AGE -- A STATE OF MIND

This month has been crazy busy.  First there was sleep-over camp (well documented in my previous post), then we continued the deep dive into a huge building renovation project at our UU Fellowship (it's an old building needing constant attention to much deferred maintenance and rather lax tidiness standards -- a group of us are seeking to rectify this), and now we are prepping for an 11-day vacation, to commence next week.

In the midst of all of this, we celebrated our 42nd wedding anniversary -- or as Hub said, "42, with a year off for 'bad behavior'".  Yes, I guess we qualify the total number of years of married bliss by mentioning in passing that year of living apart back in 1978, but it was so long ago….

Anyway, "the kids" were all here for weekly Family Dinner the night before our anniversary and I commenced to announcing that it seems impossible for me to fathom that we've been married for as long as one middle-aged lifetime when the reality is that Hub and I look and act so incredibly youthful!  Why, one would guess our ages to be a mere 42 years old!

I said that we are now almost the age my parents were when our sons were young.  I asked if they thought of my mom as being "old" when she was a really only 65.  The two sat there in silence.  I prompted again…"She was so young!  She didn't seem old, did she?"  Again, silence.  Then a mumbled, "Um, yeah."

"Really???" I said.  "But 65 isn't really that old!"  Son-Two looked at me and said, "But Mom, we thought you and Dad were old too -- and Grandma was really old!"

Hmmm….I understand.  They were just children with no idea about the trick of internal perspective being at complete odds with external appearance.  In their 20's now, they likely still don't get it.  But they will.

I remember my mom saying to me, in her late70's or so, that she wondered who that old lady was looking back at her in the mirror.  She said she didn't feel old at all.  At 63, I'm having the same experience.  I'm shocked at times by the sags, the wrinkles, the crepe-y skin, the bumps and age spots that are starting to emerge.  My body is in full rebellion from my mind.  Candlelight is my friend, as are long sleeves, a sturdy bra, and "tan in a bottle" lotions.

One day recently when 4-1/2 year old Angel was here for a sleepover, she asked me where my mother lived.  I told her my mother had died and I miss her very much.  She said, "Why did she die?" so I explained that she got pretty old and got sick and her body was tired and needed to rest forever.  (I really don't know how to explain death to a 4 year old without it sounding super scary.)  Angel said, "I hope you don't die soon."  I was taken aback.  "Why, Angel honey, I'm not going to die soon…why would you think that?"  She looked at me very seriously and said, "Well, you are getting pretty old too."  I was somewhat surprised to hear her say this -- I'd just crawled all over the floor with her, waited on her almost constantly for snacks and toys, played hide and seek in the yard for a good long time…me, old???  "Hmmm..what makes you think that?" I asked.  "Well……you've got those lines all over your face."  Busted!

To my beautiful granddaughter, so new to this world, so perfect in every way, I am "getting pretty old".  She can tell by looking….which actually makes me a little happy.  Aging is natural and normal and important.  It is the signal that life is moving along as it should.  Of course I seem "really old" to her.  Of course her parents are old too (at 28).  It's the Circle of Life, right?

There is no point in trying to trick ourselves, our children, our grandchildren, or the neighbors.  I don't love my 'lines' or my graying hair, or the sags and imperfections, because they remind me this body won't last forever.  But I do love my mind and my heart and my soul -- all of which are ageless and all of which are really who we are -- not this skin we walk around in.  If I keep exercising those inner traits, keep challenging, keep learning, keep growing, I'll be forever young to the end, no matter what this crazy body decides to do with itself.

At least, that's the view from here…. ©