THE WHOLE TRUTH

What people post on Facebook is usually the "highlight reel" of their lives.  I have posted some real reels at times, but I too mostly try to post personal things that are palatable and perky.  (Except for politics, which is generally neither.)

I've posted a daily log with photos of our current Kauai vacation.  It's been fun.  I love to travel vicariously when others post their trips, so I posted mine for those who care.  It's also a bit of a travel diary.

But any true diary must also dive into the depths and not every picture is perfect.  Here is the whole truth as I recall it anyway.  Truth is a momentary thing; everything changes moment to moment, and details get lost or buried under more recent events and memories.  Still...

This has been a GREAT trip overall (3 days to go, so I'm being optimistic about the rest of the week).  Hub and I have been super compatible, loving and easy with each other.  We've been through a rough patch over some period of time, as astute readers have surmised, but we are good now and incredibly grateful for it.  We learned so much about ourselves and each other at this age and stage of life and we are recommitted in a new way in our 70's decade.  Onward!  This trip has been honeymoon quality -- even as we approach our 50th anniversary.  So there are no qualifiers on that part of the highlight reel.

Still, living in a 320 square foot studio condo, (not counting a small balcony with a killer view) with only a refrigerator, a microwave, a table, two chairs, and a Murphy bed, is quite cozy.   We've more than managed (thanks to nightly grilling on the grounds), but we've both mentioned it would be nice to spread out a bit.  Things get cluttered and there is no privacy and if one of us is awake, we both are...you know, that sort of thing.  It gets a wee bit claustrophobic, but we are outdoors most of the time, so there's that.  We live in a tiny house here!  All the rage!

Our location has seemed noisier to me this time.  We are not out in the boonies -- there is a commercial area not far away; a couple of restaurants; a smaller adjacent beach used by mostly locals at all hours of the day/night with someone's booming bass blaring from their cruising cars at times.  The grounds are beautiful and that doesn't happen by magic: there are times of mowers, blowers, and trimmers making noise.  Planes fly over on their way to land at the nearby airport, but this is not as big a deal as you might think -- the airport is close, but flights are few and the pounding waves mostly drown out the engine noise thankfully. There are frequent overhead helicopter tour flights though.  And people. Turns out we are not the only people here.  The beach is not crowded, but it can get noisy with voices, yelling, laughter, kids screaming, music playing.  It's just people having fun, but I'm just noting it's noisy.

And did I mention the waves?  I know, it's crazy to complain about the beautiful, supposedly peaceful rhythm of the waves hitting the shore, but you guys!  It's loud!  And relentless!  We are super close to the ocean. We've had particularly high waves in the bay this time and they don't lap at the sand, they crash!  At first we left the balcony doors open at night but after the first 10 days, I started to close the doors.  I found I was less distracted by the occasional hum of the air conditioner.  I slept better.  (I'm very noise sensitive, which I am learning more about in some work I'm doing with my therapist -- another blog post!)

Speaking of sleeping...the pillows are too lumpy and the studio Murphy beds, which used to feel great, are in need of replacement.  I mean, it's not terrible, but it's not great.  I'm putting a word in to our Board of Directors to use some of our maintenance fees for a studio update on the bed front.  Bad pillow = sore neck.

Here you are wondering...Murphy Bed????  Yes,  this entire timeshare is a "hotel conversion", not purpose-built full amenity condos.  We knew that going in and if I have any complaint it's that. There are inconveniences.  But we keep coming back for all the things that make up for it.  

The unit we have is a one bedroom with a "lock off".  If we stayed in the whole unit we'd have a King bed in a separate room with another bath along with our current living area (couch without pulling the Murphy Bed down) and kitchenette.  BUT that would cost us a bunch of timeshare points that would mean a shorter stay.  We can stay over twice as long if we use only the "parlor" side (I call it the studio) which eliminates the King bedroom/second bath, but gives us the Murphy bed side with kitchenette and full balcony.  The bedroom side is "locked off" for use by another guest, similar to adjoining hotel rooms and theirs is basically just a hotel room with a mini-fridge; no balcony.  So we like our arrangement fine.  Except for the lumpiness I'm experiencing this time.

We make way too many trips to the grocery store.  Granted, Hub goes alone at times, but we also try to combine this chore with other outings so I have to set foot in Costco, Safeway and Times (local supermarket) too often, which at home I rarely do, leaving grocery shopping to Hub who seems not to hate it and in fact enjoy it. Not my thing. He's weird.  Anyway in the quest for fresh fish, bagged salads, ripe fruit, and sunscreen it seems we always need to shop.  

And there is lugging -- towels, paddle board, backpack to the beach; groceries and excursion equipment from the parking lot to the building (a good 1/3 mile!), long hall to the elevators and a walk to the beach and pool -- getting lots of steps and it's fine, just at times inconvenient.  We try hard not to forget anything and have to go back.

This has been the most active vacation I've ever done.  I've recently lost weight, gotten in better shape, and have enjoyed challenging myself and my new body as well as my less hesitant, less fearful mind.  That said, my body hurts.  The mud hike (previously documented in this blog) sent me into a tailspin of PTSD and migraine for a day.  Then a few days later another half-day migraine with nausea.  My feet have been sore, my knees have ached.  I stubbed my toe on a hunk of lava rock and scraped my hand on a piece of coral.  Both still hurt a week later. I've taken more Ibuprofen in two weeks than I usually take in months!  And throughout all of this trip I've had nagging queasiness on and off.  Maybe different routine? Food? Activity?  Anxiety? Not sleeping great? Just feel a wee bit "off" at times, even when I'm having fun.  It's not stopping me; I'm just noticing and breathing through it. But I don't like it.  

So, today I started packing, if not in my suitcase at least in my mind.  I can tell I'm turning toward home even while still here.  It's cold and rainy at home; there will be all the same old chores to do and responsibilities to meet. Once there I'll look back on this trip with great fondness and probably even longing for lazy days at the beach and pool, for the sun, the warmth, even the waves.  But I'll have Hub with me (the best part of this trip), will return to my familiar routine, and will see my family and get ready for my son and daughter-in-law's long-Covid-delayed wedding celebration for which I have to buy a fancy dress...my life will return to "normal".

We've been coming here for almost 25 years.  We love it.  All of these observations are just to document that Paradise can be less than paradisiacal at times, especially if one is a bit hot, cranky, tired.  The Facebook highlight reel doesn't tell the whole story, but hopefully it tells the story of how grateful we are to get to spend time here.

Still, travel -- even fabulous, fun, exciting, relaxing travel -- is stressful for me and at a certain point home beckons every time.  At heart I'm a homebody.  And I'm ready.

At least, that's the view from here...©