopelessness.  I have felt it all, every minute.  Pure experiencing.  Not always easy.  Always worth it.  My thoughts, feelings, nervous system responses to life are my own -- not influenced or owned by a drug.

So today I give a shout-out to all who walk this path with me. It is lonely here oftentimes, making this commitment to sobriety in our alcohol- and drug-fueled culture.  Finding kindred spirits smoothes the way and soothes the soul.  Thank you for your support, humor, guidance, and friendship.  A special gratitude goes to my Ocean Shores friends who, while I was on a visit there, saw me, encouraged me, and even many years into my no alcohol/drugs decision finally allowed me to feel truly seen and truly supported.  No more apologies, no more being a good sport.  I found my sober voice in harmony with theirs and it was life-changing.

Five years ago, Jon hosted a family brunch for me to celebrate a decade of no alcohol/drugs.  I had made a big deal of it and he was thoughtful enough to organize a family get together where everyone brought N/A drinks of various kinds to gift to me.  This year no one even mentioned it until I pointed it out on the day (and bought myself flowers to mark the occasion.)  It's OK; it's a very personal decision I've made and one not shared by my family.  They understand and support me, but they do not walk this no alcohol/no drug path with me and the celebration is mine alone.

So, do not raise a glass to me today (even of the N/A variety.)  Instead, take a deep breath and know that is the elixer of life.  And it is enough.  🙏🏽

At least, that's the view from here...©