Part of this trip for me is to find balance and focus for my life right now. November 8th was a jolting and overwhelming emotionally devastating experience and nothing that's happened since has helped to assuage that shock and hurt.
I find myself, and others of similarly gentle and sensitive natures, dramatically impacted every single day and infused with a sense of ... dare I say it?... hatred for this president I call 45* (45th Pres.*elected with a minority of the popular vote.) I simply don't usually hate people; I always try to be empathetic, even if I put some in the "not my type/disagree/don't like" column. But this guy? He makes my gut ache, my heart race, my fists clench. Fight or flight? FIGHT! He represents and acts out every single horrible impulse of men who I had hoped had been neutralized by any progress we may have made in the past few decades. It's as if the monster of misogyny, self-aggrandizement, selfishness, ignorance, and entitlement has arisen and taken over the world. And he did it with the help of fellow Americans, many of them women, some of whom I love. The dismay (far too soft a word) I feel is indescribable.
My Mindfulness practices are being put to the test and found wanting. I'm having trouble meditating and staying in the moment; having trouble being with "what is" and letting go of outcomes; having trouble seeing this world as an Ego-dream and finding the inner transcendent Spirit that is "me/us".
I know people who are able to compartmentalize all of this; to set the state of the nation aside and just go on with their lives as if nothing has changed, or at least find some psychological respite from it. I don't seem to be able to do that.
Others live with belief that we make our own reality by what we put out to the Universe. I get that. My reality right now is that I often feel anger and fear. I don't want that so I have to find a way to flip those emotions into something their opposite. Being one who also struggles with depression and anxiety anyway I have a lot of default programming to overcome. It feels like asking me to magically turn my short, round 66 year old self into a tall, svelte 23 year old supermodel. (I'll keep you posted on that!)
So, a couple of things hold promise for me.
Hub shared with me a short article about reconsidering Mindfulness, not as an acceptance of all that "is", but as a way of radical discernment. The author, a practicing Buddhist teacher, opined that the Buddha would be appalled by those who used Mindfulness practices to escape or ignore the calling to make right what is wrong in the world. Mindfulness, instead, calls us to use our powers of discernment to the greatest good -- to address the inequities that keep some people down and elevate others. We are called to act for those who cannot; to always find the strength to rise up for the greatest good. The Buddha, like Jesus, was an outspoken critic of the rich, the status quo. This really resonated with me. I have always had a problem with some spirit-seekers who seem to divorce themselves from this world into the blissed out state of self-focus. Ego-dream or not, I believe our spirits are here for a reason/a lesson; our karma is to figure that out and act upon it to grow spiritually into greater Consciousness.
Then there's Valerie Kaur, Sihk teacher and amazing speaker, whose call to "Seva", or service, is at the very heart of the Sihk religion and of her teachings. She moves me to tears with her gentle and powerful calls to action. She says Seva takes courage -- and that "courage" is fear that has said its prayers. Isn't that beautiful? It means we don't have to be brave warriors, strong, trained, ready to do battle with the world's wrongs. We just have to be willing; to say, "please, help me", and then do it. Do whatever action you are called to do to be of service. Step into life, with all our of imperfections and qualms.
And keep on, with the discernment anger sharpens and a courage born of fear, we find our voice, our feet, our hearts, over and over again. Do not look away, hide in denial or disinterest. We are here. This is now. Embrace.
At least, that's the view from here....©
One of my favorite Valerie Kaur talks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCenwgheIBs
Wow, Lots of red meat in this essay that will take some time to digest. Embrace courage. That's a powerful message and it applies to many situations. I once wrote a blog about me choosing the word 'courage' as a mantra for the coming year. I especially like what you shared about how "Buddha would be appalled by those who used Mindfulness practices to escape or ignore the calling to make right what is wrong in the world."
ReplyDeleteCourage has always been a hard word for me....I've never felt courageous in the common way one interprets this word -- brave deeds in battle or whatever. But I wrote my mother's eulogy and used "courage" as the thread that wove through her life -- a normal life of ups and downs -- and began to see that just being alive in this world is an act of courage. So I particularly liked the idea that Valerie Kaur shared in one of her talks -- courage is fear that has said it's prayers. We just keep on, don't we?
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