EXCUSEZ-MOI, OU SONT LES TOILETTES? : EUROPE TRIP PART 3

I might be a little too fascinated by the cultural differences and norms around restrooms.  I have not done my PhD on this topic, so what follows are merely my own subjective observations, but for now I stand by my conclusions.

Europe has better public restrooms than the U.S.  And worse private ones, at least in small "boutique" hotels that cater to tourists; worse as in miniscule.  I'm not a big woman, but in most of our hotels I kept banging my elbows against the walls and glass of the teeny tiny shower stalls.  Sink and counter space was at a premium.  There was a normal toilet and sometimes a bidet whose faucet had it's own ideas on where to shoot the spray, which had nothing at all to do with one's anatomy.  But back to the public restrooms...

You may recall (probably not) that I did a post about British Isles restrooms after our trip there several years ago.  I think I was quite effusive in my praise of the "little room" with a full door that closes and locks easily for maximum privacy (and just a little alone time for an overwhelmed introvert).  Also they are super clean, with toilet paper that doesn't try to hide inside the dispenser while you spin and spin the roll to find the free end.  (Pet peeve.  Rest assured, I will work hard to leave the next patron a tail to grab.  I'm just considerate that way.)

The motto on bus tours is "go when you can, not when you have to", so we all trooped off to the public restrooms at every 2 hour restroom stop or on-the-road meal break, generally at interstate-adjacent "truck stops" called "Autogrill" that had huge restrooms, a fancy cafeteria with really good food, an espresso bar, a small grocery market, and gift shop.  These were actually very nice and we came to appreciate our stops here once we realized how efficient they were for a long bus day.  Not necessarily picturesque or culturally relevant to where we were, but sometimes the best surprise is no surprise.  (Most also had a McDonald's attached, but that was easily avoided.  McDonalds is far, far too prevalent everywhere we went in Europe.  Sigh.)

Since our tour covered 6 countries, I got a pretty good overview of varying restroom cultures.  The Netherlands, Germany, and Austria started us off with dazzling clean accommodations, full doors, ample TP on the roll, and automated soap, water, and air dryers at the sink.  All for the low, low price of one euro.  Sometimes this payment needed to be cash, sometimes you could use your credit card.  Sometimes there was an attendant on hand to collect money or troubleshoot a stubborn card reader.  Sometimes there wasn't.  Tour mates and our guide (at first) loaned the euro to those caught short.  Yes, it's aggravating to pay.  But once inside it's also nice to feel a bit pampered by the shiny, bright, clean accommodations.  (This German restroom was my fave -- at the push of a button, the toilet seat spun slowly in a clockwise manner while being gently sprayed with water and dried with air for a ultra hygienic toileting experience!  I have video for those interested in a seat cleaning demo.)

Once we crossed the border into Italy we were delighted to hear that restrooms were free!  Yay!  Sorta.  They were free, I think, because they saved money on toilet seats.  Suddenly we were in our stalls (some fully doored, some not) facing the porcelain bowl with no nice seat to sit upon.  I admit I'm usually stymied by this.  Do I squat?  I can to that (thanks yoga!), but it's awkward.  Or do I lower onto the cold hard rim of the bowl?  Very uncomfortable.  I did both at various times, depending upon my mood and the cleanliness of the accommodation because that was less a sure thing in Italy.  It was never terrible; in fact never as terrible and disgusting as some U.S. public restrooms, but they were not up to northern European standards for the most part (except the one that greeted me personally at the Italian version of Autogrill.)  

As I write I realize I'm forgetting the specifics of the big Swiss or French restrooms.  They must have been OK because I think we had to start paying again.  (Probably 2 euro in Switzerland because everything there was at least twice as expensive!)

Our tour guide, always helpful, also tipped us off to a work-around.  In restaurants there are restrooms for patrons of course.  But you can also often just walk up to a cafe coffee bar and order a cappuccino to enjoy while standing and chatting with the barista then saunter off to the restroom without having to pay to pee! 

But don't sit down at a table. To review: order your coffee to enjoy standing -- in a REAL cup, not a paper one, and never "to go" and you pay only for the coffee with a free restroom stop.  But, IF you decide to sit at an inside table to enjoy that coffee you will pay a bit more, which is rather like a table fee built into the price they charge for the coffee, but you still get to pee for free.  However, if you decide to go full-on  sidewalk cafe, you will pay even more for that cup of coffee because it costs them more in staff time to deliver your order outside!  So your cappuccino might cost from (I'm making these prices up for demonstration purposes) 3 euro for at the counter to 5 euro at an inside table to 10 euro outside. Crazy, huh?  But the restroom is still free.  If you can find it and fit into it and don't mind rubbing elbows with mixed genders in close proximity.

There is a type of restaurant restroom, that I recall most vividly in Italy and France, where once you've found where they hid it (generally up or down a dimly lit set of spiral stairs or maybe through a restaurant labyrinth, past the kitchen, to a closet by the back door off the alley).  You will see the letters WC on a door.  Water Closet, obviously.  (That's "restroom" in most every UK and European country I've visited).  Opening the door you find yourself in an anteroom that is almost large enough for one person, but not quite.  This is where the sink is located. Then there are two doors showing the universal outline of man or woman (she has a skirt on).  Choose the right door and enter into a very teeny cubicle with just enough room to go from standing to sitting and hope your knees don't hit the door.  Once finished there, return to the anteroom to wash your hands, where inevitably there will be another patron already at the sink and one trying to enter for their turn, so there may be any variety of men and women navigating 2 square feet of space and being treated to hurricane force gales of air from the hand dryer operating at decibels akin to a jet engine on take off.  But Hey!  No need to pay! (Except for the coffee or meal that gained you entry to this experience.)

So that's my restroom tour for this trip.  I have never visited, nor do I aspire to, a country where I am expected to straddle a hole in the floor.  So I realize my standards are ridiculously high.  That's fine with me.

At least, that's the view from here..©

P.S.  Oh! This!  We toured a castle in Germany which featured this guillotine toilet.  All of the tour women found it much more interesting than did the men.  😂