Looking for things to laugh about lately, I really have to go no further than memories of social fails I've committed that really stand out (from those that are merely daily doofus moments).
1. When we first moved to our city when my husband was starting his career we were fortunate to find a lovely old home in a lovely old neighborhood with a killer view and full of professional families rather well known in these parts. We sort of felt like pretenders, coming from much more modest beginnings (oh, the stories I could tell about that….someday, maybe), but we were "movin' on up" and I, at least, was determined to fit in. So when I was invited to have tea with some of the neighbor ladies, I accepted, with gratitude and some anxiety. What would I talk with them about???
Well, all went pretty well. I held my own with these women who were of my mother's generation and listened to stories of soirees and trips and private schools and clubs… not anything of my experience, but I watched a lot of soap opera TV, so I knew how to say a few of the right things to keep them talking and let myself off the hook. When the tea ended and goodbyes were being exchanged, I turned to say one last goodbye to my three hostesses and out of my mouth came, "Wow, thanks, you guys!" You guys???? These pillars of community with their perfectly coiffed gray hair, dress-up clothes on a Tuesday afternoon, and a silver tea service?!? You guys??? Fail.
2. Hub's career afforded us the opportunity to travel a bit and stay in fancy-schmancy resorts. I loved it after I got over being intimidated. I'd learned to do a better job of being appropriate in what I still thought of as "grown-up" situations, so I was rarely thrown off my game. I also learned that me just being me gave others permission to let down the pretension guard as well, and usually that's when the real conversations began.
But during a stay at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Honolulu I nearly blew it big time! I was sitting poolside, lost in my novel and feeling fat and white amidst the beautiful people, when a muscular "pool steward" approached me with a bottle of Evian water. I had not been paying attention to his ministrations prior to stopping at my lounge chair. He kneeled to make eye contact with me and held up his bottle with a funny nozzle thing on top and asked if I'd like a "spritz". I was puzzled, not understanding, and THANK YOU GOD, I smiled and declined, thinking in my head, "How weird…is he going around shooting that water into everyone's mouth?" I even saw in my mind's eye me sitting there with my mouth agape choking on the spray of water hitting my tonsils. But no. He moved on and I soon saw that "a spritz" meant a light spray of cooling Evian over one's face and neck. WHAT THE HELL? WHO DOES THAT?!? I'm still thankful I didn't say yes and show him an open mouth waiting for a drink of water. Near miss.
3. Hub had a friend years ago who was a vintner. He had his own winery, his own label, his own tasting room. On a trip south one year we stopped in to say hi and sample some of his better wines. It was a beautiful afternoon, sunny and hot, with a view over the valley to die for. He greeted us in the tasting room and commenced to pour for us. I wasn't too sure of the protocol, but I knew one didn't just guzzle the small samples down and you didn't even have to finish the glass if you didn't like it (sort of unheard of in my earlier circles -- who didn't like a wine…any wine?) He left the room at one point and others were involved in conversation. My glass was empty and I thought, well, I think I'd like a bit more. So I reached for what I thought was a lovely ceramic decanter and poured from it into my glass. Now there was a wine I definitely DID NOT like! What could that be, I wondered? Soon he came back, picked up the very decanter I'd poured from and took it to the sink and poured it out. OMYGOD! I'd just drunk the dregs of everyone's discarded wine samples! Fail.
4. I wish I could tell you that in the years since these incidents, all a very long time ago, I'd upped my sophistication level by several degrees, but I guess not. On our recent cruise (like a month ago recent) we had dinner in a very fancy on-board restaurant where the servers equaled the number of diners at any give table. There was a lot of attentiveness to our every need, napkins unfurled and placed in our laps, dishes disappearing with the last bite taken, clean silverware and napkins replaced if ever one left the table to visit the restroom, etc. But I was still surprised when at the beginning of our entree course multiple waiters approached our table to place our covered dishes in front of each of us. Then, in a choreographed move, they all reached out to….
Well, at our house before meals we all join hands and go around the table saying something we are thankful for. Those hands reaching out next to me triggered an automatic assumption that I should take their hands. I thought maybe there was a similar ritual about to unfold. I felt my arms begin to rise from my lap when their hands reached toward our dishes and with a flourish the plate covers were removed to reveal our immaculately and creatively presented meals. THANK GOD AGAIN I didn't interrupt their little show by grabbing a server's hand mid-flourish. Near miss.
You just can't take me anywhere.
At least, that's the view from here… ©
You really had me chuckling with these stories, especially the wine decanter yucks. Sounds like something I would do. Really, don't you think we all go through stages where we feel socially awkward in situations we didn't grow up in? Our near-misses make for some wonderful tales to tell.
ReplyDeleteToo many moments to recount but y most recent "yikes!" was at my mother's assisted living center when I was chatting with some of the residents (my Mom was getting her mail at the time so fortunately not present). I asked where "Dean" was and a sad faced woman said he had died unexpectedly. And I said "Oh f**k that is horrible." Face flaming red, I next opened my mouth to apologize when one of the other women at the table hugged me and said, "yes, that's what I thought, too, when I heard." My face it still flushed red when I think of that moment - partly in embarrassment and partly in suppressed laughter.
ReplyDeleteI have let out a few "f**Ks" in places that I shouldn't have. It truly is embarrassing. One time was at a family party in front of my mother and dad who never would have dreamed of using that word. I was so red faced and shocked at myself, and everyone else had their heads down trying not to laugh. There was a long silence before anyone spoke again and then the conversation started in again as if it hadn't happened.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, isn't it, what can come out of our mouths sometimes? I'm glad I'm not the only one!
ReplyDelete